Sexual frusteration

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
J

Johnnymaaaac

Guest
#1
I am looking for serious help and opinion. 21 years old, STRONG sex drive, do not have a girlfriend and don't see one in the near future. Which means realistically speaking not getting married for 10 plus years. Which means not getting sexual release for 10 PLUS YEARS. I can go 3 or 4 days max pushing away wanted thoughts and physical desire to see a girl naked. Especially with almost every single girl out there now in spandex pants, for example at the gym. They may as well not be wearing clothes, their clothes perfectly shape their naked body anyways.
I am seriously struggling with this, been struggling with masturbation to pictures and videos for years. Only within the last year have I seriously felt guilty enough to truly want to stop. Have I stopped yet? No. I manage to get up to a week, then I fail. Every time I hate myself afterwards and fear punishment. I ask God for forgiveness, feel strong for a few days, then there come those feelings slowly but surely. It is a continual awful cycle for the Christian boy or girl trying to stay pure.
I have now wondered if I can look and masturbate to naked girls without sinning. I feel as though enjoying the beauty of a woman naked and appreciating her body is different than "wanting to have sex" with the woman. Now is this justifying sin? I've used this excuse twice and felt completely guilty afterwards both times. But I find online there are so many different opinions.
People say just look away, do this, do that, but none of these things truly take away the desire to see a woman naked. Remember.... I don't plan on getting married or finding a girl for a LONG TIME. I can't even go 5 days without going crazy over this constant battle? Need serious help. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. I am struggling big time and will not receive peace from this until I have overcome it
 
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#2
I am looking for serious help and opinion. 21 years old, STRONG sex drive, do not have a girlfriend and don't see one in the near future. Which means realistically speaking not getting married for 10 plus years. Which means not getting sexual release for 10 PLUS YEARS. I can go 3 or 4 days max pushing away wanted thoughts and physical desire to see a girl naked. Especially with almost every single girl out there now in spandex pants, for example at the gym. They may as well not be wearing clothes, their clothes perfectly shape their naked body anyways.
I am seriously struggling with this, been struggling with masturbation to pictures and videos for years. Only within the last year have I seriously felt guilty enough to truly want to stop. Have I stopped yet? No. I manage to get up to a week, then I fail. Every time I hate myself afterwards and fear punishment. I ask God for forgiveness, feel strong for a few days, then there come those feelings slowly but surely. It is a continual awful cycle for the Christian boy or girl trying to stay pure.
I have now wondered if I can look and masturbate to naked girls without sinning. I feel as though enjoying the beauty of a woman naked and appreciating her body is different than "wanting to have sex" with the woman. Now is this justifying sin? I've used this excuse twice and felt completely guilty afterwards both times. But I find online there are so many different opinions.
People say just look away, do this, do that, but none of these things truly take away the desire to see a woman naked. Remember.... I don't plan on getting married or finding a girl for a LONG TIME. I can't even go 5 days without going crazy over this constant battle? Need serious help. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. I am struggling big time and will not receive peace from this until I have overcome it
........................................................Yes.
 
J

Johnnymaaaac

Guest
#3
Thanks for your input...
 
P

popeye

Guest
#4
I am looking for serious help and opinion. 21 years old, STRONG sex drive, do not have a girlfriend and don't see one in the near future. Which means realistically speaking not getting married for 10 plus years. Which means not getting sexual release for 10 PLUS YEARS. I can go 3 or 4 days max pushing away wanted thoughts and physical desire to see a girl naked. Especially with almost every single girl out there now in spandex pants, for example at the gym. They may as well not be wearing clothes, their clothes perfectly shape their naked body anyways.
I am seriously struggling with this, been struggling with masturbation to pictures and videos for years. Only within the last year have I seriously felt guilty enough to truly want to stop. Have I stopped yet? No. I manage to get up to a week, then I fail. Every time I hate myself afterwards and fear punishment. I ask God for forgiveness, feel strong for a few days, then there come those feelings slowly but surely. It is a continual awful cycle for the Christian boy or girl trying to stay pure.
I have now wondered if I can look and masturbate to naked girls without sinning. I feel as though enjoying the beauty of a woman naked and appreciating her body is different than "wanting to have sex" with the woman. Now is this justifying sin? I've used this excuse twice and felt completely guilty afterwards both times. But I find online there are so many different opinions.
People say just look away, do this, do that, but none of these things truly take away the desire to see a woman naked. Remember.... I don't plan on getting married or finding a girl for a LONG TIME. I can't even go 5 days without going crazy over this constant battle? Need serious help. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. I am struggling big time and will not receive peace from this until I have overcome it
I didn't see anywhere that you are born again.

