How to Keep Things Right and Pure?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
S

skatergirl3220

Guest
#1
#1
Hey everyone,
I need some advice regarding a guy I like. So here's the situation:
I've been close friends with this guy for around 4 years or so. We go to bible studies together and have a great friend group. Anyways, this guy and I started texting a lot more these past few weeks, and he told me he liked me and I told him how I felt (I'm 16 and he's 18 by the way.) The thing is, we won't be able to date for a while because he just came out of a really bad, messy break up a few weeks ago. He needs to grow spiritually and in His relationship with God and really build a more solid foundation, and I need to grow in that area too. So basically, we like each other, we can't date for a while, but we still text a lot. We've had some good talks about putting a bit of distance between us so we can really focus on growing in the Lord, about letting God fill those voids because only He can, and about not rushing into anything. Here's where I'm struggling, we still text a lot, probably once every other day around late afternoon/night, and the conversations go on for hours. I love talking to him, but I know if we're texting a lot then it can be easy to start hanging out a lot, just the two of us, and then it can be easy to throw caution out the window and start dating. So how do I go about texting him? It sounds stupid, but what emoji's are okay to use where it will still keep the convo innocent and pure even though we like each other a lot? Sorry if this was messy and a little all over the place, and advice is appreciated.

Also, it's been a little hard for me to grow spiritually (I mean I think I have, but I think about him a lot even when were not texting) so how do I work on that? Thanks so much.
 
chickwithsticks

chickwithsticks

Senior Member
#2
Jul 25, 2015
893
44
28
#2
skatergirl3220 said:
Hey everyone,
I need some advice regarding a guy I like. So here's the situation:
I've been close friends with this guy for around 4 years or so. We go to bible studies together and have a great friend group. Anyways, this guy and I started texting a lot more these past few weeks, and he told me he liked me and I told him how I felt (I'm 16 and he's 18 by the way.) The thing is, we won't be able to date for a while because he just came out of a really bad, messy break up a few weeks ago. He needs to grow spiritually and in His relationship with God and really build a more solid foundation, and I need to grow in that area too. So basically, we like each other, we can't date for a while, but we still text a lot. We've had some good talks about putting a bit of distance between us so we can really focus on growing in the Lord, about letting God fill those voids because only He can, and about not rushing into anything. Here's where I'm struggling, we still text a lot, probably once every other day around late afternoon/night, and the conversations go on for hours. I love talking to him, but I know if we're texting a lot then it can be easy to start hanging out a lot, just the two of us, and then it can be easy to throw caution out the window and start dating. So how do I go about texting him? It sounds stupid, but what emoji's are okay to use where it will still keep the convo innocent and pure even though we like each other a lot? Sorry if this was messy and a little all over the place, and advice is appreciated.

Also, it's been a little hard for me to grow spiritually (I mean I think I have, but I think about him a lot even when were not texting) so how do I work on that? Thanks so much.
Click to expand...
Hi skate girl and welcome to CC. First I just wanted to say that I think it is awesome that you both want to focus on your relationship with Christ first before embarking on a worldly relationship. Your individual relationships with Christ need to be your first priority now and for the remainder of your life. Personally I strongly recommend that you both, if you haven't already get actively involved in your church and join a strong bible study group to continue this growth.

As as far as your communications with each other, scripture is clear to remove temptations as they arise that are not healthy at this stage of your walk with Christ. Only the two of you can assess the nature and intent of your relationship with each other. It sounds like you are being tempted or at the very least distracted from your individual goals to strengthen your foundation in Christ and if that is true my recommendation is to significantly limit your interactions to include communications for the time being and establish what that boundary is clearly.

Prayers for you on this journey and keep your focus Christ! Hope this might help
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
Sounds to me as though you have intentions to separate more but are not following through. You both feel the right thing to do is distance, but neither of you are giving distance. Perhaps this is the proof you need that, even though you enjoy each other, you are not good for each other. At least not for the time being. So really it's just a matter of making yourself focus and have discipline.
 
S

SparkleEyes

Senior Member
#4
Mar 23, 2013
771
21
18
#4
The best way to keep things pure is to always meet while there are others whom you know in the room or area. They will keep you accountable.

You two are VERY VERY young. DON'T RUSH. But have fun!! :cool:
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#5
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#5
skatergirl3220 said:
Hey everyone,
I need some advice regarding a guy I like. So here's the situation:
I've been close friends with this guy for around 4 years or so. We go to bible studies together and have a great friend group. Anyways, this guy and I started texting a lot more these past few weeks, and he told me he liked me and I told him how I felt (I'm 16 and he's 18 by the way.) The thing is, we won't be able to date for a while because he just came out of a really bad, messy break up a few weeks ago. He needs to grow spiritually and in His relationship with God and really build a more solid foundation, and I need to grow in that area too. So basically, we like each other, we can't date for a while, but we still text a lot. We've had some good talks about putting a bit of distance between us so we can really focus on growing in the Lord, about letting God fill those voids because only He can, and about not rushing into anything. Here's where I'm struggling, we still text a lot, probably once every other day around late afternoon/night, and the conversations go on for hours. I love talking to him, but I know if we're texting a lot then it can be easy to start hanging out a lot, just the two of us, and then it can be easy to throw caution out the window and start dating. So how do I go about texting him? It sounds stupid, but what emoji's are okay to use where it will still keep the convo innocent and pure even though we like each other a lot? Sorry if this was messy and a little all over the place, and advice is appreciated.

