In The Garden of Dating, What are You Sowing?

[seoulsearch]

Hello Everyone,

Something I've been thinking about lately... As my fellow singles out there can relate, the dating scene can be rather crazy.

I have participated in two internet dating sites recently, and made the very eye-opening discovery of one person who kept trying to talk to me but eventually confessed that his entire profile, picture, location, age, name, and identity on the site was made up because he "wanted to prove that women were just out for looks." (Yes, the profile he put up was extremely attractive, but he was the one who contacted me and he said the reason he wanted to talk to me is because I was one of the few women who hadn't tried to leave him a message.)

Add to that the fact that he confessed that he was married... I eventually left the site because he kept asking me to talk and while I could have just blocked him, I didn't feel comfortable staying and felt it would have been dishonest to try to "reappear" under another name (besides, I actually put up pictures of MYSELF *cue shock and horror* and of course, he would have just found me again.)

I have talked so some people who do the online dating scene and because of issues like this, form multiple identities online or open more than one account... part of the reason being is because they want to "check up" on the person they are interested in and make sure that person is "being honest" with them.

Now, here's my question: the Bible says we will reap what we sow. If we are sowing seeds of suspicion and doubt in another person's character, how will that come back to us in our own lives?

Is it acceptable to "test" someone else's honesty by compromising your own, or do you see nothing wrong with having multiple online names in order to "test the waters"?

For my own self, I would have a hard time trying to "sift" for dishonesty by doing something that I would find to be dishonest in my own heart, but this is just my opinion. And believe me, I have my own struggles with trust as much as anyone else.

How do we trust God to keep people honest with us?

I talk to God about anything and everything going on in my life--if He is to be my best friend and knows everything about me anyway, I figure I certainly can't hide it. I have received much criticism for this over the years because I will tell God everything--the good, bad, and most especially, the ugly.

The married person who eventually tried to tell me who he really was wrote, "I never intended to tell you all this, but there was just something about you..."

I felt as if God was trying to tell me, "Kim, I know you try your best to be honest with me, and that's why I'm keeping this person honest with you."

What are your thoughts about trusting God to keep people honest with us? (And yes, it can take time. I did not know my husband had left for another girl until well over a year after he divorced me--but the phone rang in the middle of the night, and a friend of mine said, "Kim, you need to know something...")

Or, what do you think we are allowed to do as far as taking the matter into our own hands? After all, we all feel the need to protect ourselves from hurt.

And yes, I know many Christians believe that someone who is divorced can never have another partner or remarry ever again, but please note, that is not the question I'm asking.

Mucho gracias in advance for sharing.

 

[Sharp]

Amazingly I actually have a serious reply to this thread.

I learnt some time ago that you can never go too far in making sure the person in the pictures is really the person you're talking to.

I think I'm a prety good judge of character - but I got completely scammed. I was really stupid but I've learnt from my mistake.

I met a girl on the internet once. She was incredibly attractive. Solid christian. Lovely girl. She lived in another country. We started talking on the phone every day, for about 6 months. Things got pretty serious. I decided, several times, that it was time that we should meet. Every time, there was resistance from her - some excuse. I had also asked her many times to send me a video of herself, but she refused, as she said she was "insecure". I got fed up with the lack of progress, as my time was being wasted. She made me feel that my constant attempts to see her was me being disrespectful, and that me "rushing things" was unfair. I was sick of hearing all this "You should be willing to wait blah blah blah" rubbish, so I thought stuff this, I'm going. I will go to where she lives and just turn up and say g'day how are ya.

So I did. This is where it went pair shaped. As soon as she realised I was in her country, she admitted to me that the photos she had been sending me (of which there were about 70) were not actually her, and that she thought of herself as large and unattractive, begging me not to come to her city. So I didn't - and had a nice holiday instead.

She said she was sorry and meant it. And I forgave her. Nice enough young lass - just with a few hidden problems (insecurity, etc.). I was dumb not to realise it was too good to be true, and I hate the fact that my heart was broken by a lying christian - but I extracted many good things from knowing her, which is what kept me from harboring feelings of bitterness about it.


Moral of the story: Internet people are not real. Relationships are unlikely to start on the internet. Even christians lie.

