I need advice please

[jeje201504]

Hi there, I am new to the site. I want to share my story with you. Bear with me please as I want your insight. I was raised in a christian family. I was baptized at 15. I was very serious about my comittment to the Lord until the age of 17 when my first boyfriend raped me; I was still a virgin. I told him that I would remain a virgin until I get married. I didnt tell my family about it because I thought they would blame me for it since they did not approve of the relationship. After that, I became very promiscuous. I could not be without having a boyfriend in my life. They all betrayed me in their own way. So long story short, I just broke up with my last boyfriend last week. I found out he was cheating when he left his facebook open, then I found out he was cheating with multiple women. I confronted him about it, he got upset saying I should not get on his facebook without his permission. After that, he apologized , promised he would stop; then I forgave him(stupid I know). A month later, I saw him texting one of the women he was cheating with on facebook. He said they are just friends; but I did not believe him. After that, I think a lot about the relationship that I decided to break it up. I realized he is not a christian. Even though I told him I wanted us not to have sex until we are married, he always wanted to have sex, and I gave up trying to reason with him. We had sex whenever he wanted it. It came to a point where I did not feel any guilt anymore when we did it. So, when he got my letter about the break up, he got upset asking to get back together I told him I do not want to be with him anymore. When he realized it was for good, he gave the same lady he was texting my number to call me to tell me they are together. He told her we were never together and that we were just friends. I told her it s a lie , and she believed me. There was a lot of back and forth between us (him and I) via email cursing me out, threaten to expose me as a fake christian etc..Then I decided to go to his place to talk then to end things well and get my closure. I went to his place, we talked and decided to remain friends. Then he forced himself on me , raped me. He even asked to call the police because he knew I would not do it since I went to his place. I know it was a big mistake to do it. Now I feel ashamed, guilty because I feel like God is punishing me because I disobeyed him too many times. I would ask him for forgiveness and went and did the same thing over and over. I m not even sure if I will be able to find the right person since I let so many guys take advantage of me. Sometimes I hate myself so much because I made too many mistakes. Now I want to dedicate myself to God, and follow His ways but I m afraid not to fall in the same pattern because it has happened before. What do you think of this? Do you think it s too late for me. I am 30 years old female and most of my friends are married with kids now. I have 4 sisters; they all married their first love. My parents always tell me that I need to be married and have kids because I m getting older. I do not know what to do. I know I am a kind person and very generous. I do not know what is wrong me that I am not able to find someone who will truly love me. As I am getting older, I became more afraid and paranoid. Give me some advice please and it will be greatly appreciated. Thanks a lot for reading my post. May God bless you.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Hello and welcome to CC. Your post is hard to read because it's a wall of text. If you want to repost it in the Family forum, you can because you will receive more replies. The new members forum is only for introducing yourself. If you do repost it, please use paragraphs to make it easier for us to read. Thanks.

 

[RememberTheSabbathDay]

Hi there, I am new to the site. I want to share my story with you. Bear with me please as I want your insight. I was raised in a christian family. I was baptized at 15. I was very serious about my comittment to the Lord until the age of 17 when my first boyfriend raped me; I was still a virgin. I told him that I would remain a virgin until I get married. I didnt tell my family about it because I thought they would blame me for it since they did not approve of the relationship. After that, I became very promiscuous. I could not be without having a boyfriend in my life. They all betrayed me in their own way. So long story short, I just broke up with my last boyfriend last week. I found out he was cheating when he left his facebook open, then I found out he was cheating with multiple women. I confronted him about it, he got upset saying I should not get on his facebook without his permission. After that, he apologized , promised he would stop; then I forgave him(stupid I know). A month later, I saw him texting one of the women he was cheating with on facebook. He said they are just friends; but I did not believe him. After that, I think a lot about the relationship that I decided to break it up. I realized he is not a christian. Even though I told him I wanted us not to have sex until we are married, he always wanted to have sex, and I gave up trying to reason with him. We had sex whenever he wanted it. It came to a point where I did not feel any guilt anymore when we did it. So, when he got my letter about the break up, he got upset asking to get back together I told him I do not want to be with him anymore. When he realized it was for good, he gave the same lady he was texting my number to call me to tell me they are together. He told her we were never together and that we were just friends. I told her it s a lie , and she believed me. There was a lot of back and forth between us (him and I) via email cursing me out, threaten to expose me as a fake christian etc..Then I decided to go to his place to talk then to end things well and get my closure. I went to his place, we talked and decided to remain friends. Then he forced himself on me , raped me. He even asked to call the police because he knew I would not do it since I went to his place. I know it was a big mistake to do it. Now I feel ashamed, guilty because I feel like God is punishing me because I disobeyed him too many times. I would ask him for forgiveness and went and did the same thing over and over. I m not even sure if I will be able to find the right person since I let so many guys take advantage of me. Sometimes I hate myself so much because I made too many mistakes. Now I want to dedicate myself to God, and follow His ways but I m afraid not to fall in the same pattern because it has happened before. What do you think of this? Do you think it s too late for me. I am 30 years old female and most of my friends are married with kids now. I have 4 sisters; they all married their first love. My parents always tell me that I need to be married and have kids because I m getting older. I do not know what to do. I know I am a kind person and very generous. I do not know what is wrong me that I am not able to find someone who will truly love me. As I am getting older, I became more afraid and paranoid. Give me some advice please and it will be greatly appreciated. Thanks a lot for reading my post. May God bless you.

