do women go through this as well?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
May 16, 2015
67
0
6
#1
Sometimes I feel like when I meet someone that I'm interested in I always end up feeling like I am stuck on the back burner till someone that the women thinks is more interesting comes along. Not like a friend zone deal but more like just being lead on forever but going no where. Just was curious if women go through this as well or is it mostly just dealing with players?
 
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#2
Yes, I've had that experience.
 

Misty77

Senior Member
Aug 30, 2013
1,746
45
0
#3
I've been on both sides of this, though I never string anyone along for very long. It's generally because I'm trying to decipher my own mind about the relationship. If I'm still REALLY unsure (or sense it from him), and there's nothing to actually work through, then I thank him for the lovely experiences and bow out. Though sometimes, he realizes it, too, and beats me to the punch.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,939
4,578
113
#4
Ah, yes. I personally like to call it "The Spare Syndrome."

Person X doesn't have a significant other but still wants some company of the opposite gender, and occasionally needs someone to call on to whine too or get help. Person Y comes along and fits just the right void for Person X... But Person X is not interested in them romantically at all.

Thus begins the saga of "The Spare." Person X will think, "I might not have someone right now (and am free as a goose to look around) but at least I can always call 'The Spare.'" The go-to fill-in substitute for the significant other you just don't have right now.

Of course, both men and women do this. The worst offense if when someone strings another person along into thinking it COULD be a romantic relationship, knowing full well they don't like the person that way but that the OTHER person DOES feel that way, but has no intentions of committing to a relationship with the person they're leading on.

My personal feeling is to get out of this situation as soon as possible, regardless of which role you might be playing, because it's obviously not sincere or genuine.

I actually wanted to write a thread a long time ago entitled, "How To Stop Being 'The Spare'", but just never got around to it.
 

p_rehbein

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2013
30,066
6,459
113
#5
Mac Davis: "Games People Play"
 
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#6
Oh, I do so wish some of you would spend the time to investigate The Mimetic Theory. This kind of behavior has such basic and deep-seated roots in mankind that it is amazing to, so predictably, watch scenes unfold once you learn a little about it.
 

Reborn

Senior Member
Nov 16, 2014
4,087
216
63
#7
Sometimes I feel like when I meet someone that I'm interested in I always end up feeling like I am stuck on the back burner till someone that the women thinks is more interesting comes along. Not like a friend zone deal but more like just being lead on forever but going no where. Just was curious if women go through this as well or is it mostly just dealing with players?
Look at the bright side.......
The back burner means that you are still on the stove.
There is still a chance. ....make it happen.

Its when you're put in the fridge , that you should start considering that it's probably NEVER gonna happen.
 
C

cmarieh

Guest
#8
Look at the bright side.......
The back burner means that you are still on the stove.
There is still a chance. ....make it happen.

Its when you're put in the fridge , that you should start considering that it's probably NEVER gonna happen.
Nice Analogy, Reborn and it is very true:)
 

Reborn

Senior Member
Nov 16, 2014
4,087
216
63
#9
Nice Analogy, Reborn and it is very true:)
I don't know about that, but thank you.
It was either what l wrote above, or this advice to him:

"Tell her this....no one ever puts me on the back burner, l'm the main dish, yo!"

I decided against this one, for obvious reasons.
 
C

cmarieh

Guest
#10
I don't know about that, but thank you.
It was either what l wrote above, or this advice to him:

"Tell her this....no one ever puts me on the back burner, l'm the main dish, yo!"

I decided against this one, for obvious reasons.
That is just too funny. Lol

However, some of the best things in our life are worth waiting for and sometimes people don't really know what they want until it is gone.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,780
8,087
113
#11
I don't know about that, but thank you.
It was either what l wrote above, or this advice to him:

"Tell her this....no one ever puts me on the back burner, l'm the main dish, yo!"

I decided against this one, for obvious reasons.
Descyple? That you? =^.^=
 

Shannon50

Senior Member
May 9, 2015
184
2
18
#12
'love your neighbour as yourself" you've got to be pretty ok about who you are to be able to Love other's well-- sometimes people just want to stroke their own egos and really aren't out for a relationship--- while other's want a relationship to prove to themselves they're pretty ok.

You're right, everyone's felt that way.

You've got to take a chance and make a move when you really like someone-- you won't know unless you try. But don't hang around if you feel you're just the one whom she likes when no one else better is around.
 
May 16, 2015
67
0
6
#13
well thankfully I'm not in this situation right now, I was just curious to have a women's perspective on it. Now I understand that both gender end up feeling this way from time to time. I have done a lot of work to keep myself from being the spare to someone for quite some time now :)
 
A

AgeofKnowledge

Guest
#14


Ah, yes. I personally like to call it "The Spare Syndrome."

Person X doesn't have a significant other but still wants some company of the opposite gender, and occasionally needs someone to call on to whine too or get help. Person Y comes along and fits just the right void for Person X... But Person X is not interested in them romantically at all.

Thus begins the saga of "The Spare." Person X will think, "I might not have someone right now (and am free as a goose to look around) but at least I can always call 'The Spare.'" The go-to fill-in substitute for the significant other you just don't have right now.

Of course, both men and women do this. The worst offense if when someone strings another person along into thinking it COULD be a romantic relationship, knowing full well they don't like the person that way but that the OTHER person DOES feel that way, but has no intentions of committing to a relationship with the person they're leading on.

My personal feeling is to get out of this situation as soon as possible, regardless of which role you might be playing, because it's obviously not sincere or genuine.

I actually wanted to write a thread a long time ago entitled, "How To Stop Being 'The Spare'", but just never got around to it.