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Thread: Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

  1. #201
    Senior Member blue_ladybug's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

    Just because you have strong feelings for him doesn't necessarily mean that he's the one God has in mind for you.. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't..





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    Blue_ladybug is innocent, as we know in scripture " all people who like orange tabbies are innocent."
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    LOL.. I'll use that defense the next time I get accused of something.. lol


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    Default Re: Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

    OP:

    This is for anyone, male or female, no matter what your age is.

    Do not pay attention to every sign, no matter how small or bit it is.

    God will give you the person he intends for you in his time.

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    Default Re: Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

    I feel that the OP needs an objective party *no friends and no family that are aware or involved in the situation* to help her see whether or not Ty is the person for her in her life.

  4. #204
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    Default Re: Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

    spiritleadme23, I hope I don't sound like a grouch in this post, I just see a couple of red flags in this situation, and I don't want you to get hurt. First of all, I can tell by some of the things that you said that you are reading your hopes for a relationship into some of the things that have been said or done in this situation. I would be really careful about that. You are much better off seeing things for what they are and not reading into them.
    Secondly, it sounds like you and him have had a conversation where he has told you that he is not ready for a relationship. The problem is that he is acting like you are both in a relationship without actually committing to it. Now I don't know if he has communicated to you that he has feelings for you or anything like that, but I think it's really important that you have a clarifying conversation with him to find out where he is at. Anytime another person's heart is involved (in this case yours), intentions absolutely need to be made clear. He does a lot of really nice things for you, yes, but he owes it to you more than anything else to be clear with you about what his intentions are. Neither you nor anyone else can make judgments about how he is thinking or feeling based on his actions, especially because he has been treating you like a girlfriend despite not desiring to be in a relationship. I don't blame you at all for wanting to know the truth, and it's really just beating around the bush to ask anyone else but him. I know that the things he does are kind and make you feel good, but if he is doing them and has no feelings for you, then that is actually really hurtful. And if he is doing them and has feelings for you, then he needs to be honest with you and own up to that. I know this isn't what you want to hear and, having been in a similar situation to you in the past, you probably aren't interested in this advice, but he really needs to stop treating you like a girlfriend until he is ready to date you. There needs to be some boundaries put in place. It's really easy to fall into a pseudo-dating relationship, but it basically provides most of the excitement of a dating relationship without any of the commitment, and someone always ends up really hurt as a result. This happened to me personally, and you are set up to be hurt in a really bad way if he doesn't start acting according to his intentions. Clearly based on your last conversation about this, his intention is not to date you right now, so he needs to not act like he is.

    And part of this means that you have to demand those boundaries too. I know that you said you don't want to make him think that you are trying to get something out of him, but you actually do want to get something out of him. You aren't trying to get a relationship out of him, but you do want to be treated with respect and honesty. That isn't happening right now when his actions don't reflect his intentions. I know it's an immensely hard thing to do, but you really need to challenge him to make sure his actions are in line with his intentions. You should not be allowing him to pay for your meals if he doesn't intend to date you right now. And you have to be willing to really put your foot down about this.

    I only say this to you so that you don't end up hurt. It might be fun to live in the bliss of it all, but I promise you that if you don't set up healthy boundaries, you are going to end up very hurt. If you do have healthy boundaries, however, you are going to experience so much more joy than you even do right now.
    Last edited by ChandlerFan; February 26th, 2017 at 03:39 PM.
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  5. #205
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    Default Re: Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

    Quote Originally Posted by ChandlerFan View Post
    spiritleadme23, I hope I don't sound like a grouch in this post, I just see a couple of red flags in this situation, and I don't want you to get hurt. First of all, I can tell by some of the things that you said that you are reading your hopes for a relationship into some of the things that have been said or done in this situation. I would be really careful about that. You are much better off seeing things for what they are and not reading into them.
    Secondly, it sounds like you and him have had a conversation where he has told you that he is not ready for a relationship. The problem is that he is acting like you are both in a relationship without actually committing to it. Now I don't know if he has communicated to you that he has feelings for you or anything like that, but I think it's really important that you have a clarifying conversation with him to find out where he is at. Anytime another person's heart is involved (in this case yours), intentions absolutely need to be made clear. He does a lot of really nice things for you, yes, but he owes it to you more than anything else to be clear with you about what his intentions are. Neither you nor anyone else can make judgments about how he is thinking or feeling based on his actions, especially because he has been treating you like a girlfriend despite not desiring to be in a relationship. I don't blame you at all for wanting to know the truth, and it's really just beating around the bush to ask anyone else but him. I know that the things he does are kind and make you feel good, but if he is doing them and has no feelings for you, then that is actually really hurtful. And if he is doing them and has feelings for you, then he needs to be honest with you and own up to that. I know this isn't what you want to hear and, having been in a similar situation to you in the past, you probably aren't interested in this advice, but he really needs to stop treating you like a girlfriend until he is ready to date you. There needs to be some boundaries put in place. It's really easy to fall into a pseudo-dating relationship, but it basically provides most of the excitement of a dating relationship without any of the commitment, and someone always ends up really hurt as a result. This happened to me personally, and you are set up to be hurt in a really bad way if he doesn't start acting according to his intentions. Clearly based on your last conversation about this, his intention is not to date you right now, so he needs to not act like he is.

