Would You Work at a Job You Hate--to Support the Family You Love?

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Would You Work at a Job You Hate--to Support the Family You Love?

  • Yes--I have no pride when it comes to my family. I will do whatever I can to help/support them.

    Votes: 5 23.8%
  • Yes, but I could only work a job I hated for so long, and would eventually have to find something el

    Votes: 6 28.6%
  • Yes, but I would feel resentful about having to do so and it might cause me to love my spouse less.

    Votes: 1 4.8%
  • Are you kidding? I already work a job I hate to support my family.

    Votes: 2 9.5%
  • Maybe--it depends how bad our situation was.

    Votes: 4 19.0%
  • Maybe--it depends on how long I'd be doing this. If I knew it was only temporary, I could stand it.

    Votes: 2 9.5%
  • Maybe--I would at least consider every option, no matter how much I disliked it.

    Votes: 4 19.0%
  • Maybe--if I had the support of my spouse and family, I could do this.

    Votes: 3 14.3%
  • No--I won't work a job I despise under any circumstance.

    Votes: 1 4.8%
  • No--I would rather go on government assistance than work a job I hate.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • No--I would rather ask our families, the church, or the community for help than take on a job I don'

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • No--I would rather stay single forever than feel this kind of pressure to support a family.

    Votes: 1 4.8%
  • Other--I have another answer I would like to talk about in my post.

    Votes: 1 4.8%

  • Total voters
    21

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#1
Hey Everyone,

The recent talks about men being a provider for the household got me thinking, and I didn't want to derail the current thread.

I was raised in a family of almost all stay-at-home moms with working dads, but in many cases, as soon as the kids were in school or semi-independent, the moms went to work as well. My personal feeling is that the work/home balance is something that must be decided between each couple because different things work for different people, but each person should contribute everything they absolutely can, whether at home or through a job.

However, I understand why some men (and women) would feel as if they'd never earn enough to attract a spouse or raise a family. Some of us just aren't gifted or geared towards professions that make a lot of money. Others of us are not made to handle the high stress levels of a high-paying job. And many of us will wind up working more than one job in order to make ends meet.

One luxury I have as a single person without kids is that I can make decisions based on my own sanity and comfort levels. If I don't want to take a promotion that pays an extra $X a week or year but will mean working twice the hours and taking on three times the responsibility, I don't have to take it. I can say no if I don't think the payoff is worth the cost. Now, there have been a few times in my working life when I've actually told myself, "Sure, I'm going to have to eat ramen noodles for a month, but I'm going to make it!" To me, more money is worthless if the measures you take to earn it are going to suck away all your time with those you love, your time with God, your physical health (because of the stress), and your emotional stability.

However, I realize that if someone is supporting a spouse and/or family, he or she is no longer quite as free to make those choices. Most people will choose based on the dollar amounts because they want to be able to provide the best they can for their family. Every one of us has seen a movie, read a book, know someone personally, or have experienced a situation in which a person feels trapped in a job they hate because of the money. How long can a person hold on in this situation? The long-term results are often dissatisfaction, mental and emotional breakdowns, and broken families. And we see how it happens--the spouse who earns less starts to feel lonely and abandoned, and maybe they start spending a little too much time in chat rooms or talking to "an old friend" on Facebook, or the spouse who is always at work starts to feel resentful and unappreciated, and becomes a little too close to a co-worker they see more than their spouse...

But on the other hand, in my past relationships, I dated guys who insisted they would only work jobs they loved and that appreciated their (personally perceived) talents. Ahem. Enter unicorn, Stage 1... In other words, they wound up not working at all or always "between jobs"--the politically correct term for "chronically unemployed because of pride".

If you are not someone (whether man or woman) who has a high-paying job or is gifted in an area that pays a lot, how willing would you be to take on a job or situation (such as working several jobs) that you hate in order to provide for your family? (This doesn't just mean a spouse and kids--it can also mean taking care of your parents, younger or differently-abled relatives, etc.)

