Guys, would you give a girl addicted to romance novels a chance?

[cinder]

So I thought this would be a good thread topic to maintain parity, but also because the topic deserves consideration in its own right.

I've heard romance novels referred to as emotional pornography for women, and the guys in them being just as unrealistic as any image men get in their heads about the perfect beauty of a woman. So gentlemen, would you have a problem with it if your lady always seemed to be carrying around a romance novel to read? And ladies, how do you think romance novels have given women (or you personally) a distorted view of men?

 

[Lynx]

So I thought this would be a good thread topic to maintain parity, but also because the topic deserves consideration in its own right.

I've heard romance novels referred to as emotional pornography for women, and the guys in them being just as unrealistic as any image men get in their heads about the perfect beauty of a woman. So gentlemen, would you have a problem with it if your lady always seemed to be carrying around a romance novel to read? And ladies, how do you think romance novels have given women (or you personally) a distorted view of men?

*woman catches man reading romance novel...

WOMAN: That's just like a guy.
MAN: What? You read them.
WOMAN: Yeah but I read the whole book. I don't skip straight to the juicy bits.

 

[BruceWayne]

I don't know anyone that reads those, but sure. As long as I don't have to read, she can read wotever she wants lol.

 

[Deepdistress21]

I think it would just depend on the women and if she gets wraped up in it. As long as she would realizes just fiction. Dreaming is nice sometimes. This world is hard its nice to escape to places like that.

 

[NukePooch]

*woman catches man reading romance novel...

WOMAN: That's just like a guy.
MAN: What? You read them.
WOMAN: Yeah but I read the whole book. I don't skip straight to the juicy bits.

Really, though...what about a guy who actually reads romance novels?

 

[Ugly]

Well modern romance novels are just word porn. I worked at a bookstore and at least 90%, if not more, of the 'romance' novels were blatantly sexual in nature and relying on that to attract women. But many Christians will let it slide because it's not visual and because the idea of women addicted to porn, either visual or emotional, is something they refuse to believe in.

 

[seoulsearch]

Hey Cinder,

Totally cool thread idea!!!

The people who've known me here for a long time know that while I do consider myself a romantic at heart, I'm very much "anti-media" romance. I hate most romance movies, books, etc., because I find them too unrealistic.

This is just my own personal opinion, but I do think women have to be careful with these kinds of stories because of how far removed from reality they really are. I personally feel that they feed into a culture of dissatisfaction--"Why can't I find some handsome guy who's going to sweep me off my feet, adore me forever, and buy me everything I could want?" are dangerous ideas to regularly feed into your heart and mind.

The problem is that the line between fantasy and expectations are so easy to become blurred.

Let's talk realness for a minute here. The man who regularly watches porn starts to get "ideas"--"Why can't my wife look like that, or why can't I find someone who looks like that?" "Why can't I find a woman to service my every whim like the ones in these movies do?" "Why won't my wife have sex with me in 83 different positions and scenarios like the women in these films are so willing to do?" And it just feeds a constant cycle of growing unrealistic expectations, dissatisfaction, depression, and the fantasy that someone who fits these ideas really does exist (and can be found.)

It's the same thing for women. Movies like "50 Shades of Grey" (which I'm doubting many men chose to go see) feed into this idea that some rich, amazingly good-looking guy is going to somehow find plain Jane you, be completely smitten, and court you in his own private helicopter. (NO, I didn't see the movie--the previews were more than enough for me.) And so, we spend our lives demanding that some poor guy try to meet all these expectations... watch him "fail"... then loudly complain that "there are no good men out there."

Unfortunately, I also think the Christian culture has a way of exacerbating unrealistic expectations as well: "I'm a child of the King, and He wants ONLY THE BEST for me!!"

Human as we are, we have a tendency to then translate this as, "Because I serve a perfect God who wants THE VERY BEST for me, He is going to send me someone PERFECT, just like Him."

We all know this isn't how life really works. But, due to the way we often misconstrue the things we take in, all too often, this is what we expect... and then wonder why everything comes crashing down around us.

 

[NukePooch]

What about Christian Romance novels without the bad parts?

