What am I doing wrong???

[goodgirl26]

I have always been considered as a good girl and though I am not perfect I try to live my life according to the word of God. I am turning 26 in a few days and yet I am still single. What am I doing wrong?? I have always been shamed face, I carry myself as a lady, I give God my time and dedication but yet I'm still alone. I strived to do things the right way, I went to college and received my degree, I have my career established and I am financially stable, and I'm even saving my purity until marriage. Any advice on what I'm doing wrong?

 

[ray_james]

If you are living for God and doing right, you are doing nothing wrong.
Let God do His work, wait on the Lord!
-ray

 

[hoss2576]

Forgive my ignorance, but what is "shamed face?"

 

[ray_james]

Forgive my ignorance, but what is "shamed face?"

According to the Merriam-Webster it can be used in two ways:

1. Showing modesty

2. Showing shame

In goodgirl26's case I would say she is probably referring to the first one.
-ray

 

[goodgirl26]

You are correct, I am referring to being modest.

 

[Shouryu]

I am turning 26 in a few days and yet I am still single. What am I doing wrong??

Waitaminute....

If you're single, you're doing something wrong?

I must have missed that Scripture somewhere. Could you point out to me where that is in the Word?

(On the OTHER hand, I'm pretty sure that both Christ and the apostle Paul had some things to say about being singleness, and I could point THOSE out. ^_^ )

 

[secularhermit]

I have always been considered as a good girl and though I am not perfect I try to live my life according to the word of God. I am turning 26 in a few days and yet I am still single. What am I doing wrong?? I have always been shamed face, I carry myself as a lady, I give God my time and dedication but yet I'm still alone. I strived to do things the right way, I went to college and received my degree, I have my career established and I am financially stable, and I'm even saving my purity until marriage. Any advice on what I'm doing wrong?

I have no clue but, try an avatar or a picture like this:

or this:

 

[cmarieh]

I have always been considered as a good girl and though I am not perfect I try to live my life according to the word of God. I am turning 26 in a few days and yet I am still single. What am I doing wrong?? I have always been shamed face, I carry myself as a lady, I give God my time and dedication but yet I'm still alone. I strived to do things the right way, I went to college and received my degree, I have my career established and I am financially stable, and I'm even saving my purity until marriage. Any advice on what I'm doing wrong?

I have been wondering the same thing about me and I prayed to God and he told me that I need to lay it at the cross and wait until his timing. He also told me that he is teaching me to have faith and patience and when the time is right he will take care of the details. I would just lean on the Lord and trust him and put this at the cross everyday and pray for your future husband, but you need to continue on with your life and relationship with God. Just remember that it is not your fault and after all God does write the most beautiful love stories of all time we need to allow him to. I don't want to settle for anybody, but God's best for my life.

 

[wisebeardman]

i'm 33 and been perma single >_>

 

[Nemakiza]

i'm 33 and been perma single >_>

So you are looking for someone? God will give you since this forum all single members are honest to their lord. I hope you will get one.

 

[Nemakiza]

I have always been considered as a good girl and though I am not perfect I try to live my life according to the word of God. I am turning 26 in a few days and yet I am still single. What am I doing wrong?? I have always been shamed face, I carry myself as a lady, I give God my time and dedication but yet I'm still alone. I strived to do things the right way, I went to college and received my degree, I have my career established and I am financially stable, and I'm even saving my purity until marriage. Any advice on what I'm doing wrong?

You are not wrong and you are luck. When I joined a college I was bullied for being single at the time I was 21years old. I don't think at your age it is bad to be single even though your life is perfect. Now I am 31 and still single but I have one hope God will give me a man that he sees he is best for me. Try to find even those reside out of your country. Our cultures confuse a lot of Christian singles, no one love divorce but every one wants to fight the odds together till death to part us.

 

[secularhermit]

Yesterday I met a Catholic Nigerian at the end of his dinner (I´m at one of his friends). He´s been living in Latin America for more than 10 years and I was told... he is going to ask a woman his own country to marry him here, since he doesn´t like our foolish culture so, if you explore that outside your own culture (as Nema suggested) be sure you like to be a multicultural girl scout.

If you are too beautiful to show who you are, you can hide this way:

The more a person hides who they are, the more "approachable" a person becomes...

Something I´ve done wrong at my age, because I´m always wrong.

