I don't know what to do.

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Dmurray

Guest
#1
#1
Well I'll first off stating that I met this girl 3 weeks ago, and we talk pretty much everyday. I like her, she likes me. However she isn't a Christian. She believes in God, but I don't know what her specific beliefs are. I love God more than anything on this Earth, but I don't know what to do? I don't know if I should go on a date, I want to but I don't know if having a girlfriend is what I should do right now.

I am a new Christian as I'm sure most of you know by now haha, and I want to focus on God, and growing with him. But I like her, but I don't know if I should tell her I'm not ready for a relationship, and if that's what I think, I don't know how to do it, I don't want to hurt her.

Gah. its all so confusing. (Life that is) It'll be much easier when we're all up in Heaven. Haha.
 
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Ania

Guest
#2
#2
in my opinion, you won't hurt her with honesty.
you should tell her that God is first in your life. if she really likes you so much she will listen. she'll let you tell her what's so fascinating about God.
and. believing in God isn't enough. remember, devil also believes God exists :p

and. relationship with non-believer is out of question.
 
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Dmurray

Guest
#3
#3
Like she's been waiting for me to take her on a date, and I told her I am, but I don't know what to do, but I just don't know anymore, I'm starting to think that I just need to have her as a friend right now, and not a girlfriend, I've been struggling with the lust that goes along with liking someone, so maybe thats enough there to tell me what I have to do?
 
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Ania

Guest
#4
#4
if you think you are able to keep this on the friendship level and she'll agree...well. it would be ok.

but it's risky. because if you're attracted to each other in the beginning...you'll probably fall in love in the process. and then... it won't be possible to avoid hurting her and yourself.

if you feel it can weaken your relationship with God...don't go for it.

it must be your decision what to do!
 
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Dmurray

Guest
#5
#5
How do I go about telling her this though, Gah... I guess honesty is the best policy as they say.
 
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sportygirl

Guest
#6
#6
Tell her how you feel, honestly is important in situations like this... I'm in sorta in a similar boat where I like a guy but i know if he asks me out i HAVE to tell him that we can't date yet...Being friends is an important step and being her friend you can grow in a friendship, once you date the physical stuff definetly comes into play, and yes lust is not good, but its there and you can deal with it much easier when your not together.
 
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Ania

Guest
#7
#7
of course honesty is the best.
pray for wisdom and right words. God helps us with daily issues too!

and remember you know her only 3 weeks. so it's not too late to tell her. if you'll wait it would be unfair.
 
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AmongTheChosen

Guest
#8
#8
id go on the date i dont see any harm in it..you know what you can and cant do. just have fun
 
Pheonix

Pheonix

Senior Member
#9
Jan 17, 2007
578
7
18
#9
Are you ready for marriage? Kids? House with the white picket fence? Cliche I know, but the point is unless you are ready for the whole kit and kaboodle you should stay away. Getting involved in a relationship before you are ready to finalize it with marriage is a recipe for disaster. One or both of you with end up hurt. Trust me, I've been there. And I mean marriage in general not specifically with her.

Second, you have to realize that while she may find christ, she may not. In which case you would end up with a woman you love who is opposed to everything you believe in. In a christian relationship everything must start with faith in christ as a foundation. The entire relationship must be built upon that. Also, you have to remember that as a christian, our girlfriend/fiance/wife is first and foremost our sister in christ. She must be treated by us as a fellow child of God. If you can't see yourself willing to marry anyone in the near future, then one shouldn't enter into a relationship. To do so risks badly hurting your sister.

Ultimately you must make a decision yourself. I'm merely advising you not to get invloved with anyone until you are ready to the whole shebang. For good or ill, in the end you just have to close your eyes, step off the edge and accept the consequences of your decision whatever they be and whatever the decision is.

I would advise however, that being a new christian is difficult enough without having a girlfriend to distract you from becomming closer to God. I've been there too. Not that I'm saying having a girlfriend is really bad, its just that your attention is divided when one should be focused on God.
 
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Dmurray

Guest
#10
#10
Pheonix said:
Are you ready for marriage? Kids? House with the white picket fence? Cliche I know, but the point is unless you are ready for the whole kit and kaboodle you should stay away. Getting involved in a relationship before you are ready to finalize it with marriage is a recipe for disaster. One or both of you with end up hurt. Trust me, I've been there. And I mean marriage in general not specifically with her.

Second, you have to realize that while she may find christ, she may not. In which case you would end up with a woman you love who is opposed to everything you believe in. In a christian relationship everything must start with faith in christ as a foundation. The entire relationship must be built upon that. Also, you have to remember that as a christian, our girlfriend/fiance/wife is first and foremost our sister in christ. She must be treated by us as a fellow child of God. If you can't see yourself willing to marry anyone in the near future, then one shouldn't enter into a relationship. To do so risks badly hurting your sister.

