Gentlemen, I'm curious about something...

[Tinkerbell725]

Selfish and greedy people just want to have it all. Marriage should be all or nothing at all. But some people dont believe this. They want to enjoy the priviliges of marriage without the commitment. They are just using each other and when they get tired they move on to the next person they can use. Some people do get married but dont understand and value the sanctity of their marriage and they cheat.

 

[BeyondET]

Selfish and greedy people just want to have it all. Marriage should be all or nothing at all. But some people dont believe this. They want to enjoy the priviliges of marriage without the commitment. They are just using each other and when they get tired they move on to the next person they can use. Some people do get married but dont understand and value the sanctity of their marriage and they cheat.

theres a good point indeed and some people get married for all the wrong reasons.

 

[AbigailZeke]

I had a guy friend/coworker who dated for 7 years. He broke up with her. Very shortly after (a few months, to be semi exact), the guy dated an acquaintance of mine amd got married within a year (now, they have a beautiful baby). His case wasn't commitment. I honestly think he's been dating girl1 for so long he grew out of love. I think there wasn't anything he was looking forward to when he was with her (they also lived together for a few years).

Where I come from, there's a myth, that when dating reaches 3, 5 or 7 years, it's make it or break it. But then again, it was only a myth and almost everyone else I know don't date that long. I wouldn't.

I mean, obviously, people ought to only date with the intention of getting married, right? Unless they don't, and they're either just going with their carnal instinct and in it for the thrill and all the good times or they're just doing what everybody else does, then it's an entirely different discussion.

 

[tourist]

Where I come from, there's a myth, that when dating reaches 3, 5 or 7 years, it's make it or break it. But then again, it was only a myth and almost everyone else I know don't date that long. I wouldn't.

The way that I roll is 3, 5 or 7 months before it's make it or break it, not years. I agree with you about dating. You should only date someone that you would consider marrying.

 

[garet82]

Well, as is pretty much always the case when asking gender questions there is no one easy, simple answer. Or people questions in general.
Some guys will fear commitment. Some people just don't view marriage as important anymore and may only marry for the legal convenience. Maybe a man is afraid the woman won't say yes. Possibly a financial thing holding them back. Perhaps they grew up in a family with a bad marriage or divorce and that marred how they view marriage. Some may have a specific view of what marriage is and believe that getting married will change the relationship to the point of ruining it. For some it may be that if the relationship goes sour it's easier to walk away without having any legal battles to go through.

I have always heard this as a common problem among men, but i've yet to personally meet a man who was this way.

Thank you Ugly your answer really informative and help me to understand more about man

 

[BeyondET]

I had a guy friend/coworker who dated for 7 years. He broke up with her. Very shortly after (a few months, to be semi exact), the guy dated an acquaintance of mine amd got married within a year (now, they have a beautiful baby). His case wasn't commitment. I honestly think he's been dating girl1 for so long he grew out of love. I think there wasn't anything he was looking forward to when he was with her (they also lived together for a few years).

Where I come from, there's a myth, that when dating reaches 3, 5 or 7 years, it's make it or break it. But then again, it was only a myth and almost everyone else I know don't date that long. I wouldn't.

I mean, obviously, people ought to only date with the intention of getting married, right? Unless they don't, and they're either just going with their carnal instinct and in it for the thrill and all the good times or they're just doing what everybody else does, then it's an entirely different discussion.

Sounds like the guy friend, he had some underlying feelings of not being truly in love with the first gal probably a reason why he broke up with her. I agree if a relationship takes seven plus years to decide if two people want to get married to each other something isn't right lol..

 

[Tintin]

I know that some girls do this too, but from what I have observed it seems to be more common in guys. I've run across articles about it, heard about it, and personally observed one of my dad's friends doing it.

Why do some guys date their girlfriends for 3-7+ years and never marry them? I don't understand it. Is it the commitment? If so, why is that so scary? What implications make it so much more intimidating than dating?

Also, why does it seem to be more common for guys to want to date indefinitely than girls? Or is that just an illusion created by the fact that guys are generally and traditionally the ones who propose?

Give me insight into your funny man-brains!

I really don't know. It wrinkles my trousers too. Personally, if I had a girlfriend, and our relationship was super-serious and we had got to know many of the ins and outs of each other (the good and the bad), I would marry her within 1-2 years of dating. Maybe there's something more here. Like sex. Because 3-7+ years of dating without marriage is too long. So marriage is just not seen as an important choice.

