"We're Having a Baby!!! And We Want YOU To Foot The Bill."

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,939
4,578
113
#1
Hey Singles,

Just wanted to get your opinion on this. If a couple is in the ministry and wants to expand their family/feels that God is calling them to do so, should they expect their supporters to pay for cost of doing so? Sometimes I believe God DOES call families to expand, but sometimes... for whatever reason, people want more babies. Which can be fine if it's for the right reasons, or course! But, who can they expect to pay for them?

The reason I ask is because I receive regular newsletters from several couples serving in ministry around the world. I don't know if it's the time of year or what, but lately, every newsletter has been filled with Baby Fever. "We're Having the Miracle Baby The Doctors Said We Could Never Have!" "God Is Leading Us to Adopt Our 4th Baby!" "Come and Meet the 6th Foster Baby That The Lord Has Blessed Us With!"

WHICH IS WONDERFUL. PLEASE don't think I am somehow looking down on expanding one's family for ANY reason. The Bible says children are a blessing from God, and I have NOTHING but the UTMOST respect for parents, seeing as I helped raise an alcoholic's children for 3 years and received a small taste of what parents go through.

However, the thing that troubles me is that what ALWAYS comes next is: "Won't You Consider Increasing Your Donations To Support Our Growing Family?" I realize these couples are acting in faith--obeying God's call and trusting He will be there.

But the thing that troubles me is, what about all the OTHER believing families out there who are ALSO heeding God's call to expand their families? Should families in ministry automatically assume God's people should chip in and help? Is it our responsibility to specifically support the Jones family, who is serving an orphanage in India, while simply assuming the Smith family, who sits in front of us at church every Sunday, will receive their support from outside the church, such as a raise from a job?

The reason I ask is because I was raised to give something back. Tithing, offerings, and charity were a mandatory part of our upbringing. I say this only to give you a glimpse into my frame of mind, not because I'm seeking praise or a pat on the back.

What I'm saying is, as a single person, I believe it's important for me to support others with families, whether through prayer, emotional support, or finances. But each of us only have so many resources. And lately, my concern is that the families who aren't in ministry are automatically overlooked for the ones who are.

Even if all I have is $5 to give someone, should I automatically give it to the family in ministry... or is the family right next to me just as deserving of support? I'd like to think so.

What are your thoughts on this? Should ministry families automatically be able to count on others like us to give to their expanding family? Or would it be wrong to choose an "everyday" family to give to instead?

Or... to not give at all... or to something else entirely?

(And yes... I try my best to live frugally and give what I can, but sometimes, when I get a newsletter like this, I hang my head... and think... "Lord, you passed by my wishes to ever have a family when I was young... and gave them right over to THIS family. So please help me improve my attitude... as I buy the cheapest toothpaste I really don't like, and skip going out to eat because it's too expensive, and never go out to a movie because... I have to save money... to pay for other people's dreams... and watch you constantly pass mine by.")

How do the rest of you feel about these situations?

I would love to hear what other singles think about this topic as well.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
837
113
#2
Short answer: not if that is their attitude from the outset.
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#3
Hey Singles,

Just wanted to get your opinion on this. If a couple is in the ministry and wants to expand their family/feels that God is calling them to do so, should they expect their supporters to pay for cost of doing so? Sometimes I believe God DOES call families to expand, but sometimes... for whatever reason, people want more babies. Which can be fine if it's for the right reasons, or course! But, who can they expect to pay for them?

The reason I ask is because I receive regular newsletters from several couples serving in ministry around the world. I don't know if it's the time of year or what, but lately, every newsletter has been filled with Baby Fever. "We're Having the Miracle Baby The Doctors Said We Could Never Have!" "God Is Leading Us to Adopt Our 4th Baby!" "Come and Meet the 6th Foster Baby That The Lord Has Blessed Us With!"

WHICH IS WONDERFUL. PLEASE don't think I am somehow looking down on expanding one's family for ANY reason. The Bible says children are a blessing from God, and I have NOTHING but the UTMOST respect for parents, seeing as I helped raise an alcoholic's children for 3 years and received a small taste of what parents go through.

However, the thing that troubles me is that what ALWAYS comes next is: "Won't You Consider Increasing Your Donations To Support Our Growing Family?" I realize these couples are acting in faith--obeying God's call and trusting He will be there.

But the thing that troubles me is, what about all the OTHER believing families out there who are ALSO heeding God's call to expand their families? Should families in ministry automatically assume God's people should chip in and help? Is it our responsibility to specifically support the Jones family, who is serving an orphanage in India, while simply assuming the Smith family, who sits in front of us at church every Sunday, will receive their support from outside the church, such as a raise from a job?