 

[seoulsearch]

What about Christian Romance novels without the bad parts?

A friend tried to get me into those stupid things.

Personally, I found them to be 100 times worse because again, they fed into the idea that, "I am a King's daughter--a PRINCESS!!!" and so there were all these ridiculous stories about going to the grocery store and finding the Ultimate Man of God standing in front of the carrots and broccoli.

Or about praying over the staunchest of unbelievers (who also happen to be incredibly handsome and charming) and miraculously, they have a Saul-to-Paul-like encounter with God and become the most dedicated believer.

Or how about the story in which a woman's little daughter was about to be bitten by a snake... and the snake just dropped over dead. Apparently, God struck it down, or someone prayed that it would have a heart attack, or some faithful believer out there was thinking of her right at that moment and praying for her safety.

UGH.

Like I've always said. I'll stick with action movies--loud arguments, explosions, mass destruction at every turn.

That, in a nutshell, pretty much sums up how all my relationships have been.

 

[Lynx]

Like I've always said. I'll stick with action movies--loud arguments, explosions, mass destruction at every turn.

That, in a nutshell, pretty much sums up how all my relationships have been.

Yeah I found your recent action movie. You really went all out this time...

 

[Fenner]

So I thought this would be a good thread topic to maintain parity, but also because the topic deserves consideration in its own right.

I've heard romance novels referred to as emotional pornography for women, and the guys in them being just as unrealistic as any image men get in their heads about the perfect beauty of a woman. So gentlemen, would you have a problem with it if your lady always seemed to be carrying around a romance novel to read? And ladies, how do you think romance novels have given women (or you personally) a distorted view of men?

The first time I watched Disney's Beauty and the Beast I sort of preferred Gaston. When the Beast turned into the frail looking fellow, I said to my Sister, Belle run back to Gaston! This dude won't even be able to change a lightbulb. I hate romance novels, they have no real ness to them at all. If they would start a book out as a romance novel just to hook those that are into them and then end it with a gruesome twist, like the woman snaps because the guy shares to many feelings with her, so she throws him in a wood chipper. Then I might enjoy it.

 

[Ultimatum77]

Hey Cinder,

Totally cool thread idea!!!

The people who've known me here for a long time know that while I do consider myself a romantic at heart, I'm very much "anti-media" romance. I hate most romance movies, books, etc., because I find them too unrealistic.

This is just my own personal opinion, but I do think women have to be careful with these kinds of stories because of how far removed from reality they really are. I personally feel that they feed into a culture of dissatisfaction--"Why can't I find some handsome guy who's going to sweep me off my feet, adore me forever, and buy me everything I could want?" are dangerous ideas to regularly feed into your heart and mind.

The problem is that the line between fantasy and expectations are so easy to become blurred.

Let's talk realness for a minute here. The man who regularly watches porn starts to get "ideas"--"Why can't my wife look like that, or why can't I find someone who looks like that?" "Why can't I find a woman to service my every whim like the ones in these movies do?" "Why won't my wife have sex with me in 83 different positions and scenarios like the women in these films are so willing to do?" And it just feeds a constant cycle of growing unrealistic expectations, dissatisfaction, depression, and the fantasy that someone who fits these ideas really does exist (and can be found.)

It's the same thing for women. Movies like "50 Shades of Grey" (which I'm doubting many men chose to go see) feed into this idea that some rich, amazingly good-looking guy is going to somehow find plain Jane you, be completely smitten, and court you in his own private helicopter. (NO, I didn't see the movie--the previews were more than enough for me.) And so, we spend our lives demanding that some poor guy try to meet all these expectations... watch him "fail"... then loudly complain that "there are no good men out there."

Unfortunately, I also think the Christian culture has a way of exacerbating unrealistic expectations as well: "I'm a child of the King, and He wants ONLY THE BEST for me!!"

Human as we are, we have a tendency to then translate this as, "Because I serve a perfect God who wants THE VERY BEST for me, He is going to send me someone PERFECT, just like Him."

We all know this isn't how life really works. But, due to the way we often misconstrue the things we take in, all too often, this is what we expect... and then wonder why everything comes crashing down around us.