And for the people who ARE gifted with high-paying jobs or positions, what are the costs? I've known some people who have started out at the very bottom and worked their way up to extremely prestigious and yes, lucrative positions. BUT, there has ALWAYS been a price to pay, usually in the form of a loss of health (due to stress levels), and having very little time to spend with the family they are supporting (missing their kids' childhoods, ball games, recitals, etc.)

Please note that the poll is anonymous, multiple choice, and is meant to supplement, not replace, a meaningful discussion--please don't JUST answer the poll, but tell us about your own thoughts and experiences (which is the heart of what I'm always after in these threads.) :)

I also know that the poll answers are neither complete nor perfect but these were some of the answers that came to mind as I was writing. If there is another answer you would have personally made, please be sure to tell us in your post.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#2
I can't imagine any logical answer can be given other than "it depends." It would depend entirely on multiple unknown factors, such as how much money is needed, why it is needed (just because you can't afford your internet bill doesn't mean you are poverty-stricken) the particulars of the job and the tolerance of the person doing the job.

Sorry Kim, I really try to give cogent answers to these threads but this time there are too many variables.
 
C

coby

Guest
#3
If I really had to I'd work more or take a simple boring job. If the kids get older I wouldn't mind working more. Luckily life here in Holland can be quite cheap. No need for a car, cheap 2 room apartment. I only have to work 3 days a week to support 3 kids and I have a quite simple but fun job.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#4
Yes. Though i've never been married, i was in a serious, long term relationship. Never have really had a job i've enjoyed, ever. But during that relationship i stayed longer in those horrible jobs, than i would have if i'd been single. I've done worse than that, actually.
 
C

cmarieh

Guest
#6
There is no doubt in my mind that I would work a job and be miserable to support a family because they would become the motivation to work hard to receive that paycheck.
 
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
63
Indiana
#7
nope, and trying to force me to do something or put up with something I don't like nor want to do don't end well for people.
 

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#8
I am not sure if I would work at a job I hate if my sole reason to do that was family. While I may, if our situation is that bad, I also may not do it if I cannot motivate myself to do that otherwise. I know many people say that family or spouse is their biggest motivation to stick through a horrible thing, but I can never say that. Here are two reasons why -

Firstly, as much as one may say that he is doing it for the sake of his family, he is still doing it for the satisfaction that he receives from seeing his family happy. It's hard to imagine a truly selfless act, because we do an act only because it gives us a certain satisfaction, whether material or spiritual, today or tomorrow. It may sound twisted, but I think humans can rarely perform a selfless act, in the literal sense of the word.

Secondly, I think that there may be days when the very family for whom you are "suffering", may turn against you, leaving you to regret the decision you made. So, doing something for the sake of another person, is too much of a risk for me.
 
W

wwjd_kilden

Guest
#9
I worked at a job I hated for three years to get some work experience.
In the end I was so scared I'd "blow up" with a customer on the phone that I figured I had to quit while I was still able to be professional. In the long run, it will wear you down and make you unable to do the job well.
 
L

Lost_sheep

Guest
#10
Been there. Done that. Have the ratty old t-shirt in my drawer. Never again. Jobs you hate are soul-sucking. Granted I've never had children (praise the Lord), so I never had that level of responsibility, but working a job you hate makes the days sooooooo long and the paycheck totally not worth it's value.

Hence, why I will NEVER, EVER work in private industry in my career field again. I'm trying for my PhD so I can have a kush job doing research and publishing articles.
 

spunkycat08

Senior Member
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
#11
I am currently unemployed while my husband is still working.

Both of us worked for the same company doing the same job at the same location of parking garages. We were porters assigned to clean specific parking garages as well some parking lots.

Our employer went through a reorganization late last year. Corporate headquarters made several changes regarding our jobs. Several first shift porters, including me, were laid off end the of December 2015. However, my husband received a raise as well as a promotion at work.

