Needing some solid advice.. Please and Thank you!

[nwgereen]

I apologize if this post runs a little long, but I am in need of some advice from a non-biased point of view.

I have found myself in the situation of being in love with one of my best friends. This all started about two years ago when we first started hanging out as just friends. About a year ago we decided to try and see if we could be more. When we decided this he was out of town and wouldn’t be home for about five weeks. So while I anxiously waited for him to come home we talked over the phone, texted morning to night etc. There was one small catch. Yes, were best friends, but in our group of four we were also both best friends with a couple. So the four of us had our own little odd family dynamic going. So we decided to keep things between me and him to not cause any tension within our group. So everything I was feeling I couldn’t express quite yet to by best gal pal who was like my sister.

Once he got back, things had changed somehow, I was still 100% wanting to keep building a relationship. But he on the other hand, was pulling away. We went out a few times and seems to be working out as being a couple. Then one day he told me he needed to work on himself and become closer to God before he decides to settle down with anyone. Being a woman strong in my faith and him being a man strong in his faith, I completely supported and understood that. It broke my heart but at the same time I had so much respect for him in being honest with me.
Until two weeks later….
We were at an event with all of our family and friends. When he walks up with a new women. Now I am not one to judge, but I had heard of her to be not that great of an influence on men and rarely faithful. So aside from having my heart ripped out of my chest to the point I actually had to get up and leave as gracefully as I could. I was worried for him. Genuinely worried. Needless to say I told my gal pal everything that night as I was curled up crying on her couch.
About eight months have gone by now. I had actively tried to move on by getting to know someone new. But I still have not been able to shake this genuine love I have for him. I have never felt this way before. This complete, all in, forgiving of all love that makes it hard to breathe if I think back about it.
We’ve made it back to the point now where things aren’t awkward like they were, we are now god parents to a wonderful little girl whose parents are part of the group we call family. But things seem to be growing again between us.

Now after all that here is my question: Through all of this I have felt like God has been there telling me to not give up on him. I’ve always felt him calm any anger I had towards him and kept telling me not to cut him out of my life. Am I crazy? Could this just be me in denial? Could I be making excuses for not moving on? After this long I just need help. I am truly torn and to get my hopes up for any future progress we may have or to cut those specific emotional ties. Any advice is greatly appreciated!

 

[tourist]

He made clear his intentions when he told you that he wanted to work on some things and get closer to God. He took the easy way out of a relationship that he did not want to be in by shifting the blame to God. I'm not sure what God is telling you but it seems unlikely that He is telling you to wait things out. My advice is to cut your losses and move on without him. Welcome to CC.

 

[Ugly]

I see many Singles claim to hear God tell them things about another person. Usually the issue is the person has no interest in them, or is going out with someone else who is not good.
In fact, i am going through the same thing myself. I was recently dumped in a serious relationship, that for the first time in my life, i felt God directing me to the person. They are now going out with someone i know isn't good for them. It leaves me wondering and questioning if i heard wrong or if i heard God at all.
And i am having a very difficult time letting them go and still am very much in love with them. I have no answers still. So i can't be much of a help. But know you are not the only one going through something like this.

 

[DCrawshawJr]

The next time you see him, nail him on the topic. Does he want to marry you or not? Be honest, and make him be honest too. Yes, its ultimatum-like, but the days are evil, and both of you need to know where each of you stand.

I asked for honesty, and I got it. She didn't want to go forward in the relationship, and I have great respect for her for telling it to me straight.

 

[RickyZ]

My wife and I dated, and even lived together, for 4 years. We broke up and over the next 8 years went on to have other girl/boyfriends. But as they came and went, we remained friends. One day as we found ourselves consoling each other over another set of breakups, we came to the realization that while passionate ‘affairs’ were going to come and go, we were by virtue of our friendship just naturally going to be together till death does us part. So our wedding was not about a vow to forge a new future relationship, it was an acknowledgment of the one that already existed. That was 12 years ago and we're still good.

Nothing clouds our vision or inspires desire more than wanting something we can’t have. So instead of wanting more with this guy, just enjoy the friendship you have – and maybe some day he’ll realize that is the relationship which will never go away.

 

[blondieindahouse]

My wife and I dated, and even lived together, for 4 years. We broke up and over the next 8 years went on to have other girl/boyfriends. But as they came and went, we remained friends. One day as we found ourselves consoling each other over another set of breakups, we came to the realization that while passionate ‘affairs’ were going to come and go, we were by virtue of our friendship just naturally going to be together till death does us part. So our wedding was not about a vow to forge a new future relationship, it was an acknowledgment of the one that already existed. That was 12 years ago and we're still good.

Nothing clouds our vision or inspires desire more than wanting something we can’t have. So instead of wanting more with this guy, just enjoy the friendship you have – and maybe some day he’ll realize that is the relationship which will never go away.

You may have mentioned that God doesnt want people to play house and live together! It is sinning and it does not honor God. Im not coming at you on this but when you give advice on the world wide web or any other place for that matter, make things crystal clear about sinning vs not sinning or leave the sinful lifestyle parts out of your story! It is a true follower of Christ obligation to not cause another to stumble. We as a body of Christ help the weak to seek the ways of the Lord.

 

[cinder]

I apologize if this post runs a little long, but I am in need of some advice from a non-biased point of view.

