A Pastor's wife??
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S
Because the average church body is filled with people who are fake superficial Christians trying to ensnare each other, and the pastor is front and center to all of the drama. Additionally, it's dangerous for a man to counsel vulnerable women because they will often try and throw themselves at him.
It's like being the wife of a psychologist except the pay stinks and the guy doesn't to leave the drama at the office.
At least that's my understanding.
It's like being the wife of a psychologist except the pay stinks and the guy doesn't to leave the drama at the office.
At least that's my understanding.
S
Also depends on the roles she fills at the church. Our 'First Lady' works every bit as hard as her husband.
Pastor:
Sermon, Sunday AM
Lesson, Wednesday 7pm
Lesson, Friday 7pm (men's fellowship)
Grounds maintenance (shared with some of the men)
Real estate agent, because five kids and small congregation
First Lady:
Tracks finances, ensures bills are paid (other individuals deposit the offering and sign cheques)
Lesson, Wednesday 5:30pm (women's study)
Lesson, Friday 7pm (preteen/teen girls' study)
Coordinate potlucks, special events
Stay-at-home mother/teacher (home school), because 5 kids
Both will often stay after service on Sunday for an hour or two, either counseling congregation members, either individually, or as a couple.
So, is our pastor's wife pretty stressed? You better believe it.
That's just one example, though. In the church I grew up in, our pastor's wife's ministry was mostly prayer and visitation. Sometimes she had a lot on her plate, other times, less so.
Pastor:
Sermon, Sunday AM
Lesson, Wednesday 7pm
Lesson, Friday 7pm (men's fellowship)
Grounds maintenance (shared with some of the men)
Real estate agent, because five kids and small congregation
First Lady:
Tracks finances, ensures bills are paid (other individuals deposit the offering and sign cheques)
Lesson, Wednesday 5:30pm (women's study)
Lesson, Friday 7pm (preteen/teen girls' study)
Coordinate potlucks, special events
Stay-at-home mother/teacher (home school), because 5 kids
Both will often stay after service on Sunday for an hour or two, either counseling congregation members, either individually, or as a couple.
So, is our pastor's wife pretty stressed? You better believe it.
That's just one example, though. In the church I grew up in, our pastor's wife's ministry was mostly prayer and visitation. Sometimes she had a lot on her plate, other times, less so.
F
I think it's a whole lot of real pressure. I've come across some accounts where the pastor's wife talked about always feeling like they're on duty. Their home and services were seen as an extension of the church. Also, most of the women that I've seen will turn to their pastor's wife for cousiling and help. I've often seen the pastor's wife in my past churches volunteering in services or with the day care and so on. I don't even want to think about the expectations that people have for a pastor's wife.
Definitely a lot of pressure to be the pastor's wife. She is held to a higher standard than most other women in the church, and must always be "on". She's basically expected (by the congregation in general) to attend every event that happens at the church, be heavily involved in ministry, and be the first one to minister to women in need. She also needs to be able to support her husband in his role as pastor, co-counsel couples with him when necessary, attend meetings when called for as his support/wife... have good relationships with all of the members, be smiling all the time and never have problems. Her home is always open to visitors (especially if there is a manse or parsonage situation), and their family time is often not respected properly.
This is in addition to raising her own family and/or working full or part-time herself. This is also in addition to sharing her husband with many other people, 24/7. I really believe that God calls COUPLES to pastor (if he is married), rather than just the actual pastor, because the wife is right there in the middle of it regardless. She needs to feel the call from God too, in order to be at peace, have strength and love her ministry.
BTW, I don't believe that any congregation (or husband) places this pressure on the wife purposefully. I think it just happens naturally without anyone thinking about it, even in a loving and caring congregation.
This is in addition to raising her own family and/or working full or part-time herself. This is also in addition to sharing her husband with many other people, 24/7. I really believe that God calls COUPLES to pastor (if he is married), rather than just the actual pastor, because the wife is right there in the middle of it regardless. She needs to feel the call from God too, in order to be at peace, have strength and love her ministry.
BTW, I don't believe that any congregation (or husband) places this pressure on the wife purposefully. I think it just happens naturally without anyone thinking about it, even in a loving and caring congregation.
In the same breath, it does not have to be this way... well, I think the Pastor's Wife at my church would agree with the expectations that are expressed above. I know that she's struggled with those expectations of others in the past... I think she's cool with where she is now.
Our Pastor's Wife is very shy and introverted around adults. She will smile and have short conversations, and she's a very lovely woman... but I wouldn't say that she is an extension of her husband's role as a pastor. She teaches in the public school and handles the children's church. She never has a mic in her hand, she never addresses the body from the front.