Excellent post, I agree that word porn so to speak is just as damaging as viewing images.....it gets swept under the rug but is the same thing of stimulating the imagination unto ungodliness/perversion....

50 shades of grey is trash....people ask me if I watched it to which I responded that I don't fill my mind with that crap.....you put garbage in you'll get garbage out....it is disturbing how many "christians" will go and watch a filthy/raunchy movie like that and make excuses like oh it's just a movie not reality when they are feeding their subconscious with this junk....

I don't care personally for romance novels b/c they are unrealistic fantasy that doesn't exist in this world. No one is going to be mr or mrs. perfect its just bs....

I wouldn't have a gf/wife who likes romance novels b/c it would lead to false expectations as seoul has said, who wants to be compared to mr/mrs umblemished? That's not life and not worth living that way with a "standard of unreasonableness" to be held over a girl or guy's head....I prefer reality where guys/girls come with both benefits and rough edges it makes life more interesting....

 

[Tintin]

Both men and women (if they're into visual porn or emotional porn) should get Christian counselling before they enter a romantic relationship. At the very least they should have an accountability partner/mentor.

 

[Tintin]

The first time I watched Disney's Beauty and the Beast I sort of preferred Gaston. When the Beast turned into the frail looking fellow, I said to my Sister, Belle run back to Gaston! This dude won't even be able to change a lightbulb. I hate romance novels, they have no real ness to them at all. If they would start a book out as a romance novel just to hook those that are into them and then end it with a gruesome twist, like the woman snaps because the guy shares to many feelings with her, so she throws him in a wood chipper. Then I might enjoy it.

But Gaston died and he was so full of himself.

 

[Deidre]

Women are more likely to get addicted to Facebook, and chatting with ex boyfriends, etc. I've read that FB is one of the biggest threats to marriages.

 

[renewed_hope]

The first time I watched Disney's Beauty and the Beast I sort of preferred Gaston. When the Beast turned into the frail looking fellow, I said to my Sister, Belle run back to Gaston! This dude won't even be able to change a lightbulb. I hate romance novels, they have no real ness to them at all. If they would start a book out as a romance novel just to hook those that are into them and then end it with a gruesome twist, like the woman snaps because the guy shares to many feelings with her, so she throws him in a wood chipper. Then I might enjoy it.

You brought up a very good point and I will take it one step further....how is reading a romance novel different from watching a romantic comedy? I mean we all want to be swept off our feet, but reality check.....it doesn't happen the way we think it should or the way Hollywood shows it to be. There is nothing wrong with allowing our minds to be creative in the romantic department, but as long as you know there is a difference between reality and fantasies

 

[zeroturbulence]

Why yes, I would!

 

[AsifinPassing]

So I thought this would be a good thread topic to maintain parity, but also because the topic deserves consideration in its own right.

I've heard romance novels referred to as emotional pornography for women, and the guys in them being just as unrealistic as any image men get in their heads about the perfect beauty of a woman. So gentlemen, would you have a problem with it if your lady always seemed to be carrying around a romance novel to read? And ladies, how do you think romance novels have given women (or you personally) a distorted view of men?

Hmm... would I date her? Sure.

Would I have a problem with it? I don 't know.. I'd have to try it, and see what the effects were. I'm a scientist after all, so you don't know unless you conduct experiments.

If I find one (*referencing another thread*) and am willing to move through step 1/2 only, then I'll let you know.

 

[Yeraza_Bats]

For me, its doubtful I would, because if shes really so into reading those books she'd probly wanna do the things shes reading about, and I want to avoid sexual relations unless absolutely necessary. So no, probly not.

 

[MollyConnor]

The first time I watched Disney's Beauty and the Beast I sort of preferred Gaston. When the Beast turned into the frail looking fellow, I said to my Sister, Belle run back to Gaston! This dude won't even be able to change a lightbulb. I hate romance novels, they have no real ness to them at all. If they would start a book out as a romance novel just to hook those that are into them and then end it with a gruesome twist, like the woman snaps because the guy shares to many feelings with her, so she throws him in a wood chipper. Then I might enjoy it.

Ah! I knew I wasn't the only one who preferred Gaston. He's so manly, I love it!