Intimacy outside marriage

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Daye

Guest
#1
#1
Hi!
I am 20 and haven t really had any serious relationships, while all my friends are so much more experienced... i feel like i m the only virgin out there, and i don t know if i want to do it just so i can tick a box or bc of the peer pressure. But at the same time, i don t want to grow old and still be in the same situation.
Most of the guys that i talk to seem to not like this idea of still being a virgin, and they think sex is really important. Even my girl friends do think sex is important. But i don t want to upset God.. and i just want a christian guy who can share my points of view...
What do you think? is it worthy to still wait?
 
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Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
You list yourself as a woman.

What's going to matter in the long run, these people in your life now, that probably won't be there in a few years, just to make them happy. Or pleasing an eternal God who you will spend your entire life, and afterlife with?
What's the bigger priority, ticking things off your box of worldly expectations You created just to say you've done things? Or looking back on your life knowing you made right decisions, instead a life of regret?
 
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agirlandherguitar

Guest
#3
#3
Hey girl. I'm 29 and still a virgin and it rocks. Sometimes it's a struggle, especially when you begin dating somebody that you really love and want to invest yourself in fully, but ahh... we have to remind ourselves that as followers of Christ we're counter culture in all ways. There is a lot of pressure to have sex at a young age. Really it's a beautiful part of yourself that you need to cherish and hang onto as long as humanly possible, otherwise giving it away before its time will be painful, confusing and not really that enjoyable because guilt and shame will get in the way. Hopefully you will meet a nice Christian guy, fall in love and get married before you give it away to somebody who wasn't really worth it.

The only thing you need to be careful of is thinking you are in "love", marrying fast because you don't want to have premarital sex and end up both realizing that you rushed into it because you were driven by lust. Very big big BIG common mistake for young Christian couples make.
 
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dalconn

Guest
#4
#4
regrets won't die when mistakes are born...think about it
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#5
#5
I definitely don't champion you giving up your virginity just for the sake of doing it, Christian or not. Try telling some guy you're interested in that you did so, let alone a Christian guy; there's a fair chance they will shy away from you if your values seem so opaque.
 
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johnthree

Member
#6
Nov 18, 2015
73
3
8
#6
Nope dont do it ! Save yourself for the right person you will be happier if you do. If you start going down the wrong path just because everyone else is doing it then how far will you go down that path. What else will you then do because everyone else is doing it.
Find some friends that are Godly, that are not compromising. Also you you could end up getting pregnant and then that will be really bad. I have a child out of marriage. I wasnt a born again Christian when it happened. Its not fair on the child they end up suffering because of it and also the parents too.
God bless you in Jesus name Amen.
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#7
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#7
First of all, welcome to CC.

I am trying to understand your issue here - is the real problem with romance or with sex? If it is a question of romancing outside of marriage (kisses, cuddles, etc.), I think it is fine as long as boundaries are put in place and they are respected at all times. If it is a question of the act of sex, then I would agree with the other posters and advise you not to enter into it. In my experience, many Christians confuse the two. Either they are open to having premarital sex or they become too rigid and even say no to romance. I think a romantic relationship requires a healthy dose of romance for it to last. But how much of it is permissible and what are the boundaries that must be put in place, are questions that the two of you should answer.

Regarding premarital sex, I think it is worth waiting for the person to whom you will be married. It is a matter of self respect because, only if you respect yourself can you expect your boyfriend to respect you. Additionally, by abstaining, you are also protecting yourself from STDs, wrong choices, unwanted pregnancy, etc.
 
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DCrawshawJr

Guest
#8
#8
Hey, props to you for asking about your motivations to be intimate. Somethimes the best thing to do concerning one's own desires is to ask "Why?".

As for sex, yes, wait until marriage to have sex otherwise it's a sin. That should be your main motivator for abstaining as a single person.

