A Father's Role

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cmarieh

Guest
#1
#1
Well, since there is a thread of the "perfect wedding" I was wondering what you all thought about if it was necessary to ask the girl's father for his daughter's hand in marriage. I understand if her father isn't alive or there are extenuating circumstances that makes it impossible. Just curiosity I guess because at least for me it is very important especially because my dad and I have always been close and is easy going.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
It's not very common anymore, so there's a high likelihood most guys won't. So if you expect that from a guy you'll have to figure out how to communicate it.
 
hoss2576

hoss2576

Senior Member
#3
May 10, 2014
552
23
18
#3
I think a guy would gauge that based on the daughter's relationship with her father. If she hasn't spoken to him in 5 years, probably not. If they talk once a week, yes. It will depend on the relationship.
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#4
#4
hoss2576 said:
I think a guy would gauge that based on the daughter's relationship with her father. If she hasn't spoken to him in 5 years, probably not. If they talk once a week, yes. It will depend on the relationship.
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That would be a nice assumption to think of. I can't go one day without talking to my dad. Granted, I still live at home but even when my parents go out of town I still like to hear his voice. I was just raised in a family where my sister and I always had a great relationship with both of our parents and likewise with their families and so on. I desire to have children that have that same type of relationship with whoever God places in my life to marry.
 
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Shouryu

Guest
#6
#6
I would wager...that in today's western society, a man is less likely to ASK a father for permission, and instead, merely inform the father of his intent. Telling the father that he is going to marry his daughter, rather than ask.

I could be wrong in that wager; I've been wrong once or twice before, and it's bound to happen again. But, that is the vibe I get from most worldly men out here...
 
Pipp

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
#7
Sep 17, 2013
5,536
2,702
113
Georgia
#7
My brother in law ask my dad before asking my sister to marry him. :)
 
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Ugly

Guest
#8
#8
Pipp said:
My brother in law ask my dad before asking my sister to marry him. :)
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Yeah, but all you all over there are a bunch of nutter butters =P
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#9
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,584
113
#9
Shouryu said:
I could be wrong in that wager; I've been wrong once or twice before
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WHOA!!! I'm truly shocked that the number is this high! :p

(In high school I had a boyfriend who asked my father's permission to ask me to marry him. That didn't work out... I can't remember if my ex-husband asked my dad but at some point, my whole family knew in advance so something along those lines must have happened...)
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#10
#10
Shouryu said:
I would wager...that in today's western society, a man is less likely to ASK a father for permission, and instead, merely inform the father of his intent. Telling the father that he is going to marry his daughter, rather than ask.

I could be wrong in that wager; I've been wrong once or twice before, and it's bound to happen again. But, that is the vibe I get from most worldly men out here...
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I think this would be more likely the case nowadays as well. If it was me as the father in the situation though, whether or not my daughters boyfriend was formally asking permission, or just informing me of his intent. It's not going to happen without my say so.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#11
#11
A father doesn't own his daughter in any capacity, but I would probably ask beforehand as a sign of respect. Granted, I would hope to have created a good relationship with the whole family (if possible) prior to that, so they know and trust me enough for the answer to the question be a 'yes'.
 
PeterJens

PeterJens

Banned
#12
Feb 24, 2015
13,204
168
0
#12
I asked my father in law for his approval of our wedding. Me and my fiancee had already agreed to get married but wanted to include my father in law. I raised the subject while on a walk with the 3 of us.
I felt the idea of sharing such an important thing and involving all parties was important.

I now have two daughters, and I would hope the men they get involved with would have the social skills to involve us. On a pure relationship front, if you have loving supportive parents, it is a good idea to get an idea of future problems, because like it or not we tend to create families similar to the ones we come from. I would add, through emotional growth and maturity this is not inevitable, but life is not often what you see on the surface.
 
JonahLynx

JonahLynx

Senior Member
#13
Dec 28, 2014
1,017
30
48
#13
Tintin said:
A father doesn't own his daughter in any capacity, but I would probably ask beforehand as a sign of respect. Granted, I would hope to have created a good relationship with the whole family (if possible) prior to that, so they know and trust me enough for the answer to the question be a 'yes'.
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Basically this, although not sure how I would go about doing it.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#14
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#14
cmarieh said:
Well, since there is a thread of the "perfect wedding" I was wondering what you all thought about if it was necessary to ask the girl's father for his daughter's hand in marriage. I understand if her father isn't alive or there are extenuating circumstances that makes it impossible. Just curiosity I guess because at least for me it is very important especially because my dad and I have always been close and is easy going.
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Have you seen the "Fire Proof" movie? The girl talking in there wants to marry "a dad" like the one she has (1).

(2) You probably like a husband like your good dad, one who reminds him, someway or another.

(3) if you were not a loving daughter, you would miss your dad´s advice in choosing such a mate (even a friend). He´s older than you and HE KNOWS BETTER a man (a good one for you).

(4) Wolves can lie and your dad and mom can help you in selecting your life partner (even brothers /sisters and people in town could help you SEE what they could see, when you´re absent-minded with love).

(5) I have seen my own adughter is wrong on the ways she´s using Fakebook, and she´s wronger in missing some advice I have given to her.
 
A

AnnaBou

Guest
#15
#15
Yes, father's approval most certainly required. Having to ask my father will be a useful deterent to the faint hearted!
 
p_rehbein

p_rehbein

Senior Member
#16
Sep 4, 2013
30,169
6,528
113
#16
Hmm, I might talk to the father about it.........and then maybe bring up the subject of the Dowry? I mean, after all, is that not also part of the fathers role?





:)
 
ChandlerFan

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
#17
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
#17
I think it is super important that the man ask (not tell) her father for his permission to marry her, but that's only if she has an active relationship with her father as has already been clarified. I think it's unfortunate when, instead of building a relationship with her father, a lot of guys will almost avoid him. If he's an important part of her life, why wouldn't you want to make him an important part of yours as well?
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#18
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#18
I wouldn't ask. I would gatecrash their family dinner, hold a knife to her neck and ask her to walk into the car with me. I will make her wait in the car while I go back to steal a bite or two from her plate. Then I will walk back to the car and drive away into the sunset.

Unless her dad owns a gun..

On a serious note: Call me archaic, but I still believe that I should ask her dad's permission before I marry her. This is only if she is close to her dad. :)
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#19
#19
secularhermit said:
Have you seen the "Fire Proof" movie? The girl talking in there wants to marry "a dad" like the one she has (1).

(2) You probably like a husband like your good dad, one who reminds him, someway or another.

(3) if you were not a loving daughter, you would miss your dad´s advice in choosing such a mate (even a friend). He´s older than you and HE KNOWS BETTER a man (a good one for you).

(4) Wolves can lie and your dad and mom can help you in selecting your life partner (even brothers /sisters and people in town could help you SEE what they could see, when you´re absent-minded with love).

(5) I have seen my own adughter is wrong on the ways she´s using Fakebook, and she´s wronger in missing some advice I have given to her.
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I have seen Fireproof, very good movie. Actually I have always wanted to marry a man just like my dad. I I have actually been fortunate because a few guys I have liked was just like him, granted that was only three guys, two of which were back in high school and now they have kids of their own.
 
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MollyConnor

Guest
#20
#20
Shouryu said:
I would wager...that in today's western society, a man is less likely to ASK a father for permission, and instead, merely inform the father of his intent. Telling the father that he is going to marry his daughter, rather than ask.

I could be wrong in that wager; I've been wrong once or twice before, and it's bound to happen again. But, that is the vibe I get from most worldly men out here...
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What about Christian men? I don't want a worldly man hehe :)
 
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