D
All right. So I have a pretty big problem that I am really struggling to deal with, and I am looking for any help and support I can get, because I am just so lost and confused right now and I don't know what to do.
It all started 9 years ago, when I got involved with a girl I met online. We fell hard for each other, and it was a very magical time. I felt such a deep and close bond with her and I thought for sure she was the one I would spend the rest of my life with. But for whatever reason it didn't work out, and she broke up with me. I was devastated. I have never had my heart broken like that in my life. She wanted us to be friends still, so I gave it a try. It didn't work out very well. It was really hard for me to be friends with her when I still loved her so much, but she no longer returned my feelings. As a result, we spent the next 5 months mostly fighting. It was extremely ugly. We still had a few good moments in there, but not enough. We had a lot of bad arguments and a lot of heated words were exchanged. I finally reached the point where I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted to be her friend, I wanted to be a part of her life, but my unrequited feelings were causing more harm than good. So I severed all ties with her and I walked away. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
It took me years to get over her, and my profound and deep feelings for her. I have never before or since, had a woman in my life who was so much like me, and completed me in every way. I struggled for a long, long time to put her behind me and move on with my life.
Fast forward 8 years to September 2015. A series of circumstances in my life caused me to think about her for the first time in years, and with those thoughts I came to the startling realization that I no longer loved her in that way, and we could be friends again. So after 8 years of no communication between us, I emailed her. And she replied back, overjoyed to hear from me again. And so a beautiful friendship was reborn from the ashes. We became very close again in a short period of time, and before long I considered her my absolute best friend in the world. The whole thing has been a true miracle of God. He was working on me for years, setting events into motion that would culminate in me reuniting with this amazing woman. There was just one problem. After spending a great deal of time with her over the past few months, I realized one day that I had fallen in love all over again with her. And once again the feelings are unrequited because she is deeply involved with another man. And it is very, very serious.
So there's my big dilemma. And I have no idea what to do. I haven't told her about any of this because I don't want to cause a rift between us, and I definitely don't want to drive a wedge between her and her boyfriend. I've been struggling to find some peace with all this, but there are days where it's really, really hard. I've spent a lot of time praying to God about this, and for Him to reveal His plan for me. Because I feel like I have to have these feelings again for a reason. God knows all things, so He would have to know that by bringing us back together I would just fall for her all over again. Most days I feel okay about this, that I am right where God wants me. He has definitely given me signs that I am on the right path, but I still struggle to understand why these feelings have returned. It seems so senseless to me to fall in love with a woman who is so deeply committed to another. And now I have all this love that I don't know what to do with. And why do I feel so deeply in my soul that she is the one, when it's all too evident that she's not? I'm just so confused.
I know God sees a much, much bigger picture than me. He knows all, and sees all. So just because I see something as hopeless, it doesn't mean He does. He has a plan, a purpose for all this and I'm sure it will be something I will never expect. So I am trusting in Him that He will reveal His plan in His time. It's all I can really do. But in the meantime, I'm left to struggle with these feelings for a woman who loves another. So what should I do? What can I do? Any advice, help, or encouragement is greatly appreciated.
It all started 9 years ago, when I got involved with a girl I met online. We fell hard for each other, and it was a very magical time. I felt such a deep and close bond with her and I thought for sure she was the one I would spend the rest of my life with. But for whatever reason it didn't work out, and she broke up with me. I was devastated. I have never had my heart broken like that in my life. She wanted us to be friends still, so I gave it a try. It didn't work out very well. It was really hard for me to be friends with her when I still loved her so much, but she no longer returned my feelings. As a result, we spent the next 5 months mostly fighting. It was extremely ugly. We still had a few good moments in there, but not enough. We had a lot of bad arguments and a lot of heated words were exchanged. I finally reached the point where I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted to be her friend, I wanted to be a part of her life, but my unrequited feelings were causing more harm than good. So I severed all ties with her and I walked away. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
It took me years to get over her, and my profound and deep feelings for her. I have never before or since, had a woman in my life who was so much like me, and completed me in every way. I struggled for a long, long time to put her behind me and move on with my life.
Fast forward 8 years to September 2015. A series of circumstances in my life caused me to think about her for the first time in years, and with those thoughts I came to the startling realization that I no longer loved her in that way, and we could be friends again. So after 8 years of no communication between us, I emailed her. And she replied back, overjoyed to hear from me again. And so a beautiful friendship was reborn from the ashes. We became very close again in a short period of time, and before long I considered her my absolute best friend in the world. The whole thing has been a true miracle of God. He was working on me for years, setting events into motion that would culminate in me reuniting with this amazing woman. There was just one problem. After spending a great deal of time with her over the past few months, I realized one day that I had fallen in love all over again with her. And once again the feelings are unrequited because she is deeply involved with another man. And it is very, very serious.
So there's my big dilemma. And I have no idea what to do. I haven't told her about any of this because I don't want to cause a rift between us, and I definitely don't want to drive a wedge between her and her boyfriend. I've been struggling to find some peace with all this, but there are days where it's really, really hard. I've spent a lot of time praying to God about this, and for Him to reveal His plan for me. Because I feel like I have to have these feelings again for a reason. God knows all things, so He would have to know that by bringing us back together I would just fall for her all over again. Most days I feel okay about this, that I am right where God wants me. He has definitely given me signs that I am on the right path, but I still struggle to understand why these feelings have returned. It seems so senseless to me to fall in love with a woman who is so deeply committed to another. And now I have all this love that I don't know what to do with. And why do I feel so deeply in my soul that she is the one, when it's all too evident that she's not? I'm just so confused.
I know God sees a much, much bigger picture than me. He knows all, and sees all. So just because I see something as hopeless, it doesn't mean He does. He has a plan, a purpose for all this and I'm sure it will be something I will never expect. So I am trusting in Him that He will reveal His plan in His time. It's all I can really do. But in the meantime, I'm left to struggle with these feelings for a woman who loves another. So what should I do? What can I do? Any advice, help, or encouragement is greatly appreciated.
