Marriage-like Relationship with God

agirlandherguitar · Jun 30, 2015

I've been reading a lot of Christianly books and several times I've come across the concept of being in a "marriage-like" relationship with God.

Now, this sounds great! And I'm sure it's exactly how it should be with our relationships with God. We take our faith in Him seriously, we focus on Him, His wisdom and guidance and we are completely devoted to Him and no other god.

HOWEVER!

Can a single person who has never been married (no matter how old you are) really grasp this "marriage-like" comparison to a relationship with God?

Personally, I have an idea of how marriage works from what I've seen within my social and family sphere (the good, the bad, the ugly) and for the reasons listed above I can see how we can apply what we know from marriage to our relationship with God... but truthfully since I have zero experience with marriage I can only take that kind of concept so far. I honestly feel like I come up short when I'm being told by others that I should have that "marriage-like" goal. It's like giving a child a hammer and telling them to go build a house. It's one thing to say something should be a certain way and another vastly different thing to actually live it out.

How do others feel about that concept? And does anybody have a better comparison that singles or new young couples could really understand?

mochi · Jun 30, 2015

agirlandherguitar said:

I'm single and never been into a marriage thing too.. but here is my opinion..
in a marriage between man and woman you'll need a life time "commitment"..
in relationship with God we need to make commitment too..
commitment of what?? commitment to grow spiritual, commitment in church and community

Commitment to still love and trust and never leave God even when situation seems hard..
God is love and He loves us the way we are..

The first thing i'll look for a husband is his commitment to God..

Thats my opinion

Lynx · Jun 30, 2015

It's more than commitment. It's preferring another above yourself.

I'm big on observing others. I've seen how marriages work and I've seen how they fail. I've never been in one myself but I've been watching. In a successful marriage the guy might do the dishes because the wife really really hates doing dishes. The lady might keep the finances because the husband isn't too good at them. The man might make sure the gas tank is full because he notices his girl isn't too good at that. The woman might get up early and make her guy lunch to take to work... just because she wants to. The man might refrain from listening to certain styles of music without earbuds, even if his lady hasn't complained about it, just because he knows she doesn't like that style much. More than just working together because you are supposed to, a successful marriage (from what I have observed) is actively doing for your partner because you care about that person.

As so in a relationship with God, some things you do and don't do just because you love God and WANT to please Him. If you do the things God said just because you're supposed to then your relationship becomes a list of rules. If you do them because you are wanting God to do something for you then your relationship is a bartering system - "Okay God, I'm living the way You said I should, now bless me!" A real relationship with God means you love God and actively desire to do what would please Him. God doesn't do for you because He has to. He doesn't do for you because He owes you for anything you have done. He does for you because He loves you. And when you come to love Him the same way you will find you want to live as He has said. Not because it is better (though it really is, science has proven that) not because you have to, but because you want to do what pleases Him.

ChandlerFan · Jun 30, 2015

This is a little off the track of the topic, but I think that both marriage and singleness provide unique experiences in their walk with God. In other words, I think single people are going to experience God in a way or ways that married people won't, and married people will experience God in a way or ways that single people won't.

Siberian_Khatru · Jun 30, 2015

Mawwiage is what bwings us togeva today.

agirlandherguitar said:

It is an interesting concept. Mawwiage, in tradition and in practice, is sort of a diverse institution; how someone from North America applies it to their spiritual life might not be how someone in the Cook Islands or Madagascar does. I wonder how that would look from one culture to another.

zeroturbulence · Jun 30, 2015

If someone can be married to God, then I'm marrying my computer. At least it does what I command it to do, doesn't talk back, and provides me with encouraging scripture when I need it. Plus I can still say.. til death do us part.

DuchessAimee · Jun 30, 2015

A disclaimer: This is my personal opinion. I'm not criticizing, judging, or being difficult. Any language I use isn't meant to offend, but I do have the tendency to say things other people find offensive. If someone here is offended, please take it up with my lawyer PopClick.