While I was happy to have a full-time job that provided benefits, I knew that I could not do this job for too long because it is a very physical job. Plus the property management company our employer has a contract with is very picky and wants the parking garages to be spotless. Spotless to the point that there is no dust anywhere. Also, I found out from my husband that the property management company was not happy with the fact that our employer wanted the porters to do non-cleaning duties as well such as helping customers at the exit gate who had problems with using the pay machines, issuing violations to customers who parked at parking lots but did not pay, and issuing violations to customers who did not properly park in the parking garages. That took time out of our daily cleaning duties, yet according to our employer as well as to the property management company, everything had to be done.

The one problem I am dealing with while looking for a job is being asked if I can work rotating shifts. The problem I face is having to rely on public transportation. So I am limited to certain shifts. Plus I am trying to finish my education by going to night school. Both of us need to work to make ends meet. I just have to find the right full-time job with benefits.

It can get frustrating.
 
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Aug 2, 2009
24,574
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#12
I have been in toxic work environments and they really made me know the meaning of the scripture that says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." (Proverbs 4:23).
 
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keep_on_smiling

Guest
#13
Only if there weren't any other options. I'd do anything to support my family.
 

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#14
Being in a highly stressful eight to five job, sometimes I consider quitting and taking a job with less responsibilities and few working hours like a dishwasher or waitress. I am not complaining infact I'm thankful because I am able to live comfortably with my job , just saying that my social life and health have suffered because of this stressful job. I am always left with very little energy at the end of the day. We just can't have it all so im just happy with what I have.

I love my job sometimes when my evil boss is not power tripping. I dont know how I survived 13 years doing routine with the same evil boss who make my life miserable. I could have been fired long time ago because the feeling is mutual, we dont get along very well but she can never fire me too bad for her. Im too good. Haha. And I have security of tenure so all she can do is humiliate me and those she doesnt like much and give us low ratings. Who cares about ratings and her bias opinion of me? The pay is still good.
 
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Nov 25, 2014
942
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0
#15
My family was very poor growing up. I've been working to provide for basic necessities since I was 12-13. I can't imagine the luxury of saying, "Oh no, not this job...I'll wait for one I LIKE."

I've had jobs I've disliked just to support myself. Certainly, I'd suck it up and soldier-on for the sake of a family.
 
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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#16
My family was very poor growing up. I've been working to provide for basic necessities since I was 12-13. I can't imagine the luxury of saying, "Oh no, not this job...I'll wait for one I LIKE."

I've had jobs I've disliked just to support myself. Certainly, I'd suck it up and soldier-on for the sake of a family.
One of the things I've enjoyed about being single is that I've had the luxury of choice. I work in a field that doesn't pay much unless you get into upper management, and the stepping stones for getting into those positions aren't always worth it (in my humble opinion.) At my old place of work, I knew two guys who were both vying for a leading assistant position--and the pay raise was a whopping $10 per week--while that person's stress level would have doubled.

But for many people, saying no to an extra $40 a month could be a very dire matter.

I've never said no to a job--but when I could, I've enjoyed a little leeway as far as where I wanted to work. One thing I praise God for is that I've always been blessed with hard-working managers who worked with their teams instead of acting as dictators. It wasn't all rainbows and sunshine and there were times we heavily disagreed, but I was thankful that I could turn down offers from other managers within the company in order to stay with the ones I'd built a good working rapport with, and was unwilling to risk that relationship even if it meant slightly higher pay.

Now, if I had kids or dependents, there would be no question--I'd have to take whatever they offered--and, I confess, I would be miserable. As some posters pointed out as well, it would also depend on what my family was telling me they "needed". My laptop, phone, and other electronic devices are pretty much relics that could be put in a museum.

I would be deeply resentful if someone expected me to do something that risked my emotional and physical health all because they "just had to have" the latest and greatest. I wasn't raised that way, and wouldn't be very happy supporting someone who was. (If they wanted to earn it themselves and we had all the other bills paid, terrific!! Let's find a way to compromise! Just don't expect me to have to make myself miserable to support someone else's higher lifestyle expectations.)
 
