Just need a little advice...

alittlelost · Feb 4, 2016

Hey everyone,
First time poster here, in need of a little spiritual guidance here and I don't know where else to turn.

I little back story about my situation i'm 27 and until a few years ago was in the military and that is where most of my problems started. While in my wife left me for another man and sent me into a terrible downward spiral emotionally and physically. I started drinking every night while not at work, became addicted to pornography which sent me down even more. Basically to sum it up I hit rock bottom, when I downloaded something I shouldn't have and was charged and discharge from the military for possession of child pornography. It was terrible, I felt terrible, I've asked forgiveness for it over and over again. I've made peace with it and put it behind me.

Since then I went back to school, got a career that I love, have a great job, I know god has been there every step of the way even if I did turn my back on him at times, I feel like ever since then, I have been split in half. Its really hard to explane and have make sense. One part of me is a caring loving individual that would honestly do anything for anyone, no matter what the cost, that side of me is always trying to move forward and not looking at my past. The other part of me, and I know it sounds stupid, is SO full of hate, so afraid rejection so I don't go out with anyone, so upset at everyone especially my self. I would go as far as to calling that side of me a sociopath. I struggle every day trying to keep that part of me away and every day it truly is a struggle.

So what I'm asking is anyone has any advice for me on how I can keep this battle inside of me at bay, or any scripture versus that I could read that would help. I feel like i'm on a roller coaster and its headed back towards the ground and I want so bad to just keep up but its so hard. I pray every day for help with relationships and to help be find the right woman in my life, but I never get answers, I ask for "flashing billboards" on what I can do to just move on, please if anyone has any help or advice I would be more than willing to answer and questions.

Thanks again for the help.

coby · Feb 4, 2016

I would go for a healing week or something. You need to encounter God and healing of the heart.

Dan58 · Feb 4, 2016

Many people have had a spouse that's cheated on them, but thank God she revealed her true colors and be glad she's gone. Don't take what she did as rejection, a person who's untrustworthy shouldn't shake your confidence, its no reflection of your character, but a demonstration of hers. You may be deflecting that bad experience onto others, but don't let the past define you going forward, or project hate towards others.

You may also be disappointed with yourself for your unscrupulous behavior in the past, but don't let guilt or self-condemnation dominate your attitude now. Dwelling on those negative emotions are tools of the adversary, but Christ is not our accuser, he's our deliverer. Forgive yourself and forget about the two-timer, those experiences probably shook your confidence and made you afraid of rejection. Remember that Peter rejected Christ and Paul persecuted Christians, but they both moved forward.. Learn and grow from your mistakes and plunge ahead with a positive attitude. That's something we all struggle to do... jmo

Lynx · Feb 4, 2016

The best thing to do... is to do something. Find what you can do and do it. Not just a hobby, find something you are good at that makes a difference in other people's lives. Your life needs a purpose, something you can be enthusiastic about.

Are you good at music? Learn to play something and use the skill.

Are you good at talking? Volunteer at nursing homes.

It's not just busywork, something to distract you from your feelings. It is a reason to live. Find something good to do and do it. That's the best thing you can do with the life you have been given. And when you get to the end of it you won't have a life you regret.

wwjd_kilden · Feb 4, 2016

I have a secret that I let nobody see
An evil shadow that's been hanging over me
My alter ego that I try to hold at bay
But despite my good intentions he can always get away

He does the things that I don't want to do

Sometimes I feel like Jekyll and Hyde
Two men are fighting a war inside
- Petra

I think being a Christian means we have to face that battle.
That being said, it could also be something deeper. Maybe you could talk to your GP about it and see what he thinks?

Also, as already said: Find something purposeful to do.
- And keep talking to God!

Hungry · Feb 4, 2016

Welcome. I think the important part in all of this is that you are truly interested in staying on the narrow path. So many people like to walk the line and step off every now and then and make excuses. Seeing how you were in the military, you should be accustomed to physical exercise, especially grueling, wanting to quit, don't think I can take anymore exercise. The Christian walk is not much different. Our physical bodies and our brains are designed to be programmed for survival and reproduction. When we do something that triggers one of these things like eating high sugar foods (survival) or getting stimulated by watching pornography (reproduction), our brain takes a chemical "snapshot" of these behaviors, releasing dopamine. This begins the addiction cycle. Then we crave that behavior, always needing to increase it slightly to get a chemical high. If we abstain from the behavior then the cravings subside but never completely. You will always have a permanent snapshot and returning to the habit will spike the addiction again. When we accept Christ and are born again it is a spiritual birth and are to follow the promptings of the Spirit. These are generally putting others ahead of ourselves. Walking carnally, focuses on our physical yearnings (survival and reproduction). All of our lives in society we are trained to look out for number one. At first it takes a conscious mind analyzing our intentions, but eventually you can start to weed out your own behavior, asking yourself whether your motivations are spiritually or carnally motivated. This is the renewing of your mind. Realizing that we always have a choice to do good or evil has helped me personally. Before long the "addictions " to bad behavior are more like distant calls rather than a voice in your head. Back to exercise; we are all in a race. The finish line is at the end of our lives or when Christ returns. Our cross to bear is battling the chemical signals that urge us to act like animals. The track isn't level. Sometimes we are running uphill and sometimes downhill. Sometimes into the wind and other times its at our back. Whatever the course, just keep moving. Here's a verse for you, 1 Cor 9:24 "Don't you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win!"

kaylagrl · Feb 4, 2016

alittlelost said:

Quote "I would go as far as to calling that side of me a sociopath."

