Do You Ever Feel Guilty For Having Something Someone Else Doesn't Have?

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,939
4,577
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#1
Hey Singles :),

One thing that always seems to ring true in life is that no matter how bad your situation seems to be, someone else is going through something worse. And sometimes, it's a lot worse.

Do you ever feel guilty for being better off in an area or situation in your life than others? Does it make you feel compelled to take action or help another person?

This is something I've thought about often. Sure, we all go through our times of testing and trials, and like anyone else, I've been through some things. But there always seems to be someone, or sometimes several people I know who seem to get hit by one bad thing after another, even if they're a faithful Christian.

I know the Bible tells us to expect trials. But if you find yourself blessed in one area where someone else is hurting, how does it cause you to react?

For instance:

* You're healthy, but know several people are struggling with their health. I went to the doctor recently and for some reason, my system always reads as having overall high cholesterol. But this is because my "good" cholesterol is twice the normal recommended level (which seems to amaze every doctor I've been to.) I have a beloved relative who has struggled with cholesterol problems all their life, and whenever I hear this, I always pray that I wish I could give some of whatever it is about me to that other person.

I know so many people who are struggling with serious illnesses, I often feel guilty for having my health--or at the very least, I wish there was something I could do to help them or give to them to improve their state.

* You have a close-knit, happy family, but know several people who come from dysfunctional families. My own family has all the ups and downs of any normal family. But I know there are often times when I wish I could take my parents' love and give it to all the people who never had a mother or father who truly expressed love to them.

I also often ask God, "Why would you pick me?" to be adopted when I saw so many others who were left behind at my former orphanage? It's actually quite heartbreaking to think about and my response is to try to support the work of my old adoption agency. I just feel like God gave me this chance, and have a need (that can honestly border on guilt) to feel like I'm doing something in return.

* You have a job, when so many others are struggling for work.

* You have beautiful children, when you know others who are longing, hoping, and wishing everyday for a child...

The list goes on and on. What really made me think about this today was that I was taking some time after work to look for something I needed for my personal care. I was thinking to myself, the busy parent doesn't have the luxury of walking up and down aisles, carefully reading labels and spending some time asking the sales associates questions about the products. The busy parent is just trying to keep everyone corralled together in order to go home and cook dinner!

It made me ask God if maybe there is a busy parent in my close proximity that I can somehow help.

So often, we talk about what we don't have and someone else does.

But what happens when we are the one with something precious in our lives that other people don't have?
 
S

skylove7

Guest
#2
Wow awesome thread Seoul search kudos! I'm reppin ya for it. :)
Honestly I never had a lot..but never was jealous of anyone else, because its all in the way you look at things. I breathe another day. A gift in itself. A gift to love others as much as I can, while I'm here. Lol...anyhow Seoul awesome thread! Thanks for allowing people to share, an often overlooked topic! God bless you dear! :)
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,939
4,577
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#3
Skylove, thank you so much for the kind words.

I'm really inspired by you in that you said you were never jealous of others despite having little. I know I've spent way too much time wallowing in jealousy during different stages of my life and definitely had to repent.

I have a close friend who always amazes me because even though he grew up with very little, he's never belittled or criticized those who had more. I used to tell him, "Why are you even sitting here listening to me? You probably think it's ridiculous that I'm complaining about X, Y, and Z," but he would just shrug with compassion and say, "We all have problems. What we have or don't have doesn't matter--everyone goes through something."

I wish people like you who have mastered the art of not being jealous could teach people like me how to get better at it a little faster than I actually am. ;) (But God's kicking me over the bumps, and I think I'm making progress!)
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,327
2,358
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#4
Well though we all probably go through it from time to time, I would say it is very wrong to feel guilty about the fact that God has blessed us. It would be ingratitude of the worst kind to refuse to enjoy our blessings because not everyone has them. I think both the greater connectedness of the world (we can and do hear about tragedies from anywhere in the world live now) as well as a subtle mentality of oppressors vs oppressed burdens us with a lot of false guilt and the feeling that we aren't doing enough with what we have. We need to remember that most situations come with both benefits and challenges. So some days we enjoy the freedom of being single and childless and some days the loneliness hits and it stinks. And some days the busy parent feels like there aren't enough hours in the day and some days the busy parent enjoys watching their children succeed and master new skills and enjoys the unconditional love of their children.

