Is It More Difficult To Find A Mate In 2010 Than In 1910?

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QuestionTime

Senior Member
Feb 16, 2010
1,435
20
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#21
I noticed that guys think that girls are pretty when they look sweet, kind and gentle. Emphasis on the word look there. Its very ironic that this is what we find beautiful when most girls who LOOK like that are neither sweet, nor kind nor gentle. They only look like they are. And often the girls who are overweight and etc are the ones who are kind and sweet.
I know what you mean. If only these women cared to look as good inside as they do outside. Many men are the same however.

Quest
 

Sharp

Senior Member
May 5, 2009
2,565
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#22
I think the solution is to try and marry people who were alive in 1910. I bet they're much nicer.
 

Liamson

Senior Member
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
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#23
I would rather stay single until I die, than spend the rest of my life with the wrong woman, especially for the purpose of not being alone. If we are looking to settle we are just going to wind up settling. If we are passionate in the service of God and unapologetically willing to go to the end of the world, for our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ, then let Him be our purpose. If in the midst and the depths of the will of God I should find myself alone, the Lord will be my companion and my provider. Through Him all things are possible. He is my Lighthouse and He will never leave me alone, hopefully this you understand.
 
Aug 2, 2009
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#24
One important thing to remember about 1910 is that this was in the heart of the Victorian Era. Marriage was not the soul searching process it is today; it was a duty rather than a choice. If a daughter did not get married and become the ward of her husband, she was still the ward of her parents until they died off or she could somehow produce her own income, which was basically impossible, and not attractive to middle-class women anyways. Another thing to think about is the sheer variety we have available today causes us to expect more out of a spouse. In 1910, options were limited to the people you could meet face to face, thus the threshold was lowered significantly. And now that this wider variety of marital options is open to us today, many find it much harder to sift through the people they know, and find a person who's life image corresponds to your own.

I don't know whether it was better to marry in 1910 or now, but there's certainly a lot more freedom today, which I personally appreciate!
Wow! Are you sure you're only 19? That is some very good wisdom, especially coming from someone your age.
 
K

Kassey

Guest
#25
I would rather stay single until I die, than spend the rest of my life with the wrong woman, especially for the purpose of not being alone. If we are looking to settle we are just going to wind up settling. If we are passionate in the service of God and unapologetically willing to go to the end of the world, for our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ, then let Him be our purpose. If in the midst and the depths of the will of God I should find myself alone, the Lord will be my companion and my provider. Through Him all things are possible. He is my Lighthouse and He will never leave me alone, hopefully this you understand.
I agree.

I feel many people rush into marriage and then divorce when they can't hack it. It's important to find someone who is also a strong in their faith for God. God is love anyways, so what better way to keep your marriage together and in love if you keep God(who is the definition of love) the focus point.
 
K

Kay_Kay

Guest
#26
I suspect most marriages in 1910 were more for convience then love. So yes, finding a mate in 2010 would be quite a chore comparatively.

In my experience Christian men are way too picky when it comes to dating. The standard for most men is high, but Christian men seem to be holding out with Angelina Jolie with the heart of a saint and brains that would stump Alex Trabek. It transcends reality. We all have an idea of who we want to love us in our head, but that person doesn't exist, people in the church need to start mingling with people who do.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#27
I suspect most marriages in 1910 were more for convience then love. So yes, finding a mate in 2010 would be quite a chore comparatively.

In my experience Christian men are way too picky when it comes to dating. The standard for most men is high, but Christian men seem to be holding out with Angelina Jolie with the heart of a saint and brains that would stump Alex Trabek. It transcends reality. We all have an idea of who we want to love us in our head, but that person doesn't exist, people in the church need to start mingling with people who do.
I definetly think that some christians go to extremes when it comes to dating, non-christian people are so casual and will do whatever with whoever and some christian people are so strict that if you don't meet 25 criteria on a checklist you can't be the one, I wish there were more people taking a balanced approach.

The world is such a different place now from 100 years ago, so many factors are different now so maybe we have more freedom to pick and choose but you don't need to look too far to see how that can be destructive, there were probably good and bad things then just as now, those things are just different.
 
S

shanaynay-deleted

Guest
#28
Are people just too picky? Too self-centered perhaps?


^^^ i know a couple of christians that wont go with girls that have a "lil thickness"or chubby....ppl are too worried about looks..and dont care if that person is an airhead,as long as they look good..