    And part of this means that you have to demand those boundaries too. I know that you said you don't want to make him think that you are trying to get something out of him, but you actually do want to get something out of him. You aren't trying to get a relationship out of him, but you do want to be treated with respect and honesty. That isn't happening right now when his actions don't reflect his intentions. I know it's an immensely hard thing to do, but you really need to challenge him to make sure his actions are in line with his intentions. You should not be allowing him to pay for your meals if he doesn't intend to date you right now. And you have to be willing to really put your foot down about this.

    I only say this to you so that you don't end up hurt. It might be fun to live in the bliss of it all, but I promise you that if you don't set up healthy boundaries, you are going to end up very hurt. If you do have healthy boundaries, however, you are going to experience so much more joy than you even do right now.
    ChandlerFan:

    Thank you for your reply.

    This is wise advice coming from a 27 year old.

    The OP really should follow your advice.

    This is what I would tell her, and I am old enough to be her mother.

  6. #206
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    Default Re: Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

    Oh my goodness! LOL! The whole time I was reading this, I kept on blushing for you guys hahah. So cute! Well, I think he is interested in you but don't look into it so much. You don't want to come off so strong. I'd say just continue to pray and ask the lord and also FAST. Fast and pray if this is what the Lord wants and if he is the MAN OF GOD the lord has chosen for you. Don't fall for him so fast, you might end up hurt. Just keep going at the pace you guys are going right now lol. Best of Luck, sister! He seems really sweet

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    Default Re: Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

    So about two fridays ago Ty and I were texting and it had been a week or so since we saw each other last so I casually said something like oh it's been forever since I saw you last it feels like and he responded yes it has we should get a group together to have dinner one night. So that kind of told me he's interested in hanging out in a group setting and being intentional about mentioning it instead of waiting for the next planned game night which was last weekend and he offered me a ride home before I even asked or whatever. So anyway last week at church our message was about trusting people more and afterwards me and him and my friend were talking about it and she kept bringing up how guys are usually more closed off than girls and whatnot. After that we went out to eat and she asked me if I had feelings for him and I said how did you know she said girl it's obvious and I'm 99.9% positive he's into you because I can read guys I have three brothers and two dads and I can tell when a guy is interested in a girl.

    Then last night we had our group dinner and I was holding our table waiting for everyone and he got there last and I got up to order my food. He was about four people ahead of me and it was busy so by the time I was ordering he had already gone and sat down and started eating with another guy and when I got to pay he had made his way up to where I was and when I went to hand my card he handed the girl his card first and said it's on me and I said thank you. Then I went back to the booth and it was almost full and ty and another guy were sitting at the table next to it since we couldn't push tables together. We were still waiting on one more person so I went to sit down in the booth and they were all no no go sit at the table she can sit in the booth when she gets here like they were pushing me to sit with him and I sat with him and another guy and we had good conversation all three of us. Then afterwards one of the other guys was having a birthday so we went over to someone's place for cake and some games and the other guy went home so it was just the two guys now and all of us girls. Well after we ate cake we wanted to play a certain card game that no one had so someone said go to Walmart and get it because it was close by and the other guy said he wouldn't let any of us girls go alone that late so one girl said well how about you and ty just go. So about five seconds after they left all the girls turned to me and one of them said so are you and Ty a thing?!?! And obviously I was blushing and I said not really how would you think that and all of them, including ones that had never met me or Ty, said that it was obvious that he was into me and that I was into him. I explained the situation as I have on here and their consensus is that he's probably never had a girlfriend and he's shy and possibly scared and just wants to take things slow in getting to know me and they used the term courting and whatnot. They also said he looks at me a certain way that is more than friendly and obviously I'm smitten and that 8 months is barely anything so I shouldn't be concerned with waiting a little bit longer.

