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Christian and single? Seek (or give) advice and encouragement here.

Thread: I just want to find a good man!

  1. #1
    midge
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    Default I just want to find a good man!

    I don't care but I am gonna say this. I am TIRED of waiting for God to find me my man. He sure is taking a long time.

  2. #2
    iraasuup
    Guest

    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    Hmm, wow! Well I'm sorry not to be harsh but seriously I think you need a reality check. I think it would be much better to be 28 and still single waiting for God to send that perfect man along for you.. than already married and unhappy because you realise he may not have been the right person for you... eh?
    Sallyhill likes this.

  3. #3
    voiceoftruth
    Guest

    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    I wanna find a good man to but on Gods timing not mine.
    It does get frustrating sometimes waiting. But I don't want to mess things up

  4. #4
    MadDawg
    Guest

    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    I would agree with yall, but I dont wanna find a good man... lol. Good women are getting harder and harder to find also.

  5. #5
    Ancilla
    Guest

    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    Hey you're my age, that's so cool! Anyway, I know what you mean. Thanks to Facebook I now know how many of my friends from high school and university are now married. I never thought I'd still be unmarried at 28. But, then I read "How to get a Date Worth Keeping" by Dr. Henry Cloud and it really, dramatically shook the way that I think about dating and marriage and everything. The guy is a very well respected Christian psychologist. I just can't recommend the book highly enough. You often speak in hyperbole, but now is not one of those times. To say that it changed my life wouldn't even be exaggerating. I'm not kidding.

  6. #6
    Ancilla
    Guest

    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    http://www.amazon.ca/How-Get-Date-Wo...5946155&sr=8-1

    There. Now you don't even have to look for it.

  7. #7
    midge
    Guest

    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    I just wanted to see how many people would comment on my thread.
    And I will check out that book. Thanks!!

  8. #8
    xspinningisfun
    Guest

    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    I'm single and made a promise to God that I will no longer date.
    It sucks, because sometimes I want to.
    I already like this guy, but I'm praying to God that this might not be the guy for me. You know?

    But the next person I will date, he'll be the guy that I'll marry

  9. #9
    -JCaroline-
    Guest

    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    I'm with you lol

    He is also taking so long with mine.

    It is bored being alone and it's worst when you see a couple kissing, and you wish you could be in the same position, (wanted to be love) ... : (

    Not fair! xD

  10. #10
    Ancilla
    Guest

    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    See, Midge, I went to Amazon.com hoping it would see the back cover. I don't have my copy with me, I lent it to my boyfriend when I first met him and I never got it back. Because I'm certain that the back cover says something the target audience for the book includes those who "Have been waiting on God to bring the them the right one... and have been waiting a very long time." They did, however, have an excerpt that says,

    "Some of his tenets may take Christian readers by surprise: he asserts, for example, that there's no one Mr. or Ms. Right for each person, and that people should stop waiting around for a dream individual to sweep them off their feet. ("God guides and provides," Cloud states, "but he also requires us to do our part.")"

    Like I said, this book really, really shook everything I believed in dating. But, I'll say it again, he knows what he's talking about. He's Christians and a psychologist, and he has years of practice. AND, he doesn't only have years of experience just generally as a psychologist, he has years of experience of watching singles following his advice and ended up in happy marriages. I read his other (co-authored) book "Boundaries in Dating" and I remember thinking about how much sense it made for a couple of psychologists who have years of experience doing marriage counseling. They see problems down the road that can be prevented in dating and they warn about them. I mean, they have this chapter in that book called "Beware when opposites attract." Now, I'd never really thought about opposites attracting. I mean, that kind of thing just happened in Rebel without a Cause, right? Nothing I'd actually ever find myself in. I mean, why would I be interested in a guy who's the opposite of me in every way? Well, that's not what happens. What happens is that people are attracted to people who are similar to them except strong in areas where they're weak. So, I happen to have learning disabilities so I like guys who are very academic (my current boyfriend is a grad student and both his parents hold PhDs). I'm also hopelessly disorganized. I'd love to marry a guy who's more orgainzed than me, BUT, if he likes too much order, I'm going to drive him nuts. Do you see the problem? Do you see how that's the kind of thing that only marriage councellor would know about? I mean, any idiot can tell you don't marry someone who's a slob if your super neat, but to get into why that actually happends, requires a psychologist.

  11. #11
    voiceoftruth
    Guest

    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    oh yeah it is really hard when you see other couples kissing and stuff both my best friends are gonna get married within the next to year and i don't even have a bf right now. I am pretty content with it right now though.. i have no desire to date anyone right this moment.

