Advice about getting a Guy's attention

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Sweetpotato122

Guest
#1
#1
Hi CC! I'm new to the forums so please me patient and bare with me! :)

I need some help finding out what a attracts or deters a man from a girl. After a disasterous first date with a guy that I liked for over 2 years landed me in the friendzone I want to make sure I know what attracts y'all to us girls. My first date story is a long one so I really won't go into it. I wish I could because it's super hilarious and sad all at the same time but the point is I ended up friendzoned by a really cool guy I liked a whole lot. Guys how do I avoid this from happening again? Currently I'm crushing on 2 guys who are very different. One of Themis funny outgoing and just a fun guy to be around. (I like this guy the most) The other is very shy reserved and likes to keep to himself most of the time. He's still very kind and caring and is very thoughtful towards others. Both guys recently got out of serious relationships. It's funny how things change in life. Last year I thought these guys were totally off limits and preparing for marriage I was also so focused on my old crush that I didn't even notice them. But now here they are single and available lol

How do I get the attention of these guys? I have met them both once. We all go to the same church. I work with the shy guy at the church and I attend Sunday school class with the outgoing guy. What do I do to strike up conversation with them without it being weird? How do I get them to chase me? Not the other way around.
 
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coby

Guest
#2
#2
They're just out of a relationship and you just got friendzoned after 2 years. It's best for them to heal up I guess. Dating someone who just came out of a relationship is never a good idea. I wouldn't go after either one of them, the fact that you like 2 says enough. If you really really liked one you wouldn't even see the other.
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#3
Dec 7, 2013
403
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#3
OP:

Let God be in charge.

God knows who you are supposed to go out with.

However, his timing may be very different from your timing.

So you need to be patient regarding this.
 
Born_Again

Born_Again

Senior Member
#4
Nov 15, 2014
1,583
128
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#4
This seems to be a reoccurring theme on here lately lol
 
C

coby

Guest
#5
#5
A guy only chases you when he likes you and you are uninterested and do absolutely nothing, but focus on the Lord or something and saying hmm hmm and talk to someone else. You can't play hard to get. When you're genuinely uninterested one might chase you.
 
Born_Again

Born_Again

Senior Member
#6
Nov 15, 2014
1,583
128
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#6
Well, flirting certainly helps. lol I'm actually one of the last people on here that should be giving advice on this LOL
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#7
Jun 30, 2015
24,685
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#7
Hi SweetPotato, and welcome!

For starters, know who you are in Christ. Be secure enough in yourself that a rejection won't cause you to react badly (which would mean you aren't ready!).

How to get a guy's attention? How about, "Hi. I'd like to get to know you better. Could we chat over a cup of coffee?" Have a plan for the coffee time/place beforehand. Pretty simple and straightforward, and it allows you to get to know him as well, without gushing your crush all over him (which would make most guys run!).

If he is at all interested (and available), he'll respond. No need to pine or wonder, or wait months for him to notice you. If he's not interested, there's no deep awkwardness, just, 'Okay, that didn't work. What have I learned?'

Some guys are hesitant or shy, or lack self-confidence. Interest from a gal will break through that quite quickly, unless the guy is actually unhealthy, in which case he's not a good choice right now anyway. :)
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#8
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
#8
coby said:
A guy only chases you when he likes you and you are uninterested and do absolutely nothing, but focus on the Lord or something and saying hmm hmm and talk to someone else. You can't play hard to get. When you're genuinely uninterested one might chase you.
Click to expand...
OP:

Regarding the bolded part in pink...

God does not want anyone, male or female, to play games regarding dating.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#9
Jun 30, 2015
24,685
13,374
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#9
coby said:
the fact that you like 2 says enough. If you really really liked one you wouldn't even see the other.
Click to expand...
Interesting point, Coby, but I don't agree. This is like saying that you "can't" like anyone unless you like them exclusively. When one is not in a relationship, but has noticed more than one other person, there's nothing inherently wrong with that. Even dating more than one person concurrently isn't actually wrong, though I think one should be open about it. We may think that exclusivity is automatic, or expected, but where there has been no declaration of exclusivity, there is no requirement for it. :)
 
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Nice_Lady

Senior Member
#10
May 13, 2014
148
2
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#10
This is quite interesting theme for me :) i m glad the girl is so honest to share this with us. I was thinking.. what if a guy likes u and u start dating but u push too hard (u want he to propose u as soon as possible and he clearly notices it :) ) and he run away and find more relax girl who is not in a hurry and they really enjoy their time together But still, deep in his heart he really likes. Will he return to u if they separate and he feels more mature and ready for marriage? How do u think?
 
Born_Again

Born_Again

Senior Member
#11
Nov 15, 2014
1,583
128
63
#11
Nice_Lady said:
This is quite interesting theme for me :) i m glad the girl is so honest to share this with us. I was thinking.. what if a guy likes u and u start dating but u push too hard (u want he to propose u as soon as possible and he clearly notices it :) ) and he run away and find more relax girl who is not in a hurry and they really enjoy their time together But still, deep in his heart he really likes. Will he return to u if they separate and he feels more mature and ready for marriage? How do u think?
Click to expand...
Good question. I think that is always a possibility. This further exemplifies the power of being patient.

