Hey Singles,
Have you ever had a situation in your life in which people have tried to take advantage of you because you're single?
For example:
1. "You can afford to (loan me money, give X amount to the church, pay for my dinner, etc.). After all, you're single."
2. "You can stay and put in the extra hours at work--I have a spouse and family I need to get home to. What worries do you have? After all, you're single."
3. "We can rely on Janet to do most of the leg work in our (volunteer group, church group, community program, etc.) After all, she's single."
And sometimes, the church can be the absolute worst at this. A long-time CC member once wrote about a Women's Retreat in which the lone single woman of the group was designated by the others to stay behind and babysit the group's children instead of being allowed to attend the retreat like the rest of them.
In my own life, I've had some work experiences in the past in which there is a definite order of priority when it comes to whose life issues are seen as being most important: 1. Married with kids come first. 2. Single with kids seems to come next. 3. Married or in a relationship without kids places behind these two groups. 4. Are you single and don't have kids? Surely you have no life, and you're the one we expect to stay over and meet the deadlines for the entire group.
I have nothing but respect for those with families, and I know it's hard. Many years ago I was in a relationship with an alcoholic whose choices prevented him from being able to care for his kids, so I've had a taste of what life is like as a single parent, and I try my best to be understanding, supportive, and available when possible.
But I also have to be honest in that I become deeply resentful that my time is not respected in the same manner as those who have families, kids, and/or partners. I now have a personal rule that for about every three times I say "yes" to something, I will say "no" at least once, whether it's a work or personal commitment, in order to make people aware of the fact that I am not their Single Servant.
Have people expected more from you, your schedule, and your finances because you are single?
What have you done to stand up for yourself?
Have you ever had a situation in your life in which people have tried to take advantage of you because you're single?
For example:
1. "You can afford to (loan me money, give X amount to the church, pay for my dinner, etc.). After all, you're single."
2. "You can stay and put in the extra hours at work--I have a spouse and family I need to get home to. What worries do you have? After all, you're single."
3. "We can rely on Janet to do most of the leg work in our (volunteer group, church group, community program, etc.) After all, she's single."
And sometimes, the church can be the absolute worst at this. A long-time CC member once wrote about a Women's Retreat in which the lone single woman of the group was designated by the others to stay behind and babysit the group's children instead of being allowed to attend the retreat like the rest of them.
In my own life, I've had some work experiences in the past in which there is a definite order of priority when it comes to whose life issues are seen as being most important: 1. Married with kids come first. 2. Single with kids seems to come next. 3. Married or in a relationship without kids places behind these two groups. 4. Are you single and don't have kids? Surely you have no life, and you're the one we expect to stay over and meet the deadlines for the entire group.
I have nothing but respect for those with families, and I know it's hard. Many years ago I was in a relationship with an alcoholic whose choices prevented him from being able to care for his kids, so I've had a taste of what life is like as a single parent, and I try my best to be understanding, supportive, and available when possible.
But I also have to be honest in that I become deeply resentful that my time is not respected in the same manner as those who have families, kids, and/or partners. I now have a personal rule that for about every three times I say "yes" to something, I will say "no" at least once, whether it's a work or personal commitment, in order to make people aware of the fact that I am not their Single Servant.
Have people expected more from you, your schedule, and your finances because you are single?
What have you done to stand up for yourself?
