Gentlemen, I'm curious about something...

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crosstweed

Guest
#1
#1
I know that some girls do this too, but from what I have observed it seems to be more common in guys. I've run across articles about it, heard about it, and personally observed one of my dad's friends doing it.

Why do some guys date their girlfriends for 3-7+ years and never marry them? I don't understand it. Is it the commitment? If so, why is that so scary? What implications make it so much more intimidating than dating?

Also, why does it seem to be more common for guys to want to date indefinitely than girls? Or is that just an illusion created by the fact that guys are generally and traditionally the ones who propose?

Give me insight into your funny man-brains!
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
Well, as is pretty much always the case when asking gender questions there is no one easy, simple answer. Or people questions in general.
Some guys will fear commitment. Some people just don't view marriage as important anymore and may only marry for the legal convenience. Maybe a man is afraid the woman won't say yes. Possibly a financial thing holding them back. Perhaps they grew up in a family with a bad marriage or divorce and that marred how they view marriage. Some may have a specific view of what marriage is and believe that getting married will change the relationship to the point of ruining it. For some it may be that if the relationship goes sour it's easier to walk away without having any legal battles to go through.

I have always heard this as a common problem among men, but i've yet to personally meet a man who was this way.
 
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jb1616

Guest
#3
#3
hmm........ i'm just guessing, but it is very seldom that the 'girlfriend' gets half of everything he ever had or hopes to have, when they go their separate ways. just guessing tho
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#4
Aug 2, 2009
24,579
4,268
113
#4
crosstweed said:
I know that some girls do this too, but from what I have observed it seems to be more common in guys. I've run across articles about it, heard about it, and personally observed one of my dad's friends doing it.

Why do some guys date their girlfriends for 3-7+ years and never marry them? I don't understand it. Is it the commitment? If so, why is that so scary? What implications make it so much more intimidating than dating?

Also, why does it seem to be more common for guys to want to date indefinitely than girls? Or is that just an illusion created by the fact that guys are generally and traditionally the ones who propose?

Give me insight into your funny man-brains!
Click to expand...
I once heard a story from a woman who was in one of these long relationships. She and her ex started dating when she was in her early 20's and I forget how long it was but if I remember correct she was 27 when he decided to break it off. She said she couldn't believe what she did because she said she had wasted the best years of her life with him.

She said when they started dating she was still young and beautiful and now she's no longer young and not as pretty as she used to be and she can never get those years back. She wished she had dated other men instead of telling herself that he was the one.

I know that doesn't answer your question, but I hardly ever really answer anyone's thread questions..
 
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tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#5
Mar 13, 2014
41,304
16,297
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Tennessee
#5
crosstweed said:
I know that some girls do this too, but from what I have observed it seems to be more common in guys. I've run across articles about it, heard about it, and personally observed one of my dad's friends doing it.

Why do some guys date their girlfriends for 3-7+ years and never marry them? I don't understand it. Is it the commitment? If so, why is that so scary? What implications make it so much more intimidating than dating?

Also, why does it seem to be more common for guys to want to date indefinitely than girls? Or is that just an illusion created by the fact that guys are generally and traditionally the ones who propose?

Give me insight into your funny man-brains!
Click to expand...
It's fear of commitment. Not being married gives them an easier way out in case times get rough. It's always a bad sign in a relationship, especially the live-in variety when he doesn't want to get married to the woman that he supposedly loves.
 
C

crosstweed

Guest
#6
#6
Thanks for the input, y'all. ^u^

So all of this leads me to another question... why do guys seem to be more afraid of that kind of commitment than girls?
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#7
Aug 12, 2011
10,418
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#7
My 1st boyfriend and i met in college. I was a year ahead of him, so I graduated before he did. He did mention that 2-3 yrs after graduating, we would get engaged. So when the 2nd year rolled around (which was year 4 of dating), I asked about our future. He said he didnt know when we were getting engaged. I asked of a time frame (6 months? A year?), and he said he couldn't estimate. I said it was ok, and we could set up goals. (From what I knew, it was a financial situation.)

Later that year, he said it would be best to break up because he felt bad for me waiting on him to propose. We were together for a little over 4.5 years. I felt ripped off.

But i will say im glad we didn't get married :)
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#8
#8
I'm guessing this thread will get mostly speculation/theoretical answers, only because most here identify as Christian and do value marriage. I'd be interested in hearing from those that really do this (not that I have strong feelings about either choice).

zeroturbulence said:
I know that doesn't answer your question, but I hardly ever really answer anyone's thread questions..
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Lolol. Still was an interesting story.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#9
Aug 13, 2014
24,896
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#9
crosstweed said:
Thanks for the input, y'all. ^u^

So all of this leads me to another question... why do guys seem to be more afraid of that kind of commitment than girls?
Click to expand...
Hmm... There are a couple of forum members who would reply to this if they were here, but I haven't seen them around lately so I'll supply their reply for them. Always happy to help out a brother. :cool:

BECAUSE OUR SOCIETY IS BIASED TOWARD WOMEN! If a man gets married he is setting himself up to lose a lot when the woman gets tired of him and leaves him and takes everything he owns! These days it's way too dangerous for a man to even consider getting married! It could ruin him for life and it's all our society's fault!

