Emotions or rational thought? There should only be one answer. Annoying complicated b

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R

Rush

Guest
#1
#1
For those analytical kids out there, let me ask you, if you find someone that is amazing, and I mean awesome; you love their character and they love yours, but you both feel no attraction to at all, should you try and grow attraction?
My annoying emotive mind says no, I should be swept up in romantic emotion, at least for a while.
My rational mind says attraction is hype and that strength of character and love of God and people of primary concern.

I know what I think, but since when have I always been right?
What do you guys think? Is it wise to overlook someone amazing just because you don't feel emotionally and romantically engaged?
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#2
Mar 13, 2014
41,312
16,300
113
69
Tennessee
#2
Rush said:
For those analytical kids out there, let me ask you, if you find someone that is amazing, and I mean awesome; you love their character and they love yours, but you both feel no attraction to at all, should you try and grow attraction?
My annoying emotive mind says no, I should be swept up in romantic emotion, at least for a while.
My rational mind says attraction is hype and that strength of character and love of God and people of primary concern.

I know what I think, but since when have I always been right?
What do you guys think? Is it wise to overlook someone amazing just because you don't feel emotionally and romantically engaged?
Click to expand...
I would give that special person a chance to grow on you. It is likely that the romantic emotions will soon follow. Give it a chance.
 
P

PeacefulWarrior

Guest
#3
#3
Rush said:
For those analytical kids out there, let me ask you, if you find someone that is amazing, and I mean awesome; you love their character and they love yours, but you both feel no attraction to at all, should you try and grow attraction?
My annoying emotive mind says no, I should be swept up in romantic emotion, at least for a while.
My rational mind says attraction is hype and that strength of character and love of God and people of primary concern.

I know what I think, but since when have I always been right?
What do you guys think? Is it wise to overlook someone amazing just because you don't feel emotionally and romantically engaged?
Click to expand...
Are you looking to get married next week?! Patience :)

I think if you're asking yourself this question -- there's probably some attraction already. Whether this is romantic or friendly -- time will tell.

You're right on;
Rush said:
My rational mind says attraction is hype and that strength of character and love of God and people of primary concern.
Click to expand...
Character and a relationship with God are desirable traits in any healthy relationship!

Rush said:
Is it wise to overlook someone amazing just because you don't feel emotionally and romantically engaged?
Click to expand...
Overlook? What do you mean? Are you "shopping" for a wife? :-D Is this woman moving far away and will you never see her again?

Sounds like someone is smitten, to me! :)
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#4
#4
To counter your question with another, how does one intentionally grow attraction?
 
S

setapartgirl

Guest
#5
#5
Give it a chance.. a love that grows everyday is stronger than an abrupt emotion, compatibilty can help for a feeling to develop, i had..well..suppose to progress relationship before, we like each other, there's chemisty but there are lot of things that we disagree with, so it did not work out. So yours is better, and respect is important.
 
R

Rush

Guest
#6
#6
You're all lovely. But we've known each other for years and both see each other as family. The idea kissing each other feels like kissing my sister. And she feels the same.
There really is no attraction there, as much as I'd like there to be.

Haha and am I shopping for a wife? Yes and no ;)
It's too big a commitment not to weigh it up with all the pros and cons.
 
P

PeacefulWarrior

Guest
#7
#7
Rush said:
You're all lovely. But we've known each other for years and both see each other as family. The idea kissing each other feels like kissing my sister. And she feels the same.
There really is no attraction there, as much as I'd like there to be.

Haha and am I shopping for a wife? Yes and no ;)
It's too big a commitment not to weigh it up with all the pros and cons.
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Don't think too hard -- you'll wind up like those dinosaurs in your avatar! ;-) (Only kidding.)
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#8
Aug 12, 2011
10,418
2,660
113
#8
Rush said:
You're all lovely. But we've known each other for years and both see each other as family. The idea kissing each other feels like kissing my sister. And she feels the same.
There really is no attraction there, as much as I'd like there to be.

Haha and am I shopping for a wife? Yes and no ;)
It's too big a commitment not to weigh it up with all the pros and cons.
Click to expand...
I totally understand. There's a guy at my church who is single. People have told me to give him a chance. I have no idea if they've said the same to him. We've known each other since we were kids. He's great, but we don't see each other that way. I've tried and prayed about it, but it just doesn't lol
 
J

JeniBean

Guest
#9
#9
Rush said:
You're all lovely. But we've known each other for years and both see each other as family. The idea kissing each other feels like kissing my sister. And she feels the same.
There really is no attraction there, as much as I'd like there to be.

Haha and am I shopping for a wife? Yes and no ;)
It's too big a commitment not to weigh it up with all the pros and cons.
Click to expand...
Been there and did that! And I tried and it was like kissing my brother. And he was pissed and attempted to rape me to prove to me it would be good (never mess with a black belt). I stopped him and simply said never. He was upset I wouldn't give it time so I could develop the romantic thoughts he had. It ended up ruining a relationship that started when we were 4 and ended at 28, as I couldn't no matter how awesome he was. Our parents still speak and see each other often and we haven't spoken a word to each other since.
 
