are they faithful enough? Am I?

[weezer]

After struggling with being single and not knowing if I would ever find someone to spend the rest of my life with in marriage, I talked to people, read articles online, and the general concensus is that you must first love yourself before you can ever hope for somebody to love you. You also have to become the person that your ideal wife or husband would want to be with.

So I started changing my life, with the biggest focus being my faith. I've always believed in God and have always made my number one need in a wife be that she is a Christian and faithful like me. That got me thinking however. In a relationship, one is bound to be more faithful than the other, one is bound to take their faith more seriosuly...etc.

So my question is this: is faith in God alone enough when choosing a partner? Is that enough for a starting point to grow? I want to marry someone who believes in God and is a Christian, but will my faith be strong enough for them when we meet? Will their faith be strong enough for me?

Should I not even consider a relationship if they aren't a strong believer? Should they feel the same way if they think I'm not a strong believer?

Any advice or thoughts on this topic? I've given up on the "fairytale" meeting where I happen to bump into the perfect woman and we immediately realize we're perfect for each other blah blah blah. So if I must then find someone on my own, if I must make the first move so to speak, how do I know I've found the right one? How do I know our own Faith's are strong enough or compatible enough? If they aren't can we still be together and hope to grow in our faith together? Or do I have to find the perfect woman from the start?

I know I'm not perfect, and I still am growing in my faith, but it's that internal drive I feel to continue to grow in my faith and that continual need to grow closer to God that makes me wonder how finding a wife will work? I may not have as strong of a faith as she does, or she may not have as strong of a faith as I do, but can we still be together? Can we still work?

Sorry for rambling, just trying to get these thoughts out of my head and hopefully get some feedback. Thanks!

 

[Ugly]

I think a lot of Christian advice on the topic is bunk. And, i don't mean this in an offensive way towards you, but you are the prime example. Your focus is on finding someone. And in order to do that you must have all of these requirements met before you can raise yourself up to a level of worthiness and earn God's favor to bring you a spouse. WRONG.
First, our goal in life should be our relationship with God, and with our INTENTION to be getting closer to God because we love Him, not because we're after something and this is part of the formula to get it. This concept actually deters a more sincere walk with God because the focus is, in reality, your hunt for a spouse, not a personal, deep desire to grow spiritually. And, also because if it doesn't happen within the individuals time frame they wonder what they're doing 'wrong', causes more focus on wants, instead of God. Or makes people bitter towards God for all the 'work' they put in and He didn't give what they worked for.
Second, none of this stuff is actually laid out in the bible. We can find scriptures that point to good characteristics and traits for a spouse, but there is nothing that says 'this is the standard you must abide by to become worthy'. The biggest thing for a man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. And to complete that means you have to love Christ enough and be close enough, out of a sincere heart to know him, to understand what that means and not let that be twisted into some perverse concept.
Third, you are looking at God to give you something that you have worked hard for and earned. It's a works based mentality. And one that makes your focus on God about getting what you want.
Fourth, it places a lot of guilt on people, a lot of doubt as well. People will never measure up to the standards listed, because these are standards for perfect people. And none of us are perfect. So we spend our lives pretending to get closer to God, so we can work for what we want Him to give us, but never feel we're good enough.

It's a very self involved mindset, and a rather insincere one spiritually.
Truth is IF God has us to marry at all, since marriage is never promised in the bible to begin with, He will do it on HIS time, not because we did all of our good deeds and marked off all the things in His checklist.

Marriage is all about giving, not about getting. Your focus is that you want this for yourself, to get what you want. Marriage focus needs to be 'what can i offer?'. All of this effort actually trains you to be the opposite of how a good marriage really is. Sacrifice, giving up what you want for the other person, not chasing after what you want. Seeking God for the sake of seeking God, not for the sake of earning His approval for your wants.

If and when GOD is ready He will move forward with His will, and if you really want to be the best husband, if they day ever comes, you can quit focusing on marriage and earning brownie points and start focusing on Him and Him alone and leave all of this psuedo-spiritual, cultural advice somewhere else.

Now, everybody, tell me how wrong i am. (=

 

[GuessWho]

[h=1]2 Corinthians 6:14-15New International Version (NIV)[/h][h=3]Warning Against Idolatry[/h][FONT=&quot]14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial[a]? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?


[/FONT]

 

[GuessWho]

It is not wise to exagerate the quality of christians. The reality on the field shows that christians can dissapoint as much (if not more) as other people. We shouldn't idealise christian men and women but consider them (like you do in your post) as people struggling with sin and struggling to grow in faith and in the likeness of God.

