Women and manipulation...

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Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#1
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
28
#1
It seems a lot of women like to lie and manipulation. While on one hand, I think its obvious that women tend to be focused on relationships which can be great if done so in a Godly way. On the other hand, if God is not in that... then women will lie and manipulate to get their relationship wants.

That's what I think so far... which is why there are women who dress provocatively... to attract men and have men give them "love," protection, power, and it maybe even an ego boost.


^^^ my thoughts on the problem

So I suppose we can think about two good questions...

How do you spot a worthless manipulator?

and...

How do you spot an honest christian woman?

or... just say whatever thoughts
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#2
#2
Calmador said:
It seems a lot of women like to lie and manipulation. While on one hand, I think its obvious that women tend to be focused on relationships which can be great if done so in a Godly way. On the other hand, if God is not in that... then women will lie and manipulate to get their relationship wants.

That's what I think so far... which is why there are women who dress provocatively... to attract men and have men give them "love," protection, power, and it maybe even an ego boost.


^^^ my thoughts on the problem

So I suppose we can think about two good questions...

How do you spot a worthless manipulator?

and...

How do you spot an honest christian woman?

or... just say whatever thoughts
Click to expand...
I don't think women dressing provocatively has anything to do with them being manipulative. Not to mention "provocative" clothing is, in and of itself, a relative statement as different guys find different things attractive.

You can find all the honest christian women you want, but as long as you have the mindset that they won't behave a certain way, you're never going to find one. Every person struggles with one problem or another. I'm sure some christian women are wondering how to find a good christian man rather than one that is judgmental, and yet...here we are.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#3
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
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#3
Well, being honest, I´m sure men and women like to manipulate and to make the things the ways their are pleased.

As a man, I also have seen they often tried to change things the way they liked, as if they were perfect enough, lacking nothing to be changed or adjust (similar to the ways they move furniture, the way they like to change the color of those walls you have painted one year or the ways they´re dressed everyday). That´s their nature! While we could like to remain the same.

As a life partner, I must be aware THEY NEED those changes to cope with, to be together but, as selfish or "fair" I think I could be, I would also demand or ask, from them, things they don´t want to change: Their need to change things.

 
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mailmandan

mailmandan

Senior Member
#4
Apr 7, 2014
25,037
13,041
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#4
Thank God I have a wonderful Christian wife who is not a manipulator. :)
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#5
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
28
#5
zaoman32 said:
I don't think women dressing provocatively has anything to do with them being manipulative. Not to mention "provocative" clothing is, in and of itself, a relative statement as different guys find different things attractive.

You can find all the honest christian women you want, but as long as you have the mindset that they won't behave a certain way, you're never going to find one. Every person struggles with one problem or another. I'm sure some christian women are wondering how to find a good christian man rather than one that is judgmental, and yet...here we are.
Click to expand...
The dressing provocative thing.... sounds like your expanding on it but yeah, I suppose it can be relative... I guess in the end the best way to look at it.. is individual... Does that one in particular girl dress that way to be provocative?

That's a good reminder... it's not like she's going to be perfect 24/7... that would be nice though lol

Every woman wants a Calmador by her side... ;D lol I don't think I'm being judgmental. I just think this is an issue worth addressing. Half of the world... a little more even... is made up of women. It's so sad and irritating I have to worry about being lied to and manipulated. And yeah, guys can definitely do it too.
 
P

pwrnJC

Banned
#6
Dec 1, 2014
1,430
27
0
#6
The old cliche' is: Women use sex to gain love. Men profess love to gain sex. We are creatures of manipulation from all sides of the coin. JESUS has to be in the mix, period...otherwise, all of this soap opera drama will continue.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#7
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#7
Yes! As long as it works out.

If "I" don´t do it well, some else will, and chances are that an unsatisfied person would like to have it, as another chance to enjoy herself or himself.

If a man or woman bores the other (even by using modest fashion or average physical shape) someone else would get more attention.
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#8
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
28
#8
secularhermit said:
Well, being honest, I´m sure men and women like to manipulate and to make the things the ways their are pleased.

As a man, I also have seen they often tried to change things the way they liked, as if they were perfect enough, lacking nothing to be changed or adjust (similar to the ways they move furniture, the way they like to change the color of those walls you have painted one year or the ways they´re dressed everyday). That´s their nature! While we could like to remain the same.

As a life partner, I must be aware THEY NEED those changes to cope with, to be together but, as selfish or "fair" I think I could be, I would also demand or ask, from them, things they don´t want to change: Their need to change things.