I don't think you can be married to God. I think that's weird and creepy. I think it's also weird and creepy to call Jesus your boyfriend. At a church I used to go to some of the single women there used to say that Jesus was their husband or boyfriend, and it seemed demeaning to me. I mean, God is perfect, blameless, holy, righteous. And a husband is human. Even angels are above humans! It just seems to me we're either lowering God to the status of human to be our husband, or we're elevating ourselves to a god-like status. Either way, we're making God equal to us, and it just doesn't work out in my mind.

tourist · Jun 30, 2015

DuchessAimee said:

A disclaimer: This is my personal opinion. I'm not criticizing, judging, or being difficult. Any language I use isn't meant to offend, but I do have the tendency to say things other people find offensive. If someone here is offended, please take it up with my lawyer PopClick.

I don't think you can be married to God. I think that's weird and creepy. I think it's also weird and creepy to call Jesus your boyfriend. At a church I used to go to some of the single women there used to say that Jesus was their husband or boyfriend, and it seemed demeaning to me. I mean, God is perfect, blameless, holy, righteous. And a husband is human. Even angels are above humans! It just seems to me we're either lowering God to the status of human to be our husband, or we're elevating ourselves to a god-like status. Either way, we're making God equal to us, and it just doesn't work out in my mind.

I agree completely with you.

tourist · Jun 30, 2015

zeroturbulence said:

It must be love at first byte.

zeroturbulence · Jun 30, 2015

...and guys can't be married to God anyway because it would be an abnomination.

That's why I'm marrying my computer instead.

HarpyEagle · Jun 30, 2015

The sloppy, mushy segments of romance like lyrics in worship songs and the whole over emphasis on being the ''bride'' and marriage to God causes me to be very concerned about what is the driving force behind the purpose of that message.. I find it to be very weird. And that it may actually be driving men away from the ''corporate worship experience''.

And then I have heard similar to what DutchessAimee commented with ''At a church I used to go to some of the single women there used to say that Jesus was their husband or boyfriend,'' And I have even seen and talked with some wearing a wedding band or engagement type ring to display such said ''marriage''. And no, it wasn't a purity ring, it was their ''marriage to Jesus'' ring to repel any interest from guys.

agirlandherguitar · Jun 30, 2015

Guys... Jesus is your girlfriend.

D:>

I feel like that whole "Jesus is my..." was so early 2000's. I don't hear anybody in my church say that, but then again I hang out with people my age and older and we don't talk like that. I'd rather say Jesus is the first love of my life and try my best to live it out.

At the same time the New Testament does compare Christ as the bridegroom and the church as the bride. In that sense we are "preparing" ourselves to be completely united with Christ. I understand the metaphor of marriage there... but I kind of feel like a lot of Christians lean so heavily on that comparison, forgetting that many of us don't really relate. As an unmarried woman I don't really feel adequate to tell another Christian or non Christian friend that my relationship with God is like a marriage when I have no clue what it takes to be in a real marriage.

cinder · Jul 1, 2015

Biblically yes a marriage metaphor is often used in the OT for God's covenant with his people Israel and in the NT as a metaphor for the relationship between Christ and the church. The points usually emphasized with this metaphor are commitment, fidelity (or lack thereof), and the endurance of God's love and care. I would like to point out that it is God's relationship with a group not with an individual person that is referred to in this way ( someone feel free to correct me if they can think of a scripture passage where God refers to having a marriage like relationship with an individual rather than a nation or corporate body). But there are other metaphors as well: bonded (indentured) servitude, father and children, king and subjects / citizens. One more comment on this is that God is the ultimate reality so the correct direction of interpretation is that we should model our marriages on the relationship between Christ and the church, not that we should model our individual relationship to Christ on what we perceive marriage to be.

