I really need some advice! (long!)

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police750

Guest
#1
#1


I've known this girl for a bit over 6 months, and I really like her. So at the end of last year I told her how I felt, and she basically said she wasn't ready for a relationship, that she was afraid of getting hurt...

But then we started doing lots of one-on-one things together - ( although they were never called dates or thought of as dates, I thought maybe I should give this another go.

So about a month ago I find out that in fact she knows that I still like her. So I send her an letter telling her how I feel, and urging her to just give a relationship a go.

So we met up to chat about it about 4\ weeks ago. She told me that all of her friends think that we should give a relationship a go. She even said that part of her really wanted to, but at the end of the day she was too afraid, and she felt that this fear and anxiety would cause the relationship to fail. But she's never been in a relationship before, and I tried to convince her of that...

Anyway, we decided we'd talk about it again, and a week ago we did.

She tells me that although all of her friends are urging her to give it a go, and although part of her wants to give it a go, she feels she just can't go through with it. She says that she's 'happy' being single, and that she 'knows' that if she enters a relationship she'll be constantly stressed and upset. (which I really don't understand how she can think that). And she says that because she 'knows' she'll be constantly stressed and upset, that the relationship won't work out.

But we're really good friends. We get along really well, we enjoy spending time with each-other, and we both really trust each-other - and she agrees with all of this. We're both Christian, and we both share a strong love and connection over God.

What should I do? I don't want to give up, knowing that part of her wants to give this a go (even if its only a small part)... I want to convince her that we would be good together, and that it would be worth giving it a go. She's never had a boyfriend, so I just don't understand where she is getting all these assumptions and fears from...

She said that whenever she's with me part of her really thinks that we should give it a go, but whenever we're not together she always gets those feelings of fear and dread... and I guess that's why she's said 'no''..

I've prayed to God alot about this, and I still feel that we'd be really good for eachother. I've prayed that at the least she come to understand that being in a relationship doesn't neccessarily mean pain and suffering, that it can be really beautiful.... but i think due to past experiences with guys, she's afraid. (She apparently fell in love with one guy, who totally led her on and then got a girlfriend, and that apparently caused her ALOT of pain.) But she's over him now.

Our friendship is so strong already - and we are still really good friends now - we still do things together, we still hang out lots, despite what has happened, so of course I am extremely grateful that God blessed with me such a great friend.

I guess its just the idea that part of her wants to go out with me that is really getting to me. I'll be honest, I've being praying and thinking alot about it, and I can see good and bad sides to whatever I do. I feel I should give it some time, but, and this is going to sound really selfish, if I wait too long what if someone else comes along? But if i keep trying I might push her away. And if I give up completely.... well i'll always wonder what if....

Do any of you have any ideas as to what i should do? Of course I never want to lose the friendship that God blessed us with, and of course I'm greatful that it is still as strong as ever, but nevertheless do you have any advice?
 
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mrpower

Guest
#2
#2
I know this is cliche', but mate, All things in Gods timing.
Without knowing the other side of the story it sounds as though she's in alot of pain, and living in fear.
But as we know well, God didnt give us a spirit of fear... but we also know, that God is our healer and sometimes we need to be healed before we can move on.
If her pain is really such a big aspect of her life I would suggest talking to her and trying to find a good councillor within her church, or someone that she trusts and has experience councilling in words but also in joint prayer.
I, myself hate going to councilling. I've looked after myself for so long it just feels that I can always sort it out between me and God.
But a few months ago I finally bit the bullet, so to speak, and went.
If I only took one thing away from it, it was this.
Specific prayer is powerful. Things that I'd been dreading would be so hard/painful, and take so long to deal with, were instantly softened through the power of specific prayer.
My councillor was an long time freind of the family and pastors wife. When praying together she gave me specific words to pray over my life.. and something amazing happened when i spoke specifically over these areas... the things that I feared so much were lifted so easily. I still have moments where life is difficult of course.. but they no longer have a strangle hold over my life. I can pray for peace and God comes and I remember just how powerful he is.
God, in his Absolutely Awesomeness, freed me so easily and quickly of these demons riding my back all these years, I was speechless (again, cliche' but there we are). The presence of God came over me in a way Id never felt and in that moment I knew God could heal anything. And althought ive always known anything is possible in Christ Jesus, I knew it afresh and personally.
Something to keep in mind though.. sometimes when God heals he knows we cannot take it all at once.. sometimes he lifts the scab, works a little, then closes it up for a time.
Just remember, whatever happens mate, If you're both walking with Christ and you are meant to be together you will be.
God is awesome.. but remember he's outside of time. His timing is not always our timing.
God Bless.
 