Click to expand...

Maybe your unto something secular, as long as changing things doesn't involve lying or manipulating... nice picture btw lol
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#9
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
28
#9
pwrnJC said:
The old cliche' is: Women use sex to gain love. Men profess love to gain sex. We are creatures of manipulation from all sides of the coin. JESUS has to be in the mix, period...otherwise, all of this soap opera drama will continue.
Click to expand...
I don't think that's right.

I'll admit that I'd probably like sex. (after getting married) But, for goodness sake, if that's all I cared about... I wouldn't be christian. I'd be a non-religious secular who goes around playing around and using up women. Sex isn't all for a christian man. That saying you used isn't right... Jesus definitely has to be in there somewhere tho

Edit: That saying sounds.. so selfish
 
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JonahLynx

JonahLynx

Senior Member
#10
Dec 28, 2014
1,017
30
48
#10
You won't be able to "spot" a Christian woman. The only way you can know that someone (not just a woman) is a genuine believer is if you get to know them over time.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#11
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#11
Calmador said:
Maybe your unto something secular, as long as changing things doesn't involve lying or manipulating... nice picture btw lol
Click to expand...
Once you started dating someone you knew 1st hand.

Lying is not desired! That´s almost like cheating, yet there are men or women who did it to get what they wanted (which is manipulative).
 
J

Jak795

Guest
#12
#12
Men and women have the freedom to dress how they please. However, if they dress in a sexualized manner, then expect to be looked at that way by some people. Or if you violate dress at your place of work or whatever, then expect to get into trouble.

As far as manipulation goes, to me, it doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman. There are people out there that will manipulate others to get what they want and must watch out for them.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#13
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,584
113
#13
Many thanks to the posters here who recognize that manipulation isn't a one-gender issue, but rather, part of the all-over sinful human population.

As for how to tell the difference, it shouldn't be difficult. The Bible says you'll know someone by their fruits.

Does the person constantly ask for or expect things without giving anything in return? Do they try to make you feel guilty for not giving in to their requests? Do they always put their own agenda before anyone else's, even if it's in "disguise"? ("I need... for my family..." but yet won't work for it themselves, etc.)

Or are they someone who serves others? Asks what they can do for you, or how they can help? Appreciates what you do and is eager to show kindness to you in return? Is considerate to others and what they need?

Unfortunately, people get tangled into all sort of other issues at hand--if a person is particularly good-looking or has a quality the other person is really attracted to, they often find themselves complicating what should really be an easy decision (I've been there, too!)

It's also dangerous to write someone off as "worthless"... While it may not be your job to change them through dating that person, they may also be a work in progress that is just in a different stage than we are. I think most people, if they are honest, can admit to being something undesirable, unpleasant, and unGodly at different points in their lives, and so every person must be seen as someone God is working with in some way.

However, that doesn't mean you are required to stick around and be part of the fallout in the process.
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#14
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#14
Character is proven over time. If a person is lying or manipulative early in a relationship of any sort, it's easy to spot. There's a reason we should take time to get to know another person. We're all going to make mistakes, or behave in an unkind manner at times. We're all going to misunderstand and be misunderstood. It's watching a person's character being proved in a lot of situations.
How quick are they to apologize and do they make an effort to not offend again? Or is an explanation given that informs perspective? Do they forgive you for your offenses? Is care taken to understand?

As Seoulsearh pointed out, I'm so glad that there so many who understand that this isn't a gender issue.
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#15
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
28
#15
seoulsearch said:
Many thanks to the posters here who recognize that manipulation isn't a one-gender issue, but rather, part of the all-over sinful human population.

As for how to tell the difference, it shouldn't be difficult. The Bible says you'll know someone by their fruits.

Does the person constantly ask for or expect things without giving anything in return? Do they try to make you feel guilty for not giving in to their requests? Do they always put their own agenda before anyone else's, even if it's in "disguise"? ("I need... for my family..." but yet won't work for it themselves, etc.)

Or are they someone who serves others? Asks what they can do for you, or how they can help? Appreciates what you do and is eager to show kindness to you in return? Is considerate to others and what they need?

Unfortunately, people get tangled into all sort of other issues at hand--if a person is particularly good-looking or has a quality the other person is really attracted to, they often find themselves complicating what should really be an easy decision (I've been there, too!)

