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If I notice that someone is checking me out, I just carry on doing whatever I was doing. I have been in the public space for so long that I don't even realise when someone is checking me out.
In your case, I agree that it is normal to feel uncomfortable if the guy was being lecherous. But if he was doing it nicely, enjoying it has no relation whatsoever with your readiness for a relationship.
I disagree with you, Kimster. In the interest of public safety, please desist from comparing women to steak. Steak feels good to be looked at. And to be eaten too!
In your case, I agree that it is normal to feel uncomfortable if the guy was being lecherous. But if he was doing it nicely, enjoying it has no relation whatsoever with your readiness for a relationship.
I disagree with you, Kimster. In the interest of public safety, please desist from comparing women to steak. Steak feels good to be looked at. And to be eaten too!
When I was in Boston once, I was out for a walk near the hospital. this small group from a gang saw this one female and watched her...It seemed like either I was the only one to notice or care. Most were just walking, minding their own business. I kept me eye on them to make sure they didn't follow her. being from a small town, this all shocked me.
I feel uncomfortable when I see other people doing this. I actually had a similar thing happen when I was working at a grocery store. A couple of coworkers came to me and were talking about how one female shopper looked. I didn't feel comfortable with the conversation and I told them this, they even tried to get me to go look...They couldn't understand why I refused....
I feel uncomfortable when I see other people doing this. I actually had a similar thing happen when I was working at a grocery store. A couple of coworkers came to me and were talking about how one female shopper looked. I didn't feel comfortable with the conversation and I told them this, they even tried to get me to go look...They couldn't understand why I refused....
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I deploy my " if you even so much as think about trying anything, I'll kill you, embarrass you in front of everyone, and then knock you into the middle of next week" forcefield. It's very effective at keeping the creeps (and apparently most of the normal guys as well) at bay.
Unfortunately this seems to be a non-transferable skill as even I am not so sure how I do it. It's just one of my superpowers.
Unfortunately this seems to be a non-transferable skill as even I am not so sure how I do it. It's just one of my superpowers.
V
I make direct eye contact with people all the time. I don't mean glance, I mean I deliberately look people straight in the eye. You can discern a lot in people's eyes. If a person is checking you out, they'll usually turn their head away if they see you looking directly into their eyes. If there's no ulterior motive in their glance, they'll probably smile or say hello to you. Actually, making direct eye contact with people is a great tool in helping you overcome excessive self-consciousness.
I make direct eye contact with people all the time. I don't mean glance, I mean I deliberately look people straight in the eye. You can discern a lot in people's eyes. If a person is checking you out, they'll usually turn their head away if they see you looking directly into their eyes. If there's no ulterior motive in their glance, they'll probably smile or say hello to you. Actually, making direct eye contact with people is a great tool in helping you overcome excessive self-consciousness.
Kodiak,
I totally applaud you for this and wish I worked with more guys like you. I've worked in retail settings all my life and the male co-workers band together to say things like, "Look at the $@*&#! on her!!" several times a day.
A woman bending over in a store is a dangerous thing. If the guys can see her from the back, they're going to make comments about the backside of her body. If she leans in and over (let's say to grab a gallon of milk from inside the cooler) and there are male employees working inside that refrigerated area, chances are, they're going to be staring straight at her chest--especially if she's wearing something low-cut. They'll be staring straight down her cleavage... And then running and telling all the other guys about it and to come check it out themselves.
I know sometimes nothing can prevent it but whenever I'm in a store or working, I try to remember to NEVER bend over. If I need to get something from a lower angle I always bend at the knees, like I'm doing a squat. Not that this will prevent every look or comment but, I can tell you first hand, if you have something to look at, male employees are going to be looking.
I totally applaud you for this and wish I worked with more guys like you. I've worked in retail settings all my life and the male co-workers band together to say things like, "Look at the $@*&#! on her!!" several times a day.
A woman bending over in a store is a dangerous thing. If the guys can see her from the back, they're going to make comments about the backside of her body. If she leans in and over (let's say to grab a gallon of milk from inside the cooler) and there are male employees working inside that refrigerated area, chances are, they're going to be staring straight at her chest--especially if she's wearing something low-cut. They'll be staring straight down her cleavage... And then running and telling all the other guys about it and to come check it out themselves.
I know sometimes nothing can prevent it but whenever I'm in a store or working, I try to remember to NEVER bend over. If I need to get something from a lower angle I always bend at the knees, like I'm doing a squat. Not that this will prevent every look or comment but, I can tell you first hand, if you have something to look at, male employees are going to be looking.
My thoughts are twofold:
Enjoy being noticed while it lasts. I enjoyed being checked out when I was younger, but now I couldn't get a woman to notice me if I was the warden of a women's penitentiary and had a handful of pardons.
However, a person can be very respectful or obviously very disrespectful in how they're checking someone out. The latter are predators, so be as wise as serpents . . .
Enjoy being noticed while it lasts. I enjoyed being checked out when I was younger, but now I couldn't get a woman to notice me if I was the warden of a women's penitentiary and had a handful of pardons.
However, a person can be very respectful or obviously very disrespectful in how they're checking someone out. The latter are predators, so be as wise as serpents . . .
I couldn't believe it when they came to me to talk about it....just about everyone knew not to discuss something like that with me. It really shocked me though when a couple of female workers joined in and thought it was completely normal. Is that why they always sent me to the cooler in addition to liking the cold? I didn't look through it while filling it, I just restocked it.
I have sisters, so I know very well they feel uncomfortable with guys acting like this. I have talked to guys about it before because I don't think it is right. I think the only way to get this to stop is if guys hold other guys accountable and keep them from doing this.
I have sisters, so I know very well they feel uncomfortable with guys acting like this. I have talked to guys about it before because I don't think it is right. I think the only way to get this to stop is if guys hold other guys accountable and keep them from doing this.
