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My father isn't my biological father but he has never treated me any different than my sister and brother.
When my parents divorced (now they are back together) during court when the judge asked my dad if all there of us were his. My daddy said YES. Knowing he would have to pay child support on me and still wouldn't say I wasn't his. That man loves me no different than my sister and brother.
Because of this, I've always told myself I wouldn't mind dating a man with a child. It wouldn't bother me.
I just wouldn't want to meet the child unless He and I are serious about the relationship. Meeting the child before then wouldn't be right nor fair for the child.
Now that I'm a mother and a single parent at that.. I definitely wouldn't mind dating a man with a child. If I did, I'd be a hypercrit.
Not all single parents come with drama. And the ones that do are because they and/or their ex are still children themselves despite their age.
When my parents divorced (now they are back together) during court when the judge asked my dad if all there of us were his. My daddy said YES. Knowing he would have to pay child support on me and still wouldn't say I wasn't his. That man loves me no different than my sister and brother.
Because of this, I've always told myself I wouldn't mind dating a man with a child. It wouldn't bother me.
I just wouldn't want to meet the child unless He and I are serious about the relationship. Meeting the child before then wouldn't be right nor fair for the child.
Now that I'm a mother and a single parent at that.. I definitely wouldn't mind dating a man with a child. If I did, I'd be a hypercrit.
Not all single parents come with drama. And the ones that do are because they and/or their ex are still children themselves despite their age.
J
As a solo parent I come drama free! That being said if and when I date; the man seems to have issues I will not let him meet my kids. Which wouldnt happen unless I saw a great long future. No man is going to bounce in And out of their lives. One man bounced away and destroyed the oldest. The youngest has never met, but understands the absences and both prefer that I dont date. I also prefer to not meet the mans child out of respect for the kid in case it doesnt work out.
C
The few times I talked to men on a dating site I just said: hey kiddo's what do you think? Is this a good catch? and most of the time they said oh nooo please, can't you just stay alone, so then I cut it off immediately. If you wait too long you already have a bond and then it may not click with the kids.
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C
I think it's easier for single dads. There are a lot of women who really love kids. A friend of mine married a man with a small daughter and she told me it was the sweetest kid she had ever seen and later they got 3 more kids together. Not everyone is like that but they do exist. The wife of my ex has grown up kids herself. She's very sweet to the kids, it's no problem at all. But the one he had before her only cared about herself and wanted him to take her out alone all the time. Only if one really loves your kids you can consider it.
C
The guy I recently went on a date with had 2 kids, but his daughter just moved out and his older son lived at home. So I apped with him and sent him a movie of my kids where they were screaming for joy because they were playing with grandma and his son said: Dad are those kids going to live with us? hahahahahahaha I'm sure his son is very happy it didn't work out.
S
Good point.
So, this was the issue I ran into as my boys were ''growing up''. Granted they are not adults. But I get where you are coming from.
So taking in these statements I thought I would reply again here. I (as a single mom) did actually try to date when my children were younger. I do go out occasionally. Last year I went out on 2 dates. (I know, WOW lol) However, in the past it has just seemed that my children were that ''baggage'' you are referring to, and that it was really much more work than it was worth at the time to make someone fit into our lives.
So, My boys are actually 13 and 14 1/2 now. Whereas I don't feel that its time for me to get married TOMORROW, I do feel that its a good time for me to explore the possibility MORE of trying to find someone for myself because there wont be all of the ''small child issues''. If that makes sense. There will certainly be little quirks of ''fitting in'', but the older my boys get - the less issue I see with having someone in my life.
I never had any ex-baby-daddy drama. He just has not been around. Its always just been my boys and myself. I suppose for ME, I just felt it was not going to be a good fit for me to attempt a relationship while they were small.
So, with all that being said. I don't think giving up on relationships because one has children is the GREATEST thing to do - unless God specifically says "Hey now, you need to be a Paul". Maybe just give it some time, take care of the kiddos and see what lies ahead.
So, this was the issue I ran into as my boys were ''growing up''. Granted they are not adults. But I get where you are coming from.
So taking in these statements I thought I would reply again here. I (as a single mom) did actually try to date when my children were younger. I do go out occasionally. Last year I went out on 2 dates. (I know, WOW lol) However, in the past it has just seemed that my children were that ''baggage'' you are referring to, and that it was really much more work than it was worth at the time to make someone fit into our lives.
So, My boys are actually 13 and 14 1/2 now. Whereas I don't feel that its time for me to get married TOMORROW, I do feel that its a good time for me to explore the possibility MORE of trying to find someone for myself because there wont be all of the ''small child issues''. If that makes sense. There will certainly be little quirks of ''fitting in'', but the older my boys get - the less issue I see with having someone in my life.