  12. #12
    Ancilla
    Guest

    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    See, my opinion on Christian marriage and courtship differs a lot from a lot of other people on this forum. I had those same kind of views when I was 18. I read this really awful book (which shall remain nameless) when I was in university for a paper in religious studies on literature for Christian singles (oh HOW I wish that I had Dr. Cloud's book at the time). This book really stressed sitting back and waiting on God. I remember thinking "Ok, this is all Biblical, and I believe this in theory, why don't I feel better?" Because I knew that many women who wanted to get married waited on God and the right guy never came.* I was left wondering "How do I know that won't happen to me???" Well, I have recently looked at that book and I wondered by I took it so seriously back then. First of all, that author has no credientals in the area of relationships and she is not herself married. Hardly gives her the authority to write a book on dating, does it? Secondly, the scripture she quotes is grossly misinterpreted. Third, (and this is a big one for me) thinking it's wrong to take an active role in looking for the right person is a popular belief with Christians, but it's not rooted in anything. Like I've heard so many Christians say something to that effect (especially on this website) but they're not justifying it with scripture. Take Ruth for example, she got dressed in her best, walked right up to Boaz and told him he could marry her to fulfill the comandment. When I read that I was like "Wow, I didn't know women back then were allowed to be so bold." Oh, and then slept at his feet, remember? Is that what we're supposed to do to get a guy's attention.

    Anyway, what I'm trying to say is this, books for Christian singles are great. But always take the advice of an author who's married and has some kind of degree in a relavent field, over an unmarried person who doesn't have the credientials.

    Like, Dr. Cloud's book opens with the following situation: his female employee in her mid-30s casually mentions that she always thought she'd be married with kids by the time she was that age. He tells her that if she does whatever he tells her to do for the next six months he'll get her dating. A few months later, she was in a serious relationship with the right guy, and they eventually got married. I checked out the author of that other book I mentioned, and she's still single, 7 years after her book was published. Why am I not suprised? Anyway, I have to get off the computer.

    *Although since I thought that 5 years ago, some of these women have since gotten married.

  13. #13
    Ancilla
    Guest

    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    Here's another example of what i mean http://www.christianitytoday.com/sin.../mind0618.html

    The first four myths this guy talks about are not only common with Christians, but common with users of this forum. But again, you can't argue with his credentials.

  14. #14
    incorporatestreet
    Guest

    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    Quote Originally Posted by midge View Post
    I don't care but I am gonna say this. I am TIRED of waiting for God to find me my man. He sure is taking a long time.

    what is up with everyone getting so impatient with god?
    dont you think the man he has for you will be worth the wait?
    love is patient, love is kind...

    being patient IS tiring. but you need to make sure that you have
    an intimate relationship with GOD first, before you can maintain
    a relationship with the opposite sex.

  15. #15
    midge
    Guest

    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    So my life must not be right because God hasn't brought me my man. That is what you are saying. I must not have given my life FULLY to God. So if God hasn't brought me a man by my 50's its because I haven't surrendered COMPLETELY to Him. NO. I am going to keep doing what I have been doing.

    I give my day to God in the morning, afternoon, evening. I am going to keep meeting new people and helping them grow closer to God. Maybe I will help a friend find her mr. right. I will not be looking for a MR. RIGHT NOW...But I will be looking for a Mr. Right. Who knows when God will bring him to me, but I am gonna help HIM along.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    I think the problem is these people who have almost miraculous meetings (or say they do) and marry "the one", "God's choice" , however we like to put it, then go ahead and write a book about their experience and " how to do it" thinking that everyone's life is the same as theirs. It sounds like a match made in heaven. But this seems to be far from the norm for most people.

    The problem is "God's choice" is very subjective. Isn't it funny how "God's choice" changes depending upon our desires and likes/dislikes? Maybe it is "our choice" afterall. Perhaps God's choice is the scruffy dirty looking fellow at the back of the church that no one speaks to, or the goth looking female with 20 nose piercings down the front of the church. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying " I simply don't like the person" rather than spiritualising it and saying "they weren't the one, or they weren't God's choice, or they were second best, or "satan's choice'..". .There's really no need to over-spiritualise something which is a basic God-given desire of human nature.

    I'm pretty sure there's nothing wrong with being pro-active.. I really don't see a problem with looking , at least weigh up your current options or place yourself in situations to increase your chances. Waiting on God is active waiting not passive. But that doesn't mean to be close-minded to God's leading or warning.

  17. #17
    incorporatestreet
    Guest

    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    Quote Originally Posted by midge View Post
    So my life must not be right because God hasn't brought me my man. That is what you are saying. I must not have given my life FULLY to God. So if God hasn't brought me a man by my 50's its because I haven't surrendered COMPLETELY to Him. NO. I am going to keep doing what I have been doing.

    I give my day to God in the morning, afternoon, evening. I am going to keep meeting new people and helping them grow closer to God. Maybe I will help a friend find her mr. right. I will not be looking for a MR. RIGHT NOW...But I will be looking for a Mr. Right. Who knows when God will bring him to me, but I am gonna help HIM along.



    why do you think god needs your help bringing mr.right into your life?
    he doesnt. and no thats not what i was saying at all.
    but in order to maintain a healthy relationship, you need to have GOD
    be the focus first. he doesnt need our help. we need HIS help.
    that is why we surrender everything to him. right?

