Why do women and men want a relationship?

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Born_Again

Senior Member
Nov 15, 2014
1,581
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#1
Okay, so let me specify... Other than procreation purposes, what is the need for a relationship? I have asked a couple people this already and the answers have varied. Me personally, I have come to find, after reviewing my marriage, that I really have a difficulty emotionally connecting to people and I honestly forget to even consider others feelings. Call it a flaw I guess. But I don't see that changing, as it is who I am.

But it also caused me to further ponder the reason for relationships beyond pro-creational purposes. I was sitting in my living room tonight, looking around at my now customized house. (the way I like it and wanted it but a spouse hindered this) And I thought to myself, "why would I want to give up being able to do things the way I like it?" I even took a moment to ponder "what if I was married again and had someone else here with me?" That thought made me cringe. This is my place and I like it this way. I'm in my 30's. I'm pretty much set on how I like things. And I don't have to compromise. If I need to hang with someone, I call a friend, hang out for a couple hours, and call it good. Do we really need someone else around? You avoid having to even consider "don't go to bed angry" or anything like that.

So, back to my question... Why relationships? As we are all different, I'm just curious to see others reasoning for it. Im not saying relationships are bad, I'm just curious as to why?
 

BruceWayne

Senior Member
Aug 7, 2013
3,694
357
83
Gotham City
#2
I would assume that it is simply for companionship on an intimate level. It's nice to have someone you can count on, share life with, and know that they will be there for you. Sure, people have friendships to count on and that's great, but it still isn't the same. Friends have their own lives to live and they can't always be there like someone you're in a relationship with, married to, etc. would be. There are definitely those who are perfectly fine on their own.. but I suspect that many, if not most, don't truly want that.
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#3
Selfish reasons. Selfish, selfish reasons - but in a positive context.
 

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
40
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#4
Arguably design, but natural and nurtured.
 
R

RissaBug

Guest
#5
I seek it for the companionship and partnership that friends can't supply. I seek it for the Biblical roles that compliment each other. Having someone to do life with. I live on my own and I do enjoy it, but there are times that I wish I had someone with me who stayed with me.

I had a very difficult autumn. My whole life turned upside down, and depression came with it. I knew my first year of teaching would be difficult, which is why when I was in college, I not-so-jokingly prayed I would be married by the time I got my first teaching job. That didn't happen. I'd like to know if it would have been any better with a spouse. I felt so alone in everything. I reached out for help soooo much but it wasn't enough.

I want to have someone who knows. What do I mean? Rabbit trail... When everything hit the fan at my job and I was at my lowest, I had two people who knew what was going on: my mom and my friend Adam. They were the only two who knew because they were the only two people available when I needed someone to talk to on my way to and from work. It was the only time I had to talk to anyone outside of work, and if I didn't call someone, I would fall asleep at the wheel. Mom lives too far away to really be there. Adam could, but he decided to be "afk" at the worst time possible. Everyone else had questions. They didn't know what led up to my resignation so they could be there for me emotionally. They didn't understand and I did not want to explain it. I wanted to forget everything and just be with someone who knew. It still hurts.

I want to have someone there when I wake up with another nightmare.

Then there are the little things. I'd like to have someone to do errands with that knows what kind of peanut butter I like, and I know his favorite yogurt. I'd like read in the same room and watch his face when he gets to the good part in the book I've already read. I'd like to not feel incredibly vulnerable when I hear a noise in the house at night. I get my gun, but I'm still alone. I want to cook for more than just myself.

I want to be more selfless. More gentle with my words. More patient. More forgiving. And I know those things aren't easily cultivated when you live alone.

I could go on and on. But now you've got me emotional.
 
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
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#7
I don't wanna have to make my own sammiches.
 

Addison

Senior Member
Jun 28, 2014
1,028
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#8
I want a sammich maker too.
 

egeiro

Senior Member
Mar 17, 2015
331
44
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#9
Oh guys, as soon as I saw this thread title I was going to respond with, "So one can delight in making the sandwiches and other can enjoy eating them." But you guys kind of beat me to the sandwich jokes. Dang it!
 

egeiro

Senior Member
Mar 17, 2015
331
44
28
#11
I heard a guest preacher joke once, "If you don't want to build character, then don't have a family. Look, don't even get married, because God forbid, you might mature in your walk." or something along those lines.

Man, relationships can be hard stuff. I mean, you regularly die to self, you learn what it means to lay your guards down, be vulnerable, build communication, begin to understand an entirely different human being that is not yourself, fight for connection, learn patience, kindness, selflessness at times when you don't feel like being any of the above, you learn to forgive: often, you get disappointed and you disappoint...

... but in it all you yourself are being sharpened by another who is intimately woven in to your life like no other human being will share with you. You do life with someone who says 'Yes' to you everyday. That as one flesh (in the context of marriage, just to be clear) you both portray and reflect the God head more accurately than you did as a single, as you both compliment the other.

We desire to be completely seen by someone. We desire to be completely vulnerable, even if we suck at communicating feelings or not. We desire to be 'known', really 'known', whether it be the odd little quirks in our behaviour or the terrain of our skin. In a way, it reflects God's desire to be known by His people, a yearning for deep relationship. I guess, by design, we desire deeper relationship and intimacy because our God is an intimate God.
 
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
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#12
OK here are some things that I think men and women want from a relationship, and some of these have been touched upon in previous posts..

