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shineyourlight

shineyourlight

Senior Member
#1,241
May 25, 2015
6,119
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#1,241
Tintin said:
I wouldn't mind some guide on how to become confident. That would come in handy. But people just say, "be more confident". Well, that's fine and dandy, but how? Ugh.
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Speaking life. Speaking positives into your life. Instead of saying, "I'm not like this," or "I can't do that," start speaking truth. ALOUD! Words bring life and death. Light conquers darkness. When you speak aloud, you are speaking life into existence into your being. You're on longer a son of darkness but a son of light. Say it!

Also, where do you put your hope? Your hope is in God. Proclaim that over your life.

This is how I became confident: Reminding myself I'm a daughter of Jesus by proclaiming life into death situations.
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#1,242
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#1,242
Tintin said:
I wouldn't mind some guide on how to become confident. That would come in handy. But people just say, "be more confident". Well, that's fine and dandy, but how? Ugh.
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Just enjoy being yourself. Confidence looks like being comfortable in your own skin. You have a lot to offer, you have talents and insights, and kindness, and compassion. God filled you up with some nifty stuff and trust that he knows how to use those gifts... And use them. :)
 
M

Mitspa

Guest
#1,243
#1,243
shineyourlight said:
Added note to my response to this a few posts ago....confidence are traits that are desirable to have from others. It draws people in because they are traits that are desirable.

Cockiness are traits that push people away and are less desirable to have. I mean, if you meet a cocky person, it's not as easy to love them as it is with a confident person.

5 facts about pride/cockiness
1) They can never admit that they are wront
2) They don't accept anyone's advice/input but does everything by themselves (becaues they don't need anyone)
3) Gets angry when they are being corrected or given advice.
4) Doesn't care about others, it's about them. They don't take others into account.
5) They need public and private recognition from people. doesn’t take others into account.

6 truths about confidence
1) They use wisdom to measure out their choices and actions
2) Values input and advice from others.
3) They proceed in selfless ambitions and not selfish ambitions.
4) They know they need others to help them and know they can't do it on their own.
5) They know who they are and who they aren't.
6) They know where they are gifted.
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Good list...did you write that? I might have some issues with your views ...

Really the truth is a confident man knows what he is and how he became what he is...I believe this is only found in Christ and all confidence must flow from the relationship he has with Christ. Its not easy to see the difference between these things and when I hear a confident man must be willing to yield ...I get a little nervous about all that ...because I believe what makes a real man of God is established in a deeper place than peoples opinions...its established in a tested and tried walk of faith...in my view ...but what do I know...I just know what God has made me...and I really like what He has done :)
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#1,244
Aug 12, 2011
10,418
2,660
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#1,244
i'm learning to be confident. what has helped me is this. it's simple yet so powerful.

Jesus loves me. me. Jesus loves meeeeeeeeeeee. there's nothing i can do to make Him love me any less. He delights in my company. He loves my silly jokes. i don't need to impress Him. He knows everything about me, and He still wants us to fellowship together. He accepts me! He is the God who sees me! :D

as a result of my relationship getting deeper with Him, my character is forming more into reflecting His.

as a person who struggled with low self esteem for soooo many years, i learned to let go of a certain way of thinking. to stop believing the lies i held onto for so long to believe who God says i am. as a result, my confidence is growing :) all praise and honor to Him! :D
 
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Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#1,245
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
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0
#1,245
I agree, Melita. God crafts us in so many different ways for HIS purpose. Your delightful silliness lightens hearts. My desire to lift the down-trodden and encourage them.

I think it honor's the individual creation that God has made when we see those gifts and encourage them. We're all a bit different... and we're all a bit 'different' (if you know what I mean). :)
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#1,246
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
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#1,246
Mitspa said:
This is my understanding....a man who knows and likes who he is, is confident in who he is... a good woman is attracted to that.

A man who don't know or like who he is trying to put on show to be something and behind the mask is no real virtue...this a good woman will figure out....
Click to expand...

EXACTLY... :)
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#1,247
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
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#1,247
shineyourlight said:
You can easily tell. The difference between confidence and cockiness is this: Confidence is when you feel good about yourselves, productive, confident, etc. It's not arrogant, it's not prideful, it's knowing that you can still be wrong in your mistakes because you're confident enough that you can be wrong. Cockiness typically involves itself with egotism and arrogance.

I am MORE attracted to men who are confident. When I feel like I need to speak into their lives, I'm fine with it, but I'm not God and their confidence doesn't come from me. It's happened several times and I'm just simply not attracted to that. I already do this as a life coach and as a person who works in the ministry. The least I ask from a guy is not to ask me to build you up. We are to compliment each other in the ways we act and to make each other a better person, but speaking into your insecurities in order to make you whole? No, that's just not fair to either me or to God.
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I like how you define confidence as "being confident"... Nice job driving the point home, Katie. :rolleyes: ;)
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#1,248
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
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#1,248
I agree with Katie about speaking positives. There is NO such thing as a bad day... Now sure, sometimes A LOT of stuff piles on us at times, to which it seems like a bad day.And understandable. But during those days, you may have stopped in for a coffee, and that was by far the best cup of coffee you ever had. That, something so small as a cup of coffee, brought you a little bit of joy for that day. I know it's hard to find joy in small things when things may be piling on us, but over time once you're able to, and speaking positively like Katie said, it will come with ease over time.
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#1,249
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#1,249
melita916 said:
i'm learning to be confident. what has helped me is this. it's simple yet so powerful.