M

missy2014

Guest
#17
I was working at a job that I didnt like very much but I needed the money but my mental health suffered too due to workplace bullying and was seriously considering taking it a step further legally to deal with the workplace bullying the employment tribunal thingy #itsnotworthit# maybe for a short period of time its sounds good but I think ultimately youve got to do what makes you happy. Heres another thought when youre in God's will youre passionate and joyful about what youre doing doesnt mean too you dont have real brokeness heartache with it but God's will is the best. I guess thats really the issue you can have a crummy job in God's will but how crummy and how unhappy you want to be thats the big questions to ask.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#18
seoulsearch: Yeah, that. Ditto everything you said.

About advancement vs. stress level, I see that in my current workplace. I would never, ever, ever be a manager there.

About a good boss, we have a great manager. Some of the assistant managers we could do without (imo) but the main manager is a great guy. He really goes the extra mile, both in doing his job and in working with people to resolve matters.

And about "needs" that aren't really needs... I'm currently typing on a laptop from 2006. Eh, it works for what I need. :cool:

So yeah, ditto everything in your post.
 
N

NukePooch

Guest
#19
Our employer went through a reorganization late last year. Corporate headquarters made several changes regarding our jobs. Several first shift porters, including me, were laid off end the of December 2015. However, my husband received a raise as well as a promotion at work.
Only if there weren't any other options. I'd do anything to support my family.
This has been on my mind lately. I've been in a temp position as a forklift driver at a manufacturing plant since August. It's not where I thought I would be by the time I turned 40... It's not a bad job, and I don't hate and abhor it, but I don't exactly get thrills and chills about showing up @ 5AM Monday morning either... But, it's work, and I do it to keep me going. There's not a whole lot of other options around here.

I just saw a video a few minutes ago where 1400 workers at a Carrier Air Conditioner plant in Indianapolis were informed (Surprise!) that their plant is closing and moving to Mexico.
Note, the video has some language...you can imagine that the workers' shouted responses to the announcement were a bit...colorful.

Welcome To Obama's Recovery: Carrier Moving 1400 Jobs To Mexico | Zero Hedge

Daily Job Cuts - Layoff News , Job Layoffs 2016 / 2015 , Bankruptcy, Store closings, Business Economy News

So...would I do a job I hate to support the family I love? I used to believe that I could and would never do a job I hate or dislike. As I read about Yahoo laying off 1700, Dupont laying off 6000, BP laying off 7000, Shell laying off 10000...

I don't like my job. But I praise God that I have it.
 

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#20
This has been on my mind lately. I've been in a temp position as a forklift driver at a manufacturing plant since August. It's not where I thought I would be by the time I turned 40... It's not a bad job, and I don't hate and abhor it, but I don't exactly get thrills and chills about showing up @ 5AM Monday morning either... But, it's work, and I do it to keep me going. There's not a whole lot of other options around here.

I just saw a video a few minutes ago where 1400 workers at a Carrier Air Conditioner plant in Indianapolis were informed (Surprise!) that their plant is closing and moving to Mexico.
Note, the video has some language...you can imagine that the workers' shouted responses to the announcement were a bit...colorful.

Welcome To Obama's Recovery: Carrier Moving 1400 Jobs To Mexico | Zero Hedge

Daily Job Cuts - Layoff News , Job Layoffs 2016 / 2015 , Bankruptcy, Store closings, Business Economy News

So...would I do a job I hate to support the family I love? I used to believe that I could and would never do a job I hate or dislike. As I read about Yahoo laying off 1700, Dupont laying off 6000, BP laying off 7000, Shell laying off 10000...

I don't like my job. But I praise God that I have it.
This is very true. A few companies are down-sizing in India as well, so I am very thankful that I have a job right now.