Was it wrong or right?!?

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setapartgirl

Guest
#41
#41
BruceWayne said:
I can't agree with making a fake account. I think he had a right to get upset with that no matter the situation. But, on the bright side, as others have said, at least you know his intentions now and have the reason to move on. :)
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Yeah as a man..yourself...what he said was not leading on?those plans together?then he will say... YOU EXPECT ME TO PUT MY LIFE ON HOLD FOR YOU?!? He is been honest i know...he was honest with the things he said, but what it hurts was.. i was the second option it seems?? Still looking for another, then if no one comes, it should be me who wait in stand by?
 
shineyourlight

shineyourlight

Senior Member
#42
May 25, 2015
6,119
821
113
#42
setapartgirl said:
I posted before about One dog goes another, one goes another way thread.

But here it goes, i meet this guy online, 4 months ago, we became friends, we somehow, became friends with mutual understanding, we have plans of meeting up, plans about life, though i can't say we were together but he said, he wants me and wants to have a future with me, then last night, i don't know what happened to me, but made a fake account, i message him, sent a likes, he replied and a wave, and i messaged him, he seems eager, then i ask him, what he is doing to that christian sites, he said he wants to find a woman of Christ who he can be with, and i was so hurt i said it was me, he was talking, he got angry, really angry, i told him i am sorry, he said i should delete everything about him in his life, and i say sorry a lot of times but he just said, "DO YOU EXPECT ME, TO HOLD MY LIFE FOR YOU" And i said, but we have plans, etc etc. He said, "i never propose to anyone, i never promise to anyone, you should have asked me, if i am still on this site, i am always honest to you, why did you do it." He said and i said to know where i stand with your life, ...he said its better if we forget each other he forced me to erase all his pictures, our conversation and number and told me not to contact him again, I DON'T KNOW If he was angry because i fooled him or he got caught. HE WAS A NICE guy, and i am not sure if what i did was right, i mean yeah it was bad to make a fake account but somehow was it good that i caught him??? Or i was really wrong?!? I know this some kind of crazy but i want to move on, i told him he should not lead me on, he said he didn't!?! I hope i will not regret what i did. Yeah? It hurts.
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Hey, setapartgirl.

I'm sure you are hurting and I'm sorry that he was lying to you. I am also against fake accounts and I can understand why he would get mad at you pretending to be a different person.

However, I don't think this is the most healthiest relationship. Out of insecurities, you decided to make an account because you wanted to be "sure" instead of just being up front with him and asking him. And he, lied to you and continued doing so. Both aren't the most mature actions.

I'm not trying to be rude or be offensive, it's not my heart's intent. But, this just isn't healthy and I understand you weren't sure and you were feeling a tad insecure about it all, but the best thing to do is just ask him. Should he have lied? No. Should you have made a fake account? No. Both weren't the wisest decisions, but it happened and it is what it is. But doesn't make both choices the right ones.

We do mess up and there's grace for it.

At least you now know his intentions and hopefully can find rest in God during this time!

You're loved. :)
 
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BruceWayne

BruceWayne

Senior Member
#43
Aug 7, 2013
3,694
357
83
Gotham City
#43
setapartgirl said:
Yeah as a man..yourself...what he said was not leading on?those plans together?then he will say... YOU EXPECT ME TO PUT MY LIFE ON HOLD FOR YOU?!? He is been honest i know...he was honest with the things he said, but what it hurts was.. i was the second option it seems?? Still looking for another, then if no one comes, it should be me who wait in stand by?
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I understand how you must feel. I don't know his side of the story or his way of thinking so please keep that in mind, but I wouldn't condone what he did or say it's okay from your perspective. Sometimes people change and desires change and it's not always fair. If he did lead you on, that was wrong of him. At the same time I would never say it's okay to use deception to get those answers either. Hopefully that makes sense. I am sorry you have been hurt and I hope things look up for you soon. God bless :)
 
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setapartgirl

Guest
#44
#44
BruceWayne said:
I understand how you must feel. I don't know his side of the story or his way of thinking so please keep that in mind, but I wouldn't condone what he did or say it's okay from your perspective. Sometimes people change and desires change and it's not always fair. If he did lead you on, that was wrong of him. At the same time I would never say it's okay to use deception to get those answers either. Hopefully that makes sense. I am sorry you have been hurt and I hope things look up for you soon. God bless :)
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Yeah i know that's why there's a regret and still have what if's, what if i did not to that?!?but still i am just like an option to him. Il be fine thank you, maybe somethings are not meant to be.
 
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setapartgirl

Guest
#45
#45
shineyourlight said:
Hey, setapartgirl.

I'm sure you are hurting and I'm sorry that he was lying to you. I am also against fake accounts and I can understand why he would get mad at you pretending to be a different person.

