For males and females is this practical?

[spunkycat08]

This is for the males and females...

In today's society is this a practical way of relating to the opposite sex and finding a spouse?

Getting to Know a Guy | Set Apart Girl

 

[Ugly]

Think it's a dead horse subject here. Who should initiate. And like all things there are varying opinions.

 

[Lost_sheep]

Meh, I don't believe in any set "rules" for how things should be done. If a woman is interested in a man, she should say something to him. If a man is interested in a woman, he should say something to her. If either gender is lazy and doesn't want to put the work into getting to know the other, drop them like a hot rock and move on.

I don't like articles like this because I feel they just precipitate the playing of games - seething little mind games. If you have something to say, speak up. Don't manipulate the other person into saying what you want or doing what you want. That crap breeds animosity, and animosity kills relationships like RAID kills bugs - DEAD.

*tosses two old pennies like a boss*

 

[cinder]

There are some good points, but I don't think the overall article is practical for universal application. It puts me in mind of the unapproachable princess in a white tower type of thing and a lot of good godly men will be discouraged or intimidated by feeling that a woman is so focused on God there's no room in her world for having normal human life or desires. Good points to glean (according to cinder):

1) If you are usually being the initiator, don't expect that fact to change as friendship progresses to dating, progresses to marriage. Also don't take response to your invitations to do things as interest in more than friendship.
2) If it wouldn't be appropriate behavior if you were married to someone else, it's probably not appropriate behavior between singles who are just friends either.
3) Be aware of how your actions, conversation topics, etc, could impact your christian brothers and sisters.
4) If you're uncomfortable, find the courage to speak up and end the uncomfortable situation.

 

[Dino246]

I read the article... which part are you asking about?

I generally agree with the latter part of the article regarding verbal and physical purity, though I think the author's perspective is a bit legalistic. There's a difference between 'pure' and 'puritanical'. Couples moving toward marriage need to communicate openly and abundantly; that is a great time to learn, establish, and respect boundaries. Part of that is being clear about one's own standards and expectations.

Regarding the first part of the article, the story presents one gal's experience as instructive for Christian women in general, while overlooking the apparent lack of communication early in her relationship. She wants her husband to take the lead in in the marriage; fair enough, but I wonder if she ever told him that. As the article puts it, 'he seemed to lose interest in rising up and taking charge....' Did he ever have such an interest? Unfortunately, it's a flimsy foundation for the teaching which follows.

The verse quoted from 1 Timothy uses an awkward translation of a key word which implies something the original Greek doesn't; the Greek for 'authority' is 'exousia', which isn't in that verse. The word which is, 'authentein,' is used only that one place in Scripture, and has many meanings over a few hundred years in non-biblical literature. The verse is also presented in a context quite different than its original. It's a stretch at best.

 

[proverbs35]

The verse quoted from 1 Timothy uses an awkward translation of a key word which implies something the original Greek doesn't; the Greek for 'authority' is 'exousia', which isn't in that verse. The word which is, 'authentein,' is used only that one place in Scripture, and has many meanings over a few hundred years in non-biblical literature. The verse is also presented in a context quite different than its original. It's a stretch at best.

I didn't know that. That's very interesting. I intend to research that more later. Thanks for the info concerning that verse.

 

[coby]

This is for the males and females...

In today's society is this a practical way of relating to the opposite sex and finding a spouse?

Getting to Know a Guy | Set Apart Girl

It's true the first part, but then she says if you like a guy pray and God will move him to take the first step. I don't think that is good. If Ruth had not shown interest Boaz would have done nothing. She didn't take the lead though.

 

[ServantStrike]

I read the article... which part are you asking about?

I generally agree with the latter part of the article regarding verbal and physical purity, though I think the author's perspective is a bit legalistic. There's a difference between 'pure' and 'puritanical'. Couples moving toward marriage need to communicate openly and abundantly; that is a great time to learn, establish, and respect boundaries. Part of that is being clear about one's own standards and expectations.

Regarding the first part of the article, the story presents one gal's experience as instructive for Christian women in general, while overlooking the apparent lack of communication early in her relationship. She wants her husband to take the lead in in the marriage; fair enough, but I wonder if she ever told him that. As the article puts it, 'he seemed to lose interest in rising up and taking charge....' Did he ever have such an interest? Unfortunately, it's a flimsy foundation for the teaching which follows.

