So there are a lot of thoughts that I tried to share in singles chat tonight floating around in my mind. It started over e-mail when I was talking with a friend about sharing and about how I rarely share anything with anyone until I have it all figured out and need to communicate the information about my decision to someone (leading to more than one conversation with my parents that has gone, I’m going to do X and they say, we didn’t even know you were thinking about X). My friend responded that sharing like any other form of externalizing thoughts helps us think through things, but it is also important for building relationships. A reluctance to share, therefore can actually cheat us out of opportunities to build relationships.
This has not convinced me to share everything yet, but it has gotten me thinking about sharing more and about letting people in before I have everything wrapped up in a nice little package. Then I thought about being single, and thought a great thread topic would be who do you as a single person share your stuff with (ideally that would be built in in marriage). Then I thought about things that make me more willing to share with someone or less willing to share with someone and wondered what other peoples lists would look like.
And I also think about the close relationships I’ve had in the past, and how many of them started when someone shared their pain or their yuck with me (because I hate looking weak and needy and you are pretty special (or I am extremely desperate) if I’ll share any of that with you). I realize that those are often the people I felt most connected with and wonder if I am keeping people from connecting with me by not being willing to be honest about when I’m not perfect.
So questions for discussion (because I always prefer to discuss issues and ideas rather than my personal stuff):
How does sharing (or a lack thereof) affect the growth of your relationships?
At what point in your decision making process do you share your ideas with others?
Who do you share with? What attitudes or behaviors will make you more or less likely to open up?
This has not convinced me to share everything yet, but it has gotten me thinking about sharing more and about letting people in before I have everything wrapped up in a nice little package. Then I thought about being single, and thought a great thread topic would be who do you as a single person share your stuff with (ideally that would be built in in marriage). Then I thought about things that make me more willing to share with someone or less willing to share with someone and wondered what other peoples lists would look like.
And I also think about the close relationships I’ve had in the past, and how many of them started when someone shared their pain or their yuck with me (because I hate looking weak and needy and you are pretty special (or I am extremely desperate) if I’ll share any of that with you). I realize that those are often the people I felt most connected with and wonder if I am keeping people from connecting with me by not being willing to be honest about when I’m not perfect.
So questions for discussion (because I always prefer to discuss issues and ideas rather than my personal stuff):
How does sharing (or a lack thereof) affect the growth of your relationships?
At what point in your decision making process do you share your ideas with others?
Who do you share with? What attitudes or behaviors will make you more or less likely to open up?