The reason I ask is because I was raised to give something back. Tithing, offerings, and charity were a mandatory part of our upbringing. I say this only to give you a glimpse into my frame of mind, not because I'm seeking praise or a pat on the back.

What I'm saying is, as a single person, I believe it's important for me to support others with families, whether through prayer, emotional support, or finances. But each of us only have so many resources. And lately, my concern is that the families who aren't in ministry are automatically overlooked for the ones who are.

Even if all I have is $5 to give someone, should I automatically give it to the family in ministry... or is the family right next to me just as deserving of support? I'd like to think so.

What are your thoughts on this? Should ministry families automatically be able to count on others like us to give to their expanding family? Or would it be wrong to choose an "everyday" family to give to instead?

Or... to not give at all... or to something else entirely?

(And yes... I try my best to live frugally and give what I can, but sometimes, when I get a newsletter like this, I hang my head... and think... "Lord, you passed by my wishes to ever have a family when I was young... and gave them right over to THIS family. So please help me improve my attitude... as I buy the cheapest toothpaste I really don't like, and skip going out to eat because it's too expensive, and never go out to a movie because... I have to save money... to pay for other people's dreams... and watch you constantly pass mine by.")

How do the rest of you feel about these situations?

I would love to hear what other singles think about this topic as well.
Nope, I knew a couple who had a fundraiser for her in vitro treatments, no. If you're family is in need due to medical bills for a sick child or there is a job loss or fire or tragedy of some sort, I will give. I think if you can't afford it stop having kids. I understand things happen and when I was pregnant with my daughter people helped us with hand me downs. But I didn't ask for money.
 
Sep 6, 2013
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#4
This is a tough one. When we send missionaries out into the field, we have to expect that we will be supporting them as well as their families. Overseas missionary work is often very hard with many personal sacrifices. The main reason I don't feel I'm cut out for missionary work of that nature is that I hate asking for help in any form. (Oh, the stories I could tell you - today included - about my hatred of asking for help!) But it must be done in order to raise enough support to get out there. Some close friends of mine just spent two years raising support and sold off everything they owned (house, cars, all of their possessions) and still just barely raised enough to get them overseas to their new permanent home as missionaries. They live a very simple life where they are now.

If a family is getting rich and living a wasteful life off of their missionary support, that's one thing. But if they are called to adopt a child or are blessed with children of their own while in the field, I think that's something we just have to trust them on, and help as we are able. If we don't trust that they have the best interest of the gospel at heart, we shouldn't be supporting them anyway, you know?
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#5
What Grace said makes a lot of sense so I take back some of what I said. I think missionaries are different then the people who set up a go fund me account everyday, and there are people who just need a helping hand sometimes. I would give, see I'm not totally heartless. :)
 
M

mystikmind

Guest
#6
It depends if they are earning a wage or not?

And if not, then the expectation would be that they spend an equivalent amount of time as a full time job doing Gods work (usually it is much more than a full time job).
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,327
2,358
113
#7
Well having been on both sides of the receiving support and receiving a whole lot of newsletters from other people who live off of support, here are some of my thoughts.

1) In an ideal world, people who live off of support would have a nice monthly or quarterly or whatever amount that would cover their basic living expenses and give them enough to treat themselves occasionally. In practice I have seen both people who cut every corner to try to stretch their limited funds so they can stay on the field and people who have the attitude of well I want / need it and since I trust God for everything what's another $50, $100, etc. As someone who has lived off of savings and support for the past few years, I would say there needs to be a balance between being accountable to those who support me and having the freedom to live a somewhat normal life. In my current context it has also been a challenge because many of the white foreigners here have good paying jobs and live at a much higher standard of living than I do. While I have been very blessed by the generosity of some of these people, it can also be a social challenge when the church event or get together is a $20 per person western foods buffet dinner instead of the $2 street food meal I'm usually eating. Most foreign children here also have to go to private schools to get a good education and that can be a huge expense for families. Mostly I have very little outside accountability in how I spend the money that's been entrusted to me; and sometimes it would be nice if people (especially those who have given large amounts) would be a bit more involved in wanting to know that it is being used well or telling me that I'm too restrictive on myself.

2) In normal working life, you don't automatically get a raise just because you are having another child. You have to figure out how to adjust your current budget to cover that additional expense. Those living off of support shouldn't automatically expect such treatment either. However, it is good for people supporting them to remember that their finances may already be stretched to the limit and that there are some significant extra expenses involved in living and expanding a family overseas (school, visas, plane tickets, etc).

