Why women have to use names of their husbands' clans?

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Nemakiza

Guest
#1
#1
Much have been said in this forum and all are amazing. For years I had no idea that women use the names of their husbands' clan and it does not mean so much to me.(YIKES)

Why I feel so? it is because I am married to you(my husband) not to your all clan. For instance your husband's name is James Pitt and your name is Alice farewell, so your new name after marriage is either Alice farewell Pitt or Alice Pitt, I hate this Why can't I use Alice James? and there are some cultures that are terrible, if your husband dies you will be married to his brother, hope I am not shocking you with this.


Hey members how do you feel about using clan names? Do you men like the idea that your wife should use your clans' names.

I am totally not into it, I would be happy and proud to use the name of my husband not his clan name, after all we are going to start our own family, why bother with clans' name?
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#2
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#2
Nemakiza said:
Much have been said in this forum and all are amazing. For years I had no idea that women use the names of their husbands' clan and it does not mean so much to me.(YIKES)

Why I feel so? it is because I am married to you(my husband) not to your all clan. For instance your husband's name is James Pitt and your name is Alice farewell, so your new name after marriage is either Alice farewell Pitt or Alice Pitt, I hate this Why can't I use Alice James? and there are some cultures that are terrible, if your husband dies you will be married to his brother, hope I am not shocking you with this.


Hey members how do you feel about using clan names? Do you men like the idea that your wife should use your clans' names.

I am totally not into it, I would be happy and proud to use the name of my husband not his clan name, after all we are going to start our own family, why bother with clans' name?
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I think this is slightly different in every culture and is a cultural convention as much as anything else. Does a woman's name change when she marries in Tanzania? If so how does it change? If not are there any other circumstances that would cause someone to change their name?
 
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Nemakiza

Guest
#3
#3
cinder said:
I think this is slightly different in every culture and is a cultural convention as much as anything else. Does a woman's name change when she marries in Tanzania? If so how does it change? If not are there any other circumstances that would cause someone to change their name?
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Of course, in Tanzania, we do change our name after marriage and there are some tribes, if your husband dies before you, then you will have to be heritage with his brother if there is any.


But how do you feel about this cinder?
 
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Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#4
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#4
In America you can or don't have to take your Husband's last name, up to you. I took my Husband's last name because I knew we'd have children and I wanted us all to have the same last name.

As far as what they do in your country, you have to marry your husband's brother if he dies? I think I read that correctly. Well that's nuts. Unless of course you love his brother and wouldn't mind marrying him. What if the brother is already married?
 
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Nemakiza

Guest
#5
#5
Fenner said:
In America you can or don't have to take your Husband's last name, up to you. I took my Husband's last name because I knew we'd have children and I wanted us all to have the same last name.

As far as what they do in your country, you have to marry your husband's brother if he dies? I think I read that correctly. Well that's nuts. Unless of course you love his brother and wouldn't mind marrying him. What if the brother is already married?
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To marry the brother of your husband does not apply to whole country, it is just some tribes and it has been for years prohibited, it totally looks like controlling women and breaching their rights.

But I have said why do we have to use the name of our husband' clans? why don't we use their name like I said "Alice Farewell James" ,because we are married to James not to Pitt, is not this like bringing another man to life?:confused:
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#6
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#6
Nemakiza said:
Why I feel so? it is because I am married to you(my husband) not to your all clan. For instance your husband's name is James Pitt and your name is Alice farewell, so your new name after marriage is either Alice farewell Pitt or Alice Pitt, I hate this Why can't I use Alice James? and there are some cultures that are terrible, if your husband dies you will be married to his brother, hope I am not shocking you with this.


Hey members how do you feel about using clan names? Do you men like the idea that your wife should use your clans' names.

I am totally not into it, I would be happy and proud to use the name of my husband not his clan name, after all we are going to start our own family, why bother with clans' name?
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There used to be a practice called Sati in India. If a woman's husband dies, she is burnt on a funeral pyre after the days of mourning are over. Although it is now outlawed and the practice has been abolished, there are some places where widows are ostracized and are forced to live in Widow Homes.

As for your first question about taking on the husband's clan name, we don't have that in India. The woman only takes up the husband's name. So in India, she would be Alice James and not Alice Pitt or Alice Farewell Pitt. Today, however, there are some husbands who have permitted their wives to retain their maiden names. Indian society has progressed considerably over the last 20-30 years. :)
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#7
Aug 2, 2009
24,580
4,268
113
#7
Nemakiza said:
Much have been said in this forum and all are amazing. For years I had no idea that women use the names of their husbands' clan and it does not mean so much to me.(YIKES)

Why I feel so? it is because I am married to you(my husband) not to your all clan. For instance your husband's name is James Pitt and your name is Alice farewell, so your new name after marriage is either Alice farewell Pitt or Alice Pitt, I hate this Why can't I use Alice James? and there are some cultures that are terrible, if your husband dies you will be married to his brother, hope I am not shocking you with this.