I will assume you are.

That what you are dealing with is an addiction.

In your post,you are presenting this quandry as a response to a "need". Realizing that that is an erroneous faisehood would be your starting place in the natural.

In the spirit realm is where you will win. As a unsaved heathen (or a backslidden,or carnal believer),we were onece ruled by lust,such as yourself.

A believer is supposed to divorce this world. Which would include lustful thoughts,and catering to the flesh.
That is all you are doing. You are catering to the flesh,and that escapade has built up into a stronghold.
You are a captive. You are being jerked around at will.(no pun intended).

Now,renounce the works of the flesh,get serious with Jesus through worship and the word.Get this picture that your walk is more valuable than letting lust rule you,ruin your walk,your peace,and God's favor in your life.

Lets just suppose china launched 50 nukes our way and you have 15 minutes to prepare to meet Jesus.

you gonna end life watching porn?

That is how important it is for you to get right and stay right.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
24,555
13,320
113
#5
Hi Johnny, and welcome to CC...
Well, I could throw Bible verses and condemnation at you and tell you to control yourself, or I could try something which hopefully is constructive. First of all, I understand. I was 21 and single once too. Now I'm 45 and single. This is a battle which almost every man fights. You mentioned that you have felt guilty about certain actions and thoughts; that is evidence of the Holy Spirit working with your conscience. Your profile says that you are a Christian; good! That means that you have the Holy Spirit living within you.

The truth is, as a Christian, you are free from the need to live by the flesh. You have been freed to live for the Lord, not under a strict religious code (do this, don't do that) but by the power of God Himself. He made you 'fearfully and wonderfully'. He has filled you with all the potential you need, and you already please Him greatly. So instead of telling you what you shouldn't do (I think you know already) may I suggest this: go before the Lord, and simply say to Him, "Lord, I'm failing at this. I can't clean up this mess on my own, and I can't change me. Would you please change me so that I live in a way which continues to please You." Welcome His work in your heart and mind, allowing Him to transform you.

One more suggestion: feed what you want to grow, and starve what you want to die. God will lead you as you seek Him.

Be blessed in the certainty that He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion in the Day of Christ Jesus.
 
J

Johnnymaaaac

Guest
#6
Thank you for this. I believe I am born again. I've been struggling with this sin in particular for way too long and it is ruining me and my relationship with God. I haven't found the strength yet to stay pure. I am starting new tonight. I've said this many times though... What will it take for me to shut myself off from this flesh desire that's in me, even though I don't want it? I feel the answer would be to walk in the Spirit. I have been spending time in prayer and in the Word on a daily basis now, feeling as though I'm drawing closer to God. My strength goes downhill at night
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
24,555
13,320
113
#7
...I have been spending time in prayer and in the Word on a daily basis now, feeling as though I'm drawing closer to God. My strength goes downhill at night
That's not unusual. God gives a way out of temptation though... you only need to walk through the right door. :)
 

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
4,313
467
83
#8
This is where the rubber meets the road. The society we are living in encourages sexual immorality. Porn is straight from the pits of hell. Masturbation has a long term negative impact. It is subtle, but it is real.
The age you are, the food that most people your age eat, it is so stimulating and only complicates the issue your struggling with.
Christ knows your struggles. He knows how tough it is today for a man your age in America.
But don't be deceived, this is no excuse. Pray that you are not captivated and enslaved by this.
I will pray for you.
 
