What is the greatest gift you ever wasted or lost?

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Stone5524

Guest
#1
When I was 17 I met my 2nd girlfriend. I didn't have a clear notion of love at that time, but I knew that what I felt for her was the best feeling I had up to that point in my life, and only afterwards did I realize how rare actual love is.

I lost my virginity to her. I was young and naive. After about a year (we were together for two and a half years) I began to see sex as nothing but an object of physical pleasure. So called friends in high school added to the deterioration making me believe that her and I were ignoring our friends because of each other, that we were missing out on the "fun" and life. Hers was college fun andine was high school. In both instances, the "fun" we were missing was nothing more than meaningless parties with cheap laughs of drunkenness. We began to be jealous of each other in the company of others and I broke up with her officially. To this day I remember her words in tears, "Matthew you'll regret this". It wasn't said in terms of revenge, just in fact. And she was right

I did not have enough experience to appreciate the rarity of what we had and she did. I had two girlfriends afterwards, expecting our relationships so naturally turn into the same type of feelings I had prior. I was at first baffled by why they couldn't compare in the slightest. I looked at parties and bars for these girls who would magically turn into the same love I once had. I never found it. I am not ashamed to admit she was the only girl I ever had sex with. There were opportunities to do so later and yet there was this aversion towards the act that I could not place. At one point I actually became sick despit all my attempts to ignore the aversion inside of me. The girl broke up with me afterwards, not that it was going anywhere because there was no real love between us.

I know that gods greatest gift was given to me and wastes by my own ignorance at a young age. Its truly something I've never stopped regretting, and I stopped even looking for it after the age of 24.

Some say its better to have had and lost than to never had at all. I find I don't know if that's true. Its a bittersweet pill to swallow.

There is some part of me that believes the outcome of the situation was designed from the beginning, that it was a necessary experience that would later shape who I was supposed to become later.

Does anyone have similar regrets in their past? And if your proposed plan is like so many to "live life without regrets" please don't respond. For me to live without regrets is to live without conscience. It is not possible for me.
 
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coby

Guest
#2
Yeah how me and my ex broke up. It was not a willfull decision to divorce from either side. It was quite traumatic but I'm glad we're just friends again. It's not the end of the world.
 
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JeniBean

Guest
#3
So Matthew have you reached out to try and reconnect with her?
 
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Stone5524

Guest
#4
When I went overseas around 21 she got married while I was gone. I knew I couldn't talk to her then. There were lines I knew I couldn't cross whether I wanted to or not.

Strangely around the age of 23 or so I hear from her first time in years. I was online and she messaged me on Facebook. She said..."do you ever miss it?"

By that point she was married with kids. I was sitting on a chair with a cocaine and alcohol dependence right then. I couldn't respond. I know she didn't say it in any way derogotory to me....that was never her way. But her saying it to me at that moment in the world I was living.....it was like god was saying at that time, "aren't you glad you have it all up for this great fun?" If I responded it would have resulted in a one minute greeting turning into an all day conversation. That's just what it was for us.

But...I am where I am. Personal experience is often the most effective and most bitter of teachers. I forget who said that but its true...there are always people warning or trying to help us avoid trouble with their own advice, but we never seem quite content unless we feel the weight if the trouble ourselves. I never understood that
 

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#5
That's very sad.

I tried to give my heart to someone even when he seems so wrong for me because I dont want to live with regret and him becoming the one who got away but he hurt me. So I dont know maybe I am now his one who got away.
 
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Stone5524

Guest
#6
Its strange in hindsight to understand what was really important in life. There was such a heavy placement on sex then...and when you look back on it all...the parts you miss are the simplest and most innocent. The feeling of holding someone's hand or simply not sleeping alone.

But that's just a chapter of the book. The pen still moves...
 
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sassylady

Guest
#7
I lost a 25 year marriage and of course my husband because he molested our daughters. It has literally taken me 10 years to get to a point where I know I could have a relationship with somebody else, if there is one. I still have moments I can cry, it is just a tragedy. The consequences that have occurred to so many people, not just us, is tremendous.
 
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Stone5524

Guest
#8
My uncle did something similar my cousin...her dad died when she was young and he decided to project a fatherly role in her life . No one expected his true intentions.

I'm sorry for your situation.
 
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
63
Indiana
#9
the only regret if it even is one i am not to sure, never had kids.
 
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Stone5524

Guest
#10
I've always wondered about kids. I mean...I think I'd be decent in understanding mistakes they make and giving them accurate warnings with where the traps are because I've made enough mistakes and fallen into enough traps of my own...

But I don't think I'd be a very great father outside of those aspects. I'm sure they could make me a better person, but I'm not sure I could help them be better in the same way.
 
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jeremyPJ

Guest
#11
I look back and feel I wasted my chance at a really good job. My counselor called me out of class one day and reamed me for enrolling in the Auto Mechanics course. She said as high as I scored on the SAT test, I was is the top percentile and could do anything I wanted job wise, the sky was the limit. However, looking back she wasn't real explanatory on those subjects in the Career Planning class, so maybe it was on both of us? All I was interested in then was cars, girls and rock music.
 