However, I don't think this is the most healthiest relationship. Out of insecurities, you decided to make an account because you wanted to be "sure" instead of just being up front with him and asking him. And he, lied to you and continued doing so. Both aren't the most mature actions.

I'm not trying to be rude or be offensive, it's not my heart's intent. But, this just isn't healthy and I understand you weren't sure and you were feeling a tad insecure about it all, but the best thing to do is just ask him. Should he have lied? No. Should you have made a fake account? No. Both weren't the wisest decisions, but it happened and it is what it is. But doesn't make both choices the right ones.

We do mess up and there's grace for it.

At least you now know his intentions and hopefully can find rest in God during this time!

You're loved. :)
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Yes sis, i understand, that was so immature of me, what if i did not do it?maybe until now, we are fine, i am not hurting, but then everytime how long?till he will just say...i'm sorry, i found someone new...sorry to you...there's a big chance because he keeps looking, and i know, my mistake also because i did not trust God enough, i messed up, i even ruined the friendship we had, but what he did hurts me too. Il be fine, maybe we are not meant to be and our relationship was not healthy you are right. Will never do it again. Thank you
 
Utah

Utah

Banned
#46
Dec 1, 2014
9,701
251
0
#46
pwrnJC said:
being "HIGH CALIBER" should include honesty...and I gave it as much as I could on that post without pure insult. God will never ask about someone's online 'romance' but HE will ask you about your their relationship with His Son, JESUS. If you keep that in mind...hopefully, the one who posted it will soon realize that 100 years from now, it will NOT matter how that online 'affair" went sour. It's 'water under the bridge" and actually, being TOTALLY HONEST this time: Being sweet and helpful is not always the way to make a positive influence when it comes to silliness. Example: JESUS did not Sweet talk the temple sellers. He made a whip, snapped it at them yelled and screamed (original Hebrew), turned over their tables, scattered their coins, set the animals free and much more. Imagine those temple sellers going home with no income, claiming that some Nazarene idiot went crazy and caused all kinds of damage!. Hurrah for JESUS, I say! Sometimes, you just can't 'sweet talk" yourself into a situation.
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You're comparing a young woman's heartache with greedy, disrespectful swine. Completely different. That said, I have no room to talk. I'm the king of sarcasm and am not proud of it. I've been putting serious effort into softening my heart, and when my mission is complete, I pray you're not the one who takes over the sarcasm throne.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#47
Aug 2, 2009
24,580
4,268
113
#47
Westboro Baptist Church...

that all I'm sayin.. :rolleyes:
 
Utah

Utah

Banned
#48
Dec 1, 2014
9,701
251
0
#48
BruceWayne said:
I can't agree with making a fake account. I think he had a right to get upset with that no matter the situation. But, on the bright side, as others have said, at least you know his intentions now and have the reason to move on. :)
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Of course he had every right to be upset -- with himself. The punk proclaimed to love Jesus yet he was playing one of Satan's greatest games. He was being deceptive playing with a woman's heart and he got busted. Jesus says, one day all things will be brought to Light, and that dude's day came a little sooner than he thought. He was exposed, lost control, lost a good woman and his pride was hurt. I give setapartgirl an A+.
 
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setapartgirl

Guest
#50
#50
zeroturbulence said:
Westboro Baptist Church...

that all I'm sayin.. :rolleyes:
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Utah said:
Of course he had every right to be upset -- with himself. The punk proclaimed to love Jesus yet he was playing one of Satan's greatest games. He was being deceptive playing with a woman's heart and he got busted. Jesus says, one day all things will be brought to Light, and that dude's day came a little sooner than he thought. He was exposed, lost control, lost a good woman and his pride was hurt. I give setapartgirl an A+.
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Thank you sir, i know somehow what i did was wrong, but atleast now i know who he is, he was angry because he was get caught?feeling tricked?or embarrased? We are not official a lovers but we are more than friends, and he should not lead me on! He should not told me we will together, go to this place,have a future...he wants me to go there on his place and according to him this is not leading on, when i said that he did lead me on, i choose him because he is a christian, he had a dark past but i still accept him because he is seeking God, i said sorry to him a lot of times and almost begging him to forgive me, he just said, i already forgiven you, but do not contact me again, ever! Don't text me, email me or anything, this is how it ends. But despite of it all i still love him, though he doesnt deserve it, i should move on..i know but sometimes i was thinking what if i did not do what i did, maybe i am not hurting now, but what's done is done. Right?
 
Utah

Utah

Banned
#51
Dec 1, 2014
9,701
251
0
#51
He's playing a childish game. He knows you care for him and want to talk to him but he's trying to control you by not allowing you to talk to him. Trust me, he wants nothing more than for you to be reaching out to him, crying as you try to talk to him. Don't play his game.
 