The verse quoted from 1 Timothy uses an awkward translation of a key word which implies something the original Greek doesn't; the Greek for 'authority' is 'exousia', which isn't in that verse. The word which is, 'authentein,' is used only that one place in Scripture, and has many meanings over a few hundred years in non-biblical literature. The verse is also presented in a context quite different than its original. It's a stretch at best.

The pattern in scripture is pretty clear - a man is supposed to be the spiritual head of the household regardless of the Greek word used. That being said, the woman writing this article made a huge leap when she made the assumption that a woman initiating a conversation (or even a friendship) is trying to exert her authority over a man.

 

[sharkwhales]

This is for the males and females...

In today's society is this a practical way of relating to the opposite sex and finding a spouse?

Getting to Know a Guy | Set Apart Girl

I don't think it's practical. The one thing I'd agree with, is the author's suggestion about the opening story: that the woman set a trend in the beginning, and seemed to expect it to reverse later. I don't think it's practical to put a lot into a relationship and expect them to pay you back later when you pass a certain threshold with them. So I agree with the author on that point.

But beyond that...

But taking the initiative with a guy, even in the friendship stage, can be dangerous. God designed men to be the leaders, the initiators, and the pursuers in male/female relationships. Even if it seems harmless to ask a guy out to coffee or email him and let him know you want to get to know him better, it subtly undermines his masculinity.

I have to say this is false. Not every man has such a fragile masculinity that it will topple the moment a woman acts on her own. This is because not every guy/girl interaction is the beginning of some epic heroic romance. It's often just a friendship, sometimes not even that.

I think the author's advice complicates things. To me it's simple. I talk to a girl to see if we get along as friends. I put in some degree of energy and see if she reciprocates the same quality. If we get along, great, if not, I move on. And if we're friends long enough to be good friends, then who knows. But my point is, gender roles don't have to be involved, until it is clear one or both of you want more. And even then you don't need a laundry list of do's and don'ts. You continue the things that made you good friends; mutual respect, self-respect, honesty, no mind games, invest time and build on what you have in common.

One more point of agreement with the author: It's good if a girl has boundaries and self-respect that inform how she jokes with guys and how physical she is. It generally means she can be trusted if she ever becomes more than a friend.

 

[AsifinPassing]

This is for the males and females...

In today's society is this a practical way of relating to the opposite sex and finding a spouse?

Getting to Know a Guy | Set Apart Girl

I could say several things to this...

So, first of all... on the issue of "Christ's Model" for 'romantic relationships' or 'initiating relationships' ... that's just an interesting concept all together. I'd like to see some scriptures and explanation of what that means/where the author is taking that from.

Secondly, I really think, as in most things, it depends on the person (or couple) in question. Some relationships seem to work well with one taking charge, and others are more co-operative. I've also seen a few healthy relationships where there really didn't seem to be any sort of 'leadership' or concept/perception of what the relationship 'should' look like or way it 'needed to be'. The two people were simply being themselves, and liked each other as the people they were, so they got and stayed together. Each continued doing their own thing, but also did things together. It seemed to work really well for them, and still does.

So, I honestly don't know. I've seen happy pagan marriages and miserable Christian ones. I've seen marriages that last, and others that very quickly flop. A lot really depends on the people in question... Ideas, feelings, thoughts, words, actions...they all have to do with choices/decisions we make. People are funny (or interesting) things...

 

[Shawn2516]

I think men have been telling women they make better leaders for the past 65 years. Women have ignored it because equality.

I must say though I do find the dynamics of our time interesting. Women in the 1950's wanted to take off the shackles of homestead and be workers. Now days the women want to take off the shackles of the every day office cubical and go back to the homestead, but its too late.

 

[AsifinPassing]

I think men have been telling women they make better leaders for the past 65 years. Women have ignored it because equality.

I must say though I do find the dynamics of our time interesting. Women in the 1950's wanted to take off the shackles of homestead and be workers. Now days the women want to take off the shackles of the every day office cubical and go back to the homestead, but its too late.

Longer than that, apparently. Lol