WHAT?? Oh no...oh no... hold up!
Are you trying to say I need to lose some weight? You better not even think about it! :p

Ahh..no for real.. I think that we are a visual and sensorial species. We seek that which stimulates the senses. Sad but true because we need to feel. So even at times people jump from rush to rush to cater to the sensory need they have at the time. I can say that I have been caught up in the..oh no way will I even go there unless he is not like really hot. But even like hot guys can be like totally lame you know..when they speak. OMG ;)
And well I could be even more shallow but I will hold it.

My point is that the rush to satisfy a sensory need is often not well thought out. It damages unity and trust. It builds resentment, guilt, and more confusion. Over time, I think this has happened because people have so many resources that offer immediate gratification.
People don't want to get locked in and feel suffering. They want an option to freedom, change, and pleasure without judgment.

The only way this is changed is submission to the Lord, and feeling him fulfill the needs that we seek to satisfy by those external materialistic sources. He is the only one that can re-route our thinking and impulses. If we seek the external stimulation too much it becomes a habit, and we can't heal effectively.
Yea I guess it is more difficult. But I have always found it difficult so have no personal comparison. But the great thing is that it can just be another way we can rely on him to fulfill our needs according to what he feels is best for us.


 

Pheonix

Senior Member
Jan 17, 2007
578
7
18
#29
I definetly think that some christians go to extremes when it comes to dating, non-christian people are so casual and will do whatever with whoever and some christian people are so strict that if you don't meet 25 criteria on a checklist you can't be the one, I wish there were more people taking a balanced approach.

The world is such a different place now from 100 years ago, so many factors are different now so maybe we have more freedom to pick and choose but you don't need to look too far to see how that can be destructive, there were probably good and bad things then just as now, those things are just different.
I have just one criteria. I want to be able to trust her with everything. So far I'm batting 0.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#30
I have just one criteria. I want to be able to trust her with everything. So far I'm batting 0.
Well I'd say that's a reasonable expectation :) and you're not the only one struggling to find that :( so maybe tommorow ;)

But I'm referring more to the fact that some people I see online and in real life have a relationship and something causes a problem, it might be smoking, gossiping etc.. a small issue in the grand scheme of things and the kind of things we all do/struggle with at some point...but because it's been a problem in relationships past they make a point of guarding against it in the future by saying they won't date someone who smokes or gossips.

That bugs me because what are you looking for? the perfect person?? and just because it caused a problem before you know it's more about the person not the problem they have, different person means different personality means that issue will have a different effect on the relationship.
Perhaps the next person will find it easier to stop, perhaps they will be more receptive to your feelings on the issue etc...

My point is you've got to plan on doing the work and not try to avoid it, we're all gonna come broken at the end of the day .
 

QuestionTime

Senior Member
Feb 16, 2010
1,435
20
38
#31
I suspect most marriages in 1910 were more for convience then love. So yes, finding a mate in 2010 would be quite a chore comparatively.

In my experience Christian men are way too picky when it comes to dating. The standard for most men is high, but Christian men seem to be holding out with Angelina Jolie with the heart of a saint and brains that would stump Alex Trabek. It transcends reality. We all have an idea of who we want to love us in our head, but that person doesn't exist, people in the church need to start mingling with people who do.
I don't think most men want a woman that intelligent. A woman from my old Church - that I really liked - was a bit of an air head at times. She had a kind heart though.

Quest
 

Pheonix

Senior Member
Jan 17, 2007
578
7
18
#33
Has anyone ever heard a question like the following?

"If you were trapped in bioshpere 1 who would you take. Playboy playmate of the year of time magazines woman of the year?"

My answer to that question is this. I'd take neither. The playmate would be of no use at all except maybe as food when she died of starvation after refusing to eat bugs and I had to resort to canibalism, and the time magazine worman would spend the whole time explaining to me why it was my fault we were even in the situation instead of doing something useful.

I know, its intended to be silly, but it gets my point across. These days it seems like we guys have the choice of either silly women or feminists who think men are the epitomy of all the evil in the world. Funny though how the second they want a baby they run to a sperm bank for a "man's" dna, and then complain because there'd no father for the child.

I actually have had a woman complain because I held a door open for her. She made a big stink about how she didn't need a mans help to hold a door and she could do it herself. So I told her next time I'd slam it closed in her face just so she could open it herself. Funny how she didn't say a word either to me or about it again despite the fact I continued to hold the door open for her on a sporadic basis.