  8. #208
    Senior Member ChandlerFan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

    My only thought upon reading this:

    Quote Originally Posted by spiritleadme23 View Post
    So about two fridays ago Ty and I were texting and it had been a week or so since we saw each other last so I casually said something like oh it's been forever since I saw you last it feels like and he responded yes it has we should get a group together to have dinner one night. So that kind of told me he's interested in hanging out in a group setting and being intentional about mentioning it instead of waiting for the next planned game night which was last weekend and he offered me a ride home before I even asked or whatever. So anyway last week at church our message was about trusting people more and afterwards me and him and my friend were talking about it and she kept bringing up how guys are usually more closed off than girls and whatnot. After that we went out to eat and she asked me if I had feelings for him and I said how did you know she said girl it's obvious and I'm 99.9% positive he's into you because I can read guys I have three brothers and two dads and I can tell when a guy is interested in a girl.

    Then last night we had our group dinner and I was holding our table waiting for everyone and he got there last and I got up to order my food. He was about four people ahead of me and it was busy so by the time I was ordering he had already gone and sat down and started eating with another guy and when I got to pay he had made his way up to where I was and when I went to hand my card he handed the girl his card first and said it's on me and I said thank you. Then I went back to the booth and it was almost full and ty and another guy were sitting at the table next to it since we couldn't push tables together. We were still waiting on one more person so I went to sit down in the booth and they were all no no go sit at the table she can sit in the booth when she gets here like they were pushing me to sit with him and I sat with him and another guy and we had good conversation all three of us. Then afterwards one of the other guys was having a birthday so we went over to someone's place for cake and some games and the other guy went home so it was just the two guys now and all of us girls. Well after we ate cake we wanted to play a certain card game that no one had so someone said go to Walmart and get it because it was close by and the other guy said he wouldn't let any of us girls go alone that late so one girl said well how about you and ty just go. So about five seconds after they left all the girls turned to me and one of them said so are you and Ty a thing?!?! And obviously I was blushing and I said not really how would you think that and all of them, including ones that had never met me or Ty, said that it was obvious that he was into me and that I was into him. I explained the situation as I have on here and their consensus is that he's probably never had a girlfriend and he's shy and possibly scared and just wants to take things slow in getting to know me and they used the term courting and whatnot. They also said he looks at me a certain way that is more than friendly and obviously I'm smitten and that 8 months is barely anything so I shouldn't be concerned with waiting a little bit longer.
    Well there's no way any of us are going to meet or exceed those​ qualifications lol.
    blue_ladybug likes this.
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    "It is the habit, if not the consistent practice of God to pull from the fringes of darkness His brightest lights." - Matt Chandler

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    Default Re: Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

    Quote Originally Posted by ChandlerFan View Post
    My only thought upon reading this:
    Well there's no way any of us are going to meet or exceed those​ qualifications lol.
    What qualifications?

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    Default Re: Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

    Quote Originally Posted by spiritleadme23 View Post
    So about two fridays ago Ty and I were texting and it had been a week or so since we saw each other last so I casually said something like oh it's been forever since I saw you last it feels like and he responded yes it has we should get a group together to have dinner one night. So that kind of told me he's interested in hanging out in a group setting and being intentional about mentioning it instead of waiting for the next planned game night which was last weekend and he offered me a ride home before I even asked or whatever. So anyway last week at church our message was about trusting people more and afterwards me and him and my friend were talking about it and she kept bringing up how guys are usually more closed off than girls and whatnot. After that we went out to eat and she asked me if I had feelings for him and I said how did you know she said girl it's obvious and I'm 99.9% positive he's into you because I can read guys I have three brothers and two dads and I can tell when a guy is interested in a girl.

    Then last night we had our group dinner and I was holding our table waiting for everyone and he got there last and I got up to order my food. He was about four people ahead of me and it was busy so by the time I was ordering he had already gone and sat down and started eating with another guy and when I got to pay he had made his way up to where I was and when I went to hand my card he handed the girl his card first and said it's on me and I said thank you. Then I went back to the booth and it was almost full and ty and another guy were sitting at the table next to it since we couldn't push tables together. We were still waiting on one more person so I went to sit down in the booth and they were all no no go sit at the table she can sit in the booth when she gets here like they were pushing me to sit with him and I sat with him and another guy and we had good conversation all three of us. Then afterwards one of the other guys was having a birthday so we went over to someone's place for cake and some games and the other guy went home so it was just the two guys now and all of us girls. Well after we ate cake we wanted to play a certain card game that no one had so someone said go to Walmart and get it because it was close by and the other guy said he wouldn't let any of us girls go alone that late so one girl said well how about you and ty just go. So about five seconds after they left all the girls turned to me and one of them said so are you and Ty a thing?!?! And obviously I was blushing and I said not really how would you think that and all of them, including ones that had never met me or Ty, said that it was obvious that he was into me and that I was into him. I explained the situation as I have on here and their consensus is that he's probably never had a girlfriend and he's shy and possibly scared and just wants to take things slow in getting to know me and they used the term courting and whatnot. They also said he looks at me a certain way that is more than friendly and obviously I'm smitten and that 8 months is barely anything so I shouldn't be concerned with waiting a little bit longer.
    Instead of asking your friends and noticing Ty's behavior, ask God instead.
    Is this God's will or is it not God's will?
    That is what you should be asking God.
    What are God's plans for you?
    That is what you should be asking God.