Sister jeje,


Relax. Yes what u have done to ur body and mind is wrong and there is no excuse. When we do sin, it hurts others too when we include them into our sins. But we have all sinned and come short of God's glory. God says to seek him first and all the things that He knows that u need will be added unto u...if its a husband, then God will supply u with ur husband but He knows the right timing...Yes u are lonely and getting older..but so what of it..its not the end of life..whoever God brings into ur life will be to aid u in maintaining a relationship with Him and helping u do be a soul winner....Everything we do is about salvation sis...U are seeking someone to fill the void in ur heart that only God can fill and until He fills that void..u will always be searching for love in all the wrong places..Ask God to forgive u and don't turn back because it only gets worse...Hugs sis..This too shall pass. God does not want u to take His mercy for granted. We are here for u sis.

 

[RachelP03]

First off, being raped is not your fault, no matter who or what says you deserved it or that was your punishment That is satans lie!!! Second, Jesus died on the cross for you and every sin that you have committed in the past and in the future. I am also going to be 30 this year and I am not married or have children and its okay!!!!! Its all in Gods timing. Right you, you need time with just you and God!!!! Girlfriend, it may take a couple of years, but its soooooo worth it. I am in a process of learning who I am without a man in my life and you need to realize that God should be enough and you need to FEEL THAT. You will have moments, of thinking, The Lord is enough, but time is really what shows it!!!! GOd has provided for me in ways that no man can or will ever provide. I still struggle and have that desire to marry one day and of course our age, I think we can feel our body ticking and we can look around and see others, but that's okay!!! When God created you, he knew each day of your life. WHen you hand over your desires and your dreams, and allow God to give His to you, they are FAR BETTER than what you could ever want. If you ever want to talk, Im here for you. Its not going to be easy, I don't want to lie to you, but its worth it!!!!! It honestly is worth it and GOd needs to prepare you to be a wife!!! Being a wife is a HUGE responsibility, and if you truly want what God wants and His best, you need to allow Him to work in you!

 

[cinder]

Well, let's start with the good news. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. That means that God is not out to get you or make you suffer more than you already have. God loves you and wants to redeem and restore you. You've been living in silence and shame for far too long.

If there's any way you can make it happen, I think getting some professional counseling would be a good thing for you. Sounds like you have a history of choosing bad guys, and if you don't understand why, you will most likely continue to repeat such poor choices. It also sounds like you need to work through the emotional and psychological fallout of being raped. I think it would also help if you could cultivate a group of trusted friends who you would trust to give you feedback on future relationships. It's not an easy thing to do, but basically what I'm saying is admit to yourself you can't really trust your own judgement where men are concerned and then find some people whose judgement you will trust more than your own (at least for a time while you are healing).

There's nothing wrong with being 30 or older and not being married (we've got quite a few of those around here). As far as practical advice goes, I think it would be best for you to swear off dating and guys for a time. If it will help you make it official and take a temporary vow of celibacy (i.e. specify an end date for it). When you do start dating again, hopefully you will have the courage to just make it up front that you aren't going to have sex with anyone you aren't married to and if the guy who wants to date you has a problem with it, he can walk.