 

[biblerahel]

My grandma used to say (and still does) "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" This means that all the advantages of being married are already free to the guy, why would he bother marrying her? Nowadays women even live together with their boyfriends. Why would the guy bother proposing marriage to her if she's already living with him? He can leave her anytime and not be punished for it through our legal system.

Unless of course, he's a Christian and knows he shouldn't do such things...but that's another discussion. [


/QUAmen Molly you hit the spot. People these days live together before marriage so why would anybody need to marry? That's why I talk about old fashioned courting but nobody understands that concept and do not like my idea. Oh well.

 

[Voldemort]

If a man had a mindset to live his life in accordance to biblical teachings, I honestly couldn't tell you why he would "date" a woman for 7+ years and not marry her.

If a man received all the carnal benefits of a marriage with his girlfriend, I would think there is less incentive to get married, especially when it's not founded on Christ's plan.

While it's still more common in men than women, I see the tide slowly evening out a bit the more women are economically independent, the condition of the economy, and the erosion of the family unit in modern day culture.

 

[tourist]

My grandma used to say (and still does) "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" This means that all the advantages of being married are already free to the guy, why would he bother marrying her? Nowadays women even live together with their boyfriends. Why would the guy bother proposing marriage to her if she's already living with him? He can leave her anytime and not be punished for it through our legal system.

Unless of course, he's a Christian and knows he shouldn't do such things...but that's another discussion. [


/QUAmen Molly you hit the spot. People these days live together before marriage so why would anybody need to marry? That's why I talk about old fashioned courting but nobody understands that concept and do not like my idea. Oh well.

I think that it's an excellent idea.

 

[Tintin]

My grandma used to say (and still does) "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" This means that all the advantages of being married are already free to the guy, why would he bother marrying her? Nowadays women even live together with their boyfriends. Why would the guy bother proposing marriage to her if she's already living with him? He can leave her anytime and not be punished for it through our legal system.

Unless of course, he's a Christian and knows he shouldn't do such things...but that's another discussion.

Unfortunately, there are many 'professing' Christians who not only have sex before marriage but continue in that sin and see nothing wrong with it. The statistics are not encouraging at all.

 

[garet82]

Hmm... There are a couple of forum members who would reply to this if they were here, but I haven't seen them around lately so I'll supply their reply for them. Always happy to help out a brother
BECAUSE OUR SOCIETY IS BIASED TOWARD WOMEN! If a man gets married he is setting himself up to lose a lot when the woman gets tired of him and leaves him and takes everything he owns! These days it's way too dangerous for a man to even consider getting married! It could ruin him for life and it's all our society's fault!

Well i dont really know the society there but here men get more respectful n treated well by women n often they left the women that they dated for years n marry new woman they dated just for few months.

But dont really dissapointed with that.
Here society understand that the man and woman who dated for years arent meant tobe together coz they arent not destiny tobe together.
Long term relationship doesnt guarantee these couple will be together forever and living happily ever after like in story because man n woman are two personalities that have different mindset and view of live. If the couple cant match all their views of live, and keep their love, more tolarance, put away their ego (selfishness), for other side no wonder the split and seperation can be happen.
"More easier to start a relationship but maintain the relationship is really tough job and both woman n man have to understand it."

 

[Missak610]

Unfortunately, there are many 'professing' Christians who not only have sex before marriage but continue in that sin and see nothing wrong with it. The statistics are not encouraging at all.

So very true! This is part of what scares me the most about entering the dating world again

 

[BruceWayne]

I'd be in the group that doesn't think you should only date someone with the intentions of marrying. I couldn't possibly have that expectation with someone I'm barely starting with.. that's just something that would come to me along the way. For me, a relationship grows into something more serious; it doesn't start that way from the beginning.

It's not always a fear of commitment, but rather not wanting to/being ready to commit(yes, different things). I never really understood the expectation to get married after a certain amount of time. Sometimes people are just happy with the way things are and don't want to rush into anything more. Not everyone wants to make what is intended to be a lifelong choice after 6 months or 2 years or whatever. That's a relatively short amount of time, especially if you're young.

 

[melita916]

I forgot to mention that my 1st relationship became a long distance one after college, so I'm sure that played a factor. We saw each other a handful of times during the long distance time. We then were busy with local ministry, so even talking on the phone was challenging.

