Girlfriend just broke up with me, I need advice

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tmac187

Guest
#1
#1
Hello, I am new here and really need some advice. My girlfriend of about 15 months broke up with me. She went on a weekend retreat and when she came back we broke up. A little background; We are both 20 years old in college. We met freshman year and were dating ever since. She recommitted her life to Jesus around 8 or 9 months ago. As for me, when she took me to church it was the first time I've ever been in my life. I really enjoyed it and I have wanting to commit my life to Jesus, but I haven't yet. I am a little scared because this is all new to me. Anyway, when she came back from the retreat she told me that she couldn't be with me anymore because she needs to give 100% of her heart to Jesus, and she can't do that if she is with me. We talked for hours and we both said how much we love each other. I've never loved a person as much as I love her. She is the woman I want to marry, and she says the same also. She says that she needs to be alone for this season of her life. That seasons come and go and that in this one she has to be alone. I just don't know what to do. We love each other so much. After we parted ways she texted me saying that she will always love me and this is just a season, that if it is Jesus's will, we will be together again. I need some advice. I love this girl more than I can imagine and we are just a perfect fit together. Is it possible to fully commit to Jesus while in a relationship? I am brand new to these things so I do not really know. She says that if it is God's will then we will end up together. What should I do? Should I let her be or should I try and get her to go talk to a Christian relationship counselor. It is my understanding that you can put God first in a relationship and give everything to him while still being together. Thanks for the help, sorry if this doesn't make much sense.
 
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MissCris

Guest
#2
#2
You should probably leave her be. It sounds like she wants space right now. Also, nothing in your post hinted at anything about the relationship that would require counseling...her breaking up with you isn't really something to see a relationships counselor over, I don't think.

Yeah, I say just let her do her thing. I know it hurts but I think pushing to stay together right now would be the opposite of helpful.
 
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tmac187

Guest
#3
#3
yeah that's what I am coming to understand. I will give her space and let God do his work. If it is in God's plan then it will happen later down the road. Thanks
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#4
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#4
Hi TMac, welcome to CC. I hope you find your time here to be helpful.

I'm so sorry that you are hurting right now. It is no fun to experience a breakup for any reason, and I understand the confusion and hurt. I agree with MissCris that letting her have the space she requested is a good thing. I also agree that this isn't something that will be fixed in counseling.

So, do you want to talk a bit about your relationship with God and salvation? :) We can pass the time talking about that if you'd like. (I'm not intending to belittle your circumstance, but you'd talked about some fear with regards to salvation and following God wholly, and well, we have some experience with that here...)

God bless you, young sir.
 
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Fladreaming

Guest
#5
#5
You can devote your life to Jesus in a relationship. God wants us to have a relationship but it should reflect God's love. I obviously don't know where or what she means by needing to be alone. Could be anything. But when I was in a relationship with someone that wasn't walking with I God I found myself compromising my walk with God and being pulled away from Him.

I understand that ending relationships is very hurtful and can be humbling. I would like to encourage you to look to God. God will speak to you comfort you and fill you with His presence. You said this is new to you and I am happy to hear of your interest in God. It only takes a spark to get started but believe me if you have a strong relationship with God your relationship with Him can become an all consuming fire filling you with everything you need. It is a challenge for non-believers to really understand the concept of God speaking to you. What I have found is that it is an understanding of the Word and sermons and how I am supposed to make proper changes and applications in my life.
Your ex-girlfriend should be applauded to take such a giant step in her walk with God. It does not sound like this was and easy decision for her. And completely turning your life over to God and trusting Him is not always easy.
Pray for faith, guidance and trust in Him. Begin your walk with him and He will show you the way. If your relationship with your ex-girlfriend does not rekindle you will know you are in the right place with God which is more important than ANYTHING.

God bless you brother.
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#6
#6
tmac187 said:
Anyway, when she came back from the retreat she told me that she couldn't be with me anymore because she needs to give 100% of her heart to Jesus, and she can't do that if she is with me... Is it possible to fully commit to Jesus while in a relationship?
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That might be admirable of her, but I feel for you man. It's a hard knocks life.

Honestly? My impression is that she wasn't that into it. Maybe she believes she needs to commit herself to Jesus with no distractions, in which case kudos to her. Saying things like "this is a such-n-such season for me right now," or "if God wills for us to be together, it will happen someday" sounds like a cop out.