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    Default Re: Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

    Quote Originally Posted by spiritleadme23 View Post
    So about two fridays ago Ty and I were texting and it had been a week or so since we saw each other last so I casually said something like oh it's been forever since I saw you last it feels like and he responded yes it has we should get a group together to have dinner one night. So that kind of told me he's interested in hanging out in a group setting and being intentional about mentioning it instead of waiting for the next planned game night which was last weekend and he offered me a ride home before I even asked or whatever. So anyway last week at church our message was about trusting people more and afterwards me and him and my friend were talking about it and she kept bringing up how guys are usually more closed off than girls and whatnot. After that we went out to eat and she asked me if I had feelings for him and I said how did you know she said girl it's obvious and I'm 99.9% positive he's into you because I can read guys I have three brothers and two dads and I can tell when a guy is interested in a girl.

    Then last night we had our group dinner and I was holding our table waiting for everyone and he got there last and I got up to order my food. He was about four people ahead of me and it was busy so by the time I was ordering he had already gone and sat down and started eating with another guy and when I got to pay he had made his way up to where I was and when I went to hand my card he handed the girl his card first and said it's on me and I said thank you. Then I went back to the booth and it was almost full and ty and another guy were sitting at the table next to it since we couldn't push tables together. We were still waiting on one more person so I went to sit down in the booth and they were all no no go sit at the table she can sit in the booth when she gets here like they were pushing me to sit with him and I sat with him and another guy and we had good conversation all three of us. Then afterwards one of the other guys was having a birthday so we went over to someone's place for cake and some games and the other guy went home so it was just the two guys now and all of us girls. Well after we ate cake we wanted to play a certain card game that no one had so someone said go to Walmart and get it because it was close by and the other guy said he wouldn't let any of us girls go alone that late so one girl said well how about you and ty just go. So about five seconds after they left all the girls turned to me and one of them said so are you and Ty a thing?!?! And obviously I was blushing and I said not really how would you think that and all of them, including ones that had never met me or Ty, said that it was obvious that he was into me and that I was into him. I explained the situation as I have on here and their consensus is that he's probably never had a girlfriend and he's shy and possibly scared and just wants to take things slow in getting to know me and they used the term courting and whatnot. They also said he looks at me a certain way that is more than friendly and obviously I'm smitten and that 8 months is barely anything so I shouldn't be concerned with waiting a little bit longer.
    What if nothing changes a year from when you first posted this thread?
    Then what do you do?

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    Default Re: Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

    Honestly i think some people can be such a deceivers because all they want is to satisfy their own fulfilment. No guilt, no commitment, no fear - just selfishness. I understand that this guy is weak spiritual (and who knows phisical) but come onn!! 8 months already and he cannot decide what he wants? I feel pity of u, because i know its hard to stop all that magical feelings (and be willing to give them away) and simply ask "what is it u aim at?" And to tell u the truth, if he was really one of ur best friends then u could tell him anything (including hurtful stuffs like rebuke or bad jokes)..
    spunkycat08 likes this.

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    Default Re: Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?


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    Default Re: Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

    Hmmm. I read your updates and it sounds like he might either feel insecure or he doesn't really like you that way.

    8 months wow.
    I am not that patient.

    Often people don't feel worthy of love. I can see a little of that I your posts...insecurities keep us from accepting that someone else besides God can really love the imperfect people we are.

    When I was first married and pregnant with our first child, my husband had to reassure me constantly that he really did love me. Mainly because of my insecurities.

    However I had to do the same for him. Show him I saw that he wasn't perfect. Forgive after we fought and show him I loved him.

    If he is waiting to date until he is "good enough" then he should take a vow of celibacy because he never will be "good enough" to earn anyone's love. That is what grace is a gift,because we could never earn it.

    I would find out if he is interested in building a life with you or if he doesn't have those feelings for you.

    I know it's scary to risk what you have, because if he says he doesn't have those feelings then that dream ends and you need to find a way to distance yourself because he will eventually find who God intends for him to marry.


    However if he does have those feelings but is just insecure, then you both can move forward to the next step in your relationship and start dating officially.

    Plus it's healing to know that someone loves you despite your flaws.
    spunkycat08 likes this.

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