Ahem... Now that this is out of the way, we continue with our normal thread.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#10
Aug 13, 2014
24,896
8,156
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#10
Actually I don't know that anybody I personally know has ever done this. But someone I know may have and he just never brought it up in conversation with me.
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#11
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
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#11
I've seen lots of couples who were childhood sweethearts, been together 25 + years, get married, and end up mortal enemies in 6 months. Marriage is a totally different relationship than dating. Marriage changes people. Just because you can date it doesn't mean you'll survive marriage.

And there's the thing about marital breakups. Most states the assets are equally owned. Then the man has to give up half of his. Which means the woman gets 3/4 of the marital assets. Even if she brought 0 of them into the relationship.

I will not leave my wife, but if death ever does us part, my brother and best man have instructions to have me committed if I ever consider another marriage.
 
Yeraza_Bats

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
#12
Dec 11, 2014
3,632
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#12
I dunno any guy who has a girlfriend. Well besides one, but hes not really a good guy anyway, doesnt even have a job or anything. But other than that every guy I know is either married or single. Some of them even got married at a young age.

Ive heard this before, guys never wanna make the commitment and avoid getting married and junk, but I never really see it : p Even my two brothers are married. Well one is, the other one is in alot of trouble and is away now, and his wife was just as bad as him, and now their separated.

I have one male friend that Im super close to, and he talks about getting married often : p Hes very interested in doing it like right now.

I never actually see this huge flood of men who refuse to marry. But I dunno, there might be some truth to it, at least in certain groups of people. If were looking at the secular crowd, who believe morality is all subjective and you should be allowed to do whatever you want as long as you arent hurting anyone, then yeah, I can see those guys not really caring about getting married. Those kind of people literally live life for the sake of getting as much pleasure out of it as they can. If being married isnt what they consider pleasurable, then why do it?

I think that if youre afraid of men who dont want to marry, you should probly be picky about which group of people you pick your mate from : p
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#13
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#13
I dated someone that I thought I was going to marry. We dated for about 3 years. He kept dragging his feet sobi told him to beat it. Actually I was pretty heartbroken, but there was no point of playing the waiting game.
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#14
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
63
Indiana
#14
Lynx said:
Hmm... There are a couple of forum members who would reply to this if they were here, but I haven't seen them around lately so I'll supply their reply for them. Always happy to help out a brother. :cool:

BECAUSE OUR SOCIETY IS BIASED TOWARD WOMEN! If a man gets married he is setting himself up to lose a lot when the woman gets tired of him and leaves him and takes everything he owns! These days it's way too dangerous for a man to even consider getting married! It could ruin him for life and it's all our society's fault!

Ahem... Now that this is out of the way, we continue with our normal thread.
Click to expand...
actually there is A LOT of truth to it, I have seen it happen to many others.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#15
Aug 13, 2014
24,896
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#15
Wait, what? No "wots a date?" from wisebeardman?

*Lynx goes off to check if the Nashville airport has been shut down because pigs are clogging the airways.
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#16
#16
Lynx said:
BECAUSE OUR SOCIETY IS BIASED TOWARD WOMEN! If a man gets married he is setting himself up to lose a lot when the woman gets tired of him and leaves him and takes everything he owns! These days it's way too dangerous for a man to even consider getting married! It could ruin him for life and it's all our society's fault!
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Nah man, that's what prenups are for. Right cross? :p (Welcome back, by the way.)

I'll see myself out.
 
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MollyConnor

Guest
#17
#17
My grandma used to say (and still does) "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" This means that all the advantages of being married are already free to the guy, why would he bother marrying her? Nowadays women even live together with their boyfriends. Why would the guy bother proposing marriage to her if she's already living with him? He can leave her anytime and not be punished for it through our legal system.

Unless of course, he's a Christian and knows he shouldn't do such things...but that's another discussion. :rolleyes:
 
M

Missak610

Guest
#18
#18
MollyConnor said:
My grandma used to say (and still does) "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" This means that all the advantages of being married are already free to the guy, why would he bother marrying her? Nowadays women even live together with their boyfriends. Why would the guy bother proposing marriage to her if she's already living with him? He can leave her anytime and not be punished for it through our legal system.

Unless of course, he's a Christian and knows he shouldn't do such things...but that's another discussion. :rolleyes:
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I agree with this. I also don't think this problem is as bad as movies want us to believe. It's usually pretty easy to tell early on if a man or woman is not the commitment type.
 
azlightsout

azlightsout

Senior Member
#19
Apr 20, 2016
2,151
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#19
MollyConnor said:
My grandma used to say (and still does) "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" This means that all the advantages of being married are already free to the guy, why would he bother marrying her? Nowadays women even live together with their boyfriends. Why would the guy bother proposing marriage to her if she's already living with him? He can leave her anytime and not be punished for it through our legal system.
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Plus divorce takes 6 months and up to 2 years . I can name 3 things that stop once u get married .
 
B

BeyondET

Guest
#20
#20
MollyConnor said:
My grandma used to say (and still does) "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" This means that all the advantages of being married are already free to the guy, why would he bother marrying her? Nowadays women even live together with their boyfriends. Why would the guy bother proposing marriage to her if she's already living with him? He can leave her anytime and not be punished for it through our legal system.

Unless of course, he's a Christian and knows he shouldn't do such things...but that's another discussion. :rolleyes:
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just on the living together thing without being married and someone male or female having to pay for it through the legal system that depends on where you live in the state of VA. there is a law called the common law. If two people live together for more than seven years then it's a legal marriage.
 
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