Hi everyone. I'm struggling to understand something. Attraction. How important is it in relationships; what is ok and not ok? Why do I ask? Well it was a hot topic between me and my ex boyfriend. I was in a relationship with a great young man of God but I felt like he wasn't particullary attracted to me. I have a tendency of feeling things; maybe its the holy spirit; I don't know but I could feel it. So I asked him; are you attracted to me? His answer: "No" free advice:" young men NEVER EVER say that to your lady" . I'm sure all yal ladies can guess that my heart broke; shattered; bleed to death! Here is this man that I love and I'm completly attracted to who says he is not attracted to me. He goes on to say that I'm not "beyonce beautyful" but I'm also not ugly. He explains that he doesn't like to date women who are particulary stunning as he feels that they will probably cheat on him and that guys will always be looking at that type of women. That made sense in a way. There are certain extremly good looking men I would never entertain but it would be because they are players and not Godly men. It would be because I could tell that he would not be focused on God but on how many women fall at his feet. I would not avoid such a man because of a majority of women noticing such a mans looks. For me it hurt cause all I understood was that he is "settling" for me. I'm "ok" for him.that's all I understood. He goes on to say that he's fallen inlove with all the other things about me and that's what makes me the best for him. I'm confused. Does he have jealosuy issues. Pain from past relationships? Insecurity about a womens commitment to him? What does the bible say about attraction. Shouldn't we all want the best and trust God to provide us with a Godly spouse who is also really good looking? I personally want to look at my husband and proclaim what a fine artist my God is. Doesn't God want his children to be paired with a person who appreciates EVERY detail that he has created? What's your take and standard on attraction to the opposite sex? What are the rules you live by? Any point of views will be greatly appreciated.
The idea that a beautiful woman is more prone to cheat is ludicrous and shows a clear ignorance on both your parts to believe this. Many times women who are 'beautiful' by worldly standards, particularly if they have any moral character, are Less prone to cheat because they are more likely to be viewed as sex objects than people. So when they find a man who appreciates who they are as something other than a notch on their bed post they will be loyal to that man.
Cheating has nothing to do with a persons level of attractiveness and more to do with their moral character and/or the solidness of their relationship.
Far as physical attraction goes, this gets tricky. Your boyfriend seems to like you for who you are, just not how you look. But it's natural for a woman to want to feel as though their man thinks of them as beautiful, even though women are often the first to say looks shouldn't matter.
It is a hard idea to get around. Even as a guy i've dated women who said similar things and i did not take it well. It's hard to make an easy recommendation on this because, as i stated above, women often want to be made to feel beautiful to their man and this will clearly never happen in your relationship, and will thus always be a barrier between the two of you as long as your relationship lasts.
But at the same time he still has fallen in love with you and that parts of you that matter most. So it's kind of a catch-22. If you stay with him you will always have a barrier up because of his confession, and if you were to marry, every time you wanted to be intimate it would be in the back of your mind he doesn't find you physically attractive. Yet he loves you as a person and not for looks. There is no right answer, unless you can come to terms with the idea of not being physically attractive.
It may be best to slow things down until you can figure out for yourself what needs you have as a woman and what things you can look past.
As to whether a guy should ever confess this to their woman, that's tricky as well, because it's almost guaranteed to come out at some point in their relationship. Whether early in dating or late in marriage. Letting a woman know all that you think about her before any commitments are made are probably more ideal than finding it out after being together for years or married.
But you also left out one important detail here. How long have you two been dating? If it's only been a few weeks that can change the answer as opposed to a year.