He did mention me moving to his state, but i told him i would move if we were already engaged cuz then i could start looking for a job there, etc etc. But that didnt fly. Lol

5 months after we broke up, he started a new relationship. He married her this year, so they dated like 4 yrs before getting engaged.

 

[Tintin]

Thanks for the input, y'all. ^u^

So all of this leads me to another question... why do guys seem to be more afraid of that kind of commitment than girls?

I don't know, but I can make a guess. I know when it comes to dating, it's all about the ability to bounce back from rejection and/or past broken relationships. As guys, we have to put up with a lot of rejection and that really takes its toll on you. As for guys coming into marriage, I assume it has something to do with the biblical expectations that are rather high. To be the provider, protector, head of the family etc. That's no small responsibility. And we know, that since the time of the first man, Adam took the fruit and ate it, that men haven't naturally stepped up to the plate to do what needs to be done. Sin has also affected the relationship between men and women, but that's another story.

 

[Yeraza_Bats]

Unfortunately, there are many 'professing' Christians who not only have sex before marriage but continue in that sin and see nothing wrong with it. The statistics are not encouraging at all.

Hey now, theyre not hurting anybody. Dont judge them.
stopdah8



But its definitely true that more and more people dont see anything wrong with sex outside of marriage. I often see the argument that "God created it, so theres nothing wrong with it" or even "God said to be fruitful and multiply", as if these things make doing wrong right.

I have really taken a strong standing on self control in my life, and I definitely think that the entire world should really take this stance, too. Ive noticed that people have went from not just saying thats a pointless and boring way to live, but thats its actually now even harmful to ones self to deny your urges.

Evil is literally being called good, and good is literally being called evil. Its really really backwards and crazy. I can understand someone saying something like "pffft whats the point of saying no, Im not hurting anyone and I want to enjoy my life", but people actually claiming that saying no is dangerous, geeesh.

 

[Yeraza_Bats]

I'd be in the group that doesn't think you should only date someone with the intentions of marrying. I couldn't possibly have that expectation with someone I'm barely starting with.. that's just something that would come to me along the way. For me, a relationship grows into something more serious; it doesn't start that way from the beginning.

It's not always a fear of commitment, but rather not wanting to/being ready to commit(yes, different things). I never really understood the expectation to get married after a certain amount of time. Sometimes people are just happy with the way things are and don't want to rush into anything more. Not everyone wants to make what is intended to be a lifelong choice after 6 months or 2 years or whatever. That's a relatively short amount of time, especially if you're young.

I dont think its so much about getting married asap, as much as it is about truly seeking someone to spend your life with over just having fun doing those kinda things with with no intention of taking the right steps.

You may be saying something else here entirely, and I completely missed it, though : p

 

[AuntieAnt]

My 1st boyfriend and i met in college. I was a year ahead of him, so I graduated before he did. He did mention that 2-3 yrs after graduating, we would get engaged. So when the 2nd year rolled around (which was year 4 of dating), I asked about our future. He said he didnt know when we were getting engaged. I asked of a time frame (6 months? A year?), and he said he couldn't estimate. I said it was ok, and we could set up goals. (From what I knew, it was a financial situation.)

Later that year, he said it would be best to break up because he felt bad for me waiting on him to propose. We were together for a little over 4.5 years. I felt ripped off.

But i will say im glad we didn't get married

I'm also glad you didn't marry him! And I know my son is even happier than I am about that!!

 

[jsr1221]

I know that some girls do this too, but from what I have observed it seems to be more common in guys. I've run across articles about it, heard about it, and personally observed one of my dad's friends doing it.

Why do some guys date their girlfriends for 3-7+ years and never marry them? I don't understand it. Is it the commitment? If so, why is that so scary? What implications make it so much more intimidating than dating?

Also, why does it seem to be more common for guys to want to date indefinitely than girls? Or is that just an illusion created by the fact that guys are generally and traditionally the ones who propose?

Give me insight into your funny man-brains!

How long is too long to date and not get married? Often times people only date a few months and then marry. I don't necessarily think it's a male thing, or even woman thing. I think it differs from person to person. 3-7 years of dating someone and then marriage sounds perfect for someone and too long for others. On the flip side, dating someone for 3-7 months and then marrying seems right for some and too quick for others.