 

[seoulsearch]

Sharp,

That is quite an adventure!!! Thank you so much for sharing. I may reconsider the possibility of running you down with my car (reference to Asian Women thread.)

Seriously, thank you so much for your post. I do, however, know some people who have relationships (both Christians and non) that have begun on the internet, myself included, and although it did not work out, I do think the internet can be another medium for meeting people, most especially because I am not part of the "normal" singles scene (bars and clubs, etc.)

I give you a lot of credit for going to another country and not being bitter when finding out the truth. I have a friend who did this as well, and like you, it was for a girl who was not only being dishonest, but was speaking through a translator the entire time and did not even know English. But, he chose not to give up, and married a very lovely girl from Russia. They are very happy together and have a little girl.

I would gladly be open minded to someone from a further distance or country, but have decided in my heart that I would invite him here as a first meeting, with several of my church friends helping with arrangements so that I would not be putting myself in any undue danger. (For example, if he paid for a ticket to come here, I'd pay for him to stay in a hotel in a nearby town, and have one of my friends room with me while he was here--not to be a third wheel, but to make sure there were issues of accountability and to make sure I wasn't simply the victim of a "hit and run", as I was just explaining to a good friend of mine.)

Really enjoyed your post, thank you for the honesty!!!

 

[Sharp]

it was for a girl who was not only being dishonest, but was speaking through a translator the entire time and did not even know English.

hahaha, and I thought I was naive!

that's just..........whack.

 

[seoulsearch]

hahaha, and I thought I was naive!

that's just..........whack.

Yes, the entire thing was very messed up. And, he'd arranged to be there two weeks! He was ready to come home as soon as he got there... as the girl brought along her translator... but I guess it was all just very awkward and she wasn't who she claimed to be at all. She had also been asking him for money the entire time (for, of all things, English lessons--claimed, of course, that she was going to come to the US eventually to be with him and supposedly wanted to be prepared.)

But, somehow he found other people to hang out with while he was there and had a great time.

As I said, he eventually met another girl online in Russia... went there for almost three weeks (I got to look after his fish and cats... heh heh), then she came here for a few weeks... she eventually came back and they got married. She is extremely smart--has two advanced degrees--and is truly one of the nicest, most sincere people I've ever met.

I guess sometimes it does work!

 

[Sharp]

You've convinced me Kim. I've spent the last 10 minutes at www.russianbrides.com.au

This is on the front page of their website. I'm sold.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Family Values - The main difference between Russian women and Western women is that Russian women do not suffer from the "Cinderella syndrome" so common to Australian, US or UK females. Over–independence and feminism have not spoiled Russian women belief in traditional family values. Unlike their Western sisters they still put family ahead of career.


Age Difference - of 10 - 15 years is regarded as absolutely normal by Russian women. If you are 40+ you could be easily married to the Russian woman still in her 20's, 50+ - in her 30's, etc. An average man can attract a much younger and more beautiful bride in Russia than he ever could home.

Easier to Get - With 10.000.000 more Russian women than Russian men currently living in Russia the number and variety of Russian brides available to you is just huge. You can find Russian bride exactly to your taste and much easier and quicker than in Australia, US or UK.

An Ideal Cultural Mix - of modern Western culture and ancient Asian family tradition. Most social and
cultural standards of Russian women are not that different from those of Western females. At the same time Russian women view on family duties is very close to the Eastern cultures where family regarded as the most important part in life of any woman.
Caucasian Ethnicity - Some men are not comfortable with idea of looking for an Asian wife just because of social barriers and prejudice that still exist in our society. Russian women are European women and as such will blend perfectly in your social environment.

 

[Stuey]

You've convinced me Kim. I've spent the last 10 minutes at www.russianbrides.com.au

This is on the front page of their website. I'm sold.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Family Values - The main difference between Russian women and Western women is that Russian women do not suffer from the "Cinderella syndrome" so common to Australian, US or UK females. Over–independence and feminism have not spoiled Russian women belief in traditional family values. Unlike their Western sisters they still put family ahead of career.


Age Difference - of 10 - 15 years is regarded as absolutely normal by Russian women. If you are 40+ you could be easily married to the Russian woman still in her 20's, 50+ - in her 30's, etc. An averageman can attract a much younger and more beautiful bride in Russia than he ever could home.