 

[weezer]

@Ugly, great response. Exactly why I posted it here in hopes of getting an outside (or rather unbiased) opinion. Thank you, your words have definitely helped me.

 

[Oncefallen]

Now, everybody, tell me how wrong i am. (=

Actually your post was good stuff but you told us to tell you how wrong you are.

 

[cinder]

After struggling with being single and not knowing if I would ever find someone to spend the rest of my life with in marriage, I talked to people, read articles online, and the general concensus is that you must first love yourself before you can ever hope for somebody to love you. You also have to become the person that your ideal wife or husband would want to be with.

So I started changing my life, with the biggest focus being my faith. I've always believed in God and have always made my number one need in a wife be that she is a Christian and faithful like me. That got me thinking however. In a relationship, one is bound to be more faithful than the other, one is bound to take their faith more seriosuly...etc.

So my question is this: is faith in God alone enough when choosing a partner? Is that enough for a starting point to grow? I want to marry someone who believes in God and is a Christian, but will my faith be strong enough for them when we meet? Will their faith be strong enough for me?

Should I not even consider a relationship if they aren't a strong believer? Should they feel the same way if they think I'm not a strong believer?

Any advice or thoughts on this topic? I've given up on the "fairytale" meeting where I happen to bump into the perfect woman and we immediately realize we're perfect for each other blah blah blah. So if I must then find someone on my own, if I must make the first move so to speak, how do I know I've found the right one? How do I know our own Faith's are strong enough or compatible enough? If they aren't can we still be together and hope to grow in our faith together? Or do I have to find the perfect woman from the start?

I know I'm not perfect, and I still am growing in my faith, but it's that internal drive I feel to continue to grow in my faith and that continual need to grow closer to God that makes me wonder how finding a wife will work? I may not have as strong of a faith as she does, or she may not have as strong of a faith as I do, but can we still be together? Can we still work?

Sorry for rambling, just trying to get these thoughts out of my head and hopefully get some feedback. Thanks!

Welcome to the singles forum fellow over thinker.

Here's the think (whoops that was supposed to be thing) I've come to realize. There's a whole lot more to life than just faith and how "strong your faith" is. I'm not sure that similar levels of faith are even the most important aspect to making a relationship work. Among the people I've seen pass through the singles forum we've had a widow who freely said about her husband that he wasn't a believer but was a good husband, a gal who has been through I don't even know what all with her husband and family, yet they've managed to salvage the marriage and I think it's going well, and a gal who married a leader in her church only to find out that he was extremely controlling and abusive (they're divorced now). So the whole christian label or perception of someone as having strong faith is unfortunately no guarantee of either character or a solid healthy relationship.

One gal also had a saying I really liked and remembered about not looking for someone perfect, but looking for someone where "our demons play well together" meaning that in their areas of imperfection and quirks and weakness they could support and strengthen each other (and not freak out about the hard stuff).

Anyway what advice I have would be to recommend the book The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas ( a thoroughly practical and not very romantic book about marriage and choosing someone to marry). And to look for someone who's approach to faith and foundations you can respect and value even if their beliefs and practice differ from yours (the diversity can be a great catalyst to drive you both deeper into the word and your faith). Oh and I'll throw this out there, just because you aren't paired up with someone by the end of college (you're about the right age for that) doesn't mean you're hopeless and never going to meet anyone.

 

[Fenner]

I think a lot of Christian advice on the topic is bunk. And, i don't mean this in an offensive way towards you, but you are the prime example. Your focus is on finding someone. And in order to do that you must have all of these requirements met before you can raise yourself up to a level of worthiness and earn God's favor to bring you a spouse. WRONG.
First, our goal in life should be our relationship with God, and with our INTENTION to be getting closer to God because we love Him, not because we're after something and this is part of the formula to get it. This concept actually deters a more sincere walk with God because the focus is, in reality, your hunt for a spouse, not a personal, deep desire to grow spiritually. And, also because if it doesn't happen within the individuals time frame they wonder what they're doing 'wrong', causes more focus on wants, instead of God. Or makes people bitter towards God for all the 'work' they put in and He didn't give what they worked for.
Second, none of this stuff is actually laid out in the bible. We can find scriptures that point to good characteristics and traits for a spouse, but there is nothing that says 'this is the standard you must abide by to become worthy'. The biggest thing for a man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. And to complete that means you have to love Christ enough and be close enough, out of a sincere heart to know him, to understand what that means and not let that be twisted into some perverse concept.
Third, you are looking at God to give you something that you have worked hard for and earned. It's a works based mentality. And one that makes your focus on God about getting what you want.
Fourth, it places a lot of guilt on people, a lot of doubt as well. People will never measure up to the standards listed, because these are standards for perfect people. And none of us are perfect. So we spend our lives pretending to get closer to God, so we can work for what we want Him to give us, but never feel we're good enough.

