Jokes
- Thread starter Lynx
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Adam came home late and Eve waited at the door. When he came she questioned him about coming late. He said: Darling I was just out with the animals you are still my one and only Wife.
In the evening they lay beside each other and Adam couldnt sleep because he kept feeling something in his side. He turned to his wife and asked: what are you doing?
She replied: Im counting your ribs
In the evening they lay beside each other and Adam couldnt sleep because he kept feeling something in his side. He turned to his wife and asked: what are you doing?
She replied: Im counting your ribs
For the pastor's 50th birthday, the congregation decided to give him a new suit.
He was so touched by the gift that the following Sunday he stood before everyone and, with tears in his eyes, announced, "Today I am preaching to you in my birthday suit."
He was so touched by the gift that the following Sunday he stood before everyone and, with tears in his eyes, announced, "Today I am preaching to you in my birthday suit."
"The assistant pastor unveiled his new pledge drive campaign today. 'I upped my pledge. Up yours.'"
Yeah.... I don't think I'll use that joke in the church bulletin.
S
I remember seeing a whole list of these in an email back in the day. You know, when that's what people did with email.
"Our Little Mothers Fellowship will be meeting on Thursdays mornings instead of Tuesdays this month. Any member of the church who wishes to become a Little Mother should meet with the minister during the week."
"Our Little Mothers Fellowship will be meeting on Thursdays mornings instead of Tuesdays this month. Any member of the church who wishes to become a Little Mother should meet with the minister during the week."
An cop is walking his beat when he sees a priest come out of a liquor store "Taking a little nip are we Father?" the cop asks. The priest stammers, "it's for the monsignor's constipation."
About an hour later the cop walks by the church and sees the priest sitting on the steps, totally bombed. "For the monsignor's constipation was it, father?" he asks. The priest looks up and says "well he's sure gonna $#!* when he sees me!"
About an hour later the cop walks by the church and sees the priest sitting on the steps, totally bombed. "For the monsignor's constipation was it, father?" he asks. The priest looks up and says "well he's sure gonna $#!* when he sees me!"
POLTITICALLY CORRECT JOKE
A person belonging to an ethnic group whose members are commonly considered to have certain stereotypical mannerisms met another person belonging to a different ethnic group with a different set of imputed stereotypical mannerisms.
The first person acted in a manner consistent with the stereotypes associated with his ethnic group, and proceeded to make a remark which might be considered to establish conclusively his membership in that group, whereupon his companion proceeded to make a remark with a double meaning, the first meaning of which could be interpreted to indicate his agreement with his companion, but the other meaning of which serves to corroborate his membership in his particular ethnic group.
Of course, the first person took offense at his remark, and reacted in a stereotypical way!
A person belonging to an ethnic group whose members are commonly considered to have certain stereotypical mannerisms met another person belonging to a different ethnic group with a different set of imputed stereotypical mannerisms.
The first person acted in a manner consistent with the stereotypes associated with his ethnic group, and proceeded to make a remark which might be considered to establish conclusively his membership in that group, whereupon his companion proceeded to make a remark with a double meaning, the first meaning of which could be interpreted to indicate his agreement with his companion, but the other meaning of which serves to corroborate his membership in his particular ethnic group.
Of course, the first person took offense at his remark, and reacted in a stereotypical way!
A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.
The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and was watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at the fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year."
His girlfriend snuggled closer and said to the surprised young man, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept!"
The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and was watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at the fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year."
His girlfriend snuggled closer and said to the surprised young man, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept!"
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well.
The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Wow doc, exactly what's my problem?"
The doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Wow doc, exactly what's my problem?"
The doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."