Empty Gestures

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VioletReigns

Guest
#21
#21
CarolSampaio said:
I don't know... I wouldn't go as far as that...

People have a need to belong... to be part of something... that's why the virtual world has become such a thing... it's easy to get along with people when you're doing it through a screen... and they don't need to be exposed to all the drama and awkwardness in our lives... it's easy to be likable and lovable when all you show is your best... or your bad in a romanticized way...

That's one of the reasons this forum exists... you are able to get large group of people with something in common (christians), separate them into smaller groups according to their interests and put the virtual filter on and BAM, you have awesome people who will most likely remain totally awesome because you will never get to meet them upclose and personal!!

I'm not a great person... I'm too emotional, too pig headed, too intense, and too too many things... so I have few friends... :) but here it's easy!! :)

At least that's how I see it... people don't call anymore, don't meet anymore cause it's easier to be virtually liked... no fear of rejection, no fear of disappointment...
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You're extremely intuitive for such a young woman. :)
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#22
#22
Olerica said:
I don't just post the positive. I've had some critisism about posting my struggles, my sadness and grief. I don't care that people think I should be 'over it', Facebook is my (albeit public) space to be open (or not) with my life. I'm cool with people not liking it, or me, or whatever. They don't have to be 'friends' with me.
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Exactly!

That's one of the things I like about you. I don't like for people to be in pain, of course, but when they share how things really are, it gives people something to relate to, and something to think about beyond themselves.
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#23
#23
MissCris said:
Exactly!

That's one of the things I like about you. I don't like for people to be in pain, of course, but when they share how things really are, it gives people something to relate to, and something to think about beyond themselves.
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True! Positive experiences vary a lot more than pain and suffering do; more people can relate to experiencing a relationship ending and the ensuing hurt than can relate to marrying their first love (and making it last).
 
chickwithsticks

chickwithsticks

Senior Member
#24
Jul 25, 2015
893
44
28
#24
I Serve on the Greet Team at church as I am technologically and musically challenged and this service seemed to be one of the few areas I could do. I have noticed those who actually pause while taking the bulletin from me to look me right in the eye after I say Good Morning or Welcome and say it back to me. Most people simply smile and walk on which is fine but I have realized that so many people do not even look at someone when they offer an "obligatory greeting" or worse they just keep walking after saying "how are you" without waiting for a reply.

I had to take a 4 week training class for work once and there were about 100 of us. First day of class we introduced ourselves with a little background to the class. On the second or third day I was walking into the classroom and this guy who I didn't know said "Hi (insert my name here)." I was baffled..how did he know my name. I watched him that day say hello to a large number of us by our first names. After getting to know Jason I asked him about this and he said he listens to many audio books on the way to work and Dale Carnegie made an impression. He said the most respectful thing you can do for a fellow human being is to learn their name. Jason and this conversation remain vivid 15 years later so it made an impression with me as he was right.

I have always tried to look people in the eye, wait for their response to a greeting, and remember their name. To me, this fit into the empty gestures thread. Asking how someone is and walking away before they can answer is an empty gesture.
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#25
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#25
I think there are times when raising awareness via facebook CAN be a good thing. Most of the time I agree... it's an empty gesture. Raising awareness about the Planned Parenthood videos (some may disagree and that's fine) I feel was important. It wasn't being/isn't being covered in the news, media has a way of totally ignoring things like that, and without social media who would even know about it? On the other hand, I have seen hundreds of "Refugees Welcome" pictures over the last week or two, and those kinds of things sort of make me roll my eyes a little teensy bit, because I know the people posting them don't really expect to be personally housing any refugees at all. It's pretty empty, as gestures go.
 
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MissCris

Guest
#26
#26
Grace-Like-Rain said:
I think there are times when raising awareness via facebook CAN be a good thing. Most of the time I agree... it's an empty gesture. Raising awareness about the Planned Parenthood videos (some may disagree and that's fine) I feel was important. It wasn't being/isn't being covered in the news, media has a way of totally ignoring things like that, and without social media who would even know about it? On the other hand, I have seen hundreds of "Refugees Welcome" pictures over the last week or two, and those kinds of things sort of make me roll my eyes a little teensy bit, because I know the people posting them don't really expect to be personally housing any refugees at all. It's pretty empty, as gestures go.
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I actually found out about the Planned Parenthood stuff watching the O'Reilly Factor, but yeah, I agree that was an important one to get the word out about.
 