As for the Jesus is my boyfriend / lover of my soul (oh that sounds so much more spiritual and acceptable, doesn't it?) theology. I'm going to call it borderline idolatry. I believe that romantic love has been elevated to an idolatrous status in Western culture, like it's the one thing we must have to live happy and fulfilled lives and we can't have a good life without it. The God as ultimate lover and romantic thing is then a theological response to people's longing for romantic love, but I think we've gotten off base to where the love thing has become more important than actually knowing God and his character and having a real relationship with him as he is (and yes there are things God does that I don't like or understand, but that's part of who he is). So yeah to be super blunt, if the God we're believing in is just some sort of romantic dream or wish fulfiller to make us feel better about not having a romantic partner (or having one that falls short of our idea of perfection), then we're not christians, we're idol worshippers (and no I'm not accusing anyone in particular on this forum of doing this).

*hops off soapbox

MyLighthouse · Jul 1, 2015

agirlandherguitar said:

I think we can grasp it still. I don't feel people who decide to get married know exactly what marriage is until there in it and I feel the same with God. All we know is commitment, and we learn in our relationship with God what it means to love and be faithful. What makes Him happy (doing more of that) and what makes him unhappy (doing less of that). I have no idea about marriages, being that I was raised by a single grandmother and her a single mother and her mother single as well. I've never been married, still I can understand something of what I feel a marriage consist of from having a relationship with God.

Ugly · Jul 1, 2015

agirlandherguitar said:

I completely disagree with the concept. I often find it somewhat disturbing to hear when people talk about God as their spouse. The intended dynamics of a marriage relationship do not seem to mesh with God referring to Himself as our Father. However many women seem to hold to this idea in some attempt to quell their desire for a real husband. I find this quite distasteful, not biblical and rather unbalanced. I'm not going to refer to God as my husband as a single male (as in not married), because that would be weird. And others would think so.
Truth is when you put all of this into the various contexts it can apply it has no biblical view. And yes, God does say 'the Church' is like a bride, but that does not mean He is any persons husband. It is simply an example to demonstrate an idea, not a statement of belief that is literal and meant to be referred to as a statement of fact.
If we follow this concept through, not only would that have men be in a male/male situated 'marriage' with God (or to exclude a type of relationship with God from men that is only unique to women), but then we consider God actually calls us His father. So now we're discussing an incestuous inference. And if God were married to many people then He would have many wives, yet another thing that contradicts God.
So when put in all the correct, actual contexts, it's not a right idea. Though i'm sure people will want to ignore all of those facts because it erodes at the foundation of this false husband dynamic they have set up to soothe themselves, rather than deal directly with the issue that causes them to have such a strong need.

zeroturbulence · Jul 1, 2015

HarpyEagle said:

The sloppy, mushy segments of romance like lyrics in worship songs and the whole over emphasis on being the ''bride'' and marriage to God causes me to be very concerned about what is the driving force behind the purpose of that message.. I find it to be very weird. And that it may actually be driving men away from the ''corporate worship experience''.

And then I have heard similar to what DutchessAimee commented with ''At a church I used to go to some of the single women there used to say that Jesus was their husband or boyfriend,'' And I have even seen and talked with some wearing a wedding band or engagement type ring to display such said ''marriage''. And no, it wasn't a purity ring, it was their ''marriage to Jesus'' ring to repel any interest from guys.

HARPY!!!!!!!!

Nice to see you here!

zeroturbulence · Jul 1, 2015

I thought of another reason you can't marry God... because you can't argue with Him. He's literally always right!
Can you imagine being married to someone you can never win an argument with??

seth31 · Jul 1, 2015

So let me come at this from the point of view of a married person. Having experienced that kind of relationship with another person and comparing it to our relationship with God, I would confidently say that you can have a relationship with God that not only resembles a marraige, but actually transcends further than it. In fact, I relate best with my wife when I'm working to be closer to God first, rather than working to be closer to her. For me it comes to this: the deepest part of marraige is to know and be known by someone so fully that no one else knows you. This is partly by being honest and transparent with one another, so there is intentionality, but also a product of just a ton of time spent together, time that isn't spent with friends or even family, this is a matter of intimacy.