I have found myself in the situation of being in love with one of my best friends. This all started about two years ago when we first started hanging out as just friends. About a year ago we decided to try and see if we could be more. When we decided this he was out of town and wouldn’t be home for about five weeks. So while I anxiously waited for him to come home we talked over the phone, texted morning to night etc. There was one small catch. Yes, were best friends, but in our group of four we were also both best friends with a couple. So the four of us had our own little odd family dynamic going. So we decided to keep things between me and him to not cause any tension within our group. So everything I was feeling I couldn’t express quite yet to by best gal pal who was like my sister.

Once he got back, things had changed somehow, I was still 100% wanting to keep building a relationship. But he on the other hand, was pulling away. We went out a few times and seems to be working out as being a couple. Then one day he told me he needed to work on himself and become closer to God before he decides to settle down with anyone. Being a woman strong in my faith and him being a man strong in his faith, I completely supported and understood that. It broke my heart but at the same time I had so much respect for him in being honest with me.
Until two weeks later….
We were at an event with all of our family and friends. When he walks up with a new women. Now I am not one to judge, but I had heard of her to be not that great of an influence on men and rarely faithful. So aside from having my heart ripped out of my chest to the point I actually had to get up and leave as gracefully as I could. I was worried for him. Genuinely worried. Needless to say I told my gal pal everything that night as I was curled up crying on her couch.
About eight months have gone by now. I had actively tried to move on by getting to know someone new. But I still have not been able to shake this genuine love I have for him. I have never felt this way before. This complete, all in, forgiving of all love that makes it hard to breathe if I think back about it.
We’ve made it back to the point now where things aren’t awkward like they were, we are now god parents to a wonderful little girl whose parents are part of the group we call family. But things seem to be growing again between us.

Now after all that here is my question: Through all of this I have felt like God has been there telling me to not give up on him. I’ve always felt him calm any anger I had towards him and kept telling me not to cut him out of my life. Am I crazy? Could this just be me in denial? Could I be making excuses for not moving on? After this long I just need help. I am truly torn and to get my hopes up for any future progress we may have or to cut those specific emotional ties. Any advice is greatly appreciated!

First thought, you don't play games with your friends emotions (more towards him than you). If he really cares about you as a friend then you should be able to ask him an honest straightforward question and get an honest, straightforward answer. So I'd definitely advise asking him point blank if there's any chance of him wanting to be with you when he gets his growing closer to God thing worked through. Hopefully that will give you a clear enough answer to end the uncertainty; but if he's all wishy washy wanting to keep his options open, take that as a no and move on.

As to whether God is telling you to stick it out or let go, I find myself to be terribly unreliable at hearing from God when my heart is deeply involved. It's rarely going to be clear, the situation is dynamic, and you're probably going to keep second guessing yourself. But the few principles I'd throw out to help you navigate the emotional craziness would be 1) if you're staying because of a sense of obligation or feel that he needs you or you can't abandon him, it's probably time to let go. 2) Don't take God calming your anger, helping you forgive, etc as a sign that you are supposed to be together; it is just God helping you be Christlike. 3) Give yourself grace, even if you decide you should move on the feelings won't be gone overnight. They don't instantly disappear, but that doesn't mean you aren't being obedient or that you aren't slowly moving on.

 

[spunkycat08]

OP:

In a situation like yours open communication is very important.

Let him know that you need straightforward answers so you can make the best decision for you.

However, before your doing this, pray to God for guidance and wisdom. Let God know how you feel about the entire situation. God will let you know how the entire situation needs to be handled.

 

[RickyZ]

You may have mentioned that God doesnt want people to play house and live together! It is sinning and it does not honor God. Im not coming at you on this but when you give advice on the world wide web or any other place for that matter, make things crystal clear about sinning vs not sinning or leave the sinful lifestyle parts out of your story! It is a true follower of Christ obligation to not cause another to stumble. We as a body of Christ help the weak to seek the ways of the Lord.

You are right, it's against God's will to cohabitate in sin. But, there's a lot of it going on anyway even among Christians. What I said merely described the situation, I didn't endorse it. Maybe I'll parenthesis a disclaimer (it's sin) in future sharings.


Not coming at you, but why is your focus on a miniscule part of the narrative that served to set the stage for the real point, which I assume you missed? A lot of people these days have a habit of not reading things on the www, but cruising them looking for some jot or tittle to disagree with.

 

[RickyZ]

Blondie -

In a situation like [the OP's] open communication is very important.

...............

 

[Tintin]

I see many Singles claim to hear God tell them things about another person. Usually the issue is the person has no interest in them, or is going out with someone else who is not good.
In fact, i am going through the same thing myself. I was recently dumped in a serious relationship, that for the first time in my life, i felt God directing me to the person. They are now going out with someone i know isn't good for them. It leaves me wondering and questioning if i heard wrong or if i heard God at all.
And i am having a very difficult time letting them go and still am very much in love with them. I have no answers still. So i can't be much of a help. But know you are not the only one going through something like this.

Yeah, I really feel for you, brother. Even if both are serious about it and feel they both heard from God concerning the relationship, the other person can still get scared and run. It's not cool. Not at all. Praying for you, mate.

 

[popeye]

You need a powerful woman of God speaking into your life.
Do not council with a man. You will get bogged down.

In a sexual union,the 2 involved "covenant". That is why you are confused.

You need help from a church. You need to get those tentacles severed.

Find a group that understands what is happening to you. It is called soul ties. You need to break that dimension.

Then,move on. Walking w/God is an adventure in freedom. That lingering confusion will leave after that mess is stripped from you.

 

[coby]

No don't have false hope. Do you really want someone who dumps you for someone else? A lot of times when you think God speaks it's not God.