Easier to Get - With 10.000.000 more Russian women than Russian men currently living in Russia the number and variety of Russian brides available to you is just huge. You can find Russian bride exactly to your taste and much easier and quicker than in Australia, US or UK.

An Ideal Cultural Mix - of modern Western culture and ancient Asian family tradition. Most social and
cultural standards of Russian women are not that different from those of Western females. At the same time Russian women view on family duties is very close to the Eastern cultures where family regarded as the most important part in life of any woman.
Caucasian Ethnicity - Some men are not comfortable with idea of looking for an Asian wife just because of social barriers and prejudice that still exist in our society. Russian women are European women and as such will blend perfectly in your social environment.

lol! That sounds like... totally sincere and stuff. Not sure I'd like to be married to a 10 year old though. .

I think it's odd how people pretend to be different people on the net to who they are, suppose some people just don't like who they are. As for getting into a relationship or something with someone I've met online... um I'd be very hesitant to get too involved without meeting them first. Text and even voice don't really show how a person is I think & if you start to get too involved your really just setting yourself up for a big fall. I reckon mabye an hour of talking to someone face to face is worth 10 hours of text or something, unless you know them in real life as well.

I'm not sure what people who do that hope to acheive.. lying and dishonesty is just going to end in hurt for both sides. I mean... you need to be able to trust someone and if they are dishonest about who they are then there really isn't a point.

As for snooping around and checking if someone is being honest with you... well I think that's a bit warranted, some basic checks might stop a lot of hurt, however if your creating alternate profiles and such that may be going a bit far lol. You need to be able to trust them & that isn't helping.

Trusting god with it, that's interesting & I don't know the answer to it, I think doing basic checks might just be considered wise and smart though. Meeting up with them is probably the best solution.

Cunning as a fox and innocent as a dove mabye?

 

[kiwi_OT]

Moral of the story: Internet people are not real. Relationships are unlikely to start on the internet. Even christians lie.

I have been on CC since September 2009. I am in a serious and very happy relationship with someone I met here on this website. We consider ourselves very blessed to have found each other despite the unorthodox way we went about it and as much as we are in love with each other we have always been aware of the hardships and practicalities of our long distance relationship and what is ahead of us.

When Steven (aka Meridoc) and I first started talking it was over a thread he made on why women dont like chivalry (or something like that). We started saying cyber 'hello' to each other and responding to each others responses with piqued interest. We eventually started talking on MSN via typing. At this stage we were beginning to find similarities with each other that we really liked, and we stated right from the start that we liked each other.

At this point you have to say to yourself, I am entering into phase where I am interested in this person for more and I need to separate myself from my heart flutters and make darn sure this person is who they say they are. Because I am nearly 12 years younger than Steven, I felt I had the right to demand this of him (for my own safety) before I discuss anything personal (like my address or phone number) or let him see me on webcam. I demanded that he prove his occupation to me, his canadian citizenship, that his relationship with Jesus was real, and that he didnt have any drinking, gambling or criminal convictions. Sounds harsh I know, but if this guy was real then he was going to be honest with me from the start. And he was. Once he proved to me the above I started asking him questions like his thoughts on a womans role in society and family etc . We did a lot of bible discussions with each other and I sought out whether or not he had a controling or abusive streak in him. All throughout this he was honest with me about everything including his past failures, his past and current struggles, his worries, things that tick him off. I did the same for him. No stone was left unturned. We also talked of silly things like weird sandwich combinations, cat noises, farts and other funny bodily functions etc etc.

After about a months or so of this and being convinced of his being real we talked on webcam for the first time. There was zero awkwardness, and we talked and talked and talked. We had a thing of asking two serious questions and two silly questions for each other, and out of this we grew closer together. By October I told family I had met someone special online. My mother was angry and suspicious of him and Steven's family were certainly suspicious of me. We decided to meet. But this required a lot of prayer because Steven needed to borrow money from his parents to come visit a girl he hadnt physically met, and he told me his father never lent money to causes like this. We prayed about it for 3 weeks and decided, that if God thinks we should meet and consider being together, he would provide a way and we would leave it in Gods hands. We were both amazed and shocked when Steven was lent the money. He bought plane tickets to spend the summer with me. We then started praying for my Mum to allow him to not only date me but also for him to stay with us. Weirdly she said yes.