When I read Julian of Norwich, or Teresa of Avila, I can confidently say that they were as intimate with God as any marraige could reach. So while I believe it's something that can be grasped, I also believe that you'd have to spend a lot of time with God, and regularly. So I don't think it's very common, but I'd also say it's uncommon among married people to have that deep intimacy with God also. It's less a matter of are you single or are you married, more a matter of "is the expression Jesus is Lord actually evident in the way you live. Are you putting in the time and effort to be intimate with God?

PoetMary · Jul 1, 2015

I actually can see both sides of this.

I agree with Cinder that our culture has elevated romantic love to a dangerous level. However, on the flip side, the metaphor of God as husband is long-standing within the historic church (and does have biblical relevance re: the Church being his Bride).

Part of me rolls my eyes at these kinds of expressions because I find them to be manifestations of a kind of modern "Christianspeak" where the metaphor itself is a substitute for the reality of an intimate relationship with God. So, I'm a modern western Christian who may not spend a significant amount of time developing spiritual disciplines like bible study, prayer, connection with fellow believers, etc., but I'll say "Jesus is my husband," and that makes me feel like I'm close to God.

Seth31 is right on when he says it's all a matter of intimacy. And in my experience, intimacy with God is no easy road. It's always easier for me to hang onto self-protective habits than to really lay myself bare. Even when you intellectually know that it's safe to do so with God, the process of removing all the layers can be daunting.

So, it will always be easier to say, "Jesus is my boyfriend," or "God is good all the time," or any other popular phrase, than it will be to really do what is necessary for true intimacy. Of course, I am grateful for the loving persistence of the Holy Spirit in always gently pushing me to get beyond easily spoken words and outward defenses. It's not always comfortable or fun, but it's necessary and completely worth it in the end.

JesusLives · Jul 2, 2015

Blond thoughts.....not that anyone cares but they are my thoughts.

God loves us and He wants a relationship with us. He is fully capable to fill in any gap we may have. I was orphaned by age of 12 - God has always watched out for me throughout my life I have felt His protective umbrella over me.

I was married a short time from 17 until 24 then divorced followed by 35 single years......God filled in and I had an off and on again relationship with Him.... I am the one that would walk away. I was in and out of church not understanding what a relationship with God really was felt like a hypocrite and would leave church then felt convicted to come back and try again and went on the rotating door for two or three rounds.

I would talk with God and then not talk to Him....Relationships don't survive very well if you don't communicate. I believe that God wants us to commit to Him as you would commit in a marriage relationship to spend time with Him and communicate with Him daily.... When you are in a relationship with the opposite sex you want to spend time with them, you want to talk to them and you want to be with them all the time and that is usually when two people decide to get married because they just can't live without each other. That is the point God wants you to get with Him....He wants you to love Him with all your heart, soul, strength and to put Him first in your life like you would want to do with a spouse.

God wants you to get to the point that you will tell Him everything, when you are happy, sad, mad, hurt, frustrated, tempted, feeling like a failure, feeling like you are on top of the world.

Zero....Blond has argued with God and He is big enough to be able to handle it as He knows our hurts and frustrations and is willing to let us be angry because He wants us to come and reason together so that we can work out our salvation with Him and God is the one who explained what salvation was to me because I did not understand for so many years and at 56 He took the time to make sure I understood what salvation is....

I was walking across the work parking lot one time and I said to God... I'm mad at You and I am not going to talk to You....I heard a little chuckle........and then the question........What are you doing now? I had to smile as I realized that God had a sense of humor as even though I was angry I was still talking to Him and that is the point....

A relationship is being able to tell the one you love anything at anytime and know that you are safe and they will not reject you or hurt you in anyway because they love you.....Single or married this is an important relationship to have.... and who better than to have this relationship with than God Himself?

God can be anyone you need, a Father, a Friend, a Spouse, a Savior.....He is our all in all and our King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He loves us so much and just wants us to love Him back and spend time with Him and stay in contact with Him 24/7...Pray without ceasing......because He has loved us with an everlasting love.... that's better than any marriage.

Marriage-like Relationship with God

agirlandherguitar

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