Fisherman Dating: No Bites on This Line? Check the Others or Throw Another One Out!!!
- Thread starter seoulsearch
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Lol, yeah, he probably would have found some way to turn that into something perverse. That was when I first joined and my computer was working and I spent more time in chat. I don't remember what my Avatar was. I do remember it was very cold outside so I had on a long flannel night gown and a huge zip up robe. I had more armor on then a knight, lol.
I have to be careful and remember to remove my plank before I hit that guy too hard. I have done worse than just ask what are you wearing. Although not on a Christian site.
I think the Lord is tapping me on the shoulder today with the judgment stuff. Like the girl that asked for agreement in prayer for a new car she wanted. Was that so different than the untold amount of lottery tickets I've bought over the years?
Why can't the Lord just tie a rope around me so I stop wandering around like a dumb sheep?
N
melita consider the OP. She derails her own threads, every time, multiple times per. One derail drop in the ocean won't matter. 
If you derail your own thread, is it still considered a derail? Seems to me that whoever's driving can't be held responsible for psychotic U-turns and following rabbit trails. We're just all in one big happy Uber, and Seoul's driving.
No, wait...whut? Seoul's leading?
Y
With a number of years under my belt since my last relationship, I have a different perspective towards dating and relationships than I used to. Back then, it was a really frustrating thing to deal with because I have such difficulty interpreting actions, body language, social norms and all that junk. Now, it's kind of funny to me to look back at the things I used to have to go through.
I was never like my peers. I didn't behave or act like my fellow males. Still don't. Occasionally I'd meet a woman who, having probably been through the wringer with men, found my particular brand of goofy to be refreshing and charming. Eventually though, she'd get frustrated because...I didn't act like other guys. I don't pursue women. I don't ask women for their number. I don't initiate physical encounters. What was at one time refreshing because I didn't act like a horn-dog became frustrating because...I didn't act like a horn-dog and I wouldn't validate a woman's sense of self-worth as a sexual being.
I always thought people were in too big a hurry when it came to relationships. Always. Too many times I have seen people go from single to dating to engaged to married in a single calendar year and it makes me tilt my head like a dog hearing a funny noise. How can you possibly get to know anyone that fast? Heck, most people are good enough liars to keep up an act of masking their REAL personality for that period of time. I was always a much slower moving guy. I might agree to a coffee meeting or maybe sitting down together over supper, but only after a few months of chatting to see if I am even interested in that. The first date, for me, was only there to see if I liked her enough to have a second, and so on. Even if we became two people that dated regularly, we were still a LONG ways from talking on the phone every day or spending too much time together. Let's not even mention the unspoken sexual expectations...that's just a gob of "HUH???"
One of the things that I really find funny, now, is how attraction was always out of sync for me. The women who were attracted to me, I didn't find attractive in the least. The women I was attracted to, didn't feel anything for me. In all the relationships I had in my life, both me and the women had to settle for each other. We were the best each of us could do at the time, and since both of us were too cowardly to be alone, we stuck with relationships that were not fulfilling, just so we didn't have to be alone. She wasn't fulfilled emotionally or physically, and I wasn't fulfilled emotionally or mentally.
Now that I am aging and have reached a point of reflection, I can look back on what I consider bad times and see them as learning experiences. I can also be very thankful that I emerged from the minefield of relationships relatively unscathed. Having never been in love, I've never had my heart broken. Sure I was married twice and I got taken to the cleaners in divorce court twice, but I can always make more money. I was fortunate enough to not have children - either through sheer dumb luck, infrequency of sexual intercourse reducing my chances of reproduction to near zero, or something else entirely. Somehow though, I made it through and I can see all I learned.
As much as I like to wear the hat of the relationship-hating, hermit-wannabe, I'd be lying if I said that I want to be forlorn my entire life. I don't see though that, given who I am as a person, how I view relationships and the expectations of them, and my resistance to commitment and dislike of children - I think my prospects are rather slim. I don't know how I'd market myself if I was interested. There's a whole lot of crazy here in Jon land...and any woman with an inclination to try to get to know me ought to know what kind of muck she might have to wade through.
I was never like my peers. I didn't behave or act like my fellow males. Still don't. Occasionally I'd meet a woman who, having probably been through the wringer with men, found my particular brand of goofy to be refreshing and charming. Eventually though, she'd get frustrated because...I didn't act like other guys. I don't pursue women. I don't ask women for their number. I don't initiate physical encounters. What was at one time refreshing because I didn't act like a horn-dog became frustrating because...I didn't act like a horn-dog and I wouldn't validate a woman's sense of self-worth as a sexual being.