Her role is very much wife and mother to her family, and I think it's beautiful. I think we can put boundaries when God does NOT call us into the full-time ministry, even though our spouse may be called. We can define those roles within our marriage (and communicate that out to the body that the one in full-time ministry supports).
I will more than acknowledge that there is a LOT of pressure on the kids and spouse of a pastor. It's not at all an easy role.
*I was typing this before Grace's post posted. This is not an answer to her, but to the OP.
Our Pastor's Wife is very shy and introverted around adults. She will smile and have short conversations, and she's a very lovely woman... but I wouldn't say that she is an extension of her husband's role as a pastor. She teaches in the public school and handles the children's church. She never has a mic in her hand, she never addresses the body from the front.
Her role is very much wife and mother to her family, and I think it's beautiful. I think we can put boundaries when God does NOT call us into the full-time ministry, even though our spouse may be called. We can define those roles within our marriage (and communicate that out to the body that the one in full-time ministry supports).
I will more than acknowledge that there is a LOT of pressure on the kids and spouse of a pastor. It's not at all an easy role.
*I was typing this before Grace's post posted. This is not an answer to her, but to the OP.
All I know is our pastor's wife sure does a lot around the church... But then she was always involved in everything. I knew her as a kid. Not that she consciously put herself forward or demanded attention or anything, she was just always there participating in stuff. It's probably for the best that she married the guy who eventually became our pastor.
I was moderately engaged to a man who was going to be a pastor. We both had small groups on the same night. I made my small group (of about 20 women) dinner, and when his small group was over, about 5 or so guys would come over and eat whatever was left over. Then two or three days a week people came over to my house to eat the rest of my food for a couple years. It was stressful, but fun. I assume life as a pastor's wife would have been similar to that times a thousand.
S
If love to be a man of Gods wife lol
It would be very interesting.
I crave a man to lead me
with knowledge of scripture
My heart would adore that Christian direction in a male partner
Believe me singles know its true.
Ugh
Never dating lines again for me.
I shall die single first.
I could not show my pic on dating sites...and men would say are u a scammer?
Show me ur pic they say if ur real.
Yet I post my pic and get vulgar propositions
When people dont even know Im cellibate and by choice alone.
All pastors I know in my area ARE married.
But Id see a joy in married to not just a pastor...but a Christian man.
How delightful for dreams of my husband to direct me...lead me to the better.
I wait for a man like this
One that can lead me
Not bring me down.
All members who have good husbands please love them this evening.
For a single girl like me...date sites pic me to death
Im not all about pics
I pray I find a man to love my heart
Someday
It would be very interesting.
I crave a man to lead me
with knowledge of scripture My heart would adore that Christian direction in a male partner
Believe me singles know its true.
Ugh
Never dating lines again for me.
I shall die single first.
I could not show my pic on dating sites...and men would say are u a scammer?
Show me ur pic they say if ur real.
Yet I post my pic and get vulgar propositions
When people dont even know Im cellibate and by choice alone.
All pastors I know in my area ARE married.
But Id see a joy in married to not just a pastor...but a Christian man.
How delightful for dreams of my husband to direct me...lead me to the better.
I wait for a man like this
One that can lead me
Not bring me down.
All members who have good husbands please love them this evening.
For a single girl like me...date sites pic me to death
Im not all about pics
I pray I find a man to love my heart
Someday
I am a pastor's son...so I see it firsthand...The entire family is under a microscope! I had to wear my hair a certain length, have a curfew that was determined by when the light went off that shined up on the church, and of course, conduct myself to a level that NO teenager could do! lol Deep down, I am glad I was disciplined...for I am a grandfather now! As far as for a pastor's wife? Nobody could ever tell my mom what to do or how to act...it was SHE who did all of that to family, friends and church members...she was and is the typical "Little old church lady', always offering her unasked opinion on everything! lol
M
I think so. I remember (before my church closed down a few months ago) the Pastor's wife was always stressed about things. She would worry about each and every ministry and every single church member. Plus they have two children who are about to be teenagers. It just seemed like she had a lot on her plate. I felt bad for her sometimes.
And yes, she did receive help but I know she would worry and most people wanted her to pray for them not just anyone.
So I can imagine it's a tough job to fill. We should pray for these ladies so that they can receive comfort.
And yes, she did receive help but I know she would worry and most people wanted her to pray for them not just anyone.
So I can imagine it's a tough job to fill. We should pray for these ladies so that they can receive comfort.