It's a very self involved mindset, and a rather insincere one spiritually.
Truth is IF God has us to marry at all, since marriage is never promised in the bible to begin with, He will do it on HIS time, not because we did all of our good deeds and marked off all the things in His checklist.

Marriage is all about giving, not about getting. Your focus is that you want this for yourself, to get what you want. Marriage focus needs to be 'what can i offer?'. All of this effort actually trains you to be the opposite of how a good marriage really is. Sacrifice, giving up what you want for the other person, not chasing after what you want. Seeking God for the sake of seeking God, not for the sake of earning His approval for your wants.

If and when GOD is ready He will move forward with His will, and if you really want to be the best husband, if they day ever comes, you can quit focusing on marriage and earning brownie points and start focusing on Him and Him alone and leave all of this psuedo-spiritual, cultural advice somewhere else.

Now, everybody, tell me how wrong i am. (=

Wow! You couldn't be more right! Maybe you should write a blog Ugly.

 

[garet82]

First of all no one is perfect.
Someone's faith cant be measured only by their performance or words but with their actions n decisions they hv made in life.
We cant say if someone is more faithful than ourselve or we more faithful than other(s), coz only LORD JESUS knows our heart. He seek our heart and he seek our soul.
Never judging others n ask GOD to lead you to find the right person. For theres a right time from GOD to us. Be patience even many time we dont know when its HIS time.
Then you can see GOD's loves n His works in our live amen.

 

[Mitchell1989]

In all honesty I haven't really thought too much into this topic. What I do know is that the person must firmly be a believer in God and do her best to be Christ-like. Trying to precisely find someone who matches my level of devoutness or lack thereof is asking for a headache.

 

[Missak610]

I think a lot of Christian advice on the topic is bunk. And, i don't mean this in an offensive way towards you, but you are the prime example. Your focus is on finding someone. And in order to do that you must have all of these requirements met before you can raise yourself up to a level of worthiness and earn God's favor to bring you a spouse. WRONG.
First, our goal in life should be our relationship with God, and with our INTENTION to be getting closer to God because we love Him, not because we're after something and this is part of the formula to get it. This concept actually deters a more sincere walk with God because the focus is, in reality, your hunt for a spouse, not a personal, deep desire to grow spiritually. And, also because if it doesn't happen within the individuals time frame they wonder what they're doing 'wrong', causes more focus on wants, instead of God. Or makes people bitter towards God for all the 'work' they put in and He didn't give what they worked for.
Second, none of this stuff is actually laid out in the bible. We can find scriptures that point to good characteristics and traits for a spouse, but there is nothing that says 'this is the standard you must abide by to become worthy'. The biggest thing for a man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. And to complete that means you have to love Christ enough and be close enough, out of a sincere heart to know him, to understand what that means and not let that be twisted into some perverse concept.
Third, you are looking at God to give you something that you have worked hard for and earned. It's a works based mentality. And one that makes your focus on God about getting what you want.
Fourth, it places a lot of guilt on people, a lot of doubt as well. People will never measure up to the standards listed, because these are standards for perfect people. And none of us are perfect. So we spend our lives pretending to get closer to God, so we can work for what we want Him to give us, but never feel we're good enough.

It's a very self involved mindset, and a rather insincere one spiritually.
Truth is IF God has us to marry at all, since marriage is never promised in the bible to begin with, He will do it on HIS time, not because we did all of our good deeds and marked off all the things in His checklist.

Marriage is all about giving, not about getting. Your focus is that you want this for yourself, to get what you want. Marriage focus needs to be 'what can i offer?'. All of this effort actually trains you to be the opposite of how a good marriage really is. Sacrifice, giving up what you want for the other person, not chasing after what you want. Seeking God for the sake of seeking God, not for the sake of earning His approval for your wants.

If and when GOD is ready He will move forward with His will, and if you really want to be the best husband, if they day ever comes, you can quit focusing on marriage and earning brownie points and start focusing on Him and Him alone and leave all of this psuedo-spiritual, cultural advice somewhere else.

Now, everybody, tell me how wrong i am. (=

Very very well written

 

[Th0mas]

Romans 15:1

We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.