Hey members how do you feel about using clan names? Do you men like the idea that your wife should use your clans' names.

I am totally not into it, I would be happy and proud to use the name of my husband not his clan name, after all we are going to start our own family, why bother with clans' name?
Click to expand...
Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. - (1 corinthians 11:9)


And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. - (Genesis 2:18)


For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. - (Ephesians 5:23)
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#8
#8
My personal opinion when I get married, I am to take his last name. I find this to be a sign of respect for him and his family as I find it insulting when a woman doesn't take it. Now, I understand if the woman is a doctor or has clients that only know her by a certain last name. I actually know someone who refused to take her fiance name and told him to take her last name. Many people here in the U.S that had boys wanted their son's to carry on the family name and I still feel that is still very important.
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#9
#9
cmarieh said:
My personal opinion when I get married, I am to take his last name. I find this to be a sign of respect for him and his family as I find it insulting when a woman doesn't take it. Now, I understand if the woman is a doctor or has clients that only know her by a certain last name. I actually know someone who refused to take her fiance name and told him to take her last name. Many people here in the U.S that had boys wanted their son's to carry on the family name and I still feel that is still very important.
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I have something else to add. It really bothers me when people who are married they want to be called Miss or Ms and not Mrs. Shouldn't people want to be proud they are married?
 
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wwjd_kilden

Guest
#10
#10
I think it's just tradition. if I ever get married I want to both keep my surename and take my husbands surename
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#11
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
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#11
In America, the husband's last name is a family name. And when you marry him, you are sort of marrying into his family. Your children will be his children, and you will all be united under that family name. I personally see it more as a source of protection and belonging, which is a comforting thought.

Women here have the option to keep their maiden name as a middle name, or just keep their maiden name altogether and not take their husband's family name. It is a choice they make with their husband when they marry.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#12
Mar 13, 2014
41,311
16,300
113
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Tennessee
#12
cmarieh said:
I have something else to add. It really bothers me when people who are married they want to be called Miss or Ms and not Mrs. Shouldn't people want to be proud they are married?
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You would think so. I would not marry a woman who would not want to take my last name. I am not into those hyphenated names either.
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#13
#13
tourist said:
You would think so. I would not marry a woman who would not want to take my last name. I am not into those hyphenated names either.
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At least I am not alone in that department. I thought I was going to get some flack from what I said, but I was wrong. Thank You
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#14
Apr 18, 2013
9,336
2,425
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#14
I dunno, when I get married again I think I'm going to do it differently.

I don't think I'm going to let her have my last name till she passes some kind of probation period.
It'll be just like starting off at a new job.
At first she'll be part-time, then if she can keep out of mischief for 6 months...
I'll move her to full-time status with paid holidays, insurance, and her own parking space.
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#15
#15
maxwel said:
I dunno, when I get married again I think I'm going to do it differently.

I don't think I'm going to let her have my last name till she passes some kind of probation period.
It'll be just like starting off at a new job.
At first she'll be part-time, then if she can keep out of mischief for 6 months...
I'll move her to full-time status with paid holidays, insurance, and her own parking space.
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I don't know about that. Wouldn't that called dating and then being engaged? Then marriage would be considered full time.
 
hoss2576

hoss2576

Senior Member
#16
May 10, 2014
552
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#16
Would I be happy if my future wife took my name, sure. However, I am nearly 40, and I can also understand all that does come with having the same name for 40 years. If my future wife wanted to keep her name, I think I would be okay with it. There is a lot to consider at this point with changing names.

I mean my name is not the mark or banner over our marriage, how I love her is.
 
S

Shouryu

Guest
#17
#17
Grace-Like-Rain said:
In America, the husband's last name is a family name. And when you marry him, you are sort of marrying into his family. Your children will be his children, and you will all be united under that family name. I personally see it more as a source of protection and belonging, which is a comforting thought.

Women here have the option to keep their maiden name as a middle name, or just keep their maiden name altogether and not take their husband's family name. It is a choice they make with their husband when they marry.
Click to expand...
Surprised that this is all you had to say on the topic. I mean...considering...*smirk*
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#18
#18
My friend's husband would announce himself as 'Mr. HER-maiden-name speaking' on the phone as a joke when they first married
 
D

Deliver

Guest
#19
#19
It's interesting reading about different cultures cos I had no idea that the husbands first name is used in some cases!
 
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