While we were planning our summer we also discussed what physical boundaries we would have in place. We made a long list which was quite strict on ourselves at first, just so we could focus on getting used to being around each other without ruining it by doing too much too fast. This was the smartest thing we did. We also agreed that he would stay at a boarding house til my mother was comfortable enough for him to stay. My family now thinks the world of him and this July I am to go to Canada to meet his family. Next January he will be moving here to New Zealand to live.

Now, see here all you people who whine about meeting people on internet. Me and Steven are not pro's but we certainly believe our strong relationship is based on the smart choices we made at the start. If you are spiritually immature, do not do it. Make sure you have a very discerning heart and mind. If they refuse to meet you or answer basic questions regarding their job and country or you find their answers inconsistent, get out straightaway. DO NOT exaggerate your own answers. Be 100% honest with each other and work hard at gaining the others trust. If they truly want to know you and respect God they will accept boundaries and add to it themselves. Demand multiple photos of them - the kind where their seen with friends and family which can be vouched for and fake pictures of models cannot be used. Involve your family 110% and let them ask anything they like of the other person and make sure you can answer those questions. Parents can get paranoid but they do come up with useful questions. Meet as soon as you can. Pray together and do bible study asap. Observe each other in church. Make sure your backgrounds are reasonably compatible.

I could go on and on about this. Maybe Steven and I willl start a new thread on it after July lol.
There are a lot of creepers on the internet, but there are a lot of honest people like ourselves out there and we all just need to practice sifting each other respectfully

God bless

 

[seoulsearch]

You've convinced me Kim. I've spent the last 10 minutes at www.russianbrides.com.au

Sharp,

I can't tell you the number of times I have laughed out loud at your posts!!! No, my friend didn't use a Buy-A-Bride site but he did meet her on some sort of international dating site.

And, many kudos to you and Steven, Melody... if only we all could be so blessed!! I too agree with involving friends and family as much as possible--if that person is serious about you, they will have no problem meeting your friends, family, and most importantly, church body!

*ducks*

What's that??? The shadow of a plane zooming over head... carrying Luke to the Russian bride shopping mall...

 

[WomanLovesTX]

In regards to online dating....I am on a site that is free, very friend user easy, has more perks probably than any paid for site. But most important, before I started I read all the rules for Online dating. By following the rules, you quickly weed out the time wasters. By following the rules you as the woman never be the aggressor. Ok, so I have only a couple coffee dates and they "poof", so they just weren't all that into me and given the chance to know more of him, I very could have been the one to poof. It's really not fun (because single life forever is not what I want, but I know it really takes time to know someone), but I do believe true Christian relationships occur using online dating sites. Using the rules, there is minimal risk to harm physically or emotionally. Sound advice and sound road maps is the only way to travel until you reach your destination.

 

[Sharp]

I have been on CC since September 2009. I am in a serious and very happy relationship with someone I met here on this website. We consider ourselves very blessed to have found each other despite the unorthodox way we went about it and as much as we are in love with each other we have always been aware of the hardships and practicalities of our long distance relationship and what is ahead of us.

When Steven (aka Meridoc) and I first started talking it was over a thread he made on why women dont like chivalry (or something like that). We started saying cyber 'hello' to each other and responding to each others responses with piqued interest. We eventually started talking on MSN via typing. At this stage we were beginning to find similarities with each other that we really liked, and we stated right from the start that we liked each other.

At this point you have to say to yourself, I am entering into phase where I am interested in this person for more and I need to separate myself from my heart flutters and make darn sure this person is who they say they are. Because I am nearly 12 years younger than Steven, I felt I had the right to demand this of him (for my own safety) before I discuss anything personal (like my address or phone number) or let him see me on webcam. I demanded that he prove his occupation to me, his canadian citizenship, that his relationship with Jesus was real, and that he didnt have any drinking, gambling or criminal convictions. Sounds harsh I know, but if this guy was real then he was going to be honest with me from the start. And he was. Once he proved to me the above I started asking him questions like his thoughts on a womans role in society and family etc . We did a lot of bible discussions with each other and I sought out whether or not he had a controling or abusive streak in him. All throughout this he was honest with me about everything including his past failures, his past and current struggles, his worries, things that tick him off. I did the same for him. No stone was left unturned. We also talked of silly things like weird sandwich combinations, cat noises, farts and other funny bodily functions etc etc.

