Writing a letter or jornal for your future wife/husband to give on the wedding day
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I've already done this, I have letters for my future husband and prayers that I wrote down dating back to when I was 9yrs old hahaha I have gifts also for him that I bought with my own money and saved since I was 12yrs old 
I also have journals for him. I think its sweet, and it would be amazing if my future husband did something like that for me...so I say go for it! Whoever she is she will greatly appreciate it.
I also have journals for him. I think its sweet, and it would be amazing if my future husband did something like that for me...so I say go for it! Whoever she is she will greatly appreciate it.
C
I think it is really sweet to do this. I have already written a letter to my future husband to give on our wedding night. I have actually started writing things down and I am hoping that I keep with it to have the ability to give it to him. Although, I think us women are more romantic when it comes to writing things down and it may put us in the position of putting all of our energy into a journal and us getting hurt because he would not have one to give out all while we gave him one. It is a beautiful idea and I will continue writing things down.
One of my friends actually keeps a prayer journal and got me pondering the idea about putting all my thoughts into a journal, so I owe a huge amount of gratitude to her.
One of my friends actually keeps a prayer journal and got me pondering the idea about putting all my thoughts into a journal, so I owe a huge amount of gratitude to her.
Reading these replies sort of freaked me out. I would feel creeped out if my spouse were to show me letters or prayers that she had written to her "future husband". I accept that some guys may like it, but I'm not one of them.
Anyway, I wish you all find the right guy/girl who would appreciate what you have written.
Anyway, I wish you all find the right guy/girl who would appreciate what you have written.
C
Reading these replies sort of freaked me out. I would feel creeped out if my spouse were to show me letters or prayers that she had written to her "future husband". I accept that some guys may like it, but I'm not one of them.
Anyway, I wish you all find the right guy/girl who would appreciate what you have written.
Anyway, I wish you all find the right guy/girl who would appreciate what you have written.
I've already done this, I have letters for my future husband and prayers that I wrote down dating back to when I was 9yrs old hahaha I have gifts also for him that I bought with my own money and saved since I was 12yrs old I also have journals for him. I think its sweet, and it would be amazing if my future husband did something like that for me...so I say go for it! Whoever she is she will greatly appreciate it.
I also have journals for him. I think its sweet, and it would be amazing if my future husband did something like that for me...so I say go for it! Whoever she is she will greatly appreciate it.
That's pretty amazing. Lyd, your future husband will be one very blessed man. I hope you get a good and Godly guy. Anyways, I have a gift for my future daughter... in case I have a girl. I'm thinking of getting a better one.. it has a chip on it... it's a rock with flowers on it... with a nice message.. and it opens up so she can hide stuff in it.
Yeah... she'll probably like it.
I'm only concerned of making her an idol. I should always love God more.Your pretty awesome for that... wow, lucky is the bastard that marries you.
I think I'd be blown away on my wedding day if I'm fortunate to marry a woman doing this...
You know... you reap what you sow. To some extent, I think when things like these are done... the person who receives the gift more than likely will want to return the favor so you doing this will only strengthen your future marriage. I think... that alone makes it worth it.
I hope you get a very appreciative husband sis
I think I'd be blown away on my wedding day if I'm fortunate to marry a woman doing this...
You know... you reap what you sow. To some extent, I think when things like these are done... the person who receives the gift more than likely will want to return the favor so you doing this will only strengthen your future marriage. I think... that alone makes it worth it.
I hope you get a very appreciative husband sis
I know there's been a lot of talk on the forum about writing letters to a future spouse... I guess for myself (and I can speak only for me,) this is an example of how time, experience, and yes, maybe a bit of cynicism, changes a person's heart.
When I was in my teens and 20's, I would have been completely on board with this idea. I met the man I eventually married when I was 20, and I was full of hopeful ambitions. I've read things here about keeping hope chests and while I didn't have a designated or specific "hope chest" myself, I did things such as collect a few baby accessories... bottles and so forth... for that big "someday".
When my husband's sister got pregnant, we put together a big care package to send to her, and he held up the bear we had bought for her and he said, "Someday we're going to go shopping... to get one of these for our own babies." In fact, a few days later I went out and bought a duplicate of that same bear for the day we would have a baby of our own.