S

sealabeag

Guest
#9
Brother I've been there with you, and I'm going to sum up all my years of battling with this sin and defeating it in one sentence: You have to become dependent on the grace of God. I could go into detailed advice but that's really the key. You can't beat it yourself by your own strength. You've already tried that, and it isn't working.

Practically, relying on God's grace means spending time in prayer every day. That means every day, multiple times a day.That time spent in prayer will give you the grace you need to resist temptation, but only if you do your part, and make an effort not to sin. I did a detailed post on this a few months back, if you want the link I'll give it.
 
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#10
Brother I've been there with you, and I'm going to sum up all my years of battling with this sin and defeating it in one sentence: You have to become dependent on the grace of God. I could go into detailed advice but that's really the key. You can't beat it yourself by your own strength. You've already tried that, and it isn't working.

Practically, relying on God's grace means spending time in prayer every day. That means every day, multiple times a day.That time spent in prayer will give you the grace you need to resist temptation, but only if you do your part, and make an effort not to sin. I did a detailed post on this a few months back, if you want the link I'll give it.
And, BTW, Johnny, as you well know from our correspondence, this does not mean just sitting back and sayin', "Ok, God, heal me."

Not saying that wouldn't work, but it usually doesn't seem to be the way God deals with us. You have seen the importance of that special word, TOOLS, and as we progress, you will come to learn, even more, just how much a part of our healing of this sickness TOOLS are.

Don't worry, we will be talking a lot more.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#11
I hope I'm not interfering at all, but I just wanted to say how encouraging it is to see that a lot of Christian brothers have put themselves on the line to help another brother out.

It's like landing in an oasis in the middle of the desert because so many other places are condemning and discouraging...

Thanks to the original poster for sharing, and I just wanted to also say thank you to all the guys who have been taking the time to answer.

Deepest, mad respect to all of you for keeping up the fight and helping someone else along the way.

Thank you all for being a blessing to others (including this female poster who feels very uplifted to see men helping other men out with so much compassion and understanding.)
 

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
4,313
467
83
#12
Not many 21 one year old's would put themselves out there like he did. I can say no way I would have at 21. Very mature 21 year old man. I am going to keep him in prayer. We are at war with the spirits of darkness. We have Johnny's spiritual back.
 
Dec 1, 2014
9,701
251
0
#13
I am looking for serious help and opinion. 21 years old, STRONG sex drive, do not have a girlfriend and don't see one in the near future. Which means realistically speaking not getting married for 10 plus years. Which means not getting sexual release for 10 PLUS YEARS. I can go 3 or 4 days max pushing away wanted thoughts and physical desire to see a girl naked. Especially with almost every single girl out there now in spandex pants, for example at the gym. They may as well not be wearing clothes, their clothes perfectly shape their naked body anyways.
I am seriously struggling with this, been struggling with masturbation to pictures and videos for years. Only within the last year have I seriously felt guilty enough to truly want to stop. Have I stopped yet? No. I manage to get up to a week, then I fail. Every time I hate myself afterwards and fear punishment. I ask God for forgiveness, feel strong for a few days, then there come those feelings slowly but surely. It is a continual awful cycle for the Christian boy or girl trying to stay pure.
I have now wondered if I can look and masturbate to naked girls without sinning. I feel as though enjoying the beauty of a woman naked and appreciating her body is different than "wanting to have sex" with the woman. Now is this justifying sin? I've used this excuse twice and felt completely guilty afterwards both times. But I find online there are so many different opinions.
People say just look away, do this, do that, but none of these things truly take away the desire to see a woman naked. Remember.... I don't plan on getting married or finding a girl for a LONG TIME. I can't even go 5 days without going crazy over this constant battle? Need serious help. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. I am struggling big time and will not receive peace from this until I have overcome it
Make your relationship with God through the saving grace of Jesus Christ the preeminent aspect of your life rather than your sex drive. In doing so, you will be strengthened to overcome your addictions and fears. Remember, we live by grace; God is not going to condemn you to Hell for touching yourself.
 
M

MollyConnor

Guest
#14
If you have such a strong desire for a woman, why don't you go find one? Why do you have to wait ten years for her? I say if you're an adult already (which you are), and you are struggling with this, it's best to start looking asap.