(I really shouldnt be giving advice) LOL Resident Jaded guy here, so its any mans guess if im right or not. LOL :D
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#12
Jun 30, 2015
24,685
13,374
113
#12
Nice_Lady said:
This is quite interesting theme for me :) i m glad the girl is so honest to share this with us. I was thinking.. what if a guy likes u and u start dating but u push too hard (u want he to propose u as soon as possible and he clearly notices it :) ) and he run away and find more relax girl who is not in a hurry and they really enjoy their time together But still, deep in his heart he really likes. Will he return to u if they separate and he feels more mature and ready for marriage? How do u think?
Click to expand...
I recognize there may be a language barrier here, so please forgive me if I am misunderstanding you...

It looks like you are saying that if a guy feels pressured to propose, and chooses to end the relationship as a result, that he is immature, or that he is not ready for marriage (in himself, not with regard to that relationship). I don't see a direct connection. A guy may have a thousand valid reasons for being hesitant to propose. Just because a gal is ready to say, "I do" doesn't mean the guy "should" therefore be equally ready to propose.

Look at it the other way around: if a guy is ready to propose, is the gal obligated to say, "Yes"? Or is she completely free to make her own choice, for any reason at all? Is she immature for saying 'No'? Is she "not ready for marriage" just because she doesn't want to marry this particular guy?

I think it is much better in such a situation simply to be open and honest about one's own feelings, and to accept another person's right to make their own decision without pressure. :)
 
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Nice_Lady

Senior Member
#13
May 13, 2014
148
2
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#13
Ok thats bad. U cant just date every girl and make her feel special and then simply leave and say "So what?! Now! Let me see... Who's next??" And to be honest i hate wondering eyes - always open for new oppurtunity! And dont come up with the exuse "love all ur neigbours (especially from the oposite sex), please.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#14
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#14
Sweetpotato122 said:
Hi CC! I'm new to the forums so please me patient and bare with me! :)

I need some help finding out what a attracts or deters a man from a girl. After a disasterous first date with a guy that I liked for over 2 years landed me in the friendzone I want to make sure I know what attracts y'all to us girls. My first date story is a long one so I really won't go into it. I wish I could because it's super hilarious and sad all at the same time but the point is I ended up friendzoned by a really cool guy I liked a whole lot. Guys how do I avoid this from happening again? Currently I'm crushing on 2 guys who are very different. One of Themis funny outgoing and just a fun guy to be around. (I like this guy the most) The other is very shy reserved and likes to keep to himself most of the time. He's still very kind and caring and is very thoughtful towards others. Both guys recently got out of serious relationships. It's funny how things change in life. Last year I thought these guys were totally off limits and preparing for marriage I was also so focused on my old crush that I didn't even notice them. But now here they are single and available lol

How do I get the attention of these guys? I have met them both once. We all go to the same church. I work with the shy guy at the church and I attend Sunday school class with the outgoing guy. What do I do to strike up conversation with them without it being weird? How do I get them to chase me? Not the other way around.
Click to expand...
Just a few quick thoughts on the situation you are presenting:

1) You will not be happy if you are constantly playing a role to try to make yourself acceptable to your crush/boyfriend/ husband. Be yourself and wait for some guy to find you attractive. So much better than trying to force things or be someone you are not.

2) There is a difference between someone being over their last relationship and being ready to get into a new relationship. Be patient and cautious about pushing them towards a relationship that they might not be ready for. Respect them and their character enough to believe that they know where they stand and are trying to do right by you.

3) Sounds like you have regular interaction with both of these guys through church, so perhaps talk to them first off about shared activities. Whether it is something about the thing you have to work together on or asking what they think about what was discussed in sunday school or what's going on with other church activities sounds like you have a ready made situation to start getting to know (and being known by) these guys without having to formalize it or put on the pressure of a romantic relationship.
 
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coby

Guest
#15
#15
Dino246 said:
Interesting point, Coby, but I don't agree. This is like saying that you "can't" like anyone unless you like them exclusively. When one is not in a relationship, but has noticed more than one other person, there's nothing inherently wrong with that. Even dating more than one person concurrently isn't actually wrong, though I think one should be open about it. We may think that exclusivity is automatic, or expected, but where there has been no declaration of exclusivity, there is no requirement for it. :)
Click to expand...
No it's not wrong, but well in my case it says enough. If I really like someone the rest is invisible. If I like 2 guys at the same time it's just nonsense and I shouldn't take it serious. Well everyone is different. That's how it works with me, but a collegue of mine dated 5 at the same time and picked one he liked best and married her lol.
 
J

JeniBean

Guest
#16
#16
How do I get a guys attention? I smile and be me!!!!!!
 
C

coby

Guest
#17
#17
Nice_Lady said:
Ok thats bad. U cant just date every girl and make her feel special and then simply leave and say "So what?! Now! Let me see... Who's next??" And to be honest i hate wondering eyes - always open for new oppurtunity! And dont come up with the exuse "love all ur neigbours (especially from the oposite sex), please.
Click to expand...
Why not? It was just a mistake. Next. LOL.
I do that too.
 
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Nice_Lady

Senior Member
#18
May 13, 2014
148
2
18
#18
I would understand if u r unbeliever and dont fear God. If u play this games with me i will surely curse u. And yes Noah cursed a man and Elisha got angry easily too :p
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#20
Jun 30, 2015
24,685
13,374
113
#20
Nice_Lady said:
In a responce to Coby *
Click to expand...
It works well to use the "Reply With Quote" button at the bottom-right of a post; that way everyone knows to whom you are responding. :) I'm still not sure to whom you were responding when you posted, "Ok thats bad..."
 
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