Jesus loves me. me. Jesus loves meeeeeeeeeeee. there's nothing i can do to make Him love me any less. He delights in my company. He loves my silly jokes. i don't need to impress Him. He knows everything about me, and He still wants us to fellowship together. He accepts me! He is the God who sees me! :D

as a result of my relationship getting deeper with Him, my character is forming more into reflecting His.

as a person who struggled with low self esteem for soooo many years, i learned to let go of a certain way of thinking. to stop believing the lies i held onto for so long to believe who God says i am. as a result, my confidence is growing :) all praise and honor to Him! :D
Click to expand...
If I didn't know any better, I would have thought I wrote this. Cause I've dealt with and thought the exact same thing
 
shineyourlight

shineyourlight

Senior Member
#1,250
May 25, 2015
6,119
821
113
#1,250
Mitspa said:
Really the truth is a confident man knows what he is and how he became what he is...I believe this is only found in Christ and all confidence must flow from the relationship he has with Christ. Its not easy to see the difference between these things and when I hear a confident man must be willing to yield ...I get a little nervous about all that ...because I believe what makes a real man of God is established in a deeper place than peoples opinions...its established in a tested and tried walk of faith...in my view ...but what do I know...I just know what God has made me...and I really like what He has done :)
Click to expand...
I agree whole-heartedly :)

Once your roots grow deeper in Christ, the more confidence you get from Him.
 
M

missfairy

Guest
#1,251
#1,251
melita916 said:
i'm learning to be confident. what has helped me is this. it's simple yet so powerful.

Jesus loves me. me. Jesus loves meeeeeeeeeeee. there's nothing i can do to make Him love me any less. He delights in my company. He loves my silly jokes. i don't need to impress Him. He knows everything about me, and He still wants us to fellowship together. He accepts me! He is the God who sees me! :D

as a result of my relationship getting deeper with Him, my character is forming more into reflecting His.

as a person who struggled with low self esteem for soooo many years, i learned to let go of a certain way of thinking. to stop believing the lies i held onto for so long to believe who God says i am. as a result, my confidence is growing :) all praise and honor to Him! :D
Click to expand...
I love this Melita! We are so loved by the Lord, and it's the most amazing kind of love ever in existence! Focusing on living an intentional simplified life of pure love and dedication to following Jesus can truly help with overcoming all obstacles. Living in grace and mercy alongside our Saviors written words in the bible can make one truly whole and fulfilled. :)
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#1,252
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
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#1,252
Tintin said:
I wouldn't mind some guide on how to become confident. That would come in handy. But people just say, "be more confident". Well, that's fine and dandy, but how? Ugh.
Click to expand...
Ugh is right. I have a confidence problem too, but mine is rooted in the fact that my life is just one huge embarrassment. You on the other hand, seem to have a lot going for you. I think you just need to get some of that "I don't care what people think" attitude.
 
G

GaryA

Guest
#1,253
#1,253
Tintin said:
I wouldn't mind some guide on how to become confident. That would come in handy. But people just say, "be more confident". Well, that's fine and dandy, but how? Ugh.
Click to expand...
I believe that it is well accepted that confidence comes from a combination of 'knowledge' and 'experience' ( i.e., if you know someone / something well enough - and, have enough experience with them / it - to the point that you "feel comfortable with them / it" - you will develop confidence in dealing with them / it. ) However, I also believe that there is another necessary component -- especially where relationships are concerned. At the very center of 'confidence' is --- 'sincerity'. Where there is sincerity, there is no fear. Where there is no fear, there is no doubt. Where there is no doubt --- there is confidence... ;)

:)
 
T

Tintin

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#1,254
#1,254
CarolSampaio said:
Now that's the thing... :) I can try to answer this because I'm learning this now myself...

I stopped thinking about other people.. I mean, I stopped thinking about how to please them, how to impress them, I stopped caring so much about how to act so I could be more likable... :)

I just started to focus on me, and be myself regardless of what other people thought of it... I've actually had some male friends tell me that I am too much of a "guy" and I should act more like a "girl"... and you know what? I don't care a wit about what they think... I like who I am now... and I know the Lord likes who I am now because He made me like this... :)

And I know that when He wants me to find someone (if He wants it), He will introduce us... and he will like me the way I am... :)
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Thanks, Carol. The weird thing is I'm a combination of completely comfortable with who I am and also much too self-conscious eg. I will not dance at weddings, parties etc. I've always been myself. Yes, even in my teenage years. Actually, my teenage years weren't tortured thoughts and emotions, but my early to mid-20s and early 30s sure have been. Anyway, I used to get a lot of crap for being different, but I didn't change. The plus was that I was always myself - 50 shades of Christian (the good, the bad, the ugly), the minus was that I was rejected over and over again and bullied for most of my high school years and all of my tertiary education years. So I just have to work on not being self-conscious, while retaining my uniqueness. Easy. Hmm...
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#1,255
#1,255
shineyourlight said:
Speaking life. Speaking positives into your life. Instead of saying, "I'm not like this," or "I can't do that," start speaking truth. ALOUD! Words bring life and death. Light conquers darkness. When you speak aloud, you are speaking life into existence into your being. You're on longer a son of darkness but a son of light. Say it!