That is a very serious statement there. It seems this is something you feel you have no control over.My advice is that you find a good counselor,Christian if you can,and start going regularly. You need to talk things out with someone who can help you with your issues,possibly things that have happened in your past. Before you harm yourself or someone else, you need to get some good help. Along with that find a good church with a good mens group and go as often as the doors are open. If you have Christian friends ask for their prayers and support.Get help and get started on a new path.

Pemican · Feb 4, 2016

Everyone has a sin nature, and every believer in Christ must learn to deal with their sinful weaknesses. Different people have different sinful trends, mine are not necessarily the same as yours, but we all sin. Certain things will trigger your sinful trend and you need to identify what can set you off. You may need to totally avoid and walk around things that get you going in the wrong direction. Be like Job who knew what evil was but turned away from it. Sometimes deep seated anger and hatred goes way back to childhood events that scarred the soul. Try to identify why you are reacting the way you do. Confess your sins as soon as you become aware of them, and maintain the filling of the Holy Spirit.

1Jn 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

The real long term solutions are found in the Word of God. Devote yourself to learning the Word. Make growing up spiritually the priority of you life. Find a great pastor and be there whenever he teaches. Learn the Word of God, believe the Word of God, and apply the Word of God to your life. The renovation of the mind takes place when we are so infused with the Word of God that we think like Christ thought.

Col 3:1-2 Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.

Nice_Lady · Feb 4, 2016

I think u need to find a kind girl from ur church and try to stick to her, try to love her and be her best friend and grow in holiness with her - focuss on the Scripture and discuss sermons. Read the Bible and talk about it. Let the Lord work in ur heart, brother.

Txroads · Feb 4, 2016

We can't do anything by ourselves.. We're not strong enough.. Jesus is... Being around the right kind of people can help you realize your not the same person you once were... Jesus will tell you the same thing when you tell him I know I can't handle this... Here....

Stone5524 · Feb 4, 2016

I was in the military and overseas myself.

I can relate to what your saying, especially about the lust and the half of you that does not want to go out with anyone.

For a long time I had the hate too...but the hate wqw majnky projected towards myself and past actions. As much as I can tell, one of gods mains objectives in our growth is to pull us closer towards him, and hobestly, it often involves us being pulled from others. Think of it like a cup of water that needs decontamination. What happens when you get pulled closer to god? In essence, the object is to attain something higher, godliness. What are the virtues of godliness? There are many...patience being one of them. God doesn't just grant it, god exposes you to the situations that form patience. Inside of your mind, that's where the battle is. Its been 5 years since I joined in on any social gathering, which I have my own reasons to believe is about to change...but this isn't about your social life BC that's just for your own gratification. The question you should be asking, is what can you do for god...what role can you play in the fulfillment of his will. Take a look around. The worlds chalked full of Christians who are content with merely having their own relationship, and god isn't going to take an extreme amount of attention with them because they might not be willing to be of greater use than to themselves...which is fine. But if you want something more and something supernatural, you have to ask god to teach you what you need to know in order to be his instrument...not for yourself, but to be someone reliable if and when others in this world need help. God isn't concerned about drinks with friends this weekend...he's concerned about souls.

About the part of you that is full of hate. For me, its a natural feeling of anger towards what you've done. I've lusted horribly, stolen, lied, dishonored my parents, abused every substance short of heroin...and when the dark night of my soul came to look back on my past...it took years before I was through with tears, bittneress, and self loathing so deep it could sink ships. But that is the process. It's not for you to decide when its over...I mean others can tell you that you've been forgiven...but that's not for them to know or decide. When you are forgiven you will know. You'll be close to that forgiveness and peace once you can think back on the bad, and state your offenses openly to strangers and family with no cowardice or fear of what they think. You'll never say these things without shame or some sense of regret, but you'll know god has forgiven you once they are no longer something you fear..when you can simply state them as facts. And when you can do this, it becomes a strenfth instead of fear...because others see the confession made openly they unconsciously see that they too should want to state their own faults and be liberated.

If you want god to fully notice and place an investment in you...than remove the idea of self and replace it with selflessness. A time will come when everyone and their brother will be crying out for their own salvation and help from god. Don't put yourself in that position. Put yourself in the position where you are able to provide those others with help...there will be a high demand for those types, and a large supply of the former.