I always thought people were in too big a hurry when it came to relationships. Always. Too many times I have seen people go from single to dating to engaged to married in a single calendar year and it makes me tilt my head like a dog hearing a funny noise. How can you possibly get to know anyone that fast? Heck, most people are good enough liars to keep up an act of masking their REAL personality for that period of time. I was always a much slower moving guy. I might agree to a coffee meeting or maybe sitting down together over supper, but only after a few months of chatting to see if I am even interested in that. The first date, for me, was only there to see if I liked her enough to have a second, and so on. Even if we became two people that dated regularly, we were still a LONG ways from talking on the phone every day or spending too much time together. Let's not even mention the unspoken sexual expectations...that's just a gob of "HUH???"
One of the things that I really find funny, now, is how attraction was always out of sync for me. The women who were attracted to me, I didn't find attractive in the least. The women I was attracted to, didn't feel anything for me. In all the relationships I had in my life, both me and the women had to settle for each other. We were the best each of us could do at the time, and since both of us were too cowardly to be alone, we stuck with relationships that were not fulfilling, just so we didn't have to be alone. She wasn't fulfilled emotionally or physically, and I wasn't fulfilled emotionally or mentally.
Now that I am aging and have reached a point of reflection, I can look back on what I consider bad times and see them as learning experiences. I can also be very thankful that I emerged from the minefield of relationships relatively unscathed. Having never been in love, I've never had my heart broken. Sure I was married twice and I got taken to the cleaners in divorce court twice, but I can always make more money. I was fortunate enough to not have children - either through sheer dumb luck, infrequency of sexual intercourse reducing my chances of reproduction to near zero, or something else entirely. Somehow though, I made it through and I can see all I learned.
As much as I like to wear the hat of the relationship-hating, hermit-wannabe, I'd be lying if I said that I want to be forlorn my entire life. I don't see though that, given who I am as a person, how I view relationships and the expectations of them, and my resistance to commitment and dislike of children - I think my prospects are rather slim. I don't know how I'd market myself if I was interested. There's a whole lot of crazy here in Jon land...and any woman with an inclination to try to get to know me ought to know what kind of muck she might have to wade through.
* What do you think of "Fisherman Dating"? Do you prefer the "GO GO GO GOTTA KEEP MOVIN'!!!" approach, or do you take your time? And why?
-I prefer to take my time. I do have to be careful because I've caught myself trying to speed things up when I shouldn't have.
But, I do think taking your time is better. The reasons being you "really" get to know a person when you take your time. It also exposes potential issues that would arise later on. The Bible tells us to guard our heart and by taking our time, I think that is one way we can guard it.
Thankfully, all of the relationships and potential relationships I've been in haven't worked out and I'm still single. I can see the wisdom in waiting. If I would have got married years ago like I wanted then, I would have not been able to do a lot of the things that I'm doing now.
* Do you believe someone with a "Hurry Up, Time's a Wastin'" attitude toward dating would stay faithful if you started a relationship with them, or would they be apt to hurry up and move on?
Possibly, depending on their personality and their walk with God. But, I would say that more than likely, they would be apt to move on, especially if you take your time.
* What are your thoughts on how to navigate the world of dating that's both efficient (doesn't waste either person's time), but yet is respectful of the feelings of everyone involved?
I think, as far as online dating goes, that creating a lists of "absolute NO" and "absolute YES" would help. If you look over someone's profile and you notice something that you could not accept and is on your absolute no list, then move on. If they contact you, be polite about it and say something like, "After reading your profile, I don't believe we would be a good match. I think you could be a good catch for someone though (if you really believe this). However, I don't think we would be. Just guarding your heart and mine."
As far as dating in person, getting to know the person on the first date and "digging" a little in regards to our lists to see if you would be a good match would go a long way.
Also, don't contact someone because they're physically attractive. This could turn into a complete disaster. Looks are important to a certain extent, but personality, traits, and how well you click goes a lot further than looks.
-I prefer to take my time. I do have to be careful because I've caught myself trying to speed things up when I shouldn't have.
But, I do think taking your time is better. The reasons being you "really" get to know a person when you take your time. It also exposes potential issues that would arise later on. The Bible tells us to guard our heart and by taking our time, I think that is one way we can guard it.