After about a months or so of this and being convinced of his being real we talked on webcam for the first time. There was zero awkwardness, and we talked and talked and talked. We had a thing of asking two serious questions and two silly questions for each other, and out of this we grew closer together. By October I told family I had met someone special online. My mother was angry and suspicious of him and Steven's family were certainly suspicious of me. We decided to meet. But this required a lot of prayer because Steven needed to borrow money from his parents to come visit a girl he hadnt physically met, and he told me his father never lent money to causes like this. We prayed about it for 3 weeks and decided, that if God thinks we should meet and consider being together, he would provide a way and we would leave it in Gods hands. We were both amazed and shocked when Steven was lent the money. He bought plane tickets to spend the summer with me. We then started praying for my Mum to allow him to not only date me but also for him to stay with us. Weirdly she said yes.

While we were planning our summer we also discussed what physical boundaries we would have in place. We made a long list which was quite strict on ourselves at first, just so we could focus on getting used to being around each other without ruining it by doing too much too fast. This was the smartest thing we did. We also agreed that he would stay at a boarding house til my mother was comfortable enough for him to stay. My family now thinks the world of him and this July I am to go to Canada to meet his family. Next January he will be moving here to New Zealand to live.

Now, see here all you people who whine about meeting people on internet. Me and Steven are not pro's but we certainly believe our strong relationship is based on the smart choices we made at the start. If you are spiritually immature, do not do it. Make sure you have a very discerning heart and mind. If they refuse to meet you or answer basic questions regarding their job and country or you find their answers inconsistent, get out straightaway. DO NOT exaggerate your own answers. Be 100% honest with each other and work hard at gaining the others trust. If they truly want to know you and respect God they will accept boundaries and add to it themselves. Demand multiple photos of them - the kind where their seen with friends and family which can be vouched for and fake pictures of models cannot be used. Involve your family 110% and let them ask anything they like of the other person and make sure you can answer those questions. Parents can get paranoid but they do come up with useful questions. Meet as soon as you can. Pray together and do bible study asap. Observe each other in church. Make sure your backgrounds are reasonably compatible.

I could go on and on about this. Maybe Steven and I willl start a new thread on it after July lol.
There are a lot of creepers on the internet, but there are a lot of honest people like ourselves out there and we all just need to practice sifting each other respectfully

God bless

Good on ya kiwi that's a solid post - thanks for that.

You've really gone about it in a very good way! I like how you demanded verification of citizenship and occupation - that's such a good idea!

I should have been more bold in making 'demands' as you say, but when I made the slightest demand she would get upset to the point of crying. I was so stupid to not have realised this was a big problem.

Also, I had heaps of photos of her with family and friends - just not her family and friends, lol.

I'm just glad that I was 'rude' enough to show up unannounced. Otherwise, I could possibly right now be in the same situation, years later, wondering when we'd ever meet.

Kiwi when your book on online dating is released, I'll buy the first copy. Until then, I'm well and truly on the sidelines.

 

[seoulsearch]

Good on ya kiwi that's a solid post - thanks for that.

You've really gone about it in a very good way! I like how you demanded verification of citizenship and occupation - that's such a good idea!

I should have been more bold in making 'demands' as you say, but when I made the slightest demand she would get upset to the point of crying. I was so stupid to not have realised this was a big problem.

Also, I had heaps of photos of her with family and friends - just not her family and friends, lol.

I'm just glad that I was 'rude' enough to show up unannounced. Otherwise, I could possibly right now be in the same situation, years later, wondering when we'd ever meet.

Kiwi when your book on online dating is released, I'll buy the first copy. Until then, I'm well and truly on the sidelines.

Sharp,

Just out of curiosity, if the girl HAD agreed to meet with you... and it turned out she really was just insecure... would you have given her a chance? Just curious... or would it have been way past the point of no return for you then?

I'm pretty sure I could have never gotten past all the issues of extreme deceit... but I was just wondering if you still would have thought about trying to make something work.