3) This is a personal thing, but having the history I do and so many people who send newsletters to me asking for support, I'm very picky about who I choose to support. There is one couple that I was close too and even lived in the same house with for 3 months and worked with a lot. They have several children now, but it seems like I only get e-mails from them when they need money for something. I've pretty much stopped supporting anyone I only hear from when they need money. Another person who was one of my leaders at one time, well the direction his ministry has taken seems very laid back and aimless to me. It may fit his personality well and God may be using him greatly, but I need something with more tangible results and a little more organization to feel like my money is being invested well.

Bottom line. Listen to God and give your money wherever you see fit. There is no right or wrong way to be generous, and while yes it is all God's ; it's also yours to spend / invest as you see fit. I'm all for supporting those in ministry overseas. But sometimes the pastor and his wife need a little extra cash for having a nice date night to strengthen their marriage and give them some them time. Sometimes there is a family in the church who is having temporary money issues and a little extra cash could totally help. Or taking a weary stay at home (or single) mom out to lunch or coffee can make her week and remind her she's not alone or important only to the degree she takes care of everyone else.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,780
8,087
113
#8
To the OP: Beats me. I've seen a lot of missionaries come through our little church but I've never heard anything like that.
 
May 16, 2015
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#9
Great for them but they need to finance a child themselves unless they run into hard times like some people do. Some people just never get the memo that kids cost money and assume everyone else will help front the bill.
 

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
Jan 15, 2011
6,027
3,228
113
#10
I kind of chuckled when I read the OP because I can't think of any missionary families that are "normal" sized and my parent's fridge is covered in pictures of the missionary families that they support. For some reason missionary = large family, it must be something in the water.
 
Aug 2, 2009
24,572
4,261
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#11
Congratulations, Kim!!!! I didn't even know you were expecting!
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
837
113
#13
I kind of chuckled when I read the OP because I can't think of any missionary families that are "normal" sized and my parent's fridge is covered in pictures of the missionary families that they support. For some reason missionary = large family, it must be something in the water.
Water eh? Is that what they're calling it now?
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,939
4,578
113
#14
Congratulations, Kim!!!! I didn't even know you were expecting!
And I'm expecting YOU to win the lottery to support me, Zero!!!! :D

I'm really thankful that people are even replying to this thread! I guess something that really troubles me is that a missionary family could be called to have a new baby, or they just flat-out might want another baby (hello, Duggars!! I was raised Lutheran and, similar to Catholic families, most had more-than-the-average amount of children.) Which is wonderful.

But as in my example, the family who lives next door to me might be just as called by God to have a baby or might want one just as badly. But because Family Missions is serving God, they have a right to ask others to support their wish to have another child?

Maybe I just have a terrible attitude but this somehow just doesn't seem right to me.

Also, way back in 1974 my Mom said it cost $2500 to adopt me. Now days, that same adoption will set a family back $30,000. I know some missionary families who will ask support, raise all the funds, and then write about how God miraculously provided for their entire set of fees. And then I've known other families, who, in order to following their calling or desire to adopt, had to take out a loan at the bank.

Sigh. It just doesn't seem right to me.

And, as a single person with no kids, I often ask God, "Is that my purpose? To cut back and save as much money as possible... to support other people's dream?" (Yup, this whole thread also has to do with the fact that I seem to have received a record number of requests for "support" lately... even when it seems I always get them as it is.)

I find myself agreeing with others here who said they will give under certain conditions... and, like Grace, I am someone who totally hates asking for help myself. Among my siblings and myself, I'm the only one who hasn't asked to borrow money, simply because I'd rather go without than ask! Which I know is a problem in and of itself at times.
 
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levi85

Senior Member
Jul 2, 2013
8,578
2,180
113
#15
We should try our best for the spreading of gospel. By helping others in Jesus name no one will become poor as someone may think but will have a blessed life.


A hungry person doesnt want a lunch in a 5 star hotel. But is satisfied with a simple food or even the leftover rice from someones plate.
Donot hesitate to do so you may not get a chance to serve the Lord. Everyone go ahead in this.
God bless!
 

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
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#16
I read this thread around 7.00am in the morning when I had just woken up. The first thing that came into mind was "Okay? Why did Kim have a baby outside wedlock?"