So how should we conduct ourselves? The Bible commands joy. And sometimes joy is a little mini-revolt against all that's wrong in the world. It saying that even though so much is wrong yet there are things that are right and they are worth celebrating. And certainly it is good practice to use our blessings to bless others. So let's be joyful, and generous, and compassionate, but let's not succumb to the false guilt and obligation that would rob us of both our blessings (you have so much you owe others just because they don't have so much) and all the benefit that comes to us from becoming joyful, generous, compassionate people.
 

Shannon50

Senior Member
May 9, 2015
184
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#5
Sometimes I do-- I have an ex that isn't a dead beat dad, for that I am grateful, but sometimes I feel funny when discussing it as a divorced mom, b/c so many other's are struggling financially. And I have a great job, that I love and work at very hard, but sometimes I feel guilty, again because there are people struggling financially. So yeah, sometimes I do.
 
May 16, 2015
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#6
Guilty no, but desire to help in any way I can.
 
Apr 15, 2014
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#7
I'm with GhostWolf here.
 
K

kenthomas27

Guest
#8
Sometimes I do-- I have an ex that isn't a dead beat dad, for that I am grateful, but sometimes I feel funny when discussing it as a divorced mom, b/c so many other's are struggling financially. And I have a great job, that I love and work at very hard, but sometimes I feel guilty, again because there are people struggling financially. So yeah, sometimes I do.
thanks Shannon. I think about the same. The other day in another thread about seeking closure I mentioned that I had lost my job back in March (in a new job now) and blah blah. Well, another friend advised that it was OK to ask for prayer during those tough times and another friend expressed concern and offered encouragement and prayer - and I think that's true and I appreciated it - but it never even occurred to me at the time to ask.

I often go to the prayer forum or family forum and the trauma I read there shames me. Yes I've experienced tragedy in my life and yes have difficulties, but the situations I know exist for others just...... I don't know! They make me feel like .... like I should just be making my little problems right. Which is what I do. I got another job and fairly quickly. Didn't even get that much time off :). But knowing the pain and predicament of others makes me realize how much God has given me to watch over and to make good. It's amazing! What little I am compared to how much God has given me is ... mind boggling to me. Blessed beyond measure. That being said, it's not like I'm above asking for help or don't think I need the prayer, but it's like ..... ..... I don't know exactly - like please give your prayer and your thoughts to this one first. Here, look at that one - her husband left her cold with the kids and no help - look at this other - her husband killed himself! How could I possibly ask for this or that when a friend's mom has cancer or another is disabled or in constant pain? How?

It's not shame really - it's more like ... ... comparison I guess. I'm human so I guess I compare the trauma like I compare the sin. Either way, God's given me .. ...... a way out I think. An escape route. Every time. I've always landed on my feet with the Lord God of Israel. Always.
 
C

cmarieh

Guest
#10
I do feel guilty being a woman here in the US because I am currently in college almost done with my first year (one more year to go), can vote, walk outside of the home, can drive, speak, and have a relationship with my heavenly Father. The reason why I feel guilty is there are women out there that can't better themselves, can't speak unless spoken to, they are considered second class to the family dog. There are so many freedoms that we take for granted and a part of me always feels guilty of the freedoms we do have. Even here in the US there are women that are abused by their boyfriend or husband and they don't know any other way to be. I mean, I realize that it isn't my fault, but I love to see people have freedom and to appreciate them.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
837
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#11
I have never been one to be ashamed of blessings.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,939
4,577
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#12
I'm very thankful for your responses and find them to be very interesting.

Cinder, I'd never even thought that it might be wrong to feel guilty over having something.