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setapartgirl

Guest
#52
#52
Utah said:
He's playing a childish game. He knows you care for him and want to talk to him but he's trying to control you by not allowing you to talk to him. Trust me, he wants nothing more than for you to be reaching out to him, crying as you try to talk to him. Don't play his game.
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Yes sir, you are right, though i miss him and our daily talk, though i dont want anything but to talk to him, i will just read all of your advices here and pray to God, to give me strenght and to gain my self respect back, and your advices, i don't want them to put invain, pleas pray for me too. He is no better. THANK YOU
 
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ServantStrike

Guest
#53
#53
pwrnJC said:
being "HIGH CALIBER" should include honesty...and I gave it as much as I could on that post without pure insult. God will never ask about someone's online 'romance' but HE will ask you about your their relationship with His Son, JESUS. If you keep that in mind...hopefully, the one who posted it will soon realize that 100 years from now, it will NOT matter how that online 'affair" went sour. It's 'water under the bridge" and actually, being TOTALLY HONEST this time: Being sweet and helpful is not always the way to make a positive influence when it comes to silliness. Example: JESUS did not Sweet talk the temple sellers. He made a whip, snapped it at them yelled and screamed (original Hebrew), turned over their tables, scattered their coins, set the animals free and much more. Imagine those temple sellers going home with no income, claiming that some Nazarene idiot went crazy and caused all kinds of damage!. Hurrah for JESUS, I say! Sometimes, you just can't 'sweet talk" yourself into a situation.
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100 years from now this woman will not remember this incident, but I can promise you there will come a day when you, myself, and everyone else on this forum will be held accountable for every careless word we have ever uttered.

Implied here is that when you meet someone who has their heart broken, the appropriate response is to tear into them like a rabid animal. Do you feel as though that would have been Christ's response? Care to explain why Christ was so compassionate to sinners who came to him genuinely interested in His help? This woman did not behave in the manner of the money changers you speak of, so why bring the attitude?



As for the OP, the only thing I could think that you did wrong was it was deceitful to try and create a fake profile just to check up on this guy. Learn from this experience - when someone spurns you romantically, just move on and get on with your life.
 
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setapartgirl

Guest
#54
#54
ServantStrike said:
100 years from now this woman will not remember this incident, but I can promise you there will come a day when you, myself, and everyone else on this forum will be held accountable for every careless word we have ever uttered.

Implied here is that when you meet someone who has their heart broken, the appropriate response is to tear into them like a rabid animal. Do you feel as though that would have been Christ's response? Care to explain why Christ was so compassionate to sinners who came to him genuinely interested in His help? This woman did not behave in the manner of the money changers you speak of, so why bring the attitude?



As for the OP, the only thing I could think that you did wrong was it was deceitful to try and create a fake profile just to check up on this guy. Learn from this experience - when someone spurns you romantically, just move on and get on with your life.
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Thank you, i will move on, i have to... and its right too...one day will come, i won't even remember this hurt.
 
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ServantStrike

Guest
#55
#55
setapartgirl said:
Thank you, i will move on, i have to... and its right too...one day will come, i won't even remember this hurt.
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Think about it this way dear sister.

You don't have to worry about wasting your time with this man any more. You can spend that time on more productive activities. Read your bible, talk to friends or family, or even spend some of the time searching for someone who will treat you with respect. As long as you don't let your search for a date consume you, there is nothing wrong the act of searching for a companion.

I could also be wrong here, but I'm guessing that in your culture, men promise marriage much more quickly than they do in the US. This man took advantage of that and you probably thought due to the comparatively long period of time (4 months) that you talked to him, that he had marriage in mind.
 
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setapartgirl

Guest
#56
#56
ServantStrike said:
Think about it this way dear sister.

You don't have to worry about wasting your time with this man any more. You can spend that time on more productive activities. Read your bible, talk to friends or family, or even spend some of the time searching for someone who will treat you with respect. As long as you don't let your search for a date consume you, there is nothing wrong the act of searching for a companion.

I could also be wrong here, but I'm guessing that in your culture, men promise marriage much more quickly than they do in the US. This man took advantage of that and you probably thought due to the comparatively long period of time (4 months) that you talked to him, that he had marriage in mind.
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Thank you for the kind words sir, i was teary eyed because of it, i won't search anymore, if someone will come, then he will come, and as per your advise,i did not expect him to marry me right away all i want is exclusivity and faithfulness, i will just continue seeking God more, do the things He wants me to do,helping my friends who aren't save yet, know him, i will have my cell group here anyway, and i need to fix myself, ask God to give me strenght, because how can i help others if i am broken myself.
Thank you to all of you, to these wonderful advices, i should have known from the start that i should put everything in Christ, but its not too late yet, right?!?
 
