"Show Me The Money" (If He Doesn't Have the Bling, She Doesn't Want the Ring.)
Howdy Everyone,
In venturing through the world of dating and single life, I had a conversation with a guy who was telling me that a number of women who contacted him (via an online dating site) would immediately ask him what kind of work he did and, specifically, how much money he makes. As you can imagine, he was getting quite frustrated with this.
I myself was a bit shocked that people are apparently that blatant? I was raised in a household with a working father and stay-at-home mom, so we weren't wealthy by any means (five people surviving off my Dad's modest salary), and I was always taught that talking about money (what you have or don't have) remains in the family.
Now of course, it's a different story if you're seriously dating and planning on getting married, etc. After all, money is the number one cause of divorce--for myself, it's not so much the materialism of having or not having worldly goods, but rather, it seems that money issues bring about a lot of dishonesty, and that was the hardest part for me (this is not an absolute of course, just my own opinion.) One of the problems in my former marriage was that my ex was a compulsive spender who would open mass numbers of credit cards and charge up huge bills without telling me.
My parents were always extremely careful with what they had and now, in their retirement, teach classes at their church about budgeting, debt consolidation, and money management. (My father is a certified Christian financial counselor and is working on becoming an ordained financial pastor.) My Dad was once telling me about a young couple they had counseled in which the husband had an $80,000 debt which he never told his wife about, and no matter how you look at it (some would say, "Oh, just stop being so materialistic"), that puts a lot of strain on a new marriage.
In another case, they counseled a doctor and his wife who were making $400,000 a year but couldn't keep up with any of their bills. They felt they had to have the best, latest, and most of everything, but the problem was, they couldn't pay for it, even with such an enormous salary. The husband wanted to hire my Dad to take over his financial affairs, and while my Dad said no (but continued to counsel them at no charge), they rejected every suggestion my parents gave and wound up divorcing.
One of the things my parents did splurge on when I was a kid was a membership at the local country club, as my Dad is a golf fanatic. It taught me a lot because I surely didn't fit in with the other kids--for one thing, I wasn't a poster child of good looks like most of them seemed to be, and while their parents drove BMW's and Mercedes, we would arrive to golf lessons in the family station wagon. And you can bet I didn't win any admiration with my K-mart clothes
, but I had a great family and have no regrets. One thing my parents taught me is that it's all too easy to be able to put on the appearance of wealth, as we can all see with the condition of the economy--sure, you might be able to get a credit line that allows you to have a million-dollar house and a luxury car, but what happens if you lose your job or are downsized to a much smaller income?
I was taught to live very modestly and below one's means so that you can always have something saved in case of an emergency.
I know some people will think I'm just saying this, but I would personally rather date someone who, let's say made $20,000 a year and knew how to manage it well versus someone who made $200,000 a year but had no self-control or discipline in his spending (assuming both potential dates were Christians, of course).
What about all of you? What have your experiences been as far as money and dating goes? Have you had people blatantly ask you what you make and/or reject you because of it? How do you feel about marrying someone with debts larger than your own? And what are your personal philosophies regarding a balance between being a good steward of what God gives us while also enjoying His blessings?
Thanks for your thoughts...
KA-CHING!!!
Howdy Everyone,
In venturing through the world of dating and single life, I had a conversation with a guy who was telling me that a number of women who contacted him (via an online dating site) would immediately ask him what kind of work he did and, specifically, how much money he makes. As you can imagine, he was getting quite frustrated with this.
I myself was a bit shocked that people are apparently that blatant? I was raised in a household with a working father and stay-at-home mom, so we weren't wealthy by any means (five people surviving off my Dad's modest salary), and I was always taught that talking about money (what you have or don't have) remains in the family.
Now of course, it's a different story if you're seriously dating and planning on getting married, etc. After all, money is the number one cause of divorce--for myself, it's not so much the materialism of having or not having worldly goods, but rather, it seems that money issues bring about a lot of dishonesty, and that was the hardest part for me (this is not an absolute of course, just my own opinion.) One of the problems in my former marriage was that my ex was a compulsive spender who would open mass numbers of credit cards and charge up huge bills without telling me.
My parents were always extremely careful with what they had and now, in their retirement, teach classes at their church about budgeting, debt consolidation, and money management. (My father is a certified Christian financial counselor and is working on becoming an ordained financial pastor.) My Dad was once telling me about a young couple they had counseled in which the husband had an $80,000 debt which he never told his wife about, and no matter how you look at it (some would say, "Oh, just stop being so materialistic"), that puts a lot of strain on a new marriage.
In another case, they counseled a doctor and his wife who were making $400,000 a year but couldn't keep up with any of their bills. They felt they had to have the best, latest, and most of everything, but the problem was, they couldn't pay for it, even with such an enormous salary. The husband wanted to hire my Dad to take over his financial affairs, and while my Dad said no (but continued to counsel them at no charge), they rejected every suggestion my parents gave and wound up divorcing.
One of the things my parents did splurge on when I was a kid was a membership at the local country club, as my Dad is a golf fanatic. It taught me a lot because I surely didn't fit in with the other kids--for one thing, I wasn't a poster child of good looks like most of them seemed to be, and while their parents drove BMW's and Mercedes, we would arrive to golf lessons in the family station wagon. And you can bet I didn't win any admiration with my K-mart clothes
, but I had a great family and have no regrets. One thing my parents taught me is that it's all too easy to be able to put on the appearance of wealth, as we can all see with the condition of the economy--sure, you might be able to get a credit line that allows you to have a million-dollar house and a luxury car, but what happens if you lose your job or are downsized to a much smaller income? I was taught to live very modestly and below one's means so that you can always have something saved in case of an emergency.
I know some people will think I'm just saying this, but I would personally rather date someone who, let's say made $20,000 a year and knew how to manage it well versus someone who made $200,000 a year but had no self-control or discipline in his spending (assuming both potential dates were Christians, of course).
What about all of you? What have your experiences been as far as money and dating goes? Have you had people blatantly ask you what you make and/or reject you because of it? How do you feel about marrying someone with debts larger than your own? And what are your personal philosophies regarding a balance between being a good steward of what God gives us while also enjoying His blessings?
Thanks for your thoughts...
KA-CHING!!!
