Our parents don't approve of our relationship

[Faithful_Fay]

It's difficult for many to understand how age doesn't make you magically independent in some cultures. You're raised with a certain level of almost subservience to your elders that often conflicts with the notion of 18 as adult. I can understand how you can be in your 20's and 30's yet still have difficulty making a decision that is directly against a parent's

I know you feel like this guy is a possible spouse for you, but I think you should honestly evaluate the situation that you've found yourself in. Take in all sides and think more logically. If you are sure this is the mate that God has for you, go to your pastor as many have mentioned and figure out the right way to this rather than lying and sneaking around.

I understand conservative cultures and opinionated parents but that can't be the excuse that you use to do things in a way that you're not comfortable with. I'm assuming you aren't comfortable with your actions based on the words sneaking and lying. Whether this situation turns out the way you'd like or not, making sure you behaved in a manner to be proud of should still be important.

 

[nevaeh2289]

Hi thanks for the clarification. Does, you, this person and your parents all go to a church,
are you all Christians may I ask and do you have any other family members who you both
feel accountable to.

I understand the cultural ties Asian Christians have in the UK and the difficulties.
Some of my friends are Asian Christians - all lovely people I might add.

Is there any way you can both sit down with your parents and both explain
your feelings to them.

You will need to show them that you have moved forward and that you
both are wanting to make a good life together.

Its good to hear your friend has gone through rehab and has been clean for 3 years,
that is a big thing and is a credit to him.

I think you both need to prayer about this, take an honest hard look at things
from everyone's view point.

First God's are you both born again Christians, you mention church but do not
make it clear how you both stand spiritually.

If you are both Christians and so are your parents, then maybe you can speak
to your parents and ask them to prayer about this situation with you, include them
in this, don't exclude them as it will make things worse.

You both will need to show that your child is important to both of you and
loved by both of you. I understand that sometimes this is not always the case
with step mothers/fathers in Asian communities, is that why your mum is concerned?
What about his family will they accept your child fully into the extended family. Or
would they be treated differently to any other children you might have together?

The difficulties are not insurmountable as you need to over come the cultural differences as
well as the past you both have. You both need to look honestly at things.

If this is God's plan for both of you, he will work things out for you.

God bless
x

Hi Miri

Yes we both go to church and both our parents go to church i.e my parents and only his mum as she is divorced.

As an update, he told his mum we were seeing each other yesterday, and his mum had no concern of us to seeing each other or about me having a child. Her main concern was the friendship she has with my mum and doesn't want anything bad to happen to that. We both understand that we don't want to hurt neither one of our parents, but the fear of not knowing what will happen between us is what scares us, as we both just want to be with each other. The situation of him telling his mum has definitely brought a little bit of light to the tunnel, and we see how things pan out.

Thank you so much for your words, it has certainly been of great help.

God Bless

Sabrina
X

 

[I_am_Canadian]

Here is what you do, Get your boyfriend together, with both your parents, So you and your mom, with your boyfriend, and his mom, and just come clean, and tell them your seeing him, you both like each other, and want their blessing to court each other, and if not, then you will continue dating him with out their blessing. your both full grown adults.
This shouldn't be an issue. Especially if your mom and his mom have been friends for years.

The issue your parents are having, is his mom doesn't want him getting involved with someone elses child, and your moms issue is she is worried that he will relaps, and get back into the drinking and the drugs. It's a perfectly natural and logical reaction for 2 friends to have, when their children are in the situation you and your boyfrined are in.

Try seeing it from their perspective, address their issues, and you shouldn't have any more issues.
But it's best to do it when your all together, then theres no miscommunication, and you guys can clear every thing up all at once. If you think it's not going to go well, then ask your pastor to sit in as the referee, as a neutral objective 3rd party.

I've been seeing the son of my mums friend. Both our mums are friends and have been for a number of years. Although we have known each other for a number of years too we bare spoke and only said hello and a kiss on the cheek (cultural thing).

We both have a bad past I'm a divorcee with a toddler and he's an ex alcoholic and drug user (Went to a Christian rehab for 2 years and has been clean for 3 years). We've both however changed, and now focus on our Christian faith being obedient towards the Lord. We both work, have cars, I live at home with my parents and he rents a room at a relatives.

The past couple of months, we've been getting to know each other and we go out, spend a lot of time together and what not and both generally want to be with each but are taking as it comes, which is nice.

The problem we both have is our mums, who to be honest are both very judgemental, even though they too are Christians. I know his mum won't accept me because I have a child and my mum won't accept him because he's an ex alcoholic and drug.user. I'm 26 and he's 30 and it's so hard being the age we are and having to sneak around and tell lies. His mum saw us together at church on Sunday and mentioned to his sister in law what was going on with us and how we looked like we have known each other for years. We don't talk at church and Sunday just gone literally just smiled at each other.

We said that we would continue to see other because we really like each other. We also said we prayed for a spouse and that by us being together felt like God brought us together for a reason. The only problem we said is when we get too attached and grow deep feelings what are we going to do? Help Please!!

 

[Nice_Lady]

What about "Leave and Cleave"? And by ur description i m not convinced that ur parents (in both cases) r true christians. Honestly i thought u r independent adult.

 

[Kim111]

It sounds like you both are mature and responsible enough to make your own decisions. By what you have said it sounds like you two will make a wonderful couple. I say you both need to let your parents know that you are dating and how you feel. If both of your parents are being controlling it is probably because they love you but it is not healthy to keep you back from living your life. As long as he stays clean I think your parents need to not judge him for what he did and give him a chance.

 

[garet82]

You both are mature enough to make a decision about your live. Dont lie to your parents coz its sins n we know that all sin is sin. No excuss for it.
All start with lie will end in bad i think.
Speak to your moms together try to convience them if you love each other let him speak to your mom like a man should be n ask you politely to your mom.
if your moms dont give permition, give time to them to understand your love. Keep in pray n dont forget all moms always wish all goodness for their children, and i know as mom you deffinatelly understand about it.
God bless

 

[cinder]

This thread is almost 2 years old, I imagine they're either married or broken up by now.