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ServantStrike

Guest
#57
#57
setapartgirl said:
Thank you for the kind words sir, i was teary eyed because of it, i won't search anymore, if someone will come, then he will come, and as per your advise,i did not expect him to marry me right away all i want is exclusivity and faithfulness, i will just continue seeking God more, do the things He wants me to do,helping my friends who aren't save yet, know him, i will have my cell group here anyway, and i need to fix myself, ask God to give me strenght, because how can i help others if i am broken myself.
Thank you to all of you, to these wonderful advices, i should have known from the start that i should put everything in Christ, but its not too late yet, right?!?
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Oh, I wouldn't use phrases like too late! It doesn't sound like you ever lost focus on the fact that you wanted Christ - you wanted a Godly man.

The only mistake you made was trusting another human being. That isn't a mistake as long as you keep things in perspective:
- Keep your faith alive
- Stay productive in your work
- Don't neglect your friends and family


If you want to skip online dating, perhaps you might try going to other churches around you. Try social events where you can meet other people in a safe environment. There is nothing wrong with trying to find a husband as long as you don't let the search consume you.

I would even say you could continue to try the online dating, but establish a timeframe for how much effort and time you will expend on someone you meet on a dating site before you expect them to take you on a date, and make sure that the date is safe (in public, let others know where you are going, etc.)

I just got out of the online dating scene - because I'm now engaged :). One of the rules I set for myself was I wouldn't spend more than a few hours talking back and forth with a woman if she wouldn't entertain the thought of me taking her to dinner. There was just something really wrong with a woman not allowing me to buy her dinner.

Don't give up. Keep searching, just don't lose perspective of who you are - a child of God.
 
violakat

violakat

Senior Member
#58
Apr 23, 2014
1,236
21
38
#58
As I stated, only if you had not been in contact, would I think he might have felt like you were a stalker. Not if you were talking with him all this time. Actually, I think it's wise to be sure of someone before you meet them.
setapartgirl said:
We are really still pretty much in contact, we even chatting while im also talking to him using another fake account, what hurts the most is, he lead me on, said he wants me, we are not in a relationship but let's say we are almost there, planning to be on this place, going to be this place, working on this same place, and all those stuff,
Then when we had an argument he said he didnt lead me on, he never propose to me or anyone else, he said you are not my wife. Blah blah blah, making those plans are not leading on in your point of view? And why he is so angry so much? Because he was embarrassed?
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setapartgirl

Guest
#59
#59
violakat said:
As I stated, only if you had not been in contact, would I think he might have felt like you were a stalker. Not if you were talking with him all this time. Actually, I think it's wise to be sure of someone before you meet them.
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So what i did was somehow right??
Or should i feel guilty about it?
I am ready to move on, because our case is a hopeless case,
But i feel like i need to message him and say sorry and vent out my emotions to completely move on, though i did it before i said sorry, but i know he was still upset maybe? We parted ways with hatred with each other, said nasty words, but my conscience seems telling me to say sorry or i shouldn't not? Because there were things that are better left unsaid and just move on??
 
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setapartgirl

Guest
#60
#60
ServantStrike said:
Oh, I wouldn't use phrases like too late! It doesn't sound like you ever lost focus on the fact that you wanted Christ - you wanted a Godly man.

The only mistake you made was trusting another human being. That isn't a mistake as long as you keep things in perspective:
- Keep your faith alive
- Stay productive in your work
- Don't neglect your friends and family


If you want to skip online dating, perhaps you might try going to other churches around you. Try social events where you can meet other people in a safe environment. There is nothing wrong with trying to find a husband as long as you don't let the search consume you.

I would even say you could continue to try the online dating, but establish a timeframe for how much effort and time you will expend on someone you meet on a dating site before you expect them to take you on a date, and make sure that the date is safe (in public, let others know where you are going, etc.)

I just got out of the online dating scene - because I'm now engaged :). One of the rules I set for myself was I wouldn't spend more than a few hours talking back and forth with a woman if she wouldn't entertain the thought of me taking her to dinner. There was just something really wrong with a woman not allowing me to buy her dinner.

Don't give up. Keep searching, just don't lose perspective of who you are - a child of God.
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Yeah you must be right i think i must stay away from online dating now, and just face the real world, there's somone out there, maybe God is not giving me a man yet because He knows i am not ready yet, still need to grow more perhaps?must focus on Him? Well others are destined to be single, maybe i am one of them? Seems my past relationship eithet they will messed it up or i will messed it up, i know i am just 28, but somehow maybe God wants me to be single instead?or am i not just yet ready and i do childish things sometimes i guess?
 
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