I might add, if you often feel that desire to have sex, first pray to Jesus, then go to a minister and ask him if there are any single Christian guys available to marry in Romania. I Corinthians 7:2 stresses marriage to prevent fornication. But above all else, pray for wisdom in this.
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#9
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
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#9
Daye said:
Hi!
I am 20 and haven t really had any serious relationships, while all my friends are so much more experienced... i feel like i m the only virgin out there, and i don t know if i want to do it just so i can tick a box or bc of the peer pressure. But at the same time, i don t want to grow old and still be in the same situation.
Most of the guys that i talk to seem to not like this idea of still being a virgin, and they think sex is really important. Even my girl friends do think sex is important. But i don t want to upset God.. and i just want a christian guy who can share my points of view...
What do you think? is it worthy to still wait?
Click to expand...
I honestly think women are degraded and lowered when pre-maritial sex is going on. I totally think its worth it. You saying your a virgin says you have some self-control. There's an honor to it too.

I'm gonna bullet point my thoughts

1. Its something you should first do for G-d.

2. You have worldly friends... I've been there, I say dump them and look for Christian friends. Its very dangerous in that they may peer pressure you into sinful things like premarital sex. I remember my worldly friends talking about sex in-front of me and they degraded women in their words... that wasn't good for me in that that kind of environment tempted me and I had a bad influence.

3. Yes, look for a Christian guy, please and keep looking, get married with a Christian guy who should be in agreement about staying celibate for marriage. I don't think he has to be a virgin himself but he should be Christian and be willing to stay celibate.

What you should do... is just get your mind wrapped up in G-d. Start reading your bible on a daily basis... make it a habbit. Pray a lot... but as solomon said, let your words be few... meaning pray carefully to G-d with respect to him. Get yourself Christian friends... replace your worldly friends for Christian friends.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#10
Jun 30, 2015
24,692
13,378
113
#10
Daye said:
Most of the guys that i talk to ... think sex is really important. Even my girl friends do think sex is important.
Click to expand...
Well, at least your friends got one part right... sex is really important. In fact, sex is so important that God designed a safe, life-long, totally-committed, monogamous relationship between one man and one woman, into which to put it.

Of course, your friends probably didn't think it is quite that important. :)
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#11
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#11
Daye said:
Hi!
I am 20 and haven t really had any serious relationships, while all my friends are so much more experienced... i feel like i m the only virgin out there, and i don t know if i want to do it just so i can tick a box or bc of the peer pressure. But at the same time, i don t want to grow old and still be in the same situation.
Most of the guys that i talk to seem to not like this idea of still being a virgin, and they think sex is really important. Even my girl friends do think sex is important. But i don t want to upset God.. and i just want a christian guy who can share my points of view...
What do you think? is it worthy to still wait?
Click to expand...
Buna Ziua Daye,

It's tough to be surrounded by people who don't share or respect your values. I'm glad you found CC singles where there are many of us who are committed to waiting to experience sex until we are married. Those who are telling you that sex is so important probably don't know how to sustain a relationship without sex. And there is so much more to relationships and marriage than just having sex.

Anyway, feel free to hang out here and join in with the community. It really is a great place to get support and be reminded that guys who are committed to obeying God really do exist. Stick to your convictions and your obedience not so much because you don't want God to be mad at you (that perspective won't be enough to keep you obedient forever), but because he is a good God and you trust that his commands are there to protect you from all kinds of emotional and possibly physical consequences of sex used wrongly. Also anyone who brings up the topic of sex very quickly is probably seeing you as a convenient set of parts they need to fulfill an urge, not as a person they intend to love, cherish, and be with long term.
 
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coby

Guest
#12
#12
It's fun not to wait or let a guy pressure you into it, real fun for a moment LOL next moment all hell breaks loose.
Plus you get a free demon, a lovely broken heart and never again sex which it was all about in the first place, but you give the devil the time of his life oh and you also ruin someone else.
 
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coby

Guest
#13
#13
Just read Genesis and look what happens when Eve takes the fruit. Something like that.
 
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