But of course, like others have said, you need to focus on God first. Realize that you need his friendship and love first and then start looking. I don't agree that we should just sit around and wait for God to bring us the person we are supposed to be with to our laps. My aunt did that and now she's 42, single with no children, and never married. She is still waiting.
 
Mar 29, 2016
70
3
0
#16
Make your relationship with God through the saving grace of Jesus Christ the preeminent aspect of your life rather than your sex drive. In doing so, you will be strengthened to overcome your addictions and fears. Remember, we live by grace; God is not going to condemn you to Hell for touching yourself.
Excellent words, brother.....
And who among us can't say,
"I wanna do it, but how?!
I can't ... it's impossible!!! ... Lord, help me!!!"

Paul said, 'Oh wretched man that I am.....
who shall deliver me from the body of this death? !!!!!!!
I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord.
So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God;
but with the flesh the law of sin.' ~Rom. 7:24-25~

'There is therefore now no condemnation to them
which are in Christ Jesus, who walk
not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus
has made me free from the law of sin and death.' ~Rom. 8:1-2~

God gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ,
and calls us to watch.....stand fast in the faith,
act like men and be strong.

In our own power, we're nothing, but in Christ, we can
do all things, because He strengthens us and wants
to give us all things that pertain to life and Godliness.....

GOOD things, brothers! And He not only gave us Himself,
but brothers and sisters along the way to help and encourage
and remind each other that we're not alone in these struggles,
and we can fight the good fight of faith,
because Jesus has overcome
and is leading us to victory.

He is worthy of our best, and forgives, cleanses,
and lifts us up when we fall short.
Worthy is the Lamb! Thank you, Jesus!
What an awesome God and Saviour we have!

God bless you, Utah, and you too, young brother.....
Someone once said, 'Dead men don't wrestle',
so the fact that you're struggling and are seeking
to be delivered and have victory is a pretty good sign!
You're in a better place than many men of any age,
and what many of us were at your age. Take courage,
and be of good cheer, Jesus won't let you down!
 
H

Hoffco

Guest
#17
We need a real view on sex, according to the bible. Paul says, if you can not go without sex, then get married; This is the problem with many young persons today. they need a marriage partner ,NOW. WELL,? as soon as you find a HOLY one suited for you.! Single is no more holy than married.! Who says, studying the human body is sin,? Not the Bible.! Paul says, "don't touch" but looking must be ok,! If God gives you the opportunity to study the naked body, do so. but don't marry anyone who would parade their naked body for other to see; UNLESS, the get converted and stop prostituting their body. "All things are lawful for me." but, "is it profitable", does it help me flee youthful lusts? With many, pictures can keep them from real sin.
 
C

coby

Guest
#18
Just go for prayer. In our church it's simply after the preaching: Who has problems with masturbation? Almost all the hands up in the air, unclean demons kicked out, problem solved.
 
H

Hoffco

Guest
#19
Paul says that laws are for the ungodly, murders and fornicators, not for the godly people. This kills all the man made rules and even God's Major rules which don't apply to our godly life style. If we have God's laws, morals, written on our hearts, we don't need others to interpret God's word for us. We can real and the Holy will convict us if we stray form
God's heart of LOVE. for God and love for men. Pastors are the worst offenders for "playing " the Holy Spirit in Christians, or unsaved lives.
 
H

Hoffco

Guest
#20
We need a real view on sex, according to the bible. Paul says, if you can not go without sex, then get married; This is the problem with many young persons today. they need a marriage partner ,NOW. WELL,? as soon as you find a HOLY one suited for you.! Single is no more holy than married.! Who says, studying the human body is sin,? Not the Bible.! Paul says, "don't touch" but looking must be ok,! If God gives you the opportunity to study the naked body, do so. but don't marry anyone who would parade their naked body for other to see; UNLESS, the get converted and stop prostituting their body. "All things are lawful for me." but, "is it profitable", does it help me flee youthful lusts? With many, pictures can keep them from real sin.