The other thing you can do for yourself is keep breaking the silence. Being betrayed and used in relationships should not be kept secret, you need the support of others sometimes just to recognize it and get out. And be very wary of any guy who seems jealous of your friends, you're much easier to take advantage of if a guy can isolate you from your friends and people who would support you. Lots of hugs for you and your heavenly Father welcomes you home. Welcome to our community too, it's a good place to find support with like minded christian singles who can help build each other up.

 

[Nemakiza]

Hi there, I am new to the site. I want to share my story with you. Bear with me please as I want your insight. I was raised in a christian family. I was baptized at 15. I was very serious about my comittment to the Lord until the age of 17 when my first boyfriend raped me; I was still a virgin. I told him that I would remain a virgin until I get married. I didnt tell my family about it because I thought they would blame me for it since they did not approve of the relationship. After that, I became very promiscuous. I could not be without having a boyfriend in my life. They all betrayed me in their own way. So long story short, I just broke up with my last boyfriend last week. I found out he was cheating when he left his facebook open, then I found out he was cheating with multiple women. I confronted him about it, he got upset saying I should not get on his facebook without his permission. After that, he apologized , promised he would stop; then I forgave him(stupid I know). A month later, I saw him texting one of the women he was cheating with on facebook. He said they are just friends; but I did not believe him. After that, I think a lot about the relationship that I decided to break it up. I realized he is not a christian. Even though I told him I wanted us not to have sex until we are married, he always wanted to have sex, and I gave up trying to reason with him. We had sex whenever he wanted it. It came to a point where I did not feel any guilt anymore when we did it. So, when he got my letter about the break up, he got upset asking to get back together I told him I do not want to be with him anymore. When he realized it was for good, he gave the same lady he was texting my number to call me to tell me they are together. He told her we were never together and that we were just friends. I told her it s a lie , and she believed me. There was a lot of back and forth between us (him and I) via email cursing me out, threaten to expose me as a fake christian etc..Then I decided to go to his place to talk then to end things well and get my closure. I went to his place, we talked and decided to remain friends. Then he forced himself on me , raped me. He even asked to call the police because he knew I would not do it since I went to his place. I know it was a big mistake to do it. Now I feel ashamed, guilty because I feel like God is punishing me because I disobeyed him too many times. I would ask him for forgiveness and went and did the same thing over and over. I m not even sure if I will be able to find the right person since I let so many guys take advantage of me. Sometimes I hate myself so much because I made too many mistakes. Now I want to dedicate myself to God, and follow His ways but I m afraid not to fall in the same pattern because it has happened before. What do you think of this? Do you think it s too late for me. I am 30 years old female and most of my friends are married with kids now. I have 4 sisters; they all married their first love. My parents always tell me that I need to be married and have kids because I m getting older. I do not know what to do. I know I am a kind person and very generous. I do not know what is wrong me that I am not able to find someone who will truly love me. As I am getting older, I became more afraid and paranoid. Give me some advice please and it will be greatly appreciated. Thanks a lot for reading my post. May God bless you.

First of all, I am very sorry for what you have been going through, remember God does forgive no matter what our sins are. I have read it throughouly and I understand how it feels if someone disappoint you. I used to tell forum members that this dating things is useless because it often uses women as tools for men as men don't feel guilty of having sex before marriage, maybe because they don't have virgin and the old statement seemed to protect men, so I advice you to read new statement.

Secondly, At your age you have to know that if you date men of age between 31-39, most of them think about marriage. Don't ever accent a man invitation to his home better in restaurant, in their homes, they always mean to have sex. I think break up with that man, to me, he seems not a good guy because he threaten you.

Third, you seem you are desperate for marriage, don't be anxious to it even though people bully you, just keep trusting in God while looking for the right one. If your friends are reasons to make desperate for it, then unfriend them, since they are not good to you.

Fourth, I wish you the best and remember You will always be in my prayers. Definitely God forgives, so he does forgive you too. And also find husbands through dating sites that are only Christians and never forget to pray to him for he is able.

 

[Deliver]

I'd like to add that God doesn't just forgive, He completely blots it out as if you never did it. How wonderful is that? That means all of your past, whatever you did, God doesn't look at it. The blood is more powerful to take sin completely away. Whatever happens, it is not punishment for past mistakes.
But your steps must be to repent, turn from it, and keep your focus on God. Ask Him to renew a right spirit within you. We cannot change unless He changes us. We do not have the strength to be a certain way unless He helps because His strength is made perfect in our weakness.
Dont be so worried about being married yet, God may be working on you some more before then.