  18. #18
    Londonguy
    Guest

    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    Hi... I was in the same position as you. I saw couples around me and thought what about me? Does God have someone for me and I wanted to marry someone who loved God, one that was spiritually-compatible. And you know, I have found her... and married her nearly 5 years ago. She is an amazing woman, but more than, we have an AMAZING God who ordered my steps to her. The reason why I say all that, is because the Lord placed on my heart (and my wife's) to write a book, to help those who are looking for God's BEST in a marital partner. So we did, praise God! We explain our times loneliness, struggles, wondering 'when?' and 'if'.. and most importently, 'how'. And the Lord showed us Biblical principles in meeting that special person. We share our story, because God told us to. We have already had wonderful feedback. I believe this book will help. Its a really easy read (quite a small book), called 'Matchmade in Heaven- How to find your God Given partner. Its available on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk. We have one review on the UK site if you want to have a look. Here's a direct link:


    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/088...&sr=8-1&seller=

    If you do read it, we'd love your feedback!

    May you find the one you are looking for. Trust me, you'll be so blessed!

    Sunil & Janeene Chothi
    London, England

  19. #19
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    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!


    Hi... I was in the same position as you. I saw couples around me and thought what about me? Does God have someone for me and I wanted to marry someone who loved God, one that was spiritually-compatible. And you know, I have found her... and married her nearly 5 years ago. She is an amazing woman, but more than, we have an AMAZING God who ordered my steps to her. The reason why I say all that, is because the Lord placed on my heart (and my wife's) to write a book, to help those who are looking for God's BEST in a marital partner. So we did, praise God! We explain our times loneliness, struggles, wondering 'when?' and 'if'.. and most importently, 'how'. And the Lord showed us Biblical principles in meeting that special person. We share our story, because God told us to. We have already had wonderful feedback. I believe this book will help. Its a really easy read (quite a small book), called 'Matchmade in Heaven- How to find your God Given partner. Its available on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk. We have one review on the UK site if you want to have a look. Here's a direct link:

    lol, as I said previously:

    I think the problem is these people who have almost miraculous meetings (or say they do) and marry "the one", "God's choice" , however we like to put it, then go ahead and write a book about their experience and " how to do it" thinking that everyone's life is the same as theirs. It sounds like a match made in heaven. But this seems to be far from the norm for most people.

  20. #20
    Ancilla
    Guest

    Default Re: I just want to find a good man!

    Quote Originally Posted by incorporatestreet View Post
    why do you think god needs your help bringing mr.right into your life?
    he doesnt.
    This is what I've been wondering for years. It is my perception* that Americans (and Canadians too, to a lesser extent) love "God helps people who help themselves" kind of theology. BUT, when it comes to finding the right person, it's just the opposite. And what drives me even more nuts, is that they never seem to justify that position. I mean, try finding that in the Bible. Try finding a couple in the Bible that met without a human taking in active role.** Yes, God brought Adam and Eve together, but they were also naked when they met, it doesn't mean we should do the same. When I think about my Christian friends who are married, lots of them did not have to take an active role in finding the right person. I could understand how it could be tempting for them to assume that's how God wants everyone to meet. But then I remember all my other Christian friends who met their spouse on-line or whatever. And I remember my grandparents who were truly a match made in Heaven. But they didn't meet until they were in their 30s. I guess from my grandpa's point of view it was really a case of waiting on God. We never actually asked her, but my dad suspects that she moved out here specifically because she wanted to meet a guy to marry. When she came out here to go to her brother's wedding, she probably saw how many single friends he had her age, and so she decided to move out here. We have no record of how my grandparents met, but we do know, that if my grandma had not taken that active step in moving out here (which included leaving a job she probably loved and went to a job she probably didn't love) than she wouldn't have had my dad, then I wouldn't exist. So I owe my very existence to my grandmother having the courage to follow God's call for her to get married (of course the latter part is an assumption. We don't know for sure that's why she moved here).

    Quote Originally Posted by incorporatestreet View Post
    but in order to maintain a healthy relationship, you need to have GOD
    be the focus first. he doesnt need our help. we need HIS help.
    that is why we surrender everything to him. right?
    First of all, Midge never said she had trouble maintaining a healthy relationship. She's saying she's having trouble meeting the right guy.

    Secondly, I read a really good book in university called Singles at the Cross-roads. It addresses the issue that many Christian adults who've never been married wonder if older Christians see them as being less of an adult. But what I'd like to add is that singles can feel like less of a Christian. See, when you're a teenager you get told that you can't get married because God isn't done "preparing your heart" or something. I mean, that is true. You shouldn't get married before you are spiritually mature. BUT, we (or at least I) was also told that once we were spiritually mature than God would bring us the right one. So, if we haven't been brought the right one, then it must mean that God doesn't think we're spiritually mature enough, and that's definitely not true... or at least not necessarily true. I know a lot of very spiritually mature unmarried Christians. Why they're single is because, I don't know, none of my business. I don't know, maybe they so good at being focused on God that He wants to keep them all to themselves. No, I'm kidding. God doesn't do that.

    But really Incorporatestreet, I don't mean to sound condescending, but I used to think just like that when I was your age. But I've learned differently from others with more experience than me.

    *Again, this is just my perception, if I'm wrong, please correct me.
    **There may very well be such a couple, just none come to mind. If you know of such a couple, please tell me where.

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