You never cease to surprise me. :rolleyes:

Here's my reply to your question -

But the thing that troubles me is, what about all the OTHER believing families out there who are ALSO heeding God's call to expand their families? Should families in ministry automatically assume God's people should chip in and help? Is it our responsibility to specifically support the Jones family, who is serving an orphanage in India, while simply assuming the Smith family, who sits in front of us at church every Sunday, will receive their support from outside the church, such as a raise from a job?
There are two parts to your question, so I will answer to each of them specifically.

Part 1 - supporting missionaries who have large families.

When it comes to mission work, there is a thin line between accepting support and expecting support. When Jesus sent out His disciples on their first missionary work, He told them to live by faith. The Apostles in the early Church lived by faith, knowing that God would take care of their needs. Today, there are more missionaries who expect support and few who accept support. I am not saying that missionaries must not be supported but there has to be a limit to the support that they can expect. For instance, I would be wary of supporting missionaries who have large families. Now if it is a couple who takes children from off the streets and gives them a home and a family, that is different. I am not criticizing those who have many kids when they are out on mission work but I just feel that, that money could have been spent on God's mission work.

I can give you another similar situation which is prevalent in India. There are many missionaries who come to work in India but, sadly, not all of them live up to the standard of a missionary. Some missionaries stay in Hyatt, Radisson or Hilton hotels while they go out on mission work. Some other missionaries charge a 'prayer fee', like, $50 for a prayer for a sick child (healing is guaranteed). These are some reasons why I am wary of supporting anyone who claims to be a missionary.

Part 2 - supporting a family in need, irrespective of whether they are missionaries or not

I could be wrong, but I think there was a verse in the OT where God was telling the Israelites that he had kept some poor among them so that they could be supported by the rich. I am nobody to lay out rules and guidelines for everybody to adopt and follow, but personally, I believe that supporting a family in need is equivalent to supporting a missionary. The smart idea would be to allocate half the funds to supporting missionaries and allocating half the funds to supporting a family in need who lives nearby.

-----

I hope this helps. :)
 
Sep 6, 2013
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#17
Some other missionaries charge a 'prayer fee', like, $50 for a prayer for a sick child (healing is guaranteed). These are some reasons why I am wary of supporting anyone who claims to be a missionary.

That is awful. :(

What must Jesus think of this... I can imagine there would be much righteous anger and overturning of tables.
 
W

wwjd_kilden

Guest
#18
To be completely honest:
If the missionaries are the kind that travel about, especially in "dangerous areas", I don't think they should get kids.
(sure, stuff happens in the heat of the moment, but you can do stuff to avoid that).

if they get kids with the expectation of getting money from others, that sounds like they get kids in order to get money, which is very very very disturbing.
 

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
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#19
That is awful. :(

What must Jesus think of this... I can imagine there would be much righteous anger and overturning of tables.
Yeah. My close friend was dying of brain cancer when a pastor approached his family. The pastor promised to heal him if their family would 'donate' $200 to his church. Needless to say, the family refused to pay, so the pastor did not pray for him.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,939
4,578
113
#20
"You must spread some rep around before giving it to Roh Chris again..." :rolleyes:

Roh, thank you so much for sharing your insights. I LOVE it when you talk about the culture in India and remind us that Christians are affected differently in different parts of the world.

I HAVE heard of what you speak about, seeing as a church I was part of for a long time had close ties to India, and it makes me very sad.

I totally agree with you about splitting funds and giving them to different causes (families in different situations.) As noted in other places on the forum, I tend to have a soft spot for my former adoption agency because I am obviously a product of it (and hopefully, would be considered a success :)).

But the topic encompasses a wide-ranging subject that has really been on my mind lately... and definitely includes times when parents want so badly to have more children, but then ask other people to pay for them, whether missionaries or not. I like the post here that talked about some people just wanting more kids without calculating the cost.

The other thing that bothered me growing up is that my parents have always been very, very involved in church, as well as known for their work outside of church (in a positive way), and are always a target of pretty much anyone in church asking for funds. Sometimes they wouldn't even bother asking anyone else, but would come to my parents and say something like, "Well, with an addition to our family... we're going to need a bigger house... Any way that you could help us with that?"

After seeing this happen repeatedly over many years... I've grown a bit wary of people who want money to fund THEIR wants. I realize it may be for a good cause but...

One of the ways I've come to deal with it is that I look for people who may not even see themselves as having a need and give to them instead. I tend to prefer to give to people who serve everyone else and are content with what they have but never ask for anything for themselves.

Admittedly, it's also my own way of rebelling.

P.S. Roh, please let us know about the prayer needs for your friends and family and we will gladly pray for them.