That day never came. And when he went on to someone else, I threw all those things away. I didn't need the reminders of the life I'd hoped for when I was in my 20's. The time and money I'd spent on those things had all been wasted.
Life changes... and things happen. My letters would have started out (in my 20's) with romanticized confessions of love... as I got older and saw things happen to both myself and others, my letters would be more like, "Dear Future Husband, today I found out my (close relative) has cancer. How would you react if that were me? Would you stay, or would you run?"
I understand why men I've met in the dating world say they want very young women--because older women (like myself) are jaded and cynical. I understand that. But life happens, and seeing things like my friends having miscarriages or never seeing their own spouses due to work schedules or having to care for sick parents...
Makes me think of a whole lot of "real world" things I'd be including in those letters, rather than the "I love you so much and that's all that matters" sentiments I would have had at age 20.
When I was in my teens and 20's, I would have been completely on board with this idea. I met the man I eventually married when I was 20, and I was full of hopeful ambitions. I've read things here about keeping hope chests and while I didn't have a designated or specific "hope chest" myself, I did things such as collect a few baby accessories... bottles and so forth... for that big "someday".
When my husband's sister got pregnant, we put together a big care package to send to her, and he held up the bear we had bought for her and he said, "Someday we're going to go shopping... to get one of these for our own babies." In fact, a few days later I went out and bought a duplicate of that same bear for the day we would have a baby of our own.
That day never came. And when he went on to someone else, I threw all those things away. I didn't need the reminders of the life I'd hoped for when I was in my 20's. The time and money I'd spent on those things had all been wasted.
Life changes... and things happen. My letters would have started out (in my 20's) with romanticized confessions of love... as I got older and saw things happen to both myself and others, my letters would be more like, "Dear Future Husband, today I found out my (close relative) has cancer. How would you react if that were me? Would you stay, or would you run?"
I understand why men I've met in the dating world say they want very young women--because older women (like myself) are jaded and cynical. I understand that. But life happens, and seeing things like my friends having miscarriages or never seeing their own spouses due to work schedules or having to care for sick parents...
Makes me think of a whole lot of "real world" things I'd be including in those letters, rather than the "I love you so much and that's all that matters" sentiments I would have had at age 20.
it's kind of a cool idea, but i think i would rather spend my life having conversations with my beloved, recounting those memories and notions, telling him in person what i was eager to share with him back then.
unless of course you're afraid you'll forget. : ) for me, i have been praying for my "would-be" husband for a long time, and i think that was my equivalent.
kim, i think you know i understand where you are coming from, but i have to take exception with your statement that older women are jaded and cynical.
i believe with all my heart that bitterness is a choice. i think anyone who knows much about my history would agree i have enough bad experiences, heartache and even trauma to develop a pile of bitterness and resentment. but i also believe that in doing so, i would be making another choice that would create far less opportunity for myself.
call it optimism, faith, or whatever you want, but because i serve a Risen God, i want to believe (and choose to believe) that both my attitude and outlook make a difference, and that God allows pain and heartache into our lives so that He accomplishes His will in our lives. when i have prayed for change and blessing in my life, i believe that God asks me to pray with an attitude of expectation, of outcome, of faith, and belief that He is bigger than what i've had taken.
and that His plans for me are to prosper me, not to crush and deny me.
i take a great deal of peace in the knowledge that while God has the power to "turn the heart of kings" He promises that He will only allow those things that He can use for His purpose and our good. and the fact, is, i've seen that play out in my own life.
recently i heard a phrase:
i don't think that you can be compassionate without suffering.
it was a moment where i was able to give thanks for how God has used much of my pain and despair to cultivate the heart that i have, and the desire i have to do good and serve others. i am pretty sure i wouldn't have a passion for the girls' i volunteer with, and the love and concern i feel for others if i didn't go through the events i did.
i know that this loss and pain has changed your outlook, but i also hope that you will find some of the peace and comfort i've found in what scripture shares about the promises we can claim in the truth of God's working together all of our experiences for our good.
unless of course you're afraid you'll forget. : ) for me, i have been praying for my "would-be" husband for a long time, and i think that was my equivalent.
kim, i think you know i understand where you are coming from, but i have to take exception with your statement that older women are jaded and cynical.
i believe with all my heart that bitterness is a choice. i think anyone who knows much about my history would agree i have enough bad experiences, heartache and even trauma to develop a pile of bitterness and resentment. but i also believe that in doing so, i would be making another choice that would create far less opportunity for myself.