I never had any ex-baby-daddy drama. He just has not been around. Its always just been my boys and myself. I suppose for ME, I just felt it was not going to be a good fit for me to attempt a relationship while they were small.
So, with all that being said. I don't think giving up on relationships because one has children is the GREATEST thing to do - unless God specifically says "Hey now, you need to be a Paul". Maybe just give it some time, take care of the kiddos and see what lies ahead.
No I would absolutely NEVER date a single parent. Why you ask? Because I'm married and it wouldn't be appropriate.
All jokes aside I would follow what the Spirit lead me to do, if I ever did have a choice like that in front of me I would pray through it and follow what God's Spirit guided me to do. I wouldn't make my decision based on that fact alone though for sure.
All jokes aside I would follow what the Spirit lead me to do, if I ever did have a choice like that in front of me I would pray through it and follow what God's Spirit guided me to do. I wouldn't make my decision based on that fact alone though for sure.
S
I would date a single father, but my experience with dating men has been they do not want anything to do with my kids, even though they thought my kids were very nice, respectable people. That really hurts a mother where she lives but not worth trying to make it work. I choose to raise my kids alone; if the right man should come along, he will love my children as well and not see them as an inconvenience.
C
Me neither. Some call it hypocrit in my case but I don't see why. I don't blame any guy either for not wanting to care for my kids. One cute boy the kids would get along with, oh great, but 3 older kids (one man said oh we could enjoy each others kids, no I won't) or 2 girls, they don't like girls and I don't like fights and 4 is the max to share my attention.
I guess it would depend on a few factors. If her kid(s) were little or if she had a baby, which at my age would be the most likely scenario lol, then it's probably no problem. If for some reason she were a little older than me and her kid(s) were teenagers, then I would tread lightly. Obviously that would be a unique and unlikely situation, but speaking from experience, I know that can be a little more rough on older kids, so it would really depend on their receptiveness.
Her being a single parent in itself is not something that would be a deal-breaker for me, but there are too many other factors to definitively say whether I would or would not date a single parent.
Her being a single parent in itself is not something that would be a deal-breaker for me, but there are too many other factors to definitively say whether I would or would not date a single parent.
N
I'm struggling a bit with this issue. I always thought that marriages or people with kids have a high responsibility to hold it all together. Obviously, I have a condescending point of view in my first comment, because it has not happened to me. Realistically, we see broken families/marriages on a daily basis, which must mean it can't be as easy as we make it out to be. If having a broken family is just what happens as an unfortunate, unforseen, part of life to some people, and not just as a result of lack of responsibility, then I should be able to deal with this right? I should be able to date a man with kids?
I think there is another aspect to the issue. I have always prided myself on putting first what would set me up in the best way for the long run. As younger person, I never settled down with someone. There were men, but I didn't settle for short-lived happiness from day to day in my unstable, young, naive era. I kept my long term goals ahead of what was happening in front of me. It was in fact painful at times, to see how others seemed to put their lives together in cute little pieces, with a devoted relationship, followed by plans of a distant proposal, followed by an actual engagement. People my age were having kids. I always put my career first, and I always kept an awareness of finding myself, a person that would evolve less with age, and that would hopefully later fit with the one I'd want to end up with forever. Now that I have a career, after many years of schooling, and observing others in "happy" relationships, I have recently met a man who has kids. He is less than ten years older. He has two children. I am having a hard to getting around the idea that he has two of them. He was never married. I think, my negative feelings about this come from my ideals, and how I plan for things and how I choose to live. I think that's part of my problem.
I think there is another aspect to the issue. I have always prided myself on putting first what would set me up in the best way for the long run. As younger person, I never settled down with someone. There were men, but I didn't settle for short-lived happiness from day to day in my unstable, young, naive era. I kept my long term goals ahead of what was happening in front of me. It was in fact painful at times, to see how others seemed to put their lives together in cute little pieces, with a devoted relationship, followed by plans of a distant proposal, followed by an actual engagement. People my age were having kids. I always put my career first, and I always kept an awareness of finding myself, a person that would evolve less with age, and that would hopefully later fit with the one I'd want to end up with forever. Now that I have a career, after many years of schooling, and observing others in "happy" relationships, I have recently met a man who has kids. He is less than ten years older. He has two children. I am having a hard to getting around the idea that he has two of them. He was never married. I think, my negative feelings about this come from my ideals, and how I plan for things and how I choose to live. I think that's part of my problem.