Dating: Sons vs Daughters

[NotmebutHim]

I've been thinking about this for a while, and a few posts in the "Man Laws" thread reminded me:

When it comes to your children dating, do you protect your daughters more than your sons? Do you consider your daughters to be "more precious"? Is there the assumption that because boys are generally more "rough and tumble", that they should just take what's thrown at them without any complaint?

I ask because I see a lot of instances where (mainly) dads, but some moms too, are very protective of their daughters and will give stern warnings to (or even threaten) any guys who want to date them. Now it could be argued, because it typically happens this way, that dads are protective of their daughters, while moms are protective of their sons. But comparatively speaking, you don't hear or see much about a mom (or dad) who warns a potential girlfriend of the consequences of hurting her/his son.

My concern is that we so often forget that guys have hearts and they too can be broken. Guys can be mistreated, abused, cheated on, etc.

If I ever have children, I will try my best to be equal with my protection if I have a son and a daughter. Of course, that protection will be different because a son's and daughter's needs are different. But I would not consider my daughter any more worthy of protection than my son (or vice-versa). At least I would try to not come across that way.

Thoughts?

 

[LiJo]

I have 5 kids, 3 boys and 2 girls. I've always encouraged my kids to go out in groups rather dating one on one, but by the time they were 17, they do end up going out on dates alone. I have been more strict with my girls when it comes to dating, because they are girls and you want to protect them. (Physically a guy can take advantage of a girl so that's my reason for the being extra protective.) However, I've noticed that when my girls go through break ups, they get a little depressed for a few days and then snap out of it and life goes on. My boys on the other hand, when each one went through their 1st break up, they were a mess! They are not momma's boys but when they go through break ups, they wanted mom.

Each child is also different, you have to consider the maturity level of each child and their personality too.

 

[NewWine]

We have three daughters so I can't speak to sons, other than my own experiences as a teen girl with 2 older brothers. My dad was okay with my dating at 15. My brothers....not so much. They turned into extra dads. I rarely had a second date, because they were so rough on my dates!!!

With our girls the rule was 16 to date. We felt they needed some experience in how to deal with pushy boys, while they still had us as a safety net. The rules were:
The boy ALWAYS came to the door and met us.
My husband HAD to shake their hand and have a short chat with the boy.
If the boy pressured them to date before 16, they were NOT allowed to date them after 16 (unless it was after they turned adult age and don't live in our home anymore) The reason for this was, if they had so little respect for us and our rules then how much respect would they have for our daughter.
If the boy ever disrespected me, then again, how soon would they disrespect our daughter.
There could be no more than 1 year difference in their ages. No boys over 18 until the girls were 18.
And if they missed curfew once, without a VERY good reason (not an excuse, but a provable reason) then the boy was history...again that was showing our daughter disrespect by allowing her into the position of getting punished by us.

They thought we were the strictest parents they knew, but they all survived their teen years....well one is still in her teen years but is now in college. The oddest thing was....those boys were more scared of me than my husband?

 

[tourist]

I just had the one daughter and no sons so I'm not qualified to offer a substantive answer. You raised a very interesting point. My sense is that you nailed it by saying that boys are rough and tumble but girls are more delicate and need special treatment, especially when it is time to start dating.

 

[MyLighthouse]

Not true with my brothers! My grandmother has to be the most critical person when it comes to potential mates. Basically no one is good enough in her eyes, haha.

My brothers are pretty good I feel at picking very kind girls. They just tend to fall into the weird, silly, or average looking, which Gramm always wants better for them" you deserve a better looking, more serious girl" I guess it's better than not caring. Then there's rules on being alone (which is to never be alone), and her talking to the girls seeing where they are spiritually and such.

 

[BruceWayne]

Well, I don't have children(thankfully) lol. If I did, my daughter would never date .

Obviously, I can't speak from a woman's perspective, but I do think it's just natural as a guy to be more protective over a girl, whether that's a daughter, sister, etc. and even more so as a parent. I would think that if I did have a son, I would be protective over him as well, but likely to a lesser degree, because as LiJo alluded to, guys aren't as likely to be taken advantage of. From what I've experienced, though, moms tend to be very protective over all of their children equally .

 

[JustAnotherUser]

The reason why daughters are more so protected is because if they go over 'the limits', it could potentially bring an addition to the family. Sons don't have this problem, even though they could impregnate someone else's daughter. I don't get how it seems that parents are often forgetful of that possibility with their son(s), since he'd have to take the boot if he finds out he's a young father.

But anyway, I can only say on the perspective of having parents who were pretty closed in on me, for good and bad reasons. My older brother is disabled, so they didn't have to think about that issue with him.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I have only daughters, and I'm pretty careful with both of them. Not by threatening boys who come around, but rather by teaching my girls to make careful and wise decisions.

My parents had two girls and a boy. They were very strict with their first daughter, and then reasonably strict with their second. But with their son, they allowed him to do whatever he wanted. No curfew, no rules, no making him take responsibility for his actions. As a result, he got in a whole lot of trouble and still to this day has not become a functional member of society.

 

[LiJo]

The reason why daughters are more so protected is because if they go over 'the limits', it could potentially bring an addition to the family. Sons don't have this problem, even though they could impregnate someone else's daughter. I don't get how it seems that parents are often forgetful of that possibility with their son(s), since he'd have to take the boot if he finds out he's a young father.

But anyway, I can only say on the perspective of having parents who were pretty closed in on me, for good and bad reasons. My older brother is disabled, so they didn't have to think about that issue with him.

As as a mom of boys I do worry about that and not to mention the possibility of a girl lying about her age and then potential problems with the laws!!! That's why abstinence is best and its only for marriage.

 

[violakat]

As as a mom of boys I do worry about that and not to mention the possibility of a girl lying about her age and then potential problems with the laws!!! That's why abstinence is best and its only for marriage.

I know someone who that happened to. She claimed to be 18, yet she was only 12 or 13. Even when the parent's found out she lied and try to save the young man, the DA's hand's were tied, because of the law.