call it optimism, faith, or whatever you want, but because i serve a Risen God, i want to believe (and choose to believe) that both my attitude and outlook make a difference, and that God allows pain and heartache into our lives so that He accomplishes His will in our lives. when i have prayed for change and blessing in my life, i believe that God asks me to pray with an attitude of expectation, of outcome, of faith, and belief that He is bigger than what i've had taken.
and that His plans for me are to prosper me, not to crush and deny me.
i take a great deal of peace in the knowledge that while God has the power to "turn the heart of kings" He promises that He will only allow those things that He can use for His purpose and our good. and the fact, is, i've seen that play out in my own life.
recently i heard a phrase:
i don't think that you can be compassionate without suffering.
it was a moment where i was able to give thanks for how God has used much of my pain and despair to cultivate the heart that i have, and the desire i have to do good and serve others. i am pretty sure i wouldn't have a passion for the girls' i volunteer with, and the love and concern i feel for others if i didn't go through the events i did.
i know that this loss and pain has changed your outlook, but i also hope that you will find some of the peace and comfort i've found in what scripture shares about the promises we can claim in the truth of God's working together all of our experiences for our good.
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So let's see my ultra practical thoughts:
I could see maybe writing one or two letters or maybe make it an annual thing to chronicle kind of a journey and growth of thinking about love, but actual personal letters to a person I don't yet know. Well what I want to share with him I'll probably remember and share all those crazy stories in person. Inside jokes and continuing the ridiculousness make up a whole lot of my relational building as well and I don't have those with this guy yet. So I really don't have much to say to him now that seems like it will really matter for him to find out after the wedding (or that he won't know by then).
If husband gave me such a collection, well it's the thought that counts, but if it is just a bunch of gooey emotional stuff, it really doesn't mean much. After all it would be more like he was in love with the idea of marriage than me (as he didn't even know me for most of the time he was writing it).
So sometimes something hits me and I find a longing for love or relationship and may feel motivated to write about it, but those times are few and far between. If they're still kept tucked away in a dusty corner of my computer, well I'll probably show them to my future husband, but probably before he is husband. After all, he should know what he's getting himself into before he says I do.
I could see maybe writing one or two letters or maybe make it an annual thing to chronicle kind of a journey and growth of thinking about love, but actual personal letters to a person I don't yet know. Well what I want to share with him I'll probably remember and share all those crazy stories in person. Inside jokes and continuing the ridiculousness make up a whole lot of my relational building as well and I don't have those with this guy yet. So I really don't have much to say to him now that seems like it will really matter for him to find out after the wedding (or that he won't know by then).
If husband gave me such a collection, well it's the thought that counts, but if it is just a bunch of gooey emotional stuff, it really doesn't mean much. After all it would be more like he was in love with the idea of marriage than me (as he didn't even know me for most of the time he was writing it).
So sometimes something hits me and I find a longing for love or relationship and may feel motivated to write about it, but those times are few and far between. If they're still kept tucked away in a dusty corner of my computer, well I'll probably show them to my future husband, but probably before he is husband. After all, he should know what he's getting himself into before he says I do.
Gyps,
I'm certainly NOT saying that all older women are bitter and/or cynical. I was simply repeating what older men have told me they believe about women their age (which is why they look for 20-somethings).
For myself, I see myself as being fairly good-natured with occasional bouts of the blues, and it just happens to be that during those times of deeper thinking that I take to written words, often here on CC. The funny thing is that in real life, everyone calls me "bouncy" and "happy all the time" while online, people probably think I'm the grim reaper. It's because this is the only actual time I get to talk, which is why I love writing. In everyday life or in conversations, I wind up doing 85% of the listening.
I do, however, find myself wanting to keep in touch with everyone who says they've written to a "future someone" in their lives, whether a spouse or a child, which I think is extremely sweet.
However, when I was 26, I believed very much that God was telling me I was going to have a child. Four children, in fact, and what to name them. I was EXTREMELY excited and had 2 well-meaning church members even "confirm" what I believed God had told me. But it never came to pass. Yup, I know all about Sarah and Abraham but now that I'm in my 40's, the desire has passed.