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MollyConnor

Guest
#27
#27
3 Words : Ice Bucket Challenge! That was mostly a joke for people seeking attention. Yeah, it's great that now we all know about ALS. A family friend passed away from that a year ago, so it hit close to home. But unfortunately, where are we at now? Did everyone donate or just do the challenge for likes on facebook?
 
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MollyConnor

Guest
#28
#28
Sirk said:
Facebook is mostly a depressing place in that it rarely gives you the true picture of others lives and mostly gives you the highlights..
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facebook-y-alter-ego2.png LOL I do have a facebook, but I hardly use it and will mostly likely delete it soon. I've deleted is about 3 times in the past and come back because my family wants to chat sometimes. But yes, I've noticed that most people are like that (me included). You don't post that you got a ticket or failed an exam on facebook, why would you want everyone to know that? So it tends to be depressing because others think "man, why isn't my life that great?"
 
HoneyDew

HoneyDew

Senior Member
#29
Apr 30, 2011
2,308
352
83
#29
Siberian_Khatru said:
I tend to take "I'm sorry" as an empty gesture when it's applied to someone else and their suffering or misfortune.

No, you're not. You're just saying that to make yourself feel better. Even coming from a good place, I don't take it seriously.
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Hmmmmm, I never thought of it that way but I understand your point. I had a few friends who lost love ones this summer and I did say that I am so very sorry for your loss and I truly felt for them and their situation. Saying my condolences seems so impersonal to say to a friend. What do you think is a more appropriate thing to say?
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#30
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#30
HoneyDew said:
Hmmmmm, I never thought of it that way but I understand your point. I had a few friends who lost love ones this summer and I did say that I am so very sorry for your loss and I truly felt for them and their situation. Saying my condolences seems so impersonal to say to a friend. What do you think is a more appropriate thing to say?
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As someone who was widowed in a not so distant past, saying "I'm sorry" is fine. But after the shock wears off, a few days or a week or two later, follow up with a concrete offer of something practical. Profound loss knocks a person over. "Hey, I just want to spend a little time with you and care about you. Can I come over and do the dishes or clean your bathroom?" Because seriously, that would be awesome.

Sometimes though, we live far away and then just an offer to call and listen to a grieving person grieve and being ok with their sad and tears is so helpful. Grief is isolating.

Thanks for asking (though I know you asked SK, and I'm sure he'll respond).
 
HoneyDew

HoneyDew

Senior Member
#31
Apr 30, 2011
2,308
352
83
#31
Olerica said:
As someone who was widowed in a not so distant past, saying "I'm sorry" is fine. But after the shock wears off, a few days or a week or two later, follow up with a concrete offer of something practical. Profound loss knocks a person over. "Hey, I just want to spend a little time with you and care about you. Can I come over and do the dishes or clean your bathroom?" Because seriously, that would be awesome.

Sometimes though, we live far away and then just an offer to call and listen to a grieving person grieve and being ok with their sad and tears is so helpful. Grief is isolating.

Thanks for asking (though I know you asked SK, and I'm sure he'll respond).
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Thank you for that. I'm sometimes at loss for words when it comes to things like that. Some want to be left alone while others want company. I have gone over and sat with my friend and also have gone by a few times to help her pack to move to another city when her husband was killed in an attack.

When it comes to convos I usually follow their lead. Sometimes I am at a loss for words though and I feel bad for that.
 
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Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#32
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#32
HoneyDew said:
Thank you for that. I sometimes am at loss for words at times when it comes to things like that. Some want to be left alone while others want company. I have gone over and sat with my friend and also have gone by a few times to help her pack to move to another city when her husband was killed in an attack.

When it comes to convos I usually follow their lead. Sometimes I am at a loss for words though and I feel bad for that.
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No one knows what to say. You aren't alone. Just BEING there though, that's nice. Someone just caring enough to spend time with you is awesome. It's nice not to feel alone.
 
slave

slave

Senior Member
#33
Mar 20, 2015
6,307
1,097
113
#33
MissCris said:
Maybe this is where I'm getting hung up...so many people Do choose to post ONLY the good, and to them, it is meaningful in some way, it makes them feel good to have people "like" their posts and photos. I have a...bad? annoying? unfortunate?...habit of showing a fair amount of the bad parts of my life, of who I am, when I post.

