Cheer up m8 oneliners

[coby2]

Once I had drivers lessons and there was a girl on the street, crying.
So the instructor said:
Awww, cheer up girl, more men than churches.

So funny, I never forgot.
Do you have more of those horrible but totally funny oneliners?

 

[Lynx]

Life is like a lolipop. You gotta lick it.

 

[Lynx]

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

 

[Lynx]

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

(You'll get that in a minute.)

 

[Lynx]

God put me on this planet to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.

 

[Lynx]

Hmm... why did Noah not swat those two mosquitoes?

Okay I'm through. Maybe. You should never have started this thread before I went to work. Now I'll be thinking of one-liners I want to post here when I should be working.

 

[Lynx]

Pa always taught me to leave them laughing when I go. So I left her laughing. It sounded like a hen with the hiccups. >.>

 

[LittleBit1987]

Hmm... why did Noah not swat those two mosquitoes?

Okay I'm through. Maybe. You should never have started this thread before I went to work. Now I'll be thinking of one-liners I want to post here when I should be working.

I can't think of any right now....

But then again, I am still working on my coffee so maybe I need to give it some time and I'll be ok.

 

[coby2]

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Oh in Dunglish it is:
What is there on the hand? (means: What's the matter?)
4 fingers and a thumb

 

[JeniBean]

It's not really a one liner its a response that makes every one have a shocked look and then laugh and then ask where I got it from. "I really don't give a flying water black cow."

 

[jennymae]

Life is like a lolipop. You gotta lick it.

Then you can tell the lolipop: You have just been licked.

 

[coby2]

..........

 

[Miri]

I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the
computer will say "Your password is incorrect".



That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and
all you can think is "act natural, you're innocent".



If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.



I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

When the cat is away, the mouse is lonely.

 

[Miri]

Never laugh at your girlfriends choices... your one of them.

Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.

 

[ChandlerFan]

If at first you don't succeed, don't take up skydiving

 

[coby2]

They say: if you can't beat them join them,
but I say: if you can't beat them, beat them. It has an element of surprise in it.

 

[Miri]

Pa always taught me to leave them laughing when I go. So I left her laughing. It sounded like a hen with the hiccups. >.>

Im intrigued, what does a hen with hiccups sound like.

 

[HoneyDew]

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

 

[HoneyDew]

A closed mouth gathers no foot. ​