It's also dangerous to write someone off as "worthless"... While it may not be your job to change them through dating that person, they may also be a work in progress that is just in a different stage than we are. I think most people, if they are honest, can admit to being something undesirable, unpleasant, and unGodly at different points in their lives, and so every person must be seen as someone God is working with in some way.

However, that doesn't mean you are required to stick around and be part of the fallout in the process.
Click to expand...
I was just thinking about super grateful girls... the ones that really appreciate you when you do something nice for them. Good stuff, all of it... a lot of times I'm aloof and socially... I don't catch things until its too late sometimes... and blah, bad stuff happens to me.

Your right about worthless, bad choice of words.

I kind of got manipulated a bit recently and it really pist me off. Just thank God I'm Christian.

Thanks for the input.
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#16
Aug 12, 2011
4,055
136
63
#16
Calmador said:
I kind of got manipulated a bit recently and it really pist me off.
Click to expand...
I guessed as much. :p


I don't think either gender is more prone to manipulative behavior, but of course more women than men are going to try to manipulate you, and guess what? More men than women have tried to manipulate me. We notice these things with which we have first-hand experience, and remember them, and moan about them, and let our views become skewed by them. But our personal experiences are only a very small fraction of what goes on in the world, and realizing this helps us have a more balanced view. I don't intend any judgment about your attitude, because I have plenty of experience with anger, etc myself. But I do notice you dumping on women an awful lot, and I think it would do you a lot of good to sort through some stuff.


In regards to the two questions in your op, I don't think I can tell you how to spot a manipulator or a good Christian woman. I think that if you are not confident in your ability to discern the difference, then pray for discernment and do not become involved in a relationship until you are better able to tell the difference.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#17
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#17
Olerica said:
Character is proven over time. If a person is lying or manipulative early in a relationship of any sort, it's easy to spot. There's a reason we should take time to get to know another person. We're all going to make mistakes, or behave in an unkind manner at times. We're all going to misunderstand and be misunderstood. It's watching a person's character being proved in a lot of situations.
How quick are they to apologize and do they make an effort to not offend again? Or is an explanation given that informs perspective? Do they forgive you for your offenses? Is care taken to understand?

As Seoulsearh pointed out, I'm so glad that there so many who understand that this isn't a gender issue.
Click to expand...

It´s unfair saying one gender manipulates more, than the other.

Women and Men in Negotiation - gender interactions | Negotiation Experts

https://exposingfeminism.wordpress....arriet-harman-and-manipulation-of-statistics/

Some other opinions... ( He! He! He! )

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20140721032107AAZ2Jqs


Manipulative or somewhat a leader?

Men or Women: Who’s the Better Leader? | Pew Research Center’s Social & Demographic Trends Project
 
C

cmarieh

Guest
#18
#18
I realize that manipulation can be both genders they just have a different way of going about it. That is why when I am looking at a man for the different qualities they possess I don't want to 'change' them because God created them that way and realize they are not perfect and neither am I. I have no desire to change him into what I want him to be. Because, I want what God wants for his life because if I wanted him to change that is manipulation and if you want to go further back in the biblical times manipulation is a form of witchcraft and that is something I don't want for my life.
 
C

cmarieh

Guest
#19
#19
cmarieh said:
I realize that manipulation can be both genders they just have a different way of going about it. That is why when I am looking at a man for the different qualities they possess I don't want to 'change' them because God created them that way and realize they are not perfect and neither am I. I have no desire to change him into what I want him to be. Because, I want what God wants for his life because if I wanted him to change that is manipulation and if you want to go further back in the biblical times manipulation is a form of witchcraft and that is something I don't want for my life.
Click to expand...
I forgot to add one more thing God does the changing and not me.
 
S

skylove7

Guest
#20
#20
Calmador said:
It seems a lot of women like to lie and manipulation. While on one hand, I think its obvious that women tend to be focused on relationships which can be great if done so in a Godly way. On the other hand, if God is not in that... then women will lie and manipulate to get their relationship wants.

That's what I think so far... which is why there are women who dress provocatively... to attract men and have men give them "love," protection, power, and it maybe even an ego boost.


^^^ my thoughts on the problem

So I suppose we can think about two good questions...

How do you spot a worthless manipulator?

and...

How do you spot an honest christian woman?

or... just say whatever thoughts
Click to expand...
Easy answer! An honest Christian women is always true to God, and to others! A manipulator is kind one moment then the next moment...she could win as many academy awards, as Meryl Streep for her performance.
 
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