I would, however, really like to hear and learn from the people who DO get it right--who hear from God accurately and they find that spouse and have the babies God has told them about. Someday, I'd love to know them in the future and hear their story in reverse, because when we're sitting and talking over coffee and watching their kids playing in the yard, I'm sure they could teach me a lot about what they heard from God and how to REALLY hear from Him.
I'm certainly NOT saying that all older women are bitter and/or cynical. I was simply repeating what older men have told me they believe about women their age (which is why they look for 20-somethings).
For myself, I see myself as being fairly good-natured with occasional bouts of the blues, and it just happens to be that during those times of deeper thinking that I take to written words, often here on CC. The funny thing is that in real life, everyone calls me "bouncy" and "happy all the time" while online, people probably think I'm the grim reaper.
It's because this is the only actual time I get to talk, which is why I love writing. In everyday life or in conversations, I wind up doing 85% of the listening. I do, however, find myself wanting to keep in touch with everyone who says they've written to a "future someone" in their lives, whether a spouse or a child, which I think is extremely sweet.
However, when I was 26, I believed very much that God was telling me I was going to have a child. Four children, in fact, and what to name them. I was EXTREMELY excited and had 2 well-meaning church members even "confirm" what I believed God had told me. But it never came to pass. Yup, I know all about Sarah and Abraham but now that I'm in my 40's, the desire has passed.
I would, however, really like to hear and learn from the people who DO get it right--who hear from God accurately and they find that spouse and have the babies God has told them about. Someday, I'd love to know them in the future and hear their story in reverse, because when we're sitting and talking over coffee and watching their kids playing in the yard, I'm sure they could teach me a lot about what they heard from God and how to REALLY hear from Him.
I relate to this problem. But it is a bit like fortune telling. Children, families, love, life is part of a system, and our interaction with it. Without the right partner, a good relationship, money, location etc. children are not a good thing.
There are people in our lives who we could build bridges with, but a promise or prophecy depends on there bridges being fulfilled. I have two daughters and they both love kids, and have child minded, helped in cretch, etc. but without the right context, having kids will not happen. It is so strong in them, one said if they reach 30 no matter what they will get pregnant. A joke rather than a reality. Single mothers have a terrible time, carrying it all alone.
I knew the price of having a family, and unless I fell in love, it was not going to happen, so I did not consider it. But when it came it was a real fight, through depression, lack of money, a hyper active child, being pushed to your limits and finally overcoming through love.
Would I write a letter? I would write a letter, but you got to remember 20 years on it might sound cringe worthy, so just being honest is the best option. What I did write all those years ago was such an intense flow of ideas, I realised how much love I really really needed to help me just be. Thankfully the Lord has now given that to me.
There are people in our lives who we could build bridges with, but a promise or prophecy depends on there bridges being fulfilled. I have two daughters and they both love kids, and have child minded, helped in cretch, etc. but without the right context, having kids will not happen. It is so strong in them, one said if they reach 30 no matter what they will get pregnant. A joke rather than a reality. Single mothers have a terrible time, carrying it all alone.
I knew the price of having a family, and unless I fell in love, it was not going to happen, so I did not consider it. But when it came it was a real fight, through depression, lack of money, a hyper active child, being pushed to your limits and finally overcoming through love.
Would I write a letter? I would write a letter, but you got to remember 20 years on it might sound cringe worthy, so just being honest is the best option. What I did write all those years ago was such an intense flow of ideas, I realised how much love I really really needed to help me just be. Thankfully the Lord has now given that to me.
Gyps,
I'm certainly NOT saying that all older women are bitter and/or cynical. I was simply repeating what older men have told me they believe about women their age (which is why they look for 20-somethings).
For myself, I see myself as being fairly good-natured with occasional bouts of the blues, and it just happens to be that during those times of deeper thinking that I take to written words, often here on CC. The funny thing is that in real life, everyone calls me "bouncy" and "happy all the time" while online, people probably think I'm the grim reaper. It's because this is the only actual time I get to talk, which is why I love writing. In everyday life or in conversations, I wind up doing 85% of the listening.
I do, however, find myself wanting to keep in touch with everyone who says they've written to a "future someone" in their lives, whether a spouse or a child, which I think is extremely sweet.
However, when I was 26, I believed very much that God was telling me I was going to have a child. Four children, in fact, and what to name them. I was EXTREMELY excited and had 2 well-meaning church members even "confirm" what I believed God had told me. But it never came to pass. Yup, I know all about Sarah and Abraham but now that I'm in my 40's, the desire has passed.