Ken, I can very much relate to what you're saying--I often feel the same way. Such as, maybe I'll wish something in my life were better or different and then I realize how good I have it in a situation whereas someone else is dealing with much worse, and I feel guilty wanting more or complaining.

Maybe what I'm really trying to express is a feeling of, I have so much in this or that area... I feel like I should be doing more with it to help people...
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,327
2,358
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#13
Maybe what I'm really trying to express is a feeling of, I have so much in this or that area... I feel like I should be doing more with it to help people...
But how will you determine when you have done "enough"? Because if there is no criteria for enough then you can easily get caught up in looking at all the bad left to fix rather than all the good that's been done.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,939
4,577
113
#14
Exactly, Cinder. It's a line I always wonder about.

I mean, I think about things such as Abraham or David or Solomon.

They had unlimited funds.

Were they worried about not doing enough to help other people?

And how does one know if they've done "enough"? There has to be a balance, right?

I mean, if any of us had an extra, let's just pull out a number, $10,000, would you feel perfectly fine with spending it all on yourself? And is there anything wrong with that? (No, I'm not saying I have an extra ten grand!!! I'm just using this as an example :).)
 
M

MadParrotWoman

Guest
#16
I feel thankful but not guilty tbh. The only thing I feel guilty about is the fact that I know Jesus and so many don't. As far a material possessions go, here in the west even the poorest of us are considered the richest 10% of the world's population. My boss is filthy rich money-wise but is so poor spiritually and in many other ways.

I feel terribly sorry for those in poor health and often pray for them but really there is no point in consuming ourselves with guilt - life is what it is and we must simply be thankful for what we have and pray for those who don't have it. If there is anything we can do to aid poverty and suffering - particularly among Christian brothers and sisters around the world then Jesus would expect nothing less of us. Bringing people to Christ is another way to share what we have, I hope - I pray I do what I'm able on all counts as I'm sure most of us do but as far as evangelism goes I could do a whole lot better and I do have guilt about that but as far as money or health goes - guilt? Not really.
 

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
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#17
Good thread, Kim. We've had many thought-provoking threads in the Singles forum lately, thanks to you and cinder. :)

I know the Bible tells us to expect trials. But if you find yourself blessed in one area where someone else is hurting, how does it cause you to react?
I don't feel guilty if I find myself blessed in one area where someone else is hurting. Here are three reasons why you should not feel guilty -
1. As cinder pointed out, feeling guilty about God's blessing is akin to being thankless for what He is done for us.
2. The Bible tells us to "give thanks in everything". Whether we are abased or exalted, whether we have abundance or poverty, we have to only give thanks.
3. It leaves us vulnerable to exploitation. The Communists want those who "have" to feel guilty about what they have so that those who "do not have" can feel entitled to a share of what they enjoy.

It's not shame really - it's more like ... ... comparison I guess. I'm human so I guess I compare the trauma like I compare the sin. Either way, God's given me .. ...... a way out I think. An escape route. Every time. I've always landed on my feet with the Lord God of Israel. Always.
I don't think it is right to compare our sufferings, Ken. Each person has his/her own cross to bear. Our sufferings are commensurate with what God has reserved for each of us in Heaven. Hence, your sufferings are your own and are as grave as someone else's. This is probably why you did not ask us for prayers when you had lost your job, so please do not let this thought hold you back from asking us for prayers in the future. :)
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,780
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#18
But how will you determine when you have done "enough"? Because if there is no criteria for enough then you can easily get caught up in looking at all the bad left to fix rather than all the good that's been done.
*Lynx pads across the thread...

Wait, what?

*Lynx looks back behind him to make sure he's not walking in a circle.


Kidding of course. I could tell from the OP that this thread would converge with that other thread. =^.^=
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#19
I have felt guilty. I feel bad when I see others struggle financially, I don't know if it's guilt or empathy. I've been in their shoes. I feel bad that we waste so much in this world that could help so many others here in USA and abroad.
 

p_rehbein

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2013
30,064
6,458
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#20
No

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