 

[jeje201504]

Thank you so much. I pray to God everyday so I don't go back to my sinful ways.

 

[AAAPlus]

Jeje201504: I hope you end up reading this and taking it to heart.

It's not too late for you, not even close! God is always faithful even if you aren't always faithful.

The bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers". It is saying that a Christian should never date someone who is not a Christian. Don't be deceived: any guy who pressures you to have sexual relations before marriage is not a Christian that you should be together with.

The bible isn't just full of rules and regulations: God gives us these rules to help us. In your case, you won't run into all this craziness, deceit, and cheating if you follow this rule and only date true Christian believers.

Don't worry about what you did before. It doesn't matter. Ask God to forgive you, and know that He has forgiven you. And if that's the case, who cares what anyone else says? If God forgives you, you are forgiven completely.

Keep in mind, it's not an easy road. Before you find a real Christian guy you will likely find many attractive guys who are not believers, and you will continue to be tempted. But trust God and pray continually, hold firm in your faith and you will be blessed =)

 

[PeterJens]

Thank you so much. I pray to God everyday so I don't go back to my sinful ways.

jeje - You are not normal, in about 100 different ways. You want advice, but you do not say really about what, because the picture you paint is of an abused, out of control, dependent girl, who has no proper boundaries or self respect.

The advice you need is simple, repent, confess your sins and he is faithful and just and will forgive your sins.
But I do not think you are here to find spiritual reality, rather paint a red rag at a bull....

 

[jeje201504]

Jeje201504: I hope you end up reading this and taking it to heart.

It's not too late for you, not even close! God is always faithful even if you aren't always faithful.

The bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers". It is saying that a Christian should never date someone who is not a Christian. Don't be deceived: any guy who pressures you to have sexual relations before marriage is not a Christian that you should be together with.

The bible isn't just full of rules and regulations: God gives us these rules to help us. In your case, you won't run into all this craziness, deceit, and cheating if you follow this rule and only date true Christian believers.

Don't worry about what you did before. It doesn't matter. Ask God to forgive you, and know that He has forgiven you. And if that's the case, who cares what anyone else says? If God forgives you, you are forgiven completely.

Keep in mind, it's not an easy road. Before you find a real Christian guy you will likely find many attractive guys who are not believers, and you will continue to be tempted. But trust God and pray continually, hold firm in your faith and you will be blessed =)

Thank you so much.

 

[jeremyPJ]

jeje, There is a verse in the bible basically saying that even if you are stained crimson red in sin, through Christ you can be redeemed clean. Trust Jesus. I'm 50 and having to start over and I'm optimistic so 30 is never too late. Do not compare yourself to others, we all have our own path to the Lord.

Find a church you are comfortable with. Do not be discouraged if the first one doesn't feel right. I am between churches right now, but have faith I will find one I'm comfortable in eventually.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, I've dealt with bad folks too. There are bad apples of both sexes, I've met my share of cruel women as well. Don't be discouraged, you will find truth, purpose and love through Him. Blessings...

 

[PeterJens]

Thank you so much.

jeje - I have a simple question, what did you get out of playing around? It is a lie that we keep sex special because that is what is the good thing to do, though it is racy and interesting to play around.

Sex is very precious, fragile, part of our very being, intimate, something at the core of who we are. But we live in this tension of desire against real aching need of love, which always seems so hard to reach. But others have to earn the right to be intimate, to share at a deep level, to be allowed to get that close, and what we value others will value.

Your language is filled with unbelievable pain but you are now numb to that pain, after living with it, having such dreams snatched away from you at such an early age. You need to find someone who can love you, I mean really love and accept you where you are, and respect you and what has happened. The first step is you have to forgive yourself, and realise the pain and despair that has driven you. You were betrayed by a boyfriend, by your family who could not protect you, and for God who let it all happen. Now this view of God is not the real God, but a dream of who God is, and how life is structured. Sin is real hurt and pain, and in this world, we are victims of our own sin and that of others. It is slavery to the desires of the heart, to sin, to things that through us through life without regard to the consequences.

Jesus stands separate from this, and offers a changed heart, to learn a new way. His offer is to reach out to you and say where ever you are, you are loved and accepted. In that place of pain he can heal and lead you out. That is his promise on the cross, saying without this love, nothing makes sense or really works. But if you start with this love in you, there is nothing that can stop you changing.