Yes, this still exists because it's not up to the woman or man its up to God. Yet, God, just as in the relationship to God Himself, gives us a will of choice. If human love does not carry a man beyond himself, it is not love. If love is always discreet, always wise, always sensible and calculating, never carried beyond itself, it is not love at all. Affection; sure. Warmth of feeling even; absolutely, but it does not have the true nature of love in it.
So, we start out with dreams don't we? Even develop our sense in those dreams of what is great vs. good. How a man needs to be, how a woman needs to be, but usually the one thinking of the other in a quest for that perfect White-Pickett fence marriage. And the "I's" have it. Our expectations aren't Gods messages at all, they are our desires righteoused up. And our first year of marriage is training the other how this picture of perfectness must be implemented to have the godly marriage you saw in the dream you had before the marriage, while your spouse is busy doing the same. Of course due to the fact men and women are inherently different this is a disaster from day one. Either the one caves and lives pretentiously to survive the marriage calling it love, or they hold their ground and let years become their chalk board for teaching. "If only they would....I would......"
And heres a news flash for some too: Gods Word tells us that success and security in a relationship is found not in simply submitting to the other partner, but to do it by submission as we have submitted to Christ. A very important component in the nature of love in any relationship, for God is love right? Winning the other party over to your righteous thinking is not the plan of God. Compromising for the sake of love is not loving your spouse, surviving it; maybe, but not leaving behind a healthy fervent love relationship. If we live on those grounds you may even survive for around 10 years before the marriage caves in around you. Suddenly comments such as, "I'm concerned about my marriage," surface. Yet, this too is not a biblical view of things. God wants us to be committed, not to the institution of marriage, but to a person, namely the one you said your vows to.
Marriage is not a campaign to make what you believe is right to be harbored by your spouse. It is not a role that must sacrifice simply for the sake of scoring points with God. God says, "Wives submit to your husbands, as to the Lord." (Ephesians 5:22). And, (Ephesians 5:25) says: "Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her."
So, wives think about your relationship with God right now; as Christ has loved you and as you respect God for that relationship, so you should love and respect your husband praying for him not because of him, trusting in God to take care of the rest. Men we need to love with an outpouring to our wives as if it is more important than our own life, like that of our relationship to God, I have been crucified in Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me -- in the same way we need to love as God has loved us giving of ourselves unconditionally to our wives fully poured out. This is not about how lovable she is, or whether she has earned your respect and trust, it is in honoring God for what He faithfully has given you, in turn loving her unconditionally.
When both these wheels are turning toward each other under Christ's control, "If God is for us who can be against us?" Of course successful marriages are possible. "Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate." Strong marriages are not only possible they are inevitable in keeping with Gods involvement and control; His purposes and blessings. We need to confess: and take responsibility for turning our desires into expectations. We need to ask: "What can I do to make the marriage richer?" We need to reward: like you did when you were dating ( old school courting). Even scientists have shown every action and word is either investing in the relationship or tearing it down, there is no neutral ground. Thus, in our first commitment to God, are we adding to or subtracting from Gods love in the relationship?
The only thing you need to be busy about right now is being the man or woman the man or woman you want is praying for.
