"Demands" List... Hmm.
I have a better name for it. How about a "Givens" list, since if I'm planning to get hitched to a guy and I'm still in possession of my mind, these things will be a "given." Guys complain famously when women try to change them, so if he doesn't possess these qualities, common sense must be utilized - I can't make him possess these qualities, so I must pass him by.
I'm still formulating my list and taking my sweet time about it, sorting out what is preference and what must become law. Here's the rough draft. (Fun experiment: imagine the requirements you're putting on your list and think about what their list looks like, as well as the lists other people have posted. How do you rate?)
- A devoted Christian with a strong relationship with God being the first priority - someone who is actively and seriously pursuing God.
- High intelligence coupled with gentleness, kindness, patience (even with stupid people), and moral strength. These are all must-haves, together. (Short essay time: I had the experience of observing an older, quite Godly Christian couple... and what an experience. I have no idea how they ended up with each other. He was an intelligent, witty English professor, and she was one of the sweetest, simplest dingy birds I've ever met. I know they love each other, but there was a major intellectual disconnect. She would say something tactless to someone (if she ever realized she had said something, she immediately would go to them and apologize, sometimes in tears if she thought she'd hurt them. A very tender spirit, and an excellent prayer warrior) or do something decidedly stupid, or react a certain way, and would drive her professor husband nearly out of his mind. He's a sarcastic fellow and under pressure can have a little bit of a bite, and so would sometimes hurt her feelings when he responded to some unwitting and irritating thing she had done. Some very interesting back and forth could come from it. If they both didn't love God so much I'm sure they would have gone their separate ways a long time ago. I understood both of their frustrations and decided that if/when I ever settled down, I would need to be careful and remember that it doesn't matter if the guy looks like a Hemsworth brother... if his elevator doesn't reach the same floor as yours you will be frustrated and probably struggle to respect him - and if he's significantly more intelligent than you and it isn't coupled with honesty, love, strong moral principle, and the fear of God, he can and probably will manipulate you and play mind games.))
- Decent emotional health. I've been around a fair share of emotionally unhealthy people in my lifetime. And emotional unhealth can be slightly contagious. I'd rather avoid it.
- Similar doctrinal beliefs. This one should be obvious - I don't know why couples with huge theological differences think this one can be smoothed over, especially once kids are involved. "Well... we're both Christians," isn't usually good enough.
- A compatible sense of humor. I have observed that life is hard when you and/or your mate think the other's jokes are uncouth, unkind, stupid, in bad taste, or just flat. Humor is a very important relationship-builder, but it can also be a very effective respect/tolerance destroyer if used incorrectly/misunderstood/not appreciated by the other party.
- Mutual trust based on knowing the other person is trustworthy.
- He has to be able to communicate with me. Communication = relationship.
- Respectable. I don't mean rigid, stiff or stuffy, I don't mean doesn't mind being goofy from time to time, or even occasionally flat-out bizarre (because I may make him wear silly hats with me), but I do mean recognizes and respects what is and very definitely isn't socially appropriate and acts accordingly. For example, we may have to wear our black, respectable hats at a funeral.
I think that's most of it.
LOL