 

[PeterJens]

This is what you are doing wrong, you are alone. People and relationships do not just happen. Love is about becoming vulnerable with another, finding someone who you can share with at a personal and intimate level. It is painful, difficult, involves sacrifice, possibly your life, your time, your money, your heart. Now to find another you need to reach out, you need to learn about another, to meet their needs, to mutually come to an agreement. So the real question is how many people do you know, how many have you shared with, and how many have you ignored because you dismiss what they have to offer because it is not quite right. Unless you know someone at a honest level, to test them as to how things will work out, you have not really begun. The first relationship will probably not work, or the next, but then when you have learnt the skills, danced around how you both feel, then things might click.

Now soul mates happen in friendships too. It is learning about how you work emotionally, how friendships and things you care about are shared. So life is not so much about this predictable, grow up, have a family, etc. but discovering yourself and others and sharing and finding out what matters for you.

Unfortunately your language suggests to me, life is going to be a shock, because falling in love is something that happens, because you click, but you cannot create it, or make it, it happens, because you begin to really care about people around you.
I did not get married till I was 30 and it took a long time to discover how untrusting I was of others, and how I could not be vulnerable or allow myself to be hurt, which is absurd, because if I cannot be hurt, it obviously does not really matter to me.

I hope this helps, and gives you a little direction.

 

[cinder]

I have always been considered as a good girl and though I am not perfect I try to live my life according to the word of God. I am turning 26 in a few days and yet I am still single. What am I doing wrong?? I have always been shamed face, I carry myself as a lady, I give God my time and dedication but yet I'm still alone. I strived to do things the right way, I went to college and received my degree, I have my career established and I am financially stable, and I'm even saving my purity until marriage. Any advice on what I'm doing wrong?

Well at 32 and never dated I don't know if I'm all that qualified to give you advice, but that's never stopped me before.
My question for you would be how would guys know that you are interested in being approached? I tend to give off the "what do you want? Make this quick so you don't waste my time" vibe. It probably makes me rather unapproachable (as in just last week some random guy told me he had been rather afraid to come up and talk to me and all I'd been doing was just sitting there). If you are very focused or driven or even just very task oriented, that can discourage especially the less self confident guys from talking to you. Also good guys like to be useful so if you are so competent and have everything so together that it seems like you don't need them, they aren't going to know what they can offer you when they approach you.

The good news is, it isn't hard to become a little more approachable. A few months back, a guy I didn't know practically introduced himself to me by saying " If that's what you're like, you sound like Mrs. Right". My normal response to strangers showing interest is to deflect it with humor (which I did) but then I let myself be nice for a minute and said "thanks for the compliment". And now we've somehow become friends.

On the other hand, there are a lot of guys out there (even some in churches) who are more interested in finding a fling or a bed companion for the night than a wife. Nothing you can do about that except to remind yourself that you don't want the interest of that kind of guy and it really isn't worth it to get involved with one.

 

[Nemakiza]

Yesterday I met a Catholic Nigerian at the end of his dinner (I´m at one of his friends). He´s been living in Latin America for more than 10 years and I was told... he is going to ask a woman his own country to marry him here, since he doesn´t like our foolish culture so, if you explore that outside your own culture (as Nema suggested) be sure you like to be a multicultural girl scout.

If you are too beautiful to show who you are, you can hide this way:

The more a person hides who they are, the more "approachable" a person becomes...

Something I´ve done wrong at my age, because I´m always wrong.

He is not flexible that is why he wants to marry from his country. I don't see that there is a cultural differences today due to globalization. I think it is his choice perhaps to be with a woman from his country.

 

[mystikmind]

Well at 32 and never dated I don't know if I'm all that qualified to give you advice, but that's never stopped me before.
My question for you would be how would guys know that you are interested in being approached? I tend to give off the "what do you want? Make this quick so you don't waste my time" vibe. It probably makes me rather unapproachable (as in just last week some random guy told me he had been rather afraid to come up and talk to me and all I'd been doing was just sitting there). If you are very focused or driven or even just very task oriented, that can discourage especially the less self confident guys from talking to you. Also good guys like to be useful so if you are so competent and have everything so together that it seems like you don't need them, they aren't going to know what they can offer you when they approach you.