Also, it's been a little hard for me to grow spiritually (I mean I think I have, but I think about him a lot even when were not texting) so how do I work on that? Thanks so much.
Click to expand...
I think it is nearly impossible to confess your mutual liking, continue to communicate with each other, and not end up in a relationship that looks and feels very much like dating, whether you are officially dating or not. Did I understand your story correctly that he went through a bad messy breakup at about the same time he started texting you a whole lot more? That's definitely an orange flag for me (not quite red, but certainly something to pay attention to). Do not sell yourself short to become his rebound girl, even if it's just in the emotional sense, that can still be really painful and leave you feeling used. Wisest thing to do (though it isn't easy) is wait to build the closeness of dating until you are ready to seriously consider marriage, otherwise you are just setting yourself up for temptation and breakups.

As for keeping things pure, one of the best things you can do is to start by acknowledging your weakness. Regardless of what society says, you aren't mature responsible adults yet, you're still more in the hormone flooded teenage stage. So set up the necessary barriers to minimize temptation, hang out in public places and in groups, talk to your parents (or other trusted adults if you have really crappy parents) about him and what they think (hey they've done the whole dating and romance thing before and probably have some wisdom about what works and what doesn't especially down the road as you two face the challenge of becoming adults), and use this situation to think about what love really means and how to grow in the art of loving well (it takes a whole lot more than warm fuzzy feelings) and seeking the best for someone else. Contrary to popular belief spiritual growth isn't mainly about preferring God to the exclusion of everything else; it's about living everyday life and dealing with life in a way that honors God, reflects his character, and follows his commands and design.

Also you will be more motivated for purity if you have a good concept of what the benefits are. Letting things stray into an area of impurity (even just in thought or word) can have negative impacts on your self esteem and sense of worth as well as reduce a lot of the other sharing that should characterize a healthy relationship. A relationship that is primarily focused on sex (and once you open that topic it tends to overwhelm all other aspects) is a pretty shallow imitation of the companionship and life sharing that most of us hope for in marriage. Keep your eyes on the prize and know that like so many things in life; to get what's truly of value takes a lot of time and work, it doesn't come quick and easy.
 
F

Fladreaming

Guest
#6
#6
Don't make things complicated or over think them. If you are asking how to keep things pure then i think u are on the right track. Keep your focus on God, pray and if your relationship with can reflect and Glorify your relationship with God then you know you are in the right place. Been a while but i know feelings, emotions and relationships are difficult to sort out at your age (it does get easier)..but remember you are 16 and should treat dating relationships and dating as age and God appropriate. Sorry if this came off as a dad lecture:)
 
Y

YuriBrown1234567

Guest
#7
#7
Romans 3:23
1 John 1:8
1John 2:1

Pray everynight/Day for forgiveness of Sins. God forgives Sins.
 
Y

YuriBrown1234567

Guest
#8
#8
Love = 1 John 5:3
 
A

Abing

Guest
#9
#9
skatergirl3220 said:
Hey everyone,
I need some advice regarding a guy I like. So here's the situation:
I've been close friends with this guy for around 4 years or so. We go to bible studies together and have a great friend group. Anyways, this guy and I started texting a lot more these past few weeks, and he told me he liked me and I told him how I felt (I'm 16 and he's 18 by the way.) The thing is, we won't be able to date for a while because he just came out of a really bad, messy break up a few weeks ago. He needs to grow spiritually and in His relationship with God and really build a more solid foundation, and I need to grow in that area too. So basically, we like each other, we can't date for a while, but we still text a lot. We've had some good talks about putting a bit of distance between us so we can really focus on growing in the Lord, about letting God fill those voids because only He can, and about not rushing into anything. Here's where I'm struggling, we still text a lot, probably once every other day around late afternoon/night, and the conversations go on for hours. I love talking to him, but I know if we're texting a lot then it can be easy to start hanging out a lot, just the two of us, and then it can be easy to throw caution out the window and start dating. So how do I go about texting him? It sounds stupid, but what emoji's are okay to use where it will still keep the convo innocent and pure even though we like each other a lot? Sorry if this was messy and a little all over the place, and advice is appreciated.

Also, it's been a little hard for me to grow spiritually (I mean I think I have, but I think about him a lot even when were not texting) so how do I work on that? Thanks so much.
Click to expand...
What emoji? Save an image of the Cross and always end your texts with it.
Or, always end your text with a verse in the bible.

Okay, seriously, distance is just that, distance. Limit your texts to once a week. But that's impossible to do at that stage, so the only other solution is stop texting him altogether. If he's the one for you, God will prepare him. I know there's that inner feeling telling you to 'what if he finds someone new' so like you have to keep communicating with him - leave it to God. Remember this, you gave your heart to Jesus, if any man is worthy to take it, he takes it from Jesus, alone.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.