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#12
My greatest regret is that it took me 27 years to start to pay attention to myself and to learn that it is okay to put myself first sometimes. Also, I wish I had begun to love myself earlier. I would have been in a better place than where I am today.
 

BruceWayne

Senior Member
Aug 7, 2013
3,694
357
83
Gotham City
#13
Hmm probably some of the real life friendships I didn't keep, because I let myself get too busy with things I felt were more important at the time. But we can't change the past and I don't regret it. They are probably the best thing I've wasted though.
 
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Hellooo

Guest
#14
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James4redemption

Guest
#15
My greatest regret is that it took me 27 years to start to pay attention to myself and to learn that it is okay to put myself first sometimes. Also, I wish I had begun to love myself earlier. I would have been in a better place than where I am today.
This but the opposite, I focused on only myself. Took a lot for granted. Lost relationships with family and friends, lost a ton of money. If I would have just calmed down, took a breath, exercised some appreciation and not have been so irresponsible and selfish I would have been in a better place right now that's for sure. But you live and you learn.


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And this...:mad:
 
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crosstweed

Guest
#16
The friendship of my brother when we were little. I was probably something akin to Adolf Hitler for an older sister. That's one of my big regrets.
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
113
#17
The friendship of my brother when we were little. I was probably something akin to Adolf Hitler for an older sister. That's one of my big regrets.
Reading that makes me sad, but you were probably a kid too and didn't know any better. When I was a kid there was this one younger kid that me and my friends picked on because he always had mucus running out of his nose and we made him cry even though all he wanted to do was play with us. I really really regret the way I treated him and wish I could take it all back. I've begged the Lord for forgiveness about it too while crying my eyes out and wish there was some way I could make it up to that kid. Maybe that's why God allowed me to be bullied in grade school and high school. If that's the case, I accept my punishment.
 
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crosstweed

Guest
#18
Reading that makes me sad, but you were probably a kid too and didn't know any better. When I was a kid there was this one younger kid that me and my friends picked on because he always had mucus running out of his nose and we made him cry even though all he wanted to do was play with us. I really really regret the way I treated him and wish I could take it all back. I've begged the Lord for forgiveness about it too while crying my eyes out and wish there was some way I could make it up to that kid. Maybe that's why God allowed me to be bullied in grade school and high school. If that's the case, I accept my punishment.
Yes and no... I was aware that I was doing it, but kids have no concept of how long term that kind of damage is. All I knew was that I wanted total power and control and I had to subdue the "would-be usurper" if I wanted it. When I got saved that was the first thing I did was go apologize to him and ask his forgiveness. The impact of what I did has slowly shown itself to me over the years. It really opened up my eyes to the vicious cycle of bullying.
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
113
#19
Yes and no... I was aware that I was doing it, but kids have no concept of how long term that kind of damage is. All I knew was that I wanted total power and control and I had to subdue the "would-be usurper" if I wanted it. When I got saved that was the first thing I did was go apologize to him and ask his forgiveness. The impact of what I did has slowly shown itself to me over the years. It really opened up my eyes to the vicious cycle of bullying.
Yea I read a study on bullying where they studied 3 distinct groups; one was just bullies, another was those who bullied and had also been bullied, and the last group were those who were only bullied.

IIRC the study found that the ones who only bullied had the least psychological problems but a significant percentage of them had commited crimes. But the crimes they committed were white collar type crimes like fraud, not violent crimes like robbery.

The ones who both bulled others and were bullied themselves suffered more psychological issues, but the worst off group were the ones who were only bullied. They suffered most from depression and suicidal thoughts.

Even though I bulled that one kid, I still feel I belong in the last group because I was bullied so much that now I realize its probably the reason why I could never really build any type of self-confidence throughout my life (and that's the main reason I'm still single too).
 
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crosstweed

Guest
#20
Yea I read a study on bullying where they studied 3 distinct groups; one was just bullies, another was those who bullied and had also been bullied, and the last group were those who were only bullied.

IIRC the study found that the ones who only bullied had the least psychological problems but a significant percentage of them had commited crimes. But the crimes they committed were white collar type crimes like fraud, not violent crimes like robbery.

The ones who both bulled others and were bullied themselves suffered more psychological issues, but the worst off group were the ones who were only bullied. They suffered most from depression and suicidal thoughts.

Even though I bulled that one kid, I still feel I belong in the last group because I was bullied so much that now I realize its probably the reason why I could never really build any type of self-confidence throughout my life (and that's the main reason I'm still single too).
I wouldn't say that I was "bullied" per se... I did get pushed around a lot when I was little by one individual in particular who I thought of as a role model, though. God only knows how deeply that impacted me. It's like people don't even think about what they're doing and how easily kids are effected. Literally everything you do has a lasting impact.