R

Rush

Guest
#10
#10
Hey, if I could die today like the dinosaurs of old, skip life and go straight to life after life, I would be all over that ;)

Melta, yeah I'm glad this isn't just me.
This woman is so fabulous if I died and I had kids I'd want her to raise them. That should say how awesome she is. And yet my brain is still all, nooooope.
 
Jilly81

Jilly81

Senior Member
#11
Jan 16, 2011
2,365
136
63
#11
JeniBean said:
Been there and did that! And I tried and it was like kissing my brother. And he was pissed and attempted to rape me to prove to me it would be good (never mess with a black belt). I stopped him and simply said never. He was upset I wouldn't give it time so I could develop the romantic thoughts he had. It ended up ruining a relationship that started when we were 4 and ended at 28, as I couldn't no matter how awesome he was. Our parents still speak and see each other often and we haven't spoken a word to each other since.
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If he tried to rape you, he wasn't awesome, Sis :(.
 
R

Rush

Guest
#12
#12
JeniBean said:
Been there and did that! And I tried and it was like kissing my brother. And he was pissed and attempted to rape me to prove to me it would be good (never mess with a black belt). I stopped him and simply said never. He was upset I wouldn't give it time so I could develop the romantic thoughts he had. It ended up ruining a relationship that started when we were 4 and ended at 28, as I couldn't no matter how awesome he was. Our parents still speak and see each other often and we haven't spoken a word to each other since.
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Man, I'm glad my friend isn't like that because the only belts I had hold up my pants.
I wish I had something more comforting to say than I'm sorry.
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#13
#13
This seems similar to how people remark that certain things are "an acquired taste." I have yet to be able to support that maxim from my own experience (with food and drink, anyway).

Many of us are aware that there are different types of love - eros, philia, agape, and storge - and I am rather skeptical that we can force feed one love in lieu of another out of intellectualizing our chemistry with someone.

But then again, people say foie gras is amazing. *shrug*
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#14
#14
Foie gras is!
However, I share your same skepticism, siberian
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#15
Aug 13, 2014
24,908
8,162
113
#15
Goose liver is so awesome that France has TWO museums dedicated to it.

To the original topic, why are you trying to force anything? Is something wrong with the friendship you have? Asking if you should try to make yourself love her romantically makes you sound... Well, a little desperate frankly.
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#16
#16
Lynx said:
To the original topic, why are you trying to force anything? Is something wrong with the friendship you have? Asking if you should try to make yourself love her romantically makes you sound... Well, a little desperate frankly.
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Woah, when did he say any of that? The OP seemed fairly objective.
 
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PeacefulWarrior

Guest
#17
#17
How does one "grow attraction" -- botox? :D
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#18
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#18
I suppose attraction CAN grow from platonic friendship. I've known couples who grew up around one another all their lives as family friends, and suddenly fell in love and married. I know people who were married, widowed, and then they remarried someone they'd known as friends for years and years. They seem happy and in-love.

I definitely think that a marriage based on friendship (without a lot of attraction) can be successful. It's better, I think, than a marriage based only on attraction and no friendship. So if I were to choose the "less risky" choice in an attempt at a happy, content marriage, I'd probably choose the friend. As long as you find them pleasing. It wouldn't be fair to marry someone you found unattractive, as that leads to problems too.

However! Attraction is important. My main concern with marrying without attraction would be that one person might come across someone by accident that they had natural chemistry with, and then were tempted. That sad scenario has caused many unexpected affairs and divorces.
 
F

Fladreaming

Guest
#19
#19
I would say not to overlook someone you find amazing. Learning from others wisdom and creating friendships is invaluable. Using caution of course. Making sure someone's wisdom is consistent with God's word can't be stressed enough. That is where I use great caution in seeking advice from others. I saw a sermon, I believe it was Dr.Charles Stanley which warns against advice from others especially when they start by saying, "what I would do....". A previous comment brought up that maybe that amazing person could grow on you romantically. Not always romantic connection "at first sight". Sometimes might find that connection closer to the core of someone...and/or yourself.
 
chickwithsticks

chickwithsticks

Senior Member
#20
Jul 25, 2015
893
44
28
#20
I realize I definitely fall into the hopeful romantic category and am a complete sucker for the great love story but I honestly feel that romantic love can develop from a strong friendship. I have known men that I found initially very attractive and after getting to know them their attractiveness rapidly declined. Additionally, I remember "Joe" who when I first met him I told my girlfriend he was like ET..he grew on you ( due to his personality not looks). He wore buddy holly glasses and while I didn't find him unattractive (I honestly find beautiful qualities and features in everyone) he kinda was just there. We were only friends mind you but as I got to know him he became immensely attractive to me.

I obviously do not know what God has in store for your friendship but In these situations I simply commit it to prayer and hand it over to God for His will to be done. There is peace in knowing if God intends for you both to share more and your open to His will it will be.

I sincerely hope this helps.
 
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