Truth be told I don't think we are too far off. I've begun buying supplies...food water etc. Not because I want to survive what may be coming, but simply because gods message for me was to prepare. I've been ready since I was 25...but its not about me. Its about serving god and serving his will. Do this and you find your own path and own mission...but its a lonely road. Its not meant for everyone because in order to fully recognize the method in which god communicates via the holy spirit, it will probably mean eliminating a lot of outward distractions for a time until you are familiar with it. If u are interested in what to look for by messages from god, I'll explain what I understand in a private message if you message me. Just know that there is nothing easy if you ask god to be part of something important concerning his will. A lot of people will think you are crazy. You might lose what you once called friendships, you will go through periods of anger hanging on by a thread to barely pass through the other side multiple times simply to make you stronger, and in this life you will probably never be noticed for your contribution. And if you go in with a blind understanding of spiritual warfare, you will likely have periodic bouts of insanity in the early going. This is just what I've learned from my own experience. But it does get better and easier, you become stronger, and you will be drawn closer to god Ina way that list and pornography will not have a hold, because your life becomes spiritual. The mind becomes stronger and the flesh simply becomes something that needs maintenece. Nothing more than a vessel to carry out your work.

jeremyPJ · Feb 4, 2016

I'm so sorry to see this. This happens a lot, unfortunately. And as bad as it is, it's better to find out now than years later. I don't know where you stand insurance wise, but it would be useful in talking to a GOOD therapist. You may have to try a couple before you find the right one. I've been through a lot and my therapist literally saved my backside. I was married to a demon herself, and her band of demons as friends. Don't let anything stop you from your quest to know Christ. There is nothing more important in this life than your relationship with Him.

You may have to try a few different churches, you may even choose to take your bible, look for info online and go it alone.
That's what I am doing for now. Satan can be found in a church too. Just know your instincts, when things are good and when to walk. God bless you Brother! You came to the right place. There are plenty of folks here who are willing to help, I am too. If you need to talk sometime just PM me.

planitsoon · Feb 4, 2016

[h=1]Hey man,

I read your cry for help and the key for all of this is the get a greater revelation of what God has done for you and who He made you in Him!

When I found out my identity, my God given sonship, I got my breakthrough now 6 years ago after 21 long years of defeat.

Dan Mohler was one guy, a great teacher and so dead to himself, so free, who got me see what really was going on in my lfe, that I am my Fathers son and that I not should own up every thought to comes into my mind (a strangers voice they won't follow) but learn that we were all born into a war. Your heart is so pure brother as obviously your past is bothering you greatly which shows you have the right desire to live holy despite the struggles. Sin worked before you become a Christian from the inside but when you became a new creation and the old sin nature died sin tries to tempt you from the outside. Get to know who you really are bro!!

Here are two awesome short teachings you could have a look at.
God bless!

John
Tasmania

Freedom from Guilt, shame and condemnation. [/h]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVDJ836M9qs

How to resist the devil.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1SGGTWiIcM

alittlelost · Feb 9, 2016

wwjd_kilden said:

Wow that quote, That's exactly how I feel inside. Thanks everyone for the advice and I will take it all to heart.
Thanks again.

IronSharpsIron · Feb 22, 2016

Hello brother,
I hear you. For me when things hit bottom, I stopped fighting fire with fire. I prayed for wisdom and quickly learned the Fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. I kept seeking and seeking and I kept finding. It takes a lot of effort but when you ask God for wisdom he will give it to you.

I change all the music I listened to in my car to Christian/Gospel. My favorite music is reggae, so I searched for Gospel Reggae and lo and behold I found many Gospel reggae artists that were really good and hit what my soul needed. I just kept seeking, bro. Don't stop. Like all things worthwhile in life, it is gonna take non-Stop effort. Stay persistent and keep growing. You will fail at times. But failure is temporary and needed for growth. Build on that failure and keep getting wiser and stronger!

God bless bro

ggs7 · Mar 3, 2016

Just keep reading the Bible and pray. Here is some scripture

James 5:13 Is any among you afflicted? Let him pray. Is any cheerful? Let him sing psalms.
James 5:14 Is any sick among you? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.
Php 2:3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves.
Php 2:4 Do not let each man look upon his own things, but each man also on the things of others.
Php 2:5 For let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.
1Ti 2:2 so that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence.
1Ti 2:3 For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior,
1Ti 2:4 who will have all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.
Php 3:13 My brothers, I do not count myself to have taken possession, but one thing I do, forgetting the things behind and reaching forward to the things before,
Php 3:14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
Php 3:15 Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, be of this mind.
hope this helps

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Just need a little advice...

alittlelost

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coby

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Dan58

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Lynx

Folksy yet erudite

wwjd_kilden

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Hungry

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kaylagrl

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Pemican

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Nice_Lady

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Txroads

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Stone5524

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jeremyPJ

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planitsoon

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alittlelost

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IronSharpsIron

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ggs7

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