1. Support through thick and thin - someone who is always there to lift you up when you need it and to help lighten your load, just like how Simon helped Jesus carry his cross. Rissa explained it best where she mentioned that she felt so alone with a very difficult issue she was dealing with even though she had the support of her mom and her friend. (thanks for sharing that, Rissa).
Help from a spouse or even a gf/bf is there roughly 24/7 and there are no boundaries that must be kept, no holding back because you're afraid you might reveal too much... just 100% trust and a partner in troubles (your sorrows are their sorrows).

2. Physical Intimacy - this is something you can only experience with a spouse (without sinning).

3. A motivator/encourager - sure you can get encouragement from friends and family, but encouragement from someone you're in love with hits a little deeper, feels a little more special..

4. Someone who loves all of you for you - This is what I think Egiero's post is about. Having someone that knows and appreciates you for the person you truly are... instead of the person you portray to the outside world. Someone who shares the knowledge of your life, your memories, your deepest secrets and desires, and feels a strong bond to you through that knowledge.

5. Someone who makes good sammiches - You know I just had to! :)
 
J

JeniBean

Guest
#13
To differ from the sandwiches, I will put my 2 cents in.

Gen 2: 18-24 - Then GOD said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."

Now, I do not want a submit to me helper thread fight here. I am simply going to let you know what I have learned through the years watching, talking and paying attention to many Christian marriages.

The best relationships are based on a friendship with GOD as the center of the relationship. As EVERY relationship will have ups and downs and with out that friendship and God the relationship will not succeed. You say great I have friends. However friends come and go. A spouse committed to the marriage who is your best friend and loves GOD will be there when you need them most. Not be to busy or have self interest else where. I personally witnessed self-less love within my family, where I had numerous friends tell me if I was married and that happened I would have walked away. My question in turn was, so you would walk away form your Spouse and God because they are not who you married at first?

My point is that not every one is meant to be alone. A deep relationship with a strong friendship and God really can succeed.

Your views and house and process of thinking isn't wrong. A wise person would commingle the decorating ideas and not have taken over in a way you are describing. Enjoying your space is also not wrong, nor is it wrong to ponder these questions. You have gone through a lot and you're at the stage of WHY would I ever want to again beyond procreation. However intimacy on a deeper level is meant for marriage. It's GODs gift to the marriage. Can you imagine not having intimacy for the rest of your life? Can you imagine not having that person who will be there with you as others come and go?

Hey I have been unmarried for 9 years now and when GOD is ready to lead me to the awesome Christian man he has for me who can be my best friend and have GOD as the center of our relationship, that man will understand that I need some space, that I am set in many ways, however I can compromise and my decorating is awesome because its leathers and bold and no fu-fu girly stuff any where! He will accept I have my favorite teams and he has his and when they play...game on. But there will be friendship and love and support and GOD leading us.
 

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
Dec 11, 2014
3,632
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#14
For me its definitely about the companionship, having that best friend (in a more deep way than we usually use the term) whos with you everyday of your life, a companion to do things with you and experience life with and to help lift you up when you fall down.

I often see on this forum that what women need is love, and what men need is respect. While I kinda understand this in a biblical way, as in God has told us that men are to lead the family, and that means in order to keep His word we must be willing to accept it, I dont really like the idea of anyone thinking this is what I expect in a relationship : p Its really all about the love and companionship for me : p Thats really all Im in it for, I want a best friend to spend everyday with who enjoys my company and wants to share everything with me. Im willing to do my best to do what God has asked me to do, but thats not what I hope to actually get from a relationship : p That part just comes from the desire to love and serve God : p


But yeah, its all about the love and companionship, the strong desire to have someone to be with you throughout this life.
 
C

coby

Guest
#15
Yes just a best friend and also because I always had one. Gave up all my friends for him so now I don't have anybody. Old female friends got married got kids never saw them again. Mutual friends from church: the whole thing blew up with the divorce.
I have one friend left but she wants to take her husband if we go out. Pleaaaaaase no. I'm rather alone. They once visited. Walked behind them all the way, the slimy couple, aaargh.
 

p_rehbein

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2013
30,097
6,480
113
#16
Okay, so let me specify... Other than procreation purposes, what is the need for a relationship?

So, back to my question... Why relationships? As we are all different, I'm just curious to see others reasoning for it. Im not saying relationships are bad, I'm just curious as to why?

It is a natural instinct of human beings, and many of God's creations. Lest we forget, God established His SALVATION PLAN for mankind BECAUSE He DESIRED a RELATIONSHIP with His children.
 
C

coby

Guest
#17
It's weird. Saw old pics. All my friends just always left. Only consistent ones: my brother sister and parents. Sometimes I just go out with my brother who's alone too.
 

BruceWayne

Senior Member
Aug 7, 2013
3,694
357
83
Gotham City
#18
however I can compromise and my decorating is awesome because its leathers and bold and no fu-fu girly stuff any where! He will accept I have my favorite teams and he has his and when they play...game on. But there will be friendship and love and support and GOD leading us.
I read that as feathers and bold. I was like.. decorating.. awesome? You might have to compromise a little more. haha
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
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#19
You need a partner because nobody is perfect. Alone, nobody is good at everything. A person needs a partner to be good at the things the person is bad at. (Protip: That's why sometimes opposites attract.)

You also need a partner so if one of you falls the partner is there to help with the load. What does the Bible say?
Ecc. 4:9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor.
Ecc. 4:10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#20
By the way I have to mention... you are asking a group of (mostly) singles why people want relationships. It might be a better question for the married forum. Just a thought.