But of course, I can't speak for your dynamic or her character. Whether she's playing you like a beloved signature guitar or is being sincere, she's right about one thing: God has His hand on you two. Talking with her about this might help (in one sense or another), just don't probe or push the issue too far. Gotta respect the boundaries. :)
 
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Omni

Banned
#7
Aug 12, 2015
539
7
0
#7
tmac187 said:
Hello, I am new here and really need some advice. My girlfriend of about 15 months broke up with me. She went on a weekend retreat and when she came back we broke up. A little background; We are both 20 years old in college. We met freshman year and were dating ever since. She recommitted her life to Jesus around 8 or 9 months ago. As for me, when she took me to church it was the first time I've ever been in my life. I really enjoyed it and I have wanting to commit my life to Jesus, but I haven't yet. I am a little scared because this is all new to me. Anyway, when she came back from the retreat she told me that she couldn't be with me anymore because she needs to give 100% of her heart to Jesus, and she can't do that if she is with me. We talked for hours and we both said how much we love each other. I've never loved a person as much as I love her. She is the woman I want to marry, and she says the same also. She says that she needs to be alone for this season of her life. That seasons come and go and that in this one she has to be alone. I just don't know what to do. We love each other so much. After we parted ways she texted me saying that she will always love me and this is just a season, that if it is Jesus's will, we will be together again. I need some advice. I love this girl more than I can imagine and we are just a perfect fit together. Is it possible to fully commit to Jesus while in a relationship? I am brand new to these things so I do not really know. She says that if it is God's will then we will end up together. What should I do? Should I let her be or should I try and get her to go talk to a Christian relationship counselor. It is my understanding that you can put God first in a relationship and give everything to him while still being together. Thanks for the help, sorry if this doesn't make much sense.
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Assuming humans share common psychologies, then "I need to give my heart to Jesus" means "I want to break up with you and this is the sentence that is the easiest to say and the least likely to be met with a lot of angry resistance", while "I will always love you" means "like a brother, but without the ever-seeing-you-again part".

Don't kid yourself, man. You know that there's nothing stopping her from being a Christian and being with you at the same time. You know she's lying to you. There's a very short list when it comes to reasons why a woman breaks up with a man.

1. She doesn't want to be with him

Don't spend your life waiting for a maybe. You might think it's romantic, but it's not. It's pitiful. She wants you to wait around in the background as her security deposit while she lives her life whatever way she likes, for the better or for the worse. Why should you trust anything she says, when she's able to break your heart as casually and effortlessly as she did?

Don't do it; move on with your own life.
 
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Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#8
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#8
tmac187 said:
I really enjoyed it and I have wanting to commit my life to Jesus, but I haven't yet. I am a little scared because this is all new to me. Anyway, when she came back from the retreat she told me that she couldn't be with me anymore because she needs to give 100% of her heart to Jesus, and she can't do that if she is with me.
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I'm a little confused at some of the responses here. It seems pretty clear to me what has happened. We are called to be equally yoked as Christians. The OP has been very honest about the fact that he has not committed himself to Christ, and the girlfriend has been honest about the fact that she can't fully commit to Christ either, while she is with someone who hasn't yet given his life to Christ. This isn't a cop-out, nor is it a lie. She's being honest and making a very hard decision here, it seems to me.

tmac, I'm so sorry about this, and I feel your pain. I mean no offense with my statement above. I'm so happy you were encouraged by your visits to church. I can imagine how foreign all of this seems to you. The truth is that while this hurts, it may be the best thing for you both right now. YOU need to be pursuing Christ - not to win your girlfriend back, but for your own salvation. Do business with God, brother. My prayers are with you. It sounds like you are receptive to the gospel. Maybe this is the push that you needed to be bold and pursue God without fear.
 
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Omni

Banned
#9
Aug 12, 2015
539
7
0
#9
Grace-Like-Rain said:
I'm a little confused at some of the responses here. It seems pretty clear to me what has happened. We are called to be equally yoked as Christians. The OP has been very honest about the fact that he has not committed himself to Christ, and the girlfriend has been honest about the fact that she can't fully commit to Christ either, while she is with an unbeliever. This isn't a cop-out, nor is it a lie. She's being honest and making a very hard decision here, it seems to me.

tmac, I'm so sorry about this, and I feel your pain. The truth is that while this hurts, it may be the best thing for you both right now. YOU need to be pursuing Christ - not to win your girlfriend back, but for your own salvation. Do business with God, brother. My prayers are with you. It sounds like you are receptive to the gospel. Maybe this is the push that you needed to be bold and pursue God without fear.
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Unbearable heartache isn't a motivator for good decisions. He shouldn't be making any life-altering choices right now. He should deal with his grief, find comfort in who he is again, and move on with his own life. He doesn't need to be filling his emotional void by desperately changing everything about himself to win back his ex-girlfriend.The girl was with him for 6 months before she found God, and she dumped him like he was a secondary consideration. She's 20. He's 20. They've barely been going out a year. He's got his entire life ahead of him.