I'm not saying that my way of sharing is Better than those who only post the good stuff, just that I would rather have the people I interact with online know that I'm a mess, because if they're only seeing the highlights...it just seems incredibly...well, empty. I guess what I mean is, all these people are looking to connect with others and be liked and all...and I don't get how that even happens when everyone is only showing the very best of themselves.

I would just rather be liked for who I Really am, even online, than to hide behind a mask.

Also, Please don't anyone take this as criticism, I don't mean it that way at all. I'm just...you know...spewing my own opinions and whatnot.
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There are so many empty gestures the World makes I can only say, everything outside of faithfulness in Christ is an empty gesture, yet that is a really boring answer I know....smile....and by the way 'whatnots' are fine. OK, I'll try one: If only Christians have true peace how is it the non-Christians are the ones that flash the peace sign? This may be outdated but I tried smile.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#34
Aug 13, 2014
24,949
8,186
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#34
MollyConnor said:
View attachment 136012 LOL I do have a facebook, but I hardly use it and will mostly likely delete it soon. I've deleted is about 3 times in the past and come back because my family wants to chat sometimes. But yes, I've noticed that most people are like that (me included). You don't post that you got a ticket or failed an exam on facebook, why would you want everyone to know that? So it tends to be depressing because others think "man, why isn't my life that great?"
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My life is NOT like that... I wouldn't let one precious cheese curl fall to the floor. What a waste!
 
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AgnusDei

Guest
#35
#35
So many people spend 9 hours on Facebook, 7 more on Whatsapp and then they wonder why God's presence is not real in them. Some people are experts in saying one thing and do another. And on Facebook it happens a lot.

And if I make of Christian Chat my entire lifetime, then it would be really depressing. I used to do that, convert CC into my whole universe and my personal relationships were a disaster. I was a total coward hiding myself in a laptop displaying a fake me. I'm being totally honest and I am ashamed of that attitude. I did more than 1,234,900 empty gestures in here.

I get on CC, but not as much as before. I have a real world out there.
And I deleted Facebook because I spent 3 hours just gossiping about others people's lives. So, no time to pray, no time to be in the Word because I was so obsessed with people's lives. As disappointing as it sounds, I was acting like a absolute fool.

So, this thread is very important, because it happens. It really does.

Thanks MissCris for displaying this point.
 
CatHerder

CatHerder

Senior Member
#36
Mar 20, 2013
3,551
79
48
#36
AgnusDei said:
So many people spend 9 hours on Facebook, 7 more on Whatsapp and then they wonder why God's presence is not real in them. Some people are experts in saying one thing and do another. And on Facebook it happens a lot.

And if I make of Christian Chat my entire lifetime, then it would be really depressing. I used to do that, convert CC into my whole universe and my personal relationships were a disaster. I was a total coward hiding myself in a laptop displaying a fake me. I'm being totally honest and I am ashamed of that attitude. I did more than 1,234,900 empty gestures in here.

I get on CC, but not as much as before. I have a real world out there.
And I deleted Facebook because I spent 3 hours just gossiping about others people's lives. So, no time to pray, no time to be in the Word because I was so obsessed with people's lives. As disappointing as it sounds, I was acting like a absolute fool.

So, this thread is very important, because it happens. It really does.

Thanks MissCris for displaying this point.
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There's a world outside of CC?
 
M

Mitspa

Guest
#37
#37
CarolSampaio said:
I don't know... I wouldn't go as far as that...

People have a need to belong... to be part of something... that's why the virtual world has become such a thing... it's easy to get along with people when you're doing it through a screen... and they don't need to be exposed to all the drama and awkwardness in our lives... it's easy to be likable and lovable when all you show is your best... or your bad in a romanticized way...

That's one of the reasons this forum exists... you are able to get large group of people with something in common (christians), separate them into smaller groups according to their interests and put the virtual filter on and BAM, you have awesome people who will most likely remain totally awesome because you will never get to meet them upclose and personal!!

I'm not a great person... I'm too emotional, too pig headed, too intense, and too too many things... so I have few friends... :) but here it's easy!! :)

At least that's how I see it... people don't call anymore, don't meet anymore cause it's easier to be virtually liked... no fear of rejection, no fear of disappointment...
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We all "virtually" like you Carol ... :)
 
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