 

[Sharp]

Sharp,

Just out of curiosity, if the girl HAD agreed to meet with you... and it turned out she really was just insecure... would you have given her a chance? Just curious... or would it have been way past the point of no return for you then?

I'm pretty sure I could have never gotten past all the issues of extreme deceit... but I was just wondering if you still would have thought about trying to make something work.

Well, from memory, I think I did ask her to send me real photos of herself afterwards, but she refused because she insisted that she was unattractive. I had invested so much time and money and emotion in it for it to end up a complete write-off so I probably would've been open to exploring options, but realistically I knew it was game over.

Its hard to trust someone again after that sort of nonsense happening.

 

[grace]

Amazingly I actually have a serious reply to this thread.

I learnt some time ago that you can never go too far in making sure the person in the pictures is really the person you're talking to.

I think I'm a prety good judge of character - but I got completely scammed. I was really stupid but I've learnt from my mistake.

I met a girl on the internet once. She was incredibly attractive. Solid christian. Lovely girl. She lived in another country. We started talking on the phone every day, for about 6 months. Things got pretty serious. I decided, several times, that it was time that we should meet. Every time, there was resistance from her - some excuse. I had also asked her many times to send me a video of herself, but she refused, as she said she was "insecure". I got fed up with the lack of progress, as my time was being wasted. She made me feel that my constant attempts to see her was me being disrespectful, and that me "rushing things" was unfair. I was sick of hearing all this "You should be willing to wait blah blah blah" rubbish, so I thought stuff this, I'm going. I will go to where she lives and just turn up and say g'day how are ya.

So I did. This is where it went pair shaped. As soon as she realised I was in her country, she admitted to me that the photos she had been sending me (of which there were about 70) were not actually her, and that she thought of herself as large and unattractive, begging me not to come to her city. So I didn't - and had a nice holiday instead.

She said she was sorry and meant it. And I forgave her. Nice enough young lass - just with a few hidden problems (insecurity, etc.). I was dumb not to realise it was too good to be true, and I hate the fact that my heart was broken by a lying christian - but I extracted many good things from knowing her, which is what kept me from harboring feelings of bitterness about it.


Moral of the story: Internet people are not real. Relationships are unlikely to start on the internet. Even christians lie.

I won't go on and on.....BUT....I do see your position on being wary of the internet due to being burned. People do lie...they do not present exactly who they are.....but just as there are folks like that, there are the real honest ones with good heart and good intentions and a real and true relationship with Jesus Christ.

BUT...I (just as Steven and Melody) have met someone from online and have spent time with him in person. It can work....but with lots of commitment...long distance is hard. (I did not seek this out on a dating site or anything...it really was one of those things that just sort of happened.)
Also as Melody wrote....Glenn and I too talked VERY MUCH about a great many things that under normal circumstances naturally unfold in a relationship when you are around each other in person...and we did not have that luxory being apart as we were.
So worth it though.. I have another trip planned to go back to England later this summer...and he is coming here after that.
We are determimed to make this work.

 

[seoulsearch]

Well, from memory, I think I did ask her to send me real photos of herself afterwards, but she refused because she insisted that she was unattractive. I had invested so much time and money and emotion in it for it to end up a complete write-off so I probably would've been open to exploring options, but realistically I knew it was game over.

Its hard to trust someone again after that sort of nonsense happening.

I can completely relate to everything you're saying, believe me. I've been through the same ringer in different situations quite a few times as far as the investment of everything you have and are goes. I give you a lot of chops for not being bitter, as I was very bitter for a long time.

If I were interested in someone and he invested that much into meeting me, I would positively melt on sight!

Too bad she doesn't know what she missed out on.

"America's Next Top Model" will never come knocking at my door, but I do have to feel a little sorry for someone THAT insecure.

 

[Meridoc]

Yea Kiwi and I dealt with most of the important serious questions early on, which helps soooo much. Had a bad internet dating experience prior to her and that is one of the main things I didn't do at that time.

 

[kiwi_OT]

Good on ya kiwi that's a solid post - thanks for that.

You've really gone about it in a very good way! I like how you demanded verification of citizenship and occupation - that's such a good idea!