The good news is, it isn't hard to become a little more approachable. A few months back, a guy I didn't know practically introduced himself to me by saying " If that's what you're like, you sound like Mrs. Right". My normal response to strangers showing interest is to deflect it with humor (which I did) but then I let myself be nice for a minute and said "thanks for the compliment". And now we've somehow become friends.

On the other hand, there are a lot of guys out there (even some in churches) who are more interested in finding a fling or a bed companion for the night than a wife. Nothing you can do about that except to remind yourself that you don't want the interest of that kind of guy and it really isn't worth it to get involved with one.

I like this post! I see a few posts where people say leave it in Gods hands... but does God not help those who help themselves? I mean you should strive to the best of your ability and God will do the rest, that is what i have always been taught??

 

[cinder]

I don't see that there is a cultural differences today due to globalization.

How many years (or even weeks) have you spent living in a culture drastically different from the one you grew up in? I for one can't wait to return to my home culture because I find the cultural issues where I'm at to be very frustrating. And finding a nice way to explain that I don't have any desire at all to marry a man from this culture is just a small part of it.

On a more positive side, I often appreciate the input and perspective from believers of other cultures because they look at matters of faith in ways I've never considered before and it gives me a fuller picture of God.

 

[secularhermit]

Having come into CC gave me a better picture of what you are accurately saying, Cinder.

That simple man of Nigeria I met last night has spent 10 years my own country, he is a Catholic man who spends hours praying (he slept this house last night) and he haven´t found someone to marry this culture I grew in.

He can get money trading but, his perception of "my" culture do not matched his so, when he marrys that woman, he will bring her to live in another culture she doesn´t belong.

Ten years in loneliness, except having Christian fellowship with those few he knows (additionally, he hasn´t won the fight he has with the language barrier)

 

[Nemakiza]

How many years (or even weeks) have you spent living in a culture drastically different from the one you grew up in? I for one can't wait to return to my home culture because I find the cultural issues where I'm at to be very frustrating. And finding a nice way to explain that I don't have any desire at all to marry a man from this culture is just a small part of it.

On a more positive side, I often appreciate the input and perspective from believers of other cultures because they look at matters of faith in ways I've never considered before and it gives me a fuller picture of God.

If people do not adjust to change it is their option. I was in India and find confusing things, I am not criticizing their way of life but it is true and astounding for the way they are being controlled. All their TV channel belong to India, there were few channels that belong to western and yet they are being controlled. I thought this is contributed by the higher rate of rape.

in his case, He was away from for ten years, to me I think their might have been change and Nigeria is the country that is in transition.

 

[secularhermit]

He is not flexible that is why he wants to marry from his country. I don't see that there is a cultural differences today due to globalization. I think it is his choice perhaps to be with a woman from his country.

Of course it is HIS choice to marry whomever he likes.

Let´s make an experiment!

Since you are talking on behalf of globalization.


Can we agree on being married?

I don´t know you, you don´t know me either.

I´m older than you. You probably know I´m short and poor. Is it a big deal of a "cultural differece" to avoid being married within a week (or a year)?

I don´t know you answer (neither your thought) but I do know we have:

a) A sure language barrier.



Maybe you grew up thinking that a tall man was an asset in Tanzania (or whatever place you´ve been grown up).


Let´s say wealth is the most popular a$$et any people have sought (and loved) as the "standards" of globalization became known but, apart from it, each person knows what he /she likes their mind.


In my culture I knew I don´t like:

Obessity

Uglinesss

Poverty

Hypocrisy

Cheating

Shameful things like lust, disloyalty, etc.

Do all these thing match the person I think I would marry?

Is it her "Christian" background similar to mine? That I think I´m greatly blessed she marrys me blindly.

There´s huge list of things that have to be punched before being married (and even liked).


There are cultures (few old ones, by the way) who loved ugliness, obesity...

Many individuals may say "I hate hypocrisy" (or cheating) and, as individuals, they do cheat, lie... and live in their poverty, because many things are inside our minds, and these jumped into cultural issues and, when we became Christians we probably need renunciation, we probably need to recober from those "cultural" teachings but, how come a person would love things he always hated and disliked?

I can say, hypocritically, I love to be a poor man, but culture and the mind of individuals would say: "He´s a nut"

And I don´t know how to be "flexible" to things I don´t like, yet it´s acknowledged a couple of things I could be bent.


Will you marry a nut for the sake of that supposed globalization?


I don´t!

I won´t marry a person in that blind date.