You're advising a twenty year old to make a massive personal change in his lifestyle, to commit to a religious organization under the pretense that it's for himself, when you know damn well that if he did decide to convert, it'd only be because he's lonely, he's heartbroken, and he misses his girlfriend.
 
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Aqua_Girl09

Guest
#10
#10
OK so not to sound mean but "been there done that" ^_^

I was THAT girl, who came home and broke up with my awesome boyfriend because I felt like God was calling me to be single. But I was SOO much still in love with him. And you know what happened? After 6 months of being "friends" we got back together.

If she's really not into you then she'll show it by "not having time to hang out" or being "too busy"

But if she's hoping to get back together then she'll still hang out, still talk to you on the phone when you or her have a problem. Be careful not to push it but STAY friends with her and when she's ready she'll come back to you.

Just make sure you keep your heart on God and she'll see that your relationship will be honoring God and that being with you will be a good decision.

My dad always says that any guy you see keep hanging around always eventually gets in. ^_^
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#11
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#11
Grace-Like-Rain said:
tmac, I'm so sorry about this, and I feel your pain. I mean no offense with my statement above. I'm so happy you were encouraged by your visits to church. I can imagine how foreign all of this seems to you. The truth is that while this hurts, it may be the best thing for you both right now. YOU need to be pursuing Christ - not to win your girlfriend back, but for your own salvation. Do business with God, brother. My prayers are with you. It sounds like you are receptive to the gospel. Maybe this is the push that you needed to be bold and pursue God without fear.
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Omni said:
Unbearable heartache isn't a motivator for good decisions. He shouldn't be making any life-altering choices right now. He should deal with his grief, find comfort in who he is again, and move on with his own life. He doesn't need to be filling his emotional void by desperately changing everything about himself to win back his ex-girlfriend.The girl was with him for 6 months before she found God, and she dumped him like he was a secondary consideration. She's 20. He's 20. They've barely been going out a year. He's got his entire life ahead of him.

You're advising a twenty year old to make a massive personal change in his lifestyle, to commit to a religious organization under the pretense that it's for himself, when you know damn well that if he did decide to convert, it'd only be because he's lonely, he's heartbroken, and he misses his girlfriend.
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Did you read what I wrote? :rolleyes:
 
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Omni

Banned
#12
Aug 12, 2015
539
7
0
#12
Aqua_Girl09 said:
OK so not to sound mean but "been there done that" ^_^

I was THAT girl, who came home and broke up with my awesome boyfriend because I felt like God was calling me to be single. But I was SOO much still in love with him. And you know what happened? After 6 months of being "friends" we got back together.

If she's really not into you then she'll show it by "not having time to hang out" or being "too busy"

But if she's hoping to get back together then she'll still hang out, still talk to you on the phone when you or her have a problem. Be careful not to push it but STAY friends with her and when she's ready she'll come back to you.

Just make sure you keep your heart on God and she'll see that your relationship will be honoring God and that being with you will be a good decision.

My dad always says that any guy you see keep hanging around always eventually gets in. ^_^
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Do you honestly think trying to convince him that it's his moral duty to hang around being emotionally weatherbeaten by a girl who's clearly too nonchalant about breaking his heart to actually give a damn, is going to do anything but exacerbate his unease?

OP, I can tell by the tone of your first post that you wouldn't treat her like this, so why the hell should you expect any less? Women aren't creatures who deserve special privileges, contrary to what this poster clearly believes. This woman here is effectively saying you have to make do with your emotional well being hinging on the subtle hints your ex gives you regarding her availability. She thinks you have to tiptoe around her emotions in case you come on too strong; I mean, God forbid you accidentally hurt the feelings of the woman who had no problem shattering your heart into a million pieces.

... is it any wonder Western women get stereotyped as emotional vampires??
 
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Omni

Banned
#13
Aug 12, 2015
539
7
0
#13
Grace-Like-Rain said:
Did you read what I wrote? :rolleyes:
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Yes. Did you give me the same courtesy?