I should have been more bold in making 'demands' as you say, but when I made the slightest demand she would get upset to the point of crying. I was so stupid to not have realised this was a big problem.

Also, I had heaps of photos of her with family and friends - just not her family and friends, lol.

I'm just glad that I was 'rude' enough to show up unannounced. Otherwise, I could possibly right now be in the same situation, years later, wondering when we'd ever meet.

Kiwi when your book on online dating is released, I'll buy the first copy. Until then, I'm well and truly on the sidelines.

Lol I need to clarify a few things I said lololol.
I didnt ask Steven to fax me his birth certificate but I did at length ask him to explain his work environment and specifically what he did, and as he works with children with learning disabilities and as a training occupational therapist, I knew pretty quick that he was telling the truth. And I knew he was telling the truth about being Canadian because hes so blatantly proud not to be an American (and that makes him a true Canadian indeed lololol).

 

[iliveforHim]

Amazingly I actually have a serious reply to this thread.

I learnt some time ago that you can never go too far in making sure the person in the pictures is really the person you're talking to.

I think I'm a prety good judge of character - but I got completely scammed. I was really stupid but I've learnt from my mistake.

I met a girl on the internet once. She was incredibly attractive. Solid christian. Lovely girl. She lived in another country. We started talking on the phone every day, for about 6 months.So I did.

Goodness, Sharp, I thought you were talking about me until you got to the last sentence...(am I funny, Sharp, am I funny???? )


Seriously, though, I had posted on another thread that I don't feel the need to date right now...I just haven't gotten that "I want to date" bug...okay, maybe I've wondered what it would be like to find someone wonderful who loves God more than anything and can love me for me...hmmmm...I would be scared they'll see me and run the other way, though, if I was internet dating...I'm not what the majority of men consider attractive due to my weight, and this is just me being realistic, so I think that in my case, if and when I want to look for love again, as opposed to doing it online, I will be sure it's done face to face, just so that he knows what he's getting, and he doesn't break my heart with backing out at the last minute when he sees my picture or a video I might make...I guess what I'm saying is, Honesty is always best, so that's what you should sow in the garden of dating...honesty...

 

[kiwi_OT]

*ducks*

What's that??? The shadow of a plane zooming over head... carrying Luke to the Russian bride shopping mall...

HAHAHAHAHA!!

 

[Pheonix]

Amazingly I actually have a serious reply to this thread.

I learnt some time ago that you can never go too far in making sure the person in the pictures is really the person you're talking to.

I think I'm a prety good judge of character - but I got completely scammed. I was really stupid but I've learnt from my mistake.

I met a girl on the internet once. She was incredibly attractive. Solid christian. Lovely girl. She lived in another country. We started talking on the phone every day, for about 6 months. Things got pretty serious. I decided, several times, that it was time that we should meet. Every time, there was resistance from her - some excuse. I had also asked her many times to send me a video of herself, but she refused, as she said she was "insecure". I got fed up with the lack of progress, as my time was being wasted. She made me feel that my constant attempts to see her was me being disrespectful, and that me "rushing things" was unfair. I was sick of hearing all this "You should be willing to wait blah blah blah" rubbish, so I thought stuff this, I'm going. I will go to where she lives and just turn up and say g'day how are ya.

So I did. This is where it went pair shaped. As soon as she realised I was in her country, she admitted to me that the photos she had been sending me (of which there were about 70) were not actually her, and that she thought of herself as large and unattractive, begging me not to come to her city. So I didn't - and had a nice holiday instead.

She said she was sorry and meant it. And I forgave her. Nice enough young lass - just with a few hidden problems (insecurity, etc.). I was dumb not to realise it was too good to be true, and I hate the fact that my heart was broken by a lying christian - but I extracted many good things from knowing her, which is what kept me from harboring feelings of bitterness about it.


Moral of the story: Internet people are not real. Relationships are unlikely to start on the internet. Even christians lie.

I've had a similar experience except I never went to where she was , things were as serious as they were with you, and mine ended up being married. Although I'm not entirely convinced she told me the truth about that. Too many loose ends and things she told me that just don't add up. She told me she was married after I had asked her on several occasions if she was seeing anyone and she said no. I would consider married to be seeing someone. How about you?