Ultimately you must make a decision yourself. I'm merely advising you not to get invloved with anyone until you are ready to the whole shebang. For good or ill, in the end you just have to close your eyes, step off the edge and accept the consequences of your decision whatever they be and whatever the decision is.

I would advise however, that being a new christian is difficult enough without having a girlfriend to distract you from becomming closer to God. I've been there too. Not that I'm saying having a girlfriend is really bad, its just that your attention is divided when one should be focused on God.
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I agree with your last statement fully.

But your above statements, I have questions about, isn't it good to have a girlfriend? So you know what you look for in someone? I've only been in two relationships, but through them both I've learned what kind of person I was attracted to, and honestly they weren't the greatest, so I know that I must look for something else now. If that makes sense.
 
resurrection33

resurrection33

Banned
#11
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
128
0
71
#11
I think Phoenix’s analysis was awfully good. I have been where you are, David, and made all the mistakes. The good news is that I never got anybody pregnant out of wedlock. The bad news is that I never found a wife.

Every year or so, a woman will come around the corner so sweet and beautiful that you won’t be able to see how you can live without her. It happened to me and it will happen to you.

If the two of you really love each other, you will keep your hands off each other until you are in a position to financially support a family. Can you date each other and, at the same time, keep your hands off of each other?

Think about it. You’ve already admitted you are having trouble with lust. Shouldn’t you learn to control your lust BEFORE you date someone?
 
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Dmurray

Guest
#12
#12
resurrection33 said:
Can you date each other and, at the same time, keep your hands off of each other?

Think about it. You’ve already admitted you are having trouble with lust. Shouldn’t you learn to control your lust BEFORE you date someone?
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That's what I know I need to do, plus I haven't had my prioreties straight, God must come first, and when I talk to her, he doesn't so, I think I need to grow more with God, before I can have a relationship with someone else.

Now I just need to actually tell her that....
 
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in_his_eyes

Guest
#13
#13
First of all Congrats on being a new Christain. God is so awesome, and powerful I want to share it with everyone. First thing as a Christain, I feel that obviously God is #1 over all things, even our romantic relationships. Always put God first, because if God doesn't lead us, and light our way, we could stubble into darkness. My point is this: If that relationship is meant to be in God's will it will be, and I would definitely want to discuss further with her, God. Not only to see what it is she actually believes, but more importantly if she is lost, you maybe the one to help lead her to God. We never know even the small things we do, that could impact anothers life/spiritual life. And what more important than spreading your faith in our Lord, Jesus Christ. Pray about your concerns first, ask for God's wisdom to guide you to do what he would have you to do. Praying for God's will to be done is top priority, and is a prayer I find myself praying when I don't know what to do. It will work out, just keep your eyes on God, and your heart filled with His love. I will pray for you, and I hope you continue to reach out to fellow Christains, I am here for you if you need anything.
God Bless:D
 
resurrection33

resurrection33

Banned
#14
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
128
0
71
#14
Dmurray said:
That's what I know I need to do, plus I haven't had my prioreties straight, God must come first, and when I talk to her, he doesn't so, I think I need to grow more with God, before I can have a relationship with someone else.

Now I just need to actually tell her that....
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The Lord does have to come first. He is looking out after your long-term happiness, not just your short-term happiness. When I was your age I had no interest in my long-term happiness. I made a mess out of my life and still pay the price for that now. Life isn’t easy, but the Lord wants you to have fun—just always try to do it his way.
 
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Dmurray

Guest
#15
#15
I pray everyday for his wisdom and guidance haha, and I have been about this specific situation too, but as each day goes on I feel that I can't have a relationship yet, and I have often thought, that maybe my reason for knowing her is so that God is using me to bring her closer to him, she told me she used to attend church, but it was because she had to go and it wasn't by her own will, which is very important. Thank you for your guys' input.
 
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SeekinHIM

Guest
#16
#16
Dear Dmurray,

It's fine to have a girlfriend, just be cautious, especially if she doesn't know the LORD. You just stated in your opening of this thread, that you want to get to Know The LORD more.......This is good, however, the Enemy knows this also, and will throw things in your path to try to divert you from your goal.

And what better way to divert you than a Precious Beautiful Hand-maiden..............Sound familiar.....? he has done this so many times throughout the ages it's no new thing.......

Pray she will recieve the revelation of your desire to Know GOD, and this will indeed raise her awareness of The LORD, which will open up an opportunitiy for you to share your story with her.......

Go cautiously My Friend.................

SeekinHIM
 
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jesusfreak0016

Guest
#17
#17
It's really what ever you feel is the best! Just pray and ask God what he wants you to do! He'll show you the way!

God Bless!
 
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in_his_eyes

Guest
#18
#18
Sounds like you have good insight as well. Keep praying, and keep your eyes on doing God's will.
 
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