Also, where do you put your hope? Your hope is in God. Proclaim that over your life.

This is how I became confident: Reminding myself I'm a daughter of Jesus by proclaiming life into death situations.
Click to expand...
Thank you, Shine. That's a great reminder. I need to meditate on the truth and words of life. I'll give it a go. God bless. :)
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#1,256
#1,256
zeroturbulence said:
Ugh is right. I have a confidence problem too, but mine is rooted in the fact that my life is just one huge embarrassment. You on the other hand, seem to have a lot going for you. I think you just need to get some of that "I don't care what people think" attitude.
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You're not a huge embarrassment, brother. Not at all! You're an amazing treasure of the Most High! His dear son with whom He is well pleased. Thank you for the encouragement though.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#1,257
#1,257
shineyourlight said:
I agree whole-heartedly :)

Once your roots grow deeper in Christ, the more confidence you get from Him.
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That's the weird thing. I'm definitely growing in my faith, I'm laying down idols etc. But it feels more like a huge wrestling match with God. I've learned that, as you grow deeper in Christ, you also grow in peace, no matter the circumstance. But I feel the complete opposite. It seems the deeper I dig with Him, the more I freak out at whatever comes my way. Maybe God's just stretching me. It's painful.
 
C

CarolSampaio

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#1,258
#1,258
Tintin said:
Thanks, Carol. The weird thing is I'm a combination of completely comfortable with who I am and also much too self-conscious eg. I will not dance at weddings, parties etc. I've always been myself. Yes, even in my teenage years. Actually, my teenage years weren't tortured thoughts and emotions, but my early to mid-20s and early 30s sure have been. Anyway, I used to get a lot of crap for being different, but I didn't change. The plus was that I was always myself - 50 shades of Christian (the good, the bad, the ugly), the minus was that I was rejected over and over again and bullied for most of my high school years and all of my tertiary education years. So I just have to work on not being self-conscious, while retaining my uniqueness. Easy. Hmm...
Click to expand...
Wow... I'm so sorry to know that...

I don't really know what it is to be bullied... I guess around here this stuff did not exist here up until recently... really... :(

I was just a loner, did not talk to anybody and stuff...

However, when I started highschool, I had the incredible luck to get transfered to another school where I found more people like me... more geeks and nerds... so we kinda bonded and we were just happy being geek and weird together!! hahahaha

I don't really know about rejection cause I never put myself out there... and I'm not really sure that's a good thing... cause you end up alone (like I am right now), but at the same time it doesn't bother me to be alone... hahahaha Even though I am a hopeless romantic and believe in love and happy endings... yeah... I'll probably be that crazy cat lady with 25 cats at home, that loves to watch romantic comedies on tv while eating a huge amount of popcorn!! (yes... popcorn IS life!!!!)

And yes... it is hard to retain our uniqueness and try our best not to be self-councious, but we have our whole lives to learn how to do that, don't we??? So... no hurry! :) Take your time!! Enjoy your days!! Enjoy yourself!! :)

And the day you're not really enjoying yourself, go play some rpg... it always improves my mood to kill some dragons!! hehehehe
 
C

CarolSampaio

Guest
#1,259
#1,259
zeroturbulence said:
Ugh is right. I have a confidence problem too, but mine is rooted in the fact that my life is just one huge embarrassment. You on the other hand, seem to have a lot going for you. I think you just need to get some of that "I don't care what people think" attitude.
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Noooooooooooooooooo!!!

Don't say that!!! :( Please, don't even think that!!!

No life is a huge embarrassment!!!

We all go through hard and bad stuff in our lives... we all make bad decisions... but each person has their own path that they need to walk in order to become who they were supposed to be!! :)

You are who you are today because of the path you trailed!!! And God is just so wonderful that He can get all of that and turn it into a good thing!! :)

So, don't think of your life in that way!!! Think of it as what you had to go through to be closer to God, to learn what He wanted you to learn!! The Lord can shape us in the most wonderful and perfect way if we only allow Him to!!! :)

So take all the things that you think are embarassing and disappointing and place them at His feet... ask for His guidance!! You will see that He can turn it around!!

Mind you that your life won't magically turn into a fairytale story!! But you will see it through His eyes!! And, oh, the difference that makes!!! :D
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#1,260
Aug 12, 2011
10,418
2,660
113
#1,260
i currently have a crush on 3-day weekends.
 
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