I would, however, really like to hear and learn from the people who DO get it right--who hear from God accurately and they find that spouse and have the babies God has told them about. Someday, I'd love to know them in the future and hear their story in reverse, because when we're sitting and talking over coffee and watching their kids playing in the yard, I'm sure they could teach me a lot about what they heard from God and how to REALLY hear from Him.
I'm certainly NOT saying that all older women are bitter and/or cynical. I was simply repeating what older men have told me they believe about women their age (which is why they look for 20-somethings).
For myself, I see myself as being fairly good-natured with occasional bouts of the blues, and it just happens to be that during those times of deeper thinking that I take to written words, often here on CC. The funny thing is that in real life, everyone calls me "bouncy" and "happy all the time" while online, people probably think I'm the grim reaper.
It's because this is the only actual time I get to talk, which is why I love writing. In everyday life or in conversations, I wind up doing 85% of the listening. I do, however, find myself wanting to keep in touch with everyone who says they've written to a "future someone" in their lives, whether a spouse or a child, which I think is extremely sweet.
However, when I was 26, I believed very much that God was telling me I was going to have a child. Four children, in fact, and what to name them. I was EXTREMELY excited and had 2 well-meaning church members even "confirm" what I believed God had told me. But it never came to pass. Yup, I know all about Sarah and Abraham but now that I'm in my 40's, the desire has passed.
I would, however, really like to hear and learn from the people who DO get it right--who hear from God accurately and they find that spouse and have the babies God has told them about. Someday, I'd love to know them in the future and hear their story in reverse, because when we're sitting and talking over coffee and watching their kids playing in the yard, I'm sure they could teach me a lot about what they heard from God and how to REALLY hear from Him.
When we got married our Pastor's had us write letters to each other. They read them at the ceremony. It was nice, but I'd like to do it again 16 years later with two kids.
It wouldn't be bad, it would probably say, I had no idea of what was to come for us, I had no idea how hard it is to raise children. It's not something I regret but nobody ever says, brace yourself for those moments when your child has a temper tantrum in the middle of a store. Or you'll be worried sick when you're at the emergency room for the second time and no one can figure out what's wrong, then finally someone with experience walks in and says , ear infection. You'll feel horrible when your child cries when you drop him off at school, he'll be OK but you'll feel guilty for the rest of the day, until he gets in the car and says, I love it!
thanks for sharing that. : )
you know what's funny? i've heard the comment too, and assumption that women our age are often cynical, and so often, i think that many guys do think that is what they're often going to receive in a woman our age.
it just saddens me that anyone would assume that's all an inevitable expectation of growing older, as if it's a natural by-product of aging (or being with an aging woman).
if so, i'm still waiting for the cynicism. : D
also, those events that you mention, about caring for sick parents and such, don't have to be a pathway to loss and disappointment (or even cynicism). as you know, i ended up taking care of my grandparents the last years of their lives--something that was at times both emotionally and physically exhausting, and yes, painful to lose them. but there was so much joy, and growth, learning and gratitude. learning and examples of godliness in a phase near the end of their lives.
further, it's probably the one thing that i am most proud of, by way of accomplishment. it was a time in my life where i felt like i had the honor of repaying the enormous investment of time and love that my grandparents showered me with. it was a time that i watched how two folks who love God with all their heart prepared for a journey to spend eternity with their beloved Savior. a time for two servants who'd worked so hard all their lives seek the rest and peace they were ready to enjoy.
that experience blessed me and taught me much.
i also have one more thing about "hearing from God".
i never heard from God about children and marriage. however, when i was in my early 30s, i had a brief period of worry about what my future would hold, and the prospect of being alone. it had been approximately a year after i had begun praying for my "would be" husband.
i remember one night, praying about my list and i had this peace wash over me. over the next week, it was almost a sense of peace regarding that matter. it was a sense of 'don't worry about this, because I have someone for you, monica". as fearful as it was to let go and trust, it was the very thing i was challenged to do.
and i did. from that time on, i really seldom worried about it. i never knew when, who or how, but i knew that my peace was part of that obedience in resting/trusting Him.
so maybe that's the same thing as God speaking to you? i dunno. but i was certainly encouraged by that leading. : )