"You're advising a twenty year old to make a massive personal change in his lifestyle, to commit to a religious organization under the pretense that it's for himself, when you know damn well that if he did decide to convert, it'd only be because he's lonely, he's heartbroken, and he misses his girlfriend."
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#14
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#14
Omni said:
Yes. Did you give me the same courtesy?

"You're advising a twenty year old to make a massive personal change in his lifestyle, to commit to a religious organization under the pretense that it's for himself, when you know damn well that if he did decide to convert, it'd only be because he's lonely, he's heartbroken, and he misses his girlfriend."
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The words "religious organization" and "decide to convert" tell me a lot about your thoughts on following Christ, even without checking your page and seeing that you are not a Christian. But I definitely agree with you that no one should pretend to follow Christ in order to win a girl. That would be disastrous to both parties involved.
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#15
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#15
Please note: Omni does not identify himself as a Christian.
 
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Omni

Banned
#16
Aug 12, 2015
539
7
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#16
Grace-Like-Rain said:
The words "religious organization" and "decide to convert" tell me a lot about your thoughts on following Christ, even without checking your page and seeing that you are not a Christian. But I definitely agree with you that no one should pretend to follow Christ in order to win a girl. That would be disastrous to both parties involved.
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You're an artful dodger, but this isn't a courtroom, and we aren't lawyers. I won't put you in jail for admitting that you told him this could be his wake up call to convert, knowing the implication was that if he converted, he might get his girlfriend back, but only after you'd thrown in a neat little disclaimer absolving yourself of all responsibility should he convert in order to win his girlfriend back.
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#18
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#18
Omni said:
You're an artful dodger, but this isn't a courtroom, and we aren't lawyers. I won't put you in jail for admitting that you told him this could be his wake up call to convert, knowing the implication was that if he converted, he might get his girlfriend back, but only after you'd thrown in a neat little disclaimer absolving yourself of all responsibility should he convert in order to win his girlfriend back.
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Just to clarify: what I mean when I say that this might be a wake-up call, is not that he should use this opportunity to fix his relationship, but that God often places people in our lives to show us things, to point us in the right direction, and to lead us forward.
 
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Omni

Banned
#19
Aug 12, 2015
539
7
0
#19
Grace-Like-Rain said:
Just to clarify: what I mean when I say that this might be a wake-up call, is not that he should use this opportunity to fix his relationship, but that God often places people in our lives to show us things, to point us in the right direction, and to lead us forward.
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disclaimer
dɪsˈkleɪmə/
noun


  • a statement that denies something, especially responsibility.



 
Utah

Utah

Banned
#20
Dec 1, 2014
9,701
251
0
#20
tmac187 said:
Hello, I am new here and really need some advice. My girlfriend of about 15 months broke up with me. She went on a weekend retreat and when she came back we broke up. A little background; We are both 20 years old in college. We met freshman year and were dating ever since. She recommitted her life to Jesus around 8 or 9 months ago. As for me, when she took me to church it was the first time I've ever been in my life. I really enjoyed it and I have wanting to commit my life to Jesus, but I haven't yet. I am a little scared because this is all new to me. Anyway, when she came back from the retreat she told me that she couldn't be with me anymore because she needs to give 100% of her heart to Jesus, and she can't do that if she is with me. We talked for hours and we both said how much we love each other. I've never loved a person as much as I love her. She is the woman I want to marry, and she says the same also. She says that she needs to be alone for this season of her life. That seasons come and go and that in this one she has to be alone. I just don't know what to do. We love each other so much. After we parted ways she texted me saying that she will always love me and this is just a season, that if it is Jesus's will, we will be together again. I need some advice. I love this girl more than I can imagine and we are just a perfect fit together. Is it possible to fully commit to Jesus while in a relationship? I am brand new to these things so I do not really know. She says that if it is God's will then we will end up together. What should I do? Should I let her be or should I try and get her to go talk to a Christian relationship counselor. It is my understanding that you can put God first in a relationship and give everything to him while still being together. Thanks for the help, sorry if this doesn't make much sense.
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Give me a break, it doesn't have to be either Jesus or you, it can be both of you. I hope and pray you have peace in all facets of life, and don't be afraid of committing your life to Christ, rather, rejoice in doing so. In the end, you'll be fine. It may take a while for the fog to dissipate, but you'll be fine in the end, especially with Christ.
 
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