Thankfully, all of the relationships and potential relationships I've been in haven't worked out and I'm still single. I can see the wisdom in waiting. If I would have got married years ago like I wanted then, I would have not been able to do a lot of the things that I'm doing now.
* Do you believe someone with a "Hurry Up, Time's a Wastin'" attitude toward dating would stay faithful if you started a relationship with them, or would they be apt to hurry up and move on?
Possibly, depending on their personality and their walk with God. But, I would say that more than likely, they would be apt to move on, especially if you take your time.
* What are your thoughts on how to navigate the world of dating that's both efficient (doesn't waste either person's time), but yet is respectful of the feelings of everyone involved?
I think, as far as online dating goes, that creating a lists of "absolute NO" and "absolute YES" would help. If you look over someone's profile and you notice something that you could not accept and is on your absolute no list, then move on. If they contact you, be polite about it and say something like, "After reading your profile, I don't believe we would be a good match. I think you could be a good catch for someone though (if you really believe this). However, I don't think we would be. Just guarding your heart and mine.
"As far as dating in person, getting to know the person on the first date and "digging" a little in regards to our lists to see if you would be a good match would go a long way.
Also, don't contact someone because they're physically attractive. This could turn into a complete disaster. Looks are important to a certain extent, but personality, traits, and how well you click goes a lot further than looks.
D
I was VERY guilty of this years ago, because I thought I was out of control (can of worms, don't open please).
But anyway, I think fisherman dating only works if ALL parties involved are on board with this, which according to experience, they are not.
A great passage that I go to with the question of dating is this:
"For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:" -- I Thessalonians 4:3-5. (I use the KJV here because the NIV says "control your body", which may confuse some folks.)
So, what vessel is Paul speaking of? Well, what "vessel" can deal with fornication the best? A wife! So, Paul says we are to learn how to get married the right way, that is in holiness (NIV) and honor, not in lust. Meaning, the motivations behind every conversation with a girl, every date, and every action I take concerning her, has to be honorable, and not out of lust. So...I've strayed away from fisherman dating and learned to just let it happen (Mom's right!).
But anyway, I think fisherman dating only works if ALL parties involved are on board with this, which according to experience, they are not.
A great passage that I go to with the question of dating is this:
"For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:" -- I Thessalonians 4:3-5. (I use the KJV here because the NIV says "control your body", which may confuse some folks.)
So, what vessel is Paul speaking of? Well, what "vessel" can deal with fornication the best? A wife! So, Paul says we are to learn how to get married the right way, that is in holiness (NIV) and honor, not in lust. Meaning, the motivations behind every conversation with a girl, every date, and every action I take concerning her, has to be honorable, and not out of lust. So...I've strayed away from fisherman dating and learned to just let it happen (Mom's right!).
I totally get and agree with you about the exchanging phone numbers thing right off the bat. That is very smart and wise to take your time (Even through that is not the most popular thing to do these days) when the world is moving at the speed of light, and God bless you for that!! But, on the other hand you don't want to spend several months e-mailing just to find out they are not interested etc,etc. As for throwing out 20 lines out at once, I can speak of that from experience, several years I go I tried several dating sites, I never sent out 20 or 30 messages, but I did send out 10 or 12 messages one time, and the only reason I did that was cause I got so few replies from the messages I did send out They could at least replied no thanks, that was one of the many problems that I ran into on these so called "dating sites" Got very few replies to the messages, but overall it caused a lot of heartache and grief.
I wish you nothing but the best, and don't let anyone online or in real life rush or pressure you in doing anything you are not comfortable with
I wish you nothing but the best, and don't let anyone online or in real life rush or pressure you in doing anything you are not comfortable with
Hey Seoulsearch, 1st of all, love your freedom!!
For me the dating sites were a place where I knew faith base women that were looking would be. It's hard to meet new ppl in "hickville" Iowa. It's hard to meet believers without church surfing every week and forsaking your home (church). It's frustrating to hear women's advice = just ask, then get ridiculed for asking. It's hard for guys to find that happy medium of being a leader (bold, take charge) to a wet noodle.
For me the dating sites were a place where I knew faith base women that were looking would be. It's hard to meet new ppl in "hickville" Iowa. It's hard to meet believers without church surfing every week and forsaking your home (church). It's frustrating to hear women's advice = just ask, then get ridiculed for asking. It's hard for guys to find that happy medium of being a leader (bold, take charge) to a wet noodle.