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Maddog

Guest
#3
#3
I think you've done your part. You've let her know what you think and there's not much else you can do. One thing that won't work is putting pressure on her, so I think you should give it a rest, at least for now, and just carry on being friends with her.
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#4
#4
Speaking from a womans point of view, Yes women like being chased and gone after, HOWEVER, there comes a point when it stops being chased after and it just starts getting annoying have a guy follow you around like a lost dog, and im not saying thats what your doing.

She is saying that she will constantly be stressed and upset, because obviously in previous relationship thats how its been, she has been stressed and upset. So more than likely she thinks why would it be any different if she got in a relationship with you.

You should move on, there are other women out there. You have made your intentions clear several times with her and every time she has shot you down, its time to get over her.
 
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brlwgirl

Guest
#5
#5
I want to give you another woman's point of view...though you may not want to hear it. If I were you I would give this girl a break as hard as it may seem; I have been in her position in a manner of speaking I know what its like to be fearful of the possibility of a relationship and not knowing what would happen. So give her time to consider and pray about it and you take time to back off and also pray about it to see if this is really worth something to pursue. I apologize if this sounds harsh but it needed to be said.
 
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Mands

Guest
#6
#6
brlwgirl said:
I want to give you another woman's point of view...though you may not want to hear it. If I were you I would give this girl a break as hard as it may seem; I have been in her position in a manner of speaking I know what its like to be fearful of the possibility of a relationship and not knowing what would happen. So give her time to consider and pray about it and you take time to back off and also pray about it to see if this is really worth something to pursue. I apologize if this sounds harsh but it needed to be said.
Click to expand...

I agree. Also, just try your best to not focus on what could be, but be happy for what is. I'm in a similar-not-so-similar situation. Once you've told them (again and again) how much you care and want it to work, the ball is in their court. You can't do anything to make them make up their mind, so for now, just try your best (even though I know its hard) to just be her friend. If part of her is wanting to give it a go, I'm sure she's dealing with a lot of inner turmoil over it all. Give her some time to think, show her that you're still gonna be there as her friend no matter which way it goes. If she sees you supporting her decision and wanting what's best for her, that will work wonders for her heart. Even if you two don't end up together, finding a guy that is willing to put a woman above his own wants is a rare find. I know its rough, and I know what's its like having the person you want so close but just out of your reach. You just can't do any more -- and don't hurt yourself more by continuously telling her how you feel (experience talking). She knows, now just leave it up to her. If it's meant to be, it'll come about :) Trust me! The most amazing things happen when you just trust God and just stop stressing. Try your best to just be happy, and move forward -- but give her time and if you feel you can't let go, don't force yourself to. Just put you, her and the entire situation in Gods hands and see what time does :)

GB!
 
Pheonix

Pheonix

Senior Member
#7
Jan 17, 2007
578
7
18
#7
I hate to say it, but it sounds like she's giving you the run around for whatever reason. Walk away.

You'd let her know how you feel. I'm assuming you are near to the same age, so you've got time to grow. Perhaps she'll come around at some later time. Enjoy the friendship and fellowship you have with her, but realize it may never be anything more.
 
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squidmike

Banned
#8
Jan 13, 2010
98
0
0
#8
right now your life i way too short to be thinking about that one girl. having said that look inward because you have done all that you can do in letting her know how you feel about her. because those ladies are right in saying that you have to let it go for now. because if you push any harder you will seem desperate. and who knows,maybe you were meant for someone else,someone who really needs you. i speak from experience because i did the same thing you are doing right now.although your intentions are good you will push her away if you continue. however it is when you least expect it that the love of your life comes across your path. so do not dispair God will bless you with the one who is going to be there for you and not just you putting all of your energy in the relationship,because,wouldn't it be better if the one you love feels the same way about you the way you feel about her?
 
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jonnoboy

Guest
#9
#9
Hi there police750

Wow I can see why you are a bit stuck, you seem to be very much aware of everything so i won't go to much into detail about anything you seem to know that god has created this wonderful friend but you seem to want more, maybe it is important to wait though, i am sure it is painful and frustrating in a way for you to wait but as it has been said already "all in god's timing" its so true mate...Patience!

I also understand how she feels, she obviously doesnt trust men because of her previous relationship, this sounds very sad but true in a lot of cases these days :(

Stay strong, keep tryin but not too often mate! Just make sure you are there for her when she needs you the most, that way she can never say you didnt care.

Hope all works out for you

I hope you will keep